Student Liaison
by mpg
Summary: Edward gave up on life after leaving Bella but Alice forced him back to school. Can a new school and a new teacher bring hope for a new life with an old love? NB for BPOV see Teachers Pet Lemons/Violence/Language/B&E/Canon Pairings
1. Almost Here

**Chapter 1: Almost Here**

_All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. (In other words – I don't own it, I'm just playing). Please take the time to leave some words if you really loved it or really hated it! _

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My world was darkness.

It didn't matter how bright the sun was, or how many stars were in the night sky, my life remained dark. The world might hold beauty to some, but I saw none of it. I saw only _her_. Visions of her face filled my entire life.

My family is were living in Ithaca, New York. For the six years they followed various pursuits at school and college. I didn't know what they were, because I didn't live with them. Instead, I existed in my room. In the time we'd been in Ithaca I had only left this room once. Despite my promise when I left, that it would be like I had never existed, I couldn't cope anymore. After I left her, after I forced my family to leave her, I went back. I had gone from trying to get through weeks without her, to days, to minutes. Finally, it became a struggle to get through each second without her and that's when I did it. It took me eight months to get to that point, but once I reached it I couldn't resist. I snuck out of the window and ran. I ran across the country under the cover of night - like a man possessed.

I arrived in Forks early in the morning. I went straight to her house, ready to plead and beg for her to forgive me. That's when I saw them - kissing. I recognised the boy immediately. Jacob Black. He'd been the one who confronted her at the school prom, trying to get her to break up with me on the pretence of legends and superstitions he didn't believe. And now they were kissing in ways we had never been able to kiss. A part of me wanted to go straight over and rip him to pieces for even thinking about handling my girl like that. But she wasn't my girl anymore. Because _I_ let her go. I had to remind myself that this was what I wanted. This was why I left her. I had a rare moment of clarity and realised I couldn't drag her back into my life. Not now. She was happy.

That was when I decided that I would set up a scholarship for her. Cover all of her fees, whatever college she decided to attend, as well as a more than reasonable allowance for food and rent. I had to make sure she had the opportunity for all of her dreams to come true. Maybe someday she would be able to forgive me for what I had done. Maybe she already had. Maybe she was happier now than she ever was with me. She certainly looked... content... wrapped around the boy the way she was.

I knew as soon as she received the scholarship money she would realise it was from me. She was always too observant. She would turn down the money, I was sure of it. In truth, the only reason I did it was to try to assuage my own guilt. I knew she was capable of handling everything herself. She was always so strong, so proud, so beautiful. I would just have to make sure there was no way she could refuse it. I would hunt down the information, find out which school she went to, and pay them direct if I needed to.

The return to Ithaca took three times longer than the trip to Forks. I returned to my family more despondent than ever. At least before my visit to Forks part of me had been able to hope that maybe someday, despite my intentions, I would go back to her and she would forgive me and we could be together once more. Now I knew that was not possible. She had moved on, exactly as I had wanted her to. Or thought I had.

I didn't expect sympathy from my family, which was good because I didn't get it. They all blamed me for taking her out of their lives. For the most part they ignored me as resolutely as I ignored them. Their thoughts would turn to me occasionally, especially Esme's, but for the most part I was a spectre, the shell of a brother they once had. No one outside the family even knew of my existence. Even my room was a reminder of how empty I had become, I hadn't unpacked a single box. Everything in them was too heavy laced with memories of _her_. Of Bella.

Even saying her name in my mind ripped my heart open wider, but at the same time it felt like a welcome caress, wrapping around my thoughts of her. The only personal object I held on me, at all times, was the picture I stole from her when I left. Everything else was under a floorboard in her bedroom in Forks, but I had kept this picture. It showed the two of us together during the days that followed her fateful birthday party. Her eyes stared at me, so soft and trusting even though she knew something was wrong. I couldn't bear to part with it. Over the years I had pulled it in and out of my pocket so many times it was creased and worn, but I kept it anyway. I couldn't look at it though, it broke my heart too much to try. That's why it was in and out of my pocket so often, I would pull it out desperate for a hit of Bella – like an addict – but then I realise that a photo would never be a big enough hit. It would only leave me wanting more. So I would fold it back up and put it away. It was useless though – my memory knew the photo back to front anyway and my mind taunted me with the image.

A strange knocking outside my door drew my attention. I recognised the sound immediately... hooves dragging along a wall. I knew what it meant - Alice had decided it was time to feed the freak again; before my control slipped and I went on a wild rampage, killing all the neighbours. No matter how many times I told Alice it wasn't going to happen she insisted on bringing me a meal at regular intervals. The door sprung open and she herded the deer into the room. I rolled my eyes at her and ignored the thumping heart of the beast, resuming my position - staring at the blank wall trying to forget how the swirls and inconsistencies created by the plaster and paint reminded me of different parts of Bella. The way that particular swirl there looked like the way she raised her eyebrow, or that one traced the exact shape of her upper lip.

"Edward, you have to feed," Alice said harshly. I never heard her cheerful, lilting voice anymore. That was reserved for the rest of my family. I only ever got angry Alice - ever since I forced her to leave Bella without saying good-bye.

I grunted at her.

She rolled her eyes back at me. The last time I had said a single word to any of my family was five years ago, when I told Carlisle what I wanted to do for Bella. He'd arranged the scholarship from there. And that was it. Since then I'd remained locked in my room, and saw no one except for these visit when Alice couldn't keep her nose out of my business. She didn't understand that I wanted the hunger. I needed the burn. I welcomed it. It allowed me a distraction from the empty feeling in my chest. The feeling that I would never be complete again even if I lived a million years. Which I wouldn't. Because I had already decided that the day I learned Bella has left this earth will be my last.

Alice waited for me to grab the deer. I didn't. I just turned my back even further away from her.

Alice let out a growl and captured the deer again, ripping a hole in its throat and throwing it, bleeding, onto me. Damn her. There was no way I could resist now that the hot blood was so close, and was spilling, wasting, on the floor. I pressed my lips into the bleeding wound on the dying animal and drained it. Then I threw the carcass into the corner. Alice could clear it up or it could lay there and rot. I didn't care either way.

"We're moving," Alice said, rounding on me before crouching in front of me. "It's time for us."

I moved my face so she wasn't in my line of sight. I realised I was being a petulant child but I didn't care. There was very little I cared about after almost six years of darkness. I saw in my peripheral vision that Alice was waiting, wanting me to say something, to ask questions - when, where, why. But I couldn't.

She sighed and continued, "We're moving to Fairfield, Connecticut." She paused, "You're being enrolled in high school, as a sophomore."

That got my attention. "Why?" My voice was croaky from disuse.

"Because Edward, you need to move on from this," she swept her hand around my room.

I grunted at her.

She raised her voice, angry Alice was back in force. "Do you really think Bella would want you doing this to yourself? To us?"

"Don't you dare use her name."

"Why not? It wasn't my choices that led to her being out of our life."

I hissed at her. "She never wanted that birthday party. If it hadn't been for that..."

"If it hadn't been for that... you would have found some other excuse." She was really mad now. "Don't you dare try to pin the blame on me, or Jasper for that matter. You knew what we were, she knew what we were. Nothing happened that night because we all love her, none of us wanted to see her hurt."

"Alice, it's because of _what we are_ that I had to leave."

"No. It's just your pig-headedness that made you leave her."

"You expect me just to go back into a normal life. How can I?"

"I don't know," she said sadly. "But you have to try. Can't you hear how much this is affecting everyone?"

I shook my head. I had been tuning their thoughts out, focusing on the general buzz, allowing the words and voices to meld together into a cacophony in my mind.

"You are such a stubborn jackass!" Alice screamed at me. "You think you are the only one who has ever been in pain. You don't care how your actions affect everyone around you."

My voice dropped to a whisper, "I thought it was for the best Alice. I really did."

"Do you still?" She challenged.

"I... don't know."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Well, I want to feel happy that she was able to move on. But I just miss her so much. I don't think you'll ever understand that. I mean - could you even imagine losing Jasper."

"You didn't lose Bella!" she snapped. "You sent her away."

"Just get the hell out of my room!" I screamed.

"No." She crossed her arms in front of her. "Not until you stop being such a jerk and agree to give life another try."

I shook my head. I was starting to lose patience with her. I felt my temper rise. "Alice, just get out. Please?" It wasn't a request.

"No! I listened to you last time you asked me to do something. I'm not doing it again. From now on you will listen to me. You will get your ass out of this room and go join your family."

"Alice..." I started to shout, taking a step closer. Then I stopped short. So did she. We both saw her vision as it ran through her mind.

_I reached out and grabbed her, my reaction a split second faster than hers. I tossed her across the room and she smashed into the wall. Jasper came to investigate and seeing Alice on the ground launched into me and I reacted to his thoughts. We threw ourselves at each other violently, tearing and ripping chunks off each other. Primal rage pouring from me into him, all my sorrow over losing Bella finally being released, in the form of an attempt to tear my brother to pieces. _

I dropped to the floor in shame. I couldn't believe how close I had come to attacking my family. The way Alice backed out of the room, she obviously couldn't either.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, disgusted in myself.

I broke. The realisation of how badly I had ruined everything hit me. I fell to the floor and started to sob, finally letting out six years of pent up emotions. I pounded my fists into the floor, the house shaking under the battering I was giving it. I felt hands gently rubbing my back, I looked up, expecting to see Alice again. But it was Rosalie. She sat on the floor next to me, inviting me into her arms. I crawled into her, laying my head in her lap and allowing her to offer what comfort she could, knowing the whole while it was another set of arms that I wanted. Wanted and could never have again. I sobbed tearlessly into Rosalie's lap and she stroked my hair gently.

"I know this is hard, Edward, but it's not going to get any easier by wallowing. Alice is right; Bella wouldn't have wanted you to do this to yourself."

I continued to sob, clawing at my face to bring me some pain, something to detract from the hole in my chest, that gaping precipice where my heart used to be.

"I think your choice was very brave," she whispered so quietly I almost thought I was hearing things, except her mind echoed the same thoughts.

"You never liked her," I accused, keeping my voice low and trying to keep my anger in check.

"That's not true, and you know it," she said gently. "I _was_ jealous of her, at first." She chuckled softly, "Actually, I still am. But only because she could have the life I never did. Marriage, family, happiness. That's why I think you made a brave choice, giving up your own happiness to give her that opportunity."

I just mumbled wordlessly into her clothes.

"I know, Edward. And going back to school won't be easy, but I know everyone would appreciate any effort you can give."

She sat with me for hours, gently rubbing my back and hair until my chest finally stopped heaving as the sobs ebbed and finally stopped.

I was surprised that she had sat with me for so long. Who knew Rosalie could be quite so _caring_.

I didn't speak to Alice again, or more to the point – she didn't talk to me, during the month it took for us to pack our belongings and move to Fairfield. I still had no idea why we were moving to Fairfield. I didn't bother questioning anyone's motives. I just tried to be present for my family. They seemed to understand that was the most they could ask of me. No one expected me to smile, or make small talk.

After the move, Rosalie had helped me unpack all my things into my new room. It was still painful to have the constant reminders of Bella but in a way it was soothing as well. I hunted regularly again, no more take out for me. I think Esme appreciated that more than anyone, I was sure she was sick of the mess that the deer naturally brought into the house. Not to mention the holes in the walls when they struggled too much against Alice.

Against my better judgement, it was finally time for me to start back at high school. I pulled up in the parking lot driving my new Volvo. The drive to the school actually scared me when I realised halfway to school that it was a new car. I wondered who had traded my old one in and why. I didn't see what the point was – one car was much the same as another. They were all just material possessions that meant nothing to me. Then again, nothing meant anything to me.

I drove by myself. Partly because I didn't want to listen to the thoughts of my siblings, but mostly so I could leave if it all became too much for me to handle. I contemplated leaving straight away. They could say I ran away, or transferred schools, whatever - it didn't really matter. All I knew was I wanted nothing more than to just crawl back into my bedroom. I clutched the steering wheel so tightly indents started to form in the leather. I pressed my head into the gap between my hands and let loose a guttural snarl. I put my fingers on the keys which were still in the ignition. Yes, going home sounded like the best idea.

A rap on the window made me jump. Before Bella it would have been almost impossible to sneak up on me but now I was so unfocused, so lost, it wasn't difficult at all. Alice stood at the window with a warning glare on her face.

_If you move this car one inch from this spot, so help me. Now get out of the car and into that school_.

I glanced in my rear-view mirror. Jasper and Emmett were each stationed along my back bumper, ready to stop the car if I tried to run. I scowled at Alice and pulled the keys from the ignition. I reached over and grabbed my bag from the passenger seat, slinging it onto my back as soon as I was out of the car. I didn't spare a backwards glance as I locked the car and walked into the school.

_Good choice._

Even though I had my back to her I rolled my eyes at Alice. For someone so small, she was definitely annoying. Or maybe infuriating was a better word. Why couldn't she understand that I just wanted to be left alone for the next however many years Bella was alive and then die. That's all I could ask from life now. I honestly couldn't comprehend how we could have ever been close when she just didn't understand that fundamentals of who I was or what I needed.

However, instead of my peaceful room, where I could wallow and walk the fine line between not thinking about Bella and trying not to care about anything, I had to come to a godforsaken institution and start high school again. As a sophomore, no less. Which meant three years here. Three years with Alice. I walked into the office and a lady sitting behind the desk smiled politely at me. I couldn't even say what she looked like. All I saw was Bella, but I knew she wasn't Bella and that fact pissed me off.

I didn't mean to scowl at her, but my face refused to form any other expressions.

"Can I help you?" she asked politely, but there was a weary undercurrent to her tone. I could tell she thought I was a trouble maker.

"Cullen," I said to her.

"Oh, right, the new students." She looked behind me confused. "But where are your brothers and sisters, weren't they starting today as well?"

"They'll be here in a minute." I held out my hand expectantly for my timetable and maps. She furrowed her eyes a little before handing them over. I swept out of the office just as everyone else arrived, although Alice may have had a bit to do with the timing.

_Way to make a good first impression_, she mentally castigated me.

I ignored her and walked to my first class. Physics. Once I had found out I was coming here I had point blank refused to do biology, but god this room, with its generic long black lab benches, looked like the biology room from Forks. I nearly broke down sobbing at the thought, of what had occurred in that biology room so many years ago. But somehow I managed to stay upright and claimed the one table that was free. Today was going to be a major pain. The worst part was the thoughts of the insignificant high school girls around me. Each one's brain filled with ridiculous fantasies about me. It was all I could do to not shout at them and tell them exactly where those fantasies would lead. But a small part of my brain, the sick masochistic part, took those fantasies and replaced every girl with Bella. The sight was enough to send me over the edge and it broke my heart all over again. I knew she was the only one I ever wanted to do those things with and now she was gone. Because of me.

I shared one class with Alice, I was already in the room when she entered. She selected a seat on the far side of the room. If that was the way she wanted it to be that was fine by me.

The worst part about school, about the whole living in the real world thing, was that every class I went to reminded me of Bella. The last time I was in a high school classroom she was sitting by my side.

How was I supposed to do it? How was I supposed to endure three years of this?

All I knew was they would be three years of hell and then I'd have to do it all over again somewhere new.

As soon as I arrived home I ran with no destination in mind. I hadn't gone far before I realised even running had lost its exhilaration. Bella had been involved so completely in my life there was nothing I could do that wouldn't remind me of her. I turned and ran for home, sprinting straight up to my room. I knew my siblings would remove me by force if necessary in the morning but for now, for the next 8 or so hours, I could stare at the wall and not think about Bella.


	2. Mind Games

**Chapter 2: Mind games**

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations. This is unbeta'd so apologies for any & all mistakes. Please take the time to leave some words if you really loved it or really hated it! _

How do you distinguish between the ending of one day and the beginning of the next when your life is dark? That's how it is for me. The days meld together into one long blur of nothingness.

I assumed we had been in Fairfield for a year. At least I was sure I was returning to high school after summer break, and I think it was the first time. I scanned through my memory of everything that happened since moving and I came up surprisingly blank, other than a few more screaming rows with Alice and the boring monotony of cookie-cutter days at school. Nothing had impacted me since the move. I had been compliant, attending school every overcast day. I answered any direct questions. I moved through the motions of being involved. I hunted regularly but didn't challenge myself more than the deer in the forests behind our house. I hadn't been on a 'camping' trip with my family yet, instead I stayed at home, lost, in my room when they went. But the more I thought about it the more I was sure this was only my first time back here after summer.

So...the start of a new year. A new schedule. A new class.

As if it mattered.

Alice's attitude over the last week has been strange. Over the last twelve months I can count on one hand the number of times we have talked. And all of them ended in an argument. But now she keeps translating historical texts into multiple different languages in her mind, including breaking down the origins of all the words. And she has been almost... chipper around me again. She still isn't conversing with me, but that's fine because I don't want to talk to anyone anyway. But this morning, she actually offered me a smile and has practically been bouncing off the walls. Still her thoughts give nothing away. I've found it very confusing and I don't understand what is going on with her. But then again I gave up trying to understand Alice ever since I realised she didn't understand me.

I waited in the car park until the last possible second before dragging myself out of the car. As I walked towards the school I heard another car turning off the road. An unfamiliar Audi A3 went flying past into the staff car park. Someone else running late I guessed. I shrugged my backpack over my shoulder again and glanced over the schedule Alice had left on my passenger seat for me. English first - great. I almost died when I had seen the reading list this year. It consisted primarily of Shakespeare, Bronte, and Austin. All sharp, painful reminders of the one I lost. They were all_ her_ favourites.

I sighed as I walked towards the school. Here we go again. At least now the girls had stopped their fantasies of me. I had endured a few months of them, then another couple of everyone wondering if I was gay, until finally they just started to leave me alone altogether once my constantly surly expression got to them all.

I entered the English room. There were only two remaining seats, side by side in the second of three rows, far to the right of the class. Just as I sat down the second bell rang. Class is supposed to start now. I was starting to think I cut it fine, but then I notice the teacher wasn't in the room yet either. I dumped my books on the table, threw my bag underneath and slid into my seat. I glanced up at the board and my dead heart dropped to my stomach.

Written on the blackboard was a completely innocuous name.

_Mrs Black_.

A new teacher obviously, the name wasn't familiar from the past year. But _Black_. It was a common surname but it brought to my mind images I usually worked hard to suppress. _Black_. Whenever I saw it I couldn't help thinking of _him_. Jacob Black. His arms wrapped tightly around Bella as his tongue explored her mouth. His hand sliding up and down along her back before falling down onto her behind and pulling her hips into him.

The door to the classroom opened. Before I could register the new arrival my mind snapped. That was the only logical explanation for what happened. I was thinking so hard about Jacob and Bella together, my mind naturally began to focus on Bella. And the next thing I knew I was being greeted with her scent wafting through my mind. But it wasn't the memory of her scent, usually I could remember it without so much pain in my throat. Now the fire was raging out of control. It was almost as bad as the biology lesson we had shared. Except this time she wasn't here. It wasn't the first time I had such hallucinations, but it was the first time the pain was quite so sharp. And the smell quite so exquisite. I closed my eyes to try to snap my brain back into compliance. Footsteps passed by me through the gap in the desks down the centre of the room. The smell bloomed even stronger around me and it was suddenly worse than the biology class. I clasped onto the metal underside of the desk in front of me and felt the steel mould beneath my fingers. I had to restrain myself to stay seated. Remind myself that running loose in this classroom, among these children, would not satisfy me. Not my thirst or my other desires. Only Bella could ever satisfy me now.

I opened my eyes again when I heard the sounds of the eraser being lifted to the blackboard. Now I knew my mind my mind has succumbed to my desires. Everything about this woman, the new teacher, reminded me of Bella. She had rubbed out Ms Black and was part-way through writing a new name. She got as far as "Ms Sw" before she started talking. I started to hyperventilate at the sound of her voice - it was just like Bella's, except richer, slightly deeper and so much more seductive. Yes, my mind has officially cracked.

As she spoke the chalk scraped out an 'a' and then an 'n'. "Sorry, there has been a misunderstanding about my name. I'm..."

She whirled around now that she had finished writing and I fell into deep pools of chocolate brown heaven as her eyes met mine. I was no longer hyperventilating, instead I just couldn't breathe at all. Or blink. Or move. Or function in any way. Beyond all my wildest dreams Bella had just walked back into my life. No - I couldn't allow myself to believe that. There were too many times I'd had this fantasy. Usually whenever the nights were the darkest or the pain was too much to bear. But if I allowed my conscious mind to believe this fantasy was real I would pay dearly later. The crater in my chest widened just thinking about it.

In the fraction of a second it took to process this I realised that the teacher had stopped talking as soon as our eyes contacted. I studied her acutely while I waited for her to continue talking. I immediately dismissed any idea that this was Bella. Although she did look eerily similar. And her scent was almost identical. No, not almost…it was identical. But that could easily be put down to my aforementioned mind snap. I had been picturing her face on every girl and every woman since I emerged from the confines of my room twelve months ago.

There were lots of little things that suggested this wasn't my Bella. She looked far too young for a start, barely a year or two older than when I'd left. My Bella would be at least seven years older now. Surely there'd be a perceptible difference? And the woman in front of me was more shapely, her hips a little wider and her breasts were fuller too. I gasped and pushed that errant thought out of my mind. I didn't even know what possessed me to think that. Why was I studying this stranger so intently?

Less than a second had passed since she paused – how could I miss an entire year and then have this one second drag for eternity.

She took a deep breath to steady herself. She was so young, she must have been nervous. I heard her heart pounding and even the rhythm seemed familiar to me.

Then I froze when I realised that all I could hear from her was her breathing and her heartbeat. I couldn't hear a single thought.

I panicked and scanned the minds of everyone in the classroom with me. All of the boys were already fantasizing about the new teacher. I forced back the growl that rose in my throat as I listened to those thoughts. I forced myself to move on to the next voice. Again and again I swept the room. But there was nothing from the front of the room. Silence.

"I am Ms Swan. I'll be your English teacher this year."

I couldn't swallow. Could this be real? Or had my mind finally given up fighting my desire and created a private world where Bella and I could be together for the rest of my existence. Was my body currently prostrate in a classroom somewhere?

I stared, unable to move even a fraction of an inch as she gathered her bearings, telling everyone to pull out their copy of Romeo and Juliet and started to call the roll. I was suddenly incredibly thankful for the name Cullen. C comes very early in the alphabet which meant I could hear her say Edward sooner, surely that would confirm whether or not this vexing creature was my Bella? Only one name was called before mine. Her heart spluttered as her mouth shaped around my name, her tongue caressing each syllable. I suddenly felt jealous of all the vowels and consonants in my name, that they could reside in her mouth with such ease.

She cast one more quick glance in my direction before she began to lead the class. I watched in awe as she captivated all the students and actually got them interested in Shakespeare. On their first day back after summer holidays at that. She was a natural at this.

That made me think that maybe it wasn't Bella after all? Bella had never been comfortable in the spot-light but if this is her. _Of course it is_ screams a small part of my brain. _If_ it is her she is currently holding her own while thirty pairs of adolescent eyes watch on.

I flipped open the book to the pages she told us, even though it was unnecessary. I knew this play inside out. I believe I had demonstrated that knowledge on the last night Bella and I were happy. Sitting on Charlie's couch watching the movie. The irony was not lost on me.

As the bell rang to indicate the end of the lesson everyone filtered out quickly, trying to get as much chatter in during the free time between classes as possible. But I couldn't move. I was fixated on the beauty in front of me that was Bella, but not quite Bella. I still couldn't figure out whether she was really here or if my mind was playing cruel jokes on me.

She sat at the teacher's desk, eyes cast down on the pages in front of her. I wondered if she could feel the thrill of electricity that seems to be running through me.

Slowly her eyes raised and I was caught in her gaze. Unthinkingly I stood and ran to her, like I've wanted to do for so long, not concerned about my speed. Then she was right in front of me and there was no doubt in my mind that it is Bella. I startled her with my speed, I could tell by the way her breathing hitched and her heart rate sped. But she wasn't screaming like she would be if that was the first time she had seen it. She wasn't running and she wasn't scared. My Bella was never scared of me.

I wanted to touch her so badly, but how would she react? So many questions were racing through my mind. What happened to Jacob? Was she married now? Is that why the board said Mrs Black? But then she'd corrected it and put Ms Swan, what did that mean? I raised my hand ever so slowly and rested my fingers along her cheek. She didn't shy away from the coolness of my touch. More proof this was Bella. Unconsciously she turned her face into my hand a little and I breathed her name.

Even though I could feel her warm skin on my hand and could smell her delicious scent filling up my entire body how could I trust that she wouldn't just disappear? It still felt too surreal.

She took a deep breath and then steeled herself up for something. I could feel my heart shattering along the deep fault lines before she even opened her mouth. I could tell a rebuff was coming, I didn't know if I had the strength to hear it. "Edward. I am a teacher at this school and you will show me the respect I deserve."

I dropped my eyes so she wouldn't see how much that hurt. It was no less than I deserved though, memories of our last conversation ran through my head and I wanted to tell her I was sorry, but I knew sorry would never cut it. I knew that with every fibre of my being. I had so many thoughts chasing each other around my mind, questions, statements, pleadings. I didn't know which one would make everything okay again. But at the same time I knew none of them would. So I settled with, "Yes, Miss."

A beat of silence passed between us. Just as I looked up to see what she was thinking she closed her eyes, "If that is all, I would advise you to head to your next class or you will be late."

She opened her eyes and I was lost in the chocolate pools again. Any arguments I might have usually constructed was blown away by the realisation of just how much I had missed her. More than my brain or heart had ever allowed me to comprehend. In that instant I felt every lost second between us. I couldn't lose her again now, it would kill me. I needed to make her see how much she meant to me but now was not the time; the students from her next class would be here any second. I needed to be co-operative for now, until I could talk to her alone.

"Yes, Miss," I said again.

I walked back over to my desk and started to put my books into my bag. I lingered much longer than necessary, wondering how I would be able to tear myself away from the aroma that filled this classroom. Each time I risked a glance in her direction her eyes were closed and she looked like she was in pain. I wanted so much to kiss her and tell her everything would be alright.

"Edward?"

I froze instantly. My whole body reacted to the sound of my name on her lips.

"Did you know?"

My breathing hitched and I set my jaw, I knew what she was asking. And I knew how much my answer would hurt her, if she knew the full truth of the divide between Alice and I. "No, Alice never told me. We... don't speak much anymore."

I turned and walked out of the classroom before she could query me any further.

As soon as I was out of the room I leaned against the wall, bracing myself unnecessarily. I was trying to process how one hour could change everything in my life. I needed to know more about what Bella had been doing for the last seven years. But more than anything else, I needed to make sure I was never stupid enough to let her go again.

*****

I scanned through the minds of everyone in the school, trying to find Alice. She was down in the front office, rearranging her schedule so she could have English classes with Bella. I raced down to meet her there, disregarding the fact that I was going to be truant for the second lesson of the new year. I couldn't even focus enough to remember what that class was. I caught Alice just as she bounded out of the office with a smile on her face.

"Why didn't you tell me?" The anger seethed in my voice, it was my natural reaction to Alice these days.

"Would you have come today if I had?" My anger didn't seem to dent her joy.

"So you're interfering again, doing what _you_ think is best regardless of the consequences."

"So it's only okay when you do it?" She raised her eyebrow and a little of the anger seeped back in.

"That was different."

"How?"

"It… it just was alright!" God she frustrated me. Annoying little pixie.

"Look, Edward, you might not see this now but you need to talk to Bella. Both of you are hurting and talking is the only way you will be able to move on."

Her words struck my mind like an anvil. Move on. Did I want to _move on_?I knew the answer, no absolutely not. I needed Bella in my life, now more than ever. So much of me wished I hadn't so stubbornly refused to listen to Alice after James bit Bella. Maybe things would be easier. My selfish side was raring it's ugly head again. How would that have been better for Bella? I don't even know what's happening in her life at the moment. She might be happy. God, she might have children. My head spun with the possibility and I felt like I was having a panic attack. A thought occured to me, "Did everyone else know?"

She nodded, "I told them in the car this morning."

I wanted to strangle her. "You could have told me."

"You wouldn't have come."

"Maybe that would have been better." _Move on_. How could I possible _move on_ from Bella?

"No, not in the long run."

"How long have you known?"

She looked away.

"How long, Alice?"

"Since the decision was made to come here. I just didn't know the timing and it wasn't certain."

My head whirled again. Thirteen months. She had known for thirteen months that Bella would come here at some point. "And you didn't tell anyone?"

She cast her eyes downward, ashamed, "I thought Carlisle might decide not to come if he knew. Edward, she was my _best friend_." Her voice broke. I realised how much Alice had missed her as well.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

"Me too."

I nodded. It wouldn't bridge the gap between us, but at least we seemed to have a truce. At least it was the first conversation we'd had that didn't end in an argument, even if it had started as one.

I dragged myself off to the third class of the day but my mind was everywhere but in the classroom. I had so many thoughts running through my head. I needed answers. I needed to talk to Bella.

As soon as the day ended I walked into the staff carpark. I didn't know which car would be Bella's until I remembered she was late to class. The Audi. I stood by it and waited. I spent the time scanning the minds of everyone in the school for extra glimpses of Bella.

I was still shocked by how little she had changed in seven years. She was much more womanly but still looked like she was in her late teens, or maybe very early twenties. I don't know why she ever worried about aging. Bella was having a conversation with Mrs Davis, the receptionist, so I settled into her mind for an unhindered view of Bella's lovely face. I was surprised when I realised Bella was admitting to knowing us. She gave Mrs Davies a large smile before leaving the office. I watched with my own eyes as she walked down towards the car. I saw the exact instant that she noticed me. She froze for a beat and then continued, her heart racing. I wished more than ever that I could know what was in her mind. Was she scared of me now or was her raised heart rate because she still had some sort of feelings for me?

She nodded curtly to me as she drew closer, "Edward."

Keep it casual. Keep it light, "Bella. We need to talk."

So much for causal and light.

She sighed and seemed to deliberate for a second before nodding. She pulled open the drivers door, "Get in."

I was stunned for a second, I didn't want to drive anywhere with her. I just wanted to talk. So many thoughts running through my mind. How to start? I looked at the insignia on the steering wheel as I tried to gather my thoughts. It reminded me of my request to buy her an Audi for her eighteenth birthday. That was a good, casual start I decided, "So you got an Audi after all?"

"Edward, what do you want?"

My hand was drawn to hers. I tried to hold it back, but a magnetic pull drew it in. Suddenly her hand was in mine and I raised her wrist gently to my nose. I inhaled deeply, relishing the burn – it kept me in the moment. "You would not believe how much I missed that."

She pulled her hand back sharply and folded her hands in her lap. She dropped her head and took a deep breath. She looked so sad and broken.

"Bella?" I put my finger on her chin and gently guided her face in my direction. I wanted to see what was hiding in the depth of her eyes. "What is it, love?"

"No."

No? What does no mean. I hadn't asked her a yes or no question. I was thrown and the question tumbled out, "What do you mean, no?"

She glared at me. Anger smouldered deep in her eyes, "I mean, no, you can't just waltz in here after 7 years and pretend that everything is okay. Everything is not okay."

I felt like she had slapped me. I couldn't believe that's what she thought I was trying to do. I wanted to talk to her. I wanted her back in my life. But I wasn't going to pretend everything was okay. She was obviously still hurting. I said the words that I know won't change anything, "I'm sorry."

"You can't help how you felt, Edward. I'm glad you told me the truth in the end. But I can't just pretend that we are friends again, you hurt me too much for that."

I furrowed my brow to avoid the pain that was threatening to overwhelm me. She didn't want to _pretend_ we were friends again. Is that what she thought I wanted to do?

I took another deep breath, clenching my teeth against the fire that burned. That proved she was really here. But for how long.

"Well, if that's all?" She snapped, pointing at the door.

I nodded. I didn't know how to make this better. I needed to think. I needed… I don't know what I needed but I knew if I stayed in this car another instant I would be a sobbing mess and I couldn't allow her to see that. I climbed out of the car, "I _am _sorry," I whispered just as I shut the door.

I had barely pulled my hand away before she started the engine and drove off. She was revving the pants off the car, Rosalie would have had a fit to hear it.

I walked back to the student car park and fell against my car. I turned and my back slid down to the ground. I pulled at my hair as I thought about how much I had royally fucked up my life.

**A/N – I know, I know it's not like Edward to swear, but honestly what would you think in the same situation? **

**Thanks for the reviews already, glad everyone seems to be enjoying my take on this side of events as much as my take on Bella's side. **

**I know everyone was hanging for this chappy so I got it up as soon as possible for you :) (now if you want to show the love in return – you know what to do… clicky clicky on the review button)**


	3. Sorrowful

**Chapter 3: Sorrowful**

_All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. (In other words – I don't own it, I'm just playing). Please take the time to leave some words if you really loved it or really hated it! _

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I didn't know how long I had sat beside my car with my head buried in my hands, but eventually I found the strength to climb inside and drive. It was past midnight when I arrived home, so it must have been a while. As soon I parked the Volvo, I went to hunt. I decided that if I was going to be around Bella again, hunting frequently would not be a bad thing.

As I hunted, I was surprised how different the world was. Completely unlike that morning. It was as if they belonged to two different times - which they did in a way. I saw colour again, and light. Even here, in the middle of the forest in the early hours of the morning it was light. I knew the reason for the difference... and it killed me that I couldn't hold her in my arms again like I used to. As that realisation dawned, the light dimmed and the colour leeched out of everything around me and I was back in the darkness.

I ran into town, suddenly anxious to check on Bella. I just needed to know she was alright, and I could hardly ask Alice for help. The problem was I had no clue where she lived. And again, I could hardly ask Alice for help. I thought of a course of action, but wasn't sure how wise it was in the long run. Despite the fact that half of me was arguing against it, I was already running in the direction of the school . I knew the basic layout of the office and there was only one filing cabinet that could possibly hold the employee records.

Once I arrived at the school, I quickly checked out the alarm system - it was a very basic infrared sensor. It was easy to bypass, for me, as I had no body heat to trip it. Of course, I didn't really care if the alarm went off, because I wouldn't be there by the time anyone came, but it was just easier for all the humans involved if I didn't set it off.

I worked the iron bars around the window, pulling near the screws that secured it to the brickwork. I tugged at just the right spot, with enough strength to remove them without too much damage. Replacing them would be the interesting part - then again in a small town no one would notice if they were fully secure or not. I gently slid the window open and climbed into the room. It was easier than I had thought it would be to find Bella's address once I had the file. The school had an immaculate filing system, including a coversheet with all of the employee's vital information – address, phone number, next of kin. I grabbed the file and spent a few minutes reading it. There were lots of little revelations in it. Like the fact that on her application, Bella had listed Jacob Black as her next of kin, but on the employee information sheet it was her mother, Renee. I wanted to know that story. Obviously, as I had suspected the previous day, she was, or had been, married. I couldn't believe Alice had kept that from me, but before I grew too upset with Alice, I reasoned with myself that I probably wouldn't have listened if she'd tried. I returned the file and hunted quickly for a road map. I hadn't exactly spent any time investigating the town, so I didn't really know the area of where she lived. Once I found one, in Mrs Davis's desk, I quickly located Bella's street and was back out the window in a flash. I reattached the iron bars as best I could given the time and lack of materials. If anyone yanked at them hard enough, they would come away easily but were secure enough not to draw attention. I figured I could come back and fix them properly soon.

I ran until I came to _her _street, then I started to panic again - I only had an hour or two of darkness left before sunrise. I ran down the street to her house. When I saw it the world turned technicolour again... no, not the whole world – just the part of the world that held Bella safe and comfortable.

Her house was difficult for most people to see from the street, as a tall hedge ran around the entire front yard and down one side of the driveway. Halfway along the middle of the hedges along the road-side was a tall gate. I swung it open, and gazed in wonder at what Bella had accomplished on her own. She had finished college, got her job, her life and her house. I wondered if I was being selfish intruding on that. But I knew I wasn't able to walk away again. I stood immobile, unsure whether to go in further and check she was alright or turn and leave, when I had an epiphany. I decided I would be patient. I would wait for her to come to me when she was ready to talk. I would leave the ball in her court, so to speak. As anxious as I felt to have her near me, I wouldn't invade her privacy. I would just let her know silently that I was ready to talk whenever she wanted to. I would wait. Bella was worth waiting for.

I turned and ran back to my house.

_Give me some time alone with Bella this morning,_ Alice thought as she piled into my car. I was driving everyone to school, it was very responsible of me. I had decided that maybe I should have another go at this 'living' thing - and do it properly this time. Oh, who was I kidding? I only wanted to live if Bella was close by. I pulled into the carpark and dawdled getting out of the car, showing my acquiescence to Alice's request.

_Thank you_.

I nodded to Alice. Then I waited by my car. I wasn't going to listen to her thoughts - I tried really hard not to - but once I heard Bella in them, speaking my name, I couldn't resist.

"_Edward said something yesterday… about you two not talking much."_

Alice's anger flashed through her mind for a second, but then I saw something I didn't expect buried underneath it. Sorrow._ "He couldn't forgive himself for leaving you… and neither could I."_

"_Why didn't you say goodbye?"_

"_He convinced me it was for the best." _There was that deep sorrow again, and I hated myself in that instant. I had known how close Alice and Bella were, but I just thought, stupidly, that a clean break would be best for both of them. Listening to Alice's s regret made me realise I had ripped not only myself, but Alice from Bella's life. Not only leaving her without a boyfriend, but also without a large part of her support network.

"_But Alice, _you_ could have said goodbye."_

"_I know. And for that I'll always be sorry."_

I slowly made my way to the classroom, coming through the door at the last possible moment. Alice smiled tentatively at me. I felt my lips tug up slightly at the edges, not quite a smile, but close. It is a strange sensation that I'd not experienced in a long time. Not since Bella's eighteenth birthday.

I sat and watched in awe again as Bella took command of the class. She possesses a real authority in the classroom. The usual mutterings and whispering that tended to go on behind the teacher's back were non-existent. She had them all enthralled - she had me enthralled. Once the class finished everyone else leapt to their feet, as per yesterday, and headed out the door and, as per yesterday, I remained sitting. She turned her back to me, writing something on the board, but I couldn't concentrate on what she was writing. Not when I could watch the light catching and being thrown in all directions by the ends of her hair, or the lovely ivory complexion of the skin of her arm as it dragged the chalk along. I only left when I physically could not delay any longer without being late for my next lesson. I stepped into the hall and whispered to her so softly I knew she would never hear, "I love you, Bella. I always have and I always will," and then I pulled the door closed behind me. I couldn't wait until I could tell her that face to face and have her understand.

I ensured I put myself in her line of sight every opportunity I could. I was sure that at some point she would come over and talk to me, even if it was just to tell me to go away. But she didn't. She spent the whole day pretending I didn't exist, although occassionally I would see her chin start to point in my direction before she would twist it away just as quickly. If I had ever doubted that this was _my _Bella, it was gone now – she was as stubborn as ever.

At the end of the day, I walked over to her car to wait for her there, hoping that maybe I would have more luck off the school grounds, but Alice walked up to me shaking her head. "It's my turn this afternoon, Edward."

I scowled at her and was going to tell her where to shove her turn when I remembered her thoughts earlier. How much sorrow and hurt she had been hiding underneath her anger and I relented silently. I pushed off Bella's car and headed back towards the Volvo where Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper were waiting for their ride.

"How'd it go today?" Jasper asked timidly. He had felt the brunt of my anger lately and knew how easily it flared. But surprisingly the anger didn't come like we'd both expected it to. Instead I felt myself chuckle once. The three of them stared at me in open-mouthed disbelief.

"She's still stubborn," I mused before another chuckle escaped my lips. I started the car and we drove the rest of the way home in silence with their thoughts all turned to Bella and how much I had changed in the two days since she had come back into my life.

When we got home I joined everyone else on the couch as Emmett and Jasper fired up the Xbox. When Esme saw me her thoughts ran through the gambit of emotions before settling on relief.

_I always knew Bella was good for him. Look how much he's healed and she isn't even with him_.

I shot her a small smile. "I'm trying."

She nodded. "That's all I can ever ask."

She'd misunderstood me. She thought I was trying to be part of the family again. Her thoughts turned to Bella and I saw it again - that sorrow that Alice felt, etched along every thought. I wondered briefly how I had missed it so completely before, but I had missed a lot of things in seven years. My own sorrow was so absolute I couldn't read the depth of anyone else's.

I watched the clock closely. I wondered how long Alice would be out. I briefly considered driving into town and 'accidently' running into them, but I couldn't - not after my epiphany. Bella would talk to me eventually. I was sure of it. She had to... didn't she?

The hours slipped past. It was nearing ten. I grew anxious - surely Alice wouldn't keep Bella out that late? I knew how easy it was to forget just how much food and sleep humans needed when you weren't around them all the time. As my anxiety grew I froze into a statue. Jasper had to ask me three times if I wanted a turn on the game he was playing. When I finally heard him, I shook my head once. I was just about to go for a run to Bella's house when Alice arrived home her eyes bright butterscotch. She had hunted on her way back but her face was lined with worry.

"What is it Alice?" I asked, anxiously. I knew how clumsy Bella used to be, had she hurt herself?

Alice shook her head. "Nothing. I just never knew how hurt Bella was."

My heart wept. I was the cause of that hurt. Alice kept walking, straight into Jasper's arms. She was thinking of the lyrics to every spice girls song, so obviously she didn't want me listening. But I caught a flash of something, about vampires and werewolves.

"What was that Alice?" I demanded.

Alice looked at me and frowned, then looked away again.

"Alice...please?" I put on my sweetest voice.

"I'm not going to let you hurt her again, Edward."

"I don't want to hurt her, Alice. I want her back in my life. For good. If I can somehow by some miracle have her back, I'll hold on so tight she'll never get away. Now, please, explain what you were thinking about?"

She closed her eyes and I could see her running through the futures that accompanied her choice of whether to tell me or not. She sighed and opened her eyes.

"Bella was married to Jacob Black, they've only just got divorced. She's heartbroken over it."

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry that her heartache wasn't over me. But that didn't explain Alice's thoughts. I narrowed my eyes at her and she knew I knew she was hiding something.

"Jacob left her for someone else," Alice offered as further information. She was trying to distract me and damn it was working.

"_Someone else_?" I seethed. "How could anyone ever leave _Bella_ for _someone else?_"

"He didn't have a choice."

"There's always a choice," I snapped. I didn't understand my reaction - shouldn't I be glad that he left? After all, it gave me another opportunity. But I knew I couldn't be happy with anything that hurt Bella.

Alice stood and put her hands on my shoulders. I looked down into her eyes.

"Not always," she said. Then she showed me the conversation she'd had with Bella. I put my hands on her shoulders to brace myself as I listened. Bella married a _werewolf_? Part of me would have laughed at the fact that only Bella could have sought comfort in the arms of the next mythical creature she encountered, but it couldn't because my whole body shook with uncontrollable tremors. _I_ forced her into the arms of a werewolf. A young werewolf at that – they were notoriously dangerous and volatile. And then he left her. _For a child?_ My mind was having difficulty processing the new information. Laurent and Victoria both came after Bella and Jacob saved her each time. She was supposed to be safe when I left her. I had been locked in my own personal hell for seven years without Bella to keep her safe. It had meant _nothing, _because she was still in danger the whole time.

Alice pushed me over to the couch and I complied, falling into it as soon I felt it hit the back of my knees. The worst part was Bella still seemed to think I never cared. _"It made me realise why Edward left, and appreciate him leaving too. I mean, now I know how hard it is to pretend you feel something when you know it has changed. I'm glad he stopped playing pretend when he did."_ She didn't realise I only ever left for her benefit - so she'd be safe. I sat on the couch the rest of the night. I only moved when I had a little less than an hour before I would need to leave for school. I decided to get changed quickly and drive my car down alone.

Screw my epiphany - I need to talk to Bella.

I was at the school early. Mine was the first car in the student carpark. I walked around to the entrance to the staff parking and waited. As soon as I saw her Audi come around the corner I felt relieved. She was safe for now, regardless of what horrors had occurred in the past. I started to walk down to meet her when she tripped over walking to her back door. I didn't even think about who might be around, I just saw Bella falling towards the pavement and reacted instinctually, running to her and wrapping my arms around her to halt her fall.

She closed her eyes and breathed deeply, before shaking herself off and pulling out of my arms. She stalked off before I could find the appropriate reaction. I reached after her, gently grabbing her arm. "Wait, Bella."

She spun on her heels and glared at me. "I have warned you about that. You will show me respect while we are on school grounds."

_Why, oh why, does she have to be so stubborn?_ "No, _Bella_. This has nothing to do with school or you being a teacher. Alice came home last night with lots of things on her mind after your discussion. I need to know if it is true."

She sighed. "If what's true?"

"You married a _werewolf_." I hissed at her, still not able to control my anger at myself for forcing her into his arms.

"I don't see how it is any of your business."

"You promised me you wouldn't do anything reckless."

"And you promised me it would be like you never existed. Well, look – here you are _existing_." I dropped her arm and she turned and stalked away. She was right of course - I had promised it would be as if I had never existed. I wished I could take back my decision that day but I knew I couldn't. I needed to set her straight though, to tell her the months with her were the happiest of my existence and the years since, the bleakest. She deserved to know that the lie was what I said in the forest.

I paced up behind her. "Bella. I need to talk to you about something."

She spun on me again and there was no mistaking the venom in her voice. It stung. "I will remind you this is my workplace. I hope to be a teacher for a long time, long after you and your family have cleared off again. Please leave me alone."

I wanted to hold her, to pin her tightly to me and never let go. I was such a stupid fool. As she walked into the office I tried to think of some way I could tell her what I needed to _- _some way to prove to her how I felt. If she wouldn't talk to me, how could I show her?

Then I remembered the photos and gifts that were under her floorboard in Forks. Obviously she never found them, or she would have realised. I turned and ran for the car. The others were just pilling out of Emmett's Jeep when I reached the carpark. Alice shook her head, but had a smile on her face. She'd obviously seen my plan.

"Please, don't tell Bella?" I implored. If there were any shred of friendship between us still she would listen to me. "I'll explain it to her when I get back."

She nodded once and I smiled back at her. Perhaps we weren't irrevocably damaged after all.

**A/N – So Edward's stalker-like tendencies are back. Is anyone surprised really? At least he's finally waking up to the fact he wasn't the only one in the world in pain.**

**I'm honestly about three chapters ahead of myself on this one. God how I wish I had a solid day just to write, I could probably be ten chapters down by now. Grr. Oh well, I will post them up as soon as they are out of my head and onto the page. (I know I could hold off & beg for more reviews in exchange for posting a chapter, but I'm too impatient for that :P I want to know what you think **_**now**_**) And as per my promise when I posted chapter 1 I have been working on my other stories. I think I should definitely be able to post a chapter of Carlisle's Doctor & Bella the wild rose at least, providing Edward is gracious and steps out of the way for them for a minute or two.**

**Hope everyone has a good day/night whatever – I need to go get ready for work TGIF is all I can say :) **


	4. Guests

**Chapter 4: Guests**

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations. Please take the time to leave some words if you really loved it or really hated it! _

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The road disappeared under my tyres in a steady flow of white and black and the speedo was topping out at just over 150. It wasn't fast enough. I wanted to really move. The drive from Fairfield to Forks would take a normal person around three days each way, maybe two if they drove straight though. I wanted to be there and back by Friday night, which gave me a little over two days total, or sooner if possible. I had only been driving for four hours and I was already anxious to get back.

I kept my thoughts concentrated on the minds of those around me, quickly diverting whenever there was an indication of police or accidents ahead. It was the early hours of Thursday morning when I arrived in Forks. I made a beeline straight for Bella's old house. I was disappointed when I arrived, Charlie was awake already. I checked the clock on my dash and did a quick mental calculation – it was 3:30 in the morning. Obviously Charlie was on the early shift at the moment. I had two choices, I could either sneak in and risk startling Charlie with the noise of the floorboard lifting or I could wait until he was safely gone and sneak in them, but that meant I risked exposure to the sun if the day wasn't overcast. I decided to ring Alice and see if she would do me a favour and give me a weather forecast. My phone vibrated against my chest and I laughed. _Alice._

I opened it and put it to my ear. Alice's lilting voice was back, "It's going to be overcast. Just wait."

"Thanks."

"No. Thank _you_. The whole family thinks it's good spending time with Bella, sans Edward." She laughed so I knew she was joking, at least a little.

"Bye, Alice." I said sarcastically then I flicked the phone shut before she could answer back.

There was nothing for me to do but wait. I walked into the forest, careful to avoid the place where I had ruined so many lives; the place where I had said goodbye. I couldn't relive the memory of that place, not when I was trying to fix the mistake I made there.

It was a little over two and a half hours later when I heard Charlie's mind turn to the car, moments later his footsteps sounded as he left by the front door and then his cruiser started. I edged forward and watched as he drove down the road. I forced myself to walk calmly up to the front door. No one was around but it was starting to get light enough for human eyes to detect me, so I decided it was probably better for me to use the front door rather than scaling up the side of the house. I reached the door and felt for the key. It was still in the same place it used to be. You would think the chief of police would have better security in his own home.

I took a moment to brace myself against the reminder of what used to be as I walked through the door and into the living room. Standing in the room it was almost easy to believe nothing had happened in the last seven years and that at any second Bella would walk through the door, I would pull her into my arms and everything would be fine. At least it _would _have been easy to think that, if not for the photos on the mantle. There were four photos of her time after I left her. The first one was one at Christmas, the next her high school graduation, the next must have been from her college dorm because it was a place I didn't recognise and I couldn't even bring myself to look at the last. Not yet. It was too much for me to handle at the moment. So I studied the other three.

I could almost witness the healing of her heart through the progression of the photos, each one she seemed a little happier than the last and each one she was a little more tightly curled around _him_. Jacob Black. The werewolf. I flipped each of the four frames down so I didn't have to look at the photos. Nothing else about this place had changed and I much preferred my fantasy that the last seven years never happened rather than looking at my Bella tightly wound in the arms of another man. No, not man - werewolf. Who had broken her heart at thoroughly as I did.

I remembered my mission and dragged myself up the staircase. I found the door to Bella's room closed and I was glad. I needed a second to brace myself before walking in there. Into the sanctuary where our love had blossomed. Where I had spent so many nights watching her sleep and listening to her mumble about everything that was happening in her life. I had a smile on my face at the memories as I pushed the door open.

The smile fell immediately. Bella's room was no longer our sanctuary. The air was stale, obviously Charlie never came in here, but two scents lingered in the room. One I would recognise anywhere. It woke every synapse in my brain and set them on fire, ripped through my throat and toyed with my heart. The other was a sickening smell that sent all my instincts reeling. An utterly putrid scent that I recognised immediately despite so many intervening years since the last time I smelled it, eighty or so years ago. A werewolf. He'd been in our sanctuary with her. I couldn't stay in this room a second longer than I needed to. I ripped up the loose floorboard, tearing at it with no care for the damage I did. I pulled out the photos, five in total, as well as the CD I had made for her and the plane tickets Carlisle and Esme brought her.

The photos were just the soother I needed for my anger. A reminder that Bella and I were happy at one time. I took a long look at the photo of the two of us together, both of our faces hiding secrets and lies but at least we were in each other's arms - the way it should be. I put it and the photo of me in Charlie's kitchen with the CD and plane tickets and slid them into an envelope I had brought with me. I put the rest of the photos in my pocket, alongside the one I took originally. Bella didn't need to know that I took them from Renee's letter, although she was probably already aware.

I replaced the floorboard and left the room as quickly as I could. I didn't want the scent of the werewolf in my nostrils a moment longer. I pulled the door shut behind me and took a breath of the untainted air. I walked back down the stairs and into the living room. I knew I needed to put the photos back upright before I left. Be meticulous, it was the fundamental rule of being a Cullen.

I turned them over one at a time. Leaving the one I couldn't look at until last. I took a deep breath to calm myself and picked it up. Bella's face smiled out at me, her hair was loose, flowing in large soft curls around her shoulders. A simple white a-line dress covered her body. I couldn't help but picture my face in the place of _his._ I wondered if she would have been as happy if it was me next to her at the end of the aisle? I placed a quick kiss on Bella's beautiful face before putting the photo back down on the mantle in its original position.

I left the house, knowing that if this didn't work-if _I _didn't get Bella back in my life in some form-I would never be happy again.

* * *

I arrived back in Fairfield just after lunchtime on Friday. Well within my planned timeframe. I drove straight to Bella's house, leaving my Volvo out the front. I knew she wouldn't be home yet. I didn't even know if she would go straight home from school but I would wait as long as necessary for Bella to arrive. It was the one place she might talk to me. I needed that much at least. I held the envelope in my hand. It was strange, I could pull iron bars out of brickwork without a problem, but an envelope with a few bits of paper and a CD weighed me down.

I waited.

And waited.

The seconds seemed to drag to eternity as my heart rested somewhere in my throat. I had an excess of venom pooling in my mouth from the stress I was feeling. I tugged my hand through my hair every fifteen minutes. Finally, I heard the sound of a car slowing. I peered through the hedge and saw the plum colour of her Audi flash past. I heard it turn into her driveway and I took a few deep breaths. I could do this. I couldn't believe how nervous I was, I was _never_ nervous. I was always the epitome of control.

I heard a gate open, there must have been another one around the side. I kicked myself for not looking around during the free time I had waiting for her. I heard Bella's footsteps coming down the path. They stopped just around the corner from where I was. I heard her heartbeat stutter and she took a few deep breaths. At least it seemed that she was just as affected as me.

And then she came into view. Her face was flushed with the remnants of a blush. Her heart was hammering a million miles a minute. I wondered if she was just nervous or whether I still affected her _that_ way. I tried to keep my face stoic, but my emotions were running in turmoil.

As soon as she drew near me she asked, "What are you doing here, Edward?" Her voice was laced with pain.

I blanched at her pain, feeling it echo through my body. I couldn't meet her eyes and talk, so I looked at my feet instead. "We need to talk. There are things I need you to know."

"I don't know..." she started to say.

I spoke over her, trying to convey how desperately I needed to talk to her, "I'm not going to leave until I've had my say. Please?"

She unlocked her door and threw it open, indicating with her hands that I should go in.

Did she remember nothing about me? "Ladies first?" I said.

She blew her breath out and walked a few steps into the living room before wheeling around on me, "What do you want?"

I sighed, I knew this wasn't going to be easy. I closed the door behind me. "Can't we sit down?"

She snapped at me, "Does it even matter to you whether you are sitting or standing?"

Okay, so maybe she did remember _some_ things about me. I gave one hard, mirthless laugh, "No, not really. But it does matter to you - and that matters to me."

She scrunched her eyebrows together, "What are you talking about, Edward?"

I wanted to tell her everything, but I still didn't know where to start, "I'll explain. I promise. Let me talk for a few minutes then you can ask me any question and I will explain. You'll be more comfortable if you sit. Please?"

Her eyes narrowed. "Fine." She was editing again, I could tell that's not what she wanted to say. I felt my lips twitch slightly towards a smile, but I restrained it. They twitched again and a small chuckle escaped when Bella stood in front of the couch for half a second before walking to the single seater. Then I realised that meant she didn't want to be trapped sitting next to me and my face fell.

I sat down on the couch, placing the envelope next to me, but it remained in the forefront of my mind, like a beacon calling my attention. I went to talk to her, but then I realised that I might be admonished if I called her by her name again. I'd already been told off twice by her over it. Did I want to go for a third? "Can I call you Bella here?"

She narrowed her eyes, the pain she was feeling crossed her features again and I wanted to remove it. I vowed to remove it. She nodded her head ever so slightly and relief flooded through me. She was going to play along, at least for the moment.

I couldn't decide the best way to proceed. I figured simple, blind truth would be best. "Bella, I owe you an apology. No, I owe you thousands of apologies. One for every day I haven't been by your side."

Her jaw fell slack. Not the reaction I was hoping for. She looked away for a minute before turning back to me. "No. I'm glad you told me. It saved me from living a lie."

_Living a lie? _I know in that instant that she still thought I didn't love her. I never understood how she believed me so quickly, and here she was, still thinking it. I tried to keep my face impassive as I spoke to her "What I told you when I... that day..." I lost control over my voice and it broke I took another breath to steady it before continuing, "_that_ was the lie."

Her breathing shallowed a little and she breathed, "What do you mean?"

It was time to lay everything on the line. "I never stopped loving you. There is nothing in this world that could make me stop loving you."

Her breathing went from shallow to almost non-existent, she leaned forward and wrapped her arms tightly to her chest. It was something I had never seen her do before. I couldn't stop myself from moving, I resisted the call to touch her but I found myself kneeling at her feet.

"Why," Bella squeezed out but it was too breathless, had no volume. I was starting to worry about her.

What was the best way to explain this to her? Again I went with as much of the truth as I could. "I thought I wanted you to have a normal life. My family and I were putting you in too much danger."

She shook her head disbelievingly and closed her eyes. "No..."

A small tear rolled down her cheek, I don't even know if she realised. I gently wiped it off with my finger. I couldn't believe I was still hurting her after all this time. "I never understood how you believed the lie. After all the times I told you I loved you, after everything we shared, I only had to lie once and you believed me." The words tumbled out before I could think them through.

She shook her head.

"I don't understand though." I couldn't get in volume in my voice, I had to get her to understand this. I gave her clues that I still cared. I wanted her to know, the things I left behind, the scholarship, so many clues. "I thought you knew."

She stared at me, her breath still coming in shallow gasps.

"The scholarship. I thought you'd realise."

She narrowed her eyes and scrunched her eyebrows at me.

"I needed you to be able to fulfil your dreams."

She gasped and I could see everything click into place. And then she was mad. "You... the scholarship I got for college... that was _you_?"

I nodded at her. "I thought you knew then. I thought you would realise you received a scholarship you never applied for."

She shook her head fiercely and then her voice was sad, the anger gone, "I was too broken to realise."

I lost the thin grip I had on my control, every ounce of her pain reflected through me and I could feel it form on my face. "I will never forgive myself for hurting you."

"It doesn't matter," she whispered.

The last time she uttered those words my heart soared, now it dropped like a stone. Did she think so little of herself now that it didn't matter if she was in pain?

"Of course it matters, Bella," I exclaimed, trying to get her to see. I inched closer to her. "I love you and it kills me to see you in this much pain."

"No, I mean it doesn't matter if you love me. Too much has changed."

Her words were like a nail being driven into my coffin. I fell back from her. _Too much has changed_. No. I had to make her see. I grabbed onto her knee, an electric current thrilling through my hand at the touch – that hadn't changed. "How I feel hasn't changed. Neither has how you feel. I've noticed how you act around me too - I know that you still love me."

"It doesn't matter if I do or don't. Things have changed, Edward. I am no longer a love-struck teenager. I am a grown woman. I have responsibilities here."

Was I forcing myself into her life? Should I go? "Did you want us to leave?" I asked without volume, not knowing if I really wanted to hear the answer. Could I leave if she said yes?

"No," she answered quickly. An automatic response maybe.

I nodded at her, the beacon started to scream at me again so I turned and grabbed the envelope. I would leave it with her and let her think about what to do next. I felt drained. There was nothing more I could do to try to convince her. "I got these for you." I told her before dropping the envelope on the coffee table and walking out the door. I couldn't shake the feeling that I was walking out for good.

I stood for a second just outside the front of her door. I put my hand against her wall. I couldn't will myself to take a single step further away from her. I heard her heart rate speed and her breathing stop. She issued a small gasp. Before I knew what I was doing, I was back in the house and stopping her from falling into the coffee table.

She was unconscious in my arms so I lay her on the couch. I waited five seconds, ten seconds, she still hadn't regained consciousness. I put my hands on her face, gently trying to rouse her. I whispered her name repeated. Finally, after fifteen seconds that felt like a hundred years she blinked awake. I could feel the warmth of her breath on my skin. I wanted nothing more than to close the distance between us and press my lips into hers but I couldn't.

"Are you all right, love?" I asked her.

She closed her eyes and breathed deeply, then she nodded. ""I think so. It's just a lot to absorb."

"I'm here for you, love."

She shook her head. "No, you need to leave Edward. I can't do this." She started to pull herself upright, I quickly offered her my hand to help. There was that same electric thrill when our skin contacted.

I couldn't walk away. I knew that now, at least not while I had any doubts about her feelings for me. I put my hands gently on either side her face. "Bella, if you can honestly tell me that you don't have feelings for me I will leave, right now, and you'll never see me again."

"Edward, it's not..."

I knew what she was going to say, it's not that simple. But right here and now it was. I interrupted her, "No. I don't care about can and can't or right and wrong anymore. I need to know if you still love me. I can't stay away from you anymore, Bella. I have been in hell for the last seven years. Alice finally convinced me that you wouldn't want me moping around. That it was an insult to our memories. That's why I enrolled at this school, but it has been a difficult twelve months." I paused, I needed her to realise how much I had been through – and how much I would continue to go through if she made me leave. "I need to know how you feel. Do you still love me?"

"I don't know," she whispered.

I couldn't help the feeling of relief that flooded through me. "At least it's not a no."

I realised she still hadn't seen the one thing I brought here to show her. I wasn't going to chance her standing and getting it herself again though. I reached behind me and grabbed the envelope. I unfolded the flap, tipping everything onto the couch next to her. She picked everything up with a look of wonderment on her face.

I couldn't help but chuckle at her puzzled expression. "It's where I have been the last few days. I couldn't bear to take them with me when I left. I put them under a floor board in your room."

"You went to Forks?" She sounded... angry?

I nodded. "I drove straight there and straight back."

"You were the vampire in Charlie's house?" She screamed at me.

"What?" How did she know?

She was seething. "I got a phone call last night. Jacob told me a vampire had been in Charlie's house. I have been out of my mind with worry ever since."

I was horror-struck that I had caused her even more pain. "I'm sorry. I didn't think... I didn't realise the wolves would be there."

"That's right, Edward. You didn't think. You didn't consider the consequences, because you are seventeen. I know you may have lived longer than that, but at the end of the day you are still a seventeen year old boy." Tears sprung from her eyes. "I think I'd like you to leave now."

It was the words I didn't want to hear but how could I not follow them. Not if I was going to keep causing her pain. I ran to the gate and heard the thoughts of someone in the street thinking about her house number as she drove down the street. I recognised the 'voice' as Mrs Davis the school receptionist. And she'd just seen my car.

I ran straight back into the house.

"Are you expecting a visitor, Bella? Someone's coming down the street looking for your house."

"Yeah, June, uh... Mrs Davis, is coming over for a girls night. You should go, it's not a good idea for you to be seen here."

"It's too late, she's seen my car."

I slipped the photos and CD back into the envelope and ran out the back door. I quickly tried to think of a hiding place where Bella would find these again. I saw her garage and decided her car would be a good place. I threw the envelope under the passenger seat. I snuck quickly around to the front and whipped open my car door, pulling my school bag out from the front seat where it had been for the last three days. I ran back in through the front door. "Quick, get changed. Please, Bella – let me show you I can be responsible."

She ran into her room. I spread my books over the coffee table, grabbed a couple of glasses from the kitchen and made it look like we were in the middle of a study session. The doorbell rang, but so did the phone. That meant I needed to get one. "I'll get the door," I offered

I pulled open the door with my best smile on my face. "Mrs Davis. Be...um, Ms Swan's expecting you, she's just on the phone."

I was trying to listen to the phone call-it was Jacob, I could tell that much-as well as Mrs Davis' thoughts. She blinked, surprised that I was here, but more surprised by my face. I realised that this was the first time she, or anyone in Fairfield for that matter, had seen me smile. I was trying so hard to be careful and I had screwed up because I've learned how to smile again since Bella has reappeared.

"Um, Edward, isn't it?"

I nodded. "Ms Swan is helping me with the lessons I've missed over the last few days. I had an emergency out of town."

Mrs Davis listened to my words and studied my face intently.

"Esme, my mother, leaned on her friendship with Ms Swan to get me some private lessons."

"I see." Her voice was still full of suspicion.

"Please, come in. I really don't think Ms Swan will be too much longer on the phone."

She stepped into the living room but didn't say anything further. I made a show of staring to pack up my books, listening intently to Bella's phone conversation in the other room. Jacob was talking loud enough that I could hear him too.

Jacob was harsh, demanding, "What's that got to do with Charlie? And his visitor."

"It was one of them. They left something in my room and needed to collect it. Don't worry they didn't stay."

"Was it Edward? Is he there too?"

"Yes." I wasn't sure what emotion it was in Bella's voice.

"So are you two back on then?"

"What, Jake, no. Give me some credit." My heart broke, I dropped my head and stopped what I was doing.

"Fine. If there's nothing for me to worry about then." Every word Jacob said was laced with anger.

"Jacob. Thanks. Please look out for him."

"Sure, sure."

Bella walked back into the living room and I resumed packing my books away. I plastered a smile on my face, I was sure Bella would see straight through it. "I was just telling Mrs Davies that my mom leaned on your friendship to get me some make up lessons for the classes I missed."

Bella played along straight away. "Yeah, I'm a sucker. I just can't say no to old friends."

I was almost at the front door now. I thought I would try one tactic. "Oh, and Ms Swan, Esme asked me to invite you around for dinner tomorrow." I smiled at the thought of her back in my house, back in my life. Her heart skipped a beat and my smile widened, maybe there was some hope left after all.

She hesitated a second but then said, "Tell your mom yes, I'll be around for dinner."

Yes, definitely some hope.


	5. Another night in paradise

**Chapter 5: Another night in paradise **

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations. This is unbeta'd so apologies for any & all mistakes. Please take the time to leave some words if you really loved it or really hated it! _

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I drove around the corner from Bella's house and parked my car. I listened to Mrs Davis' thoughts to find out what was on the agenda for tonight – a little Italian restaurant in town for a girl's night. I couldn't help but draw comparisons with her girl's night in Port Angeles and as soon as I'd had the thought I was concerned. I pulled out the phone and dialled Alice.

"She's going to be fine, Edward. Nothing is going to happen." I hadn't even said hello yet.

"How did you know I wasn't calling to talk to you for your sparkling wit, Alice?" I joked.

"Edward Cullen telling a joke? That _is_ a new one," she laughed. Then she sighed. "You can't get your hopes up. I hate to tell you this, but I don't see anything in the future for you and Bella. She is too set on keeping her career on track and avoiding any hint of a scandal."

I closed my eyes to process that information. Then I decided it didn't matter, I didn't care if she was just a friend. I just needed Bella in my life in some form.

"Huh, well that's interesting," Alice mused. "You really think you can handle just friends?"

"Between that and nothing, I know which one I'll take."

"Smart choice."

"Thanks, Alice." I hoped she realised I was thanking her for more than just this phone call. If she hadn't made me get back into life twelve months ago, I may never have found Bella again. As much as I hated her for it at the time, I loved her for it now.

"Don't mention it." There was no trace of angry Alice left in her voice.

"Alice, keep a close eye on her for me tonight, please?"

"Sure thing. Have fun hunting." The line became dead.

I drove the Volvo home and went straight into the forest. I was planning on hunting the usual, deer-I hadn't had the desire to hunt anything more than that since I left Bella-but I hadn't gone very far in when I caught the scent of a bear. The smell filled my senses and I felt the thrill of the hunt run through me again. I fell naturally into a hunting stance as I chased the bear down. It didn't take long to catch up to it, and it took even less time to subdue it and drain its blood. My thoughts were turned to Bella almost the whole time, I wanted to run down to the restaurant and _accidentally _bump into her, but I thought that would do my case more damage than good with the way things currently stood. I returned home, showered and changed.

"You're not staying?" Alice said, it was more of a statement but I think she was questioning my motives.

I shook my head. "I can't wait until tomorrow to see her again. I've been worried sick about her all night."

Alice rolled her eyes. "She's fine. I've been watching her."

"I know. That doesn't mean I can't be anxious."

"Will you ever not be anxious when it comes to her?" _Oh, Alice – wise beyond her years._

"Yes. When she's in my arms, I'm never anxious then."

She rolled her eyes but laughed. "Go then, she'll be home soon."

I was out the door before she finished the word soon.

I ran through the streets, avoiding any that were occupied, ghosting through the darkness at top speed. I arrived at Bella's house in minutes. I walked straight through the gate and waited by her front door. Standing slightly in the shadows in case anyone decided to look over the hedge, ready to duck further into the shadows at a moment's notice if anyone other than Bella came in.

I heard a car pulling up in front of Bella's house and my muscles bunched ready for flight but Mrs Davis had no intentions of leaving the car.

I heard Bella's sweet voice fill the night air. "Thanks for tonight. And for the advice."

That peaked my curiosity. Mrs Davis was running through that advice in her mind and I felt my jaw snap shut. She thought I was in love with Bella. I wasn't sure whether she was just perceptive or if it was just that obvious. But she thought Bella should avoid me, or at very least avoid spending time alone with me.

"You're a great teacher Bella, I've heard the way the students talk about you. I'd hate for you to lose that over some silly teenage crush." I rolled my eyes at her words, _silly teenage crush_. Bella and I had never had a _silly teenage crush_. We were soulmates, I knew that now more clearly than ever.

I heard the car pull off down the road, Mrs Davis' thoughts filled with gossip and the salaciousness of student teacher relationships.

I heard Bella take a step towards the gate and it swung open. I waited for her, smiling. Her heart stopped and she gave a startled gasp when she saw me. "God, Edward, you startled me."

She never had the reactions I wished she would. My smiled dropped, I tried to remember there was _some_ hope, however fleeting it might be.

"Sorry. I just wanted to see you again. I wanted to make sure you got home safe," I said.

She looked cross. "It's not your place to worry about things like that. Not anymore."

"Maybe. But I still do. And I always will." _How could I ever convince her exactly what she means to me?_

"What if June wanted to come in? How would I explain to her why you were here? And how, considering there is no car?"

I suppressed a smile and tapped my forehead. "If she had come in I wouldn't have been here. I would have known, remember."

The beginnings of a smile started to creep across her face and her eyes danced with mild amusement. "Where would you have been, in the bushes like some peeping tom?"

I smiled in response, but then I saw the sorrow in her eyes. "She gave you a lot to think about didn't you?"

Bella was unlocking the door and shook her head. She pushed the door open and indicated that I should go in, I waited for her to enter first. She spoke as she walked, "Not really. At least nothing I wasn't already thinking about."

I decided honesty was better at this point that trying to remain light and casual. "I do understand the issues, Bella. But I don't think I can stay away from you. My days are dark until I am in your presence. And my nights are so empty." I felt my lip stick out in a pout and I felt like a petulant child again, but I wouldn't just walk away from Bella.

"I..." she started, but trailed off. I wished for the I don't know how many thousandth time that I could read her thoughts and know what the truth was in this situation. Did she hate me? She'd told me that she didn't know if she loved me, but was that true or did she just not want to admit she still had feelings for me? I waited for her to finish, holding my breath in anticipation of pain or joy depending on what the next words out of her mouth were. She threw herself down on the couch.

"I just can't get involved with you again."

I wasn't an 'I don't love you get out of my life'. I needed to know the reason for her statement, was it something we could fix? "Because I hurt you too much?" I asked.

She surprised me by laughing. "Actually no. I gave up a big part of that hurt a long time ago," she paused, editing again, "and I know your reasons now, so I get that."

She was telling the truth on that I guessed, after all I had witnessed her healing in those four damn photos at Charlie's house. "Then why?"

"For all the reasons you heard from June no doubt. I'm a teacher. I can't get involved with a student."

I started to hope again. If that was the only problem, that was fixable. Only the population here knew that story, we could start over somewhere new. "Well, we'll move. We'll start over with me in college. Please, Bella?"

"It won't solve the problem though. You'll have to move that much quicker if you start in college rather than high school. It won't look good on my records if I move regularly and besides, I will continue to age and you will remain as you are. It will only get worse. Harder to justify."

Her stubbornness would cost us our happiness as surely as mine had. I was close to breaking down into sobs when I spoke next. "I can't let you out of my life. I can't live without you anymore." I pleaded with her to understand.

She seemed to react to my pain. "I'm not asking you to. We just can't be involved like we were. If you want to spend time with me, it will have to be with your family - not on our own."

I felt the hope inflate in my chest again. "But you _do_ still want to spend time with me?"

She nodded and I felt like my dead heart would start beating again. She brought life to me with such a simple action. My face broke into a beam that could match the sun. A thought filled my mind...a compromise. "I'll agree to those terms - but on one condition."

She waited, fear in her eyes.

I pressed on. "Can I stay tonight? I just want to hold you in my arms one more time?"

She shook her head violently, but I could see deep in her eyes she wanted to. "I don't think that would be a good idea."

"Please? I promise I won't ask ever again." And I wouldn't _ask,_ but if she wanted me to I would spend every night of eternity in her arms.

"Fine. Just give me a human moment."

She laughed as she walked away to get changed. I made my way into her bedroom. I was not going to miss a second of this. While she was in the bathroom my phone vibrated. Alice.

"I'll pick you up in the morning, it will be too bright by the time she wakes up."

"Alice, thank you again, thank you a thousand times."

"I'm just glad _you're_ back, Edward. I missed you."

"Me too."

I hung up the phone and waited by the door. The bathroom door opened and a swirl of heated moist air blew out, saturated in Bella's scent. I was suddenly glad I hunted that bear. Anything less and the scent may have been too much.

Bella entered the room wearing a pair of silk pyjamas. I could see every line of her body through the silk and I was instantly aroused, hunger the last thing on my mind for once. And the way it fell loosely from the tips of her nipples was maddening. I swallowed hard, I needed to get control over myself. If Bella saw how ravenous I was for her body she might not let me stay. I raised my eyebrow to draw her attention away from my body and to my face.

"Do you want to stay or not?" She growled at me.

I smiled. "Of course."

"Then behave," she grumbled. She stared at the bed, seemingly unwilling to close the distance. Her heart hammered and her breathing was shallow. She was nervous.

"I can leave and come back later tonight if you prefer, once you're already asleep," I teased. I wasn't really willing to do it, but if it made it easier for her I would.

"No, it's fine. I just can't believe how nervous I feel about this."

I watched as she curled herself up under the blanket. Once I saw she was comfortable I laid beside her, wrapping my arms around her and inhaling deeply of her scent. At that moment I couldn't understand how this could be anything but right.

She shifted slightly and laid her head on my chest, her breathing shallowed and her heart returned to normal. I was glad. It meant it was the situation that was making her nervous and not me.

"Tell me what you have been up to for the past seven years?" she asked.

_Would she really want to know? _I decided I would be honest with her in everything. It would be the only way I would ever deserve her back in my life. I laughed darkly, as the thoughts of what I had done for seven years crossed my mind. "It's not very interesting."

"Why not?"

I sighed. "I curled up in a ball in my room and didn't move. I didn't even hunt. Alice would bring things back to me when she sensed I was getting to the point where I might lose control. Carlisle didn't even bother to enrol me in school or get me any documents - no one outside the family even knew I existed. I was a ghost. But in the whole time I did nothing but suffer from the guilt and pain in everyone's thoughts and in my own. Every one of my family felt the absence of you, but none of them suffered as much as me." At least, that's what I'd thought at the time. "Except maybe Jasper, he was already under the weight of his own guilt and everyone else's, especially mine, was almost too much for him.

"Then about a year ago we moved here. Alice pushed me to enrol in school, to get on with life - for you and the memory of us. I hated her for it, for everything she said to me, but she only told me the truth. It was just truth that I wasn't willing to face. Since then I have been forced to face the outside world, but I felt dead inside. Until now..." I clutched her tightly to me. I felt tears falling against the material of my shirt and the smell of salt filled the air. "Bella?"

"Sorry, I just... didn't know. I guess the separation was hard on both of us."

"I'm so sorry for what I did to us." I wondered if I could ever really explain to her just how sorry I was, how I would take it all back in an instant if it was possible.

She shook her head slightly against me, no doubt to argue that it was for the best but I placed my fingers on her mouth to silence her. "I don't want to talk about it now. Can I just enjoy my one night with you?"

I started to stroke her hair and hum the melody which she inspired years ago. She started to cry against me again but her breathing fell into a more rhythmic pattern and before long she was asleep.

I couldn't even begin to describe how it felt holding her in my arms, breathing in her scent. Everything was right. This moment was perfect. I watched her sleep peacefully for most of the night, muttering in her sleep about June, and Jacob...and Harriett – whoever that was. Then she settled into a deep slumber and I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket again. I ignored it. Nothing was going to interrupt this night.

I traced the lines of Bella's sides gently through the silk that covered her and ran my fingers up her arms. I gently stroked her hair. I spent my time trying to get my fill of Bella before the morning came, which it did all too soon. The first rays of the sun filtered from behind her curtain and she started to stir. At first I thought she was waking because she was writhing around so much but she started to moan and her breath came in quick pants. I laughed quietly, wondering what she was dreaming about.

"Edward, I love you."

My laughter cut off as I froze. How badly I'd wanted to hear those words. I didn't care if she was asleep when they came, it didn't make them any less magical. I was caught up thinking about the beauty of those words on her lips and didn't feel Bella move until suddenly she was straddling me, her hands snaked into my hair and she was pressing her lips onto mine. Her actions were definitely not within the rules we had discussed the previous night.

"Bella?" I asked into her mouth as her lips moved against mine and my arms naturally wound up onto her back, rubbing over the top of the silk. I didn't want to push her away. She was making my body react in completely unfamiliar ways, but to say I was confused about what was happening was an understatement.

She opened her eyes a little and an exclamation dropped from her mouth. And then she was gone. She was across the other side of the room in a heartbeat. I was surprised she could move that fast without falling over.

"Oh my god. Edward, I'm so sorry."

I was frozen, trying to reconcile what had happened with what had been said. Suddenly I felt invincible and joyous. "Not that I'm complaining, but what was that?"

"That?" She took a deep breath to calm herself, a blush running across her cheek. "That was a mistake. I'm sorry."

I floated across the room in my own bubble of tranquillity, "Don't ever be sorry for telling me how you feel." I smiled at the memory of her body pressed against mine, and lust began to take over. "Or in this case - showing me."

Her blush burned a deeper red. "It was just a dream that spilled over when I woke. It was nothing."

Nothing she could say now could deflate me. "So you've been dreaming about me," I teased.

"That dream could have been about anyone."

I bent close to her ear, dreaming about sliding my tongue along her throat, and whispered, "It could have been. But it wasn't. You know it and I know it."

She shook her head slightly, dazed. "You can't know that. You don't know my thoughts."

"No, but you said my name moments before you attacked me." I kissed her cheek and left the room before I completely lost my self-control.

I stood leaning against the wall beside her bedroom door, breathing steadily - willing away my erection. She didn't see me as she stormed past, clothes in hand, into the bathroom. I thought about her in the shower, wet and glistening, the heat and moisture making her smell even sweeter. But those thoughts were not helping with my original plan. I decided I would try cooking her some breakfast instead. I knew the basics, and I was sure the putrid smell of human food cooking would drive away at least some of the indecent thoughts I was having right now.

I had bacon and eggs sizzling in the frying pan before long, quite pleased with myself for being able to provide for Bella in this way. I heard the bathroom door open and Bella walked straight to me in the kitchen. "You didn't have to do this."

"Nonsense. It's the least I can do after last night. You don't know how calming it was just to hold you again." I grinned widely. "And I'm not going to complain about this morning either."

She blushed hard again. "If you keep going on about it, I'm going to kick you out."

"Sorry. It's just...it was... wow!" I wasn't really repentant. I could think and talk about it for the rest of the day. And I would definitely be willing to re-enact it. Her whole dream if she wanted.

She smiled at me, but then sighed. "It still doesn't change anything."

She walked right behind me, her scent filling my mind.

"It does. It changes everything." I disagreed, _how could she not see that_?

She opened her mouth, not doubt to argue, but I held up my hand and shook my head to stop her. "Fine. I won't argue, yet, but why do you say that?"

"I know that you still love me. And you are happy to be around me, in certain situations at least," I qualified when I could see she was going to argue again. "I can take anything else that comes, so long as those two things remain true."

"How do you know I still love you?"

"You told me last night."

"I was sleeping."

"It still counts. You know many people believe that our dreams reveal what our subconscious really wants."

She burned even brighter red. I couldn't help but be amused, so I turned back to the pan so she wouldn't see my ungentlemanly smirk.

I was able to hear Alice's thoughts, she was just a few miles away and would be here soon. I decided to see if I could extend my visiting hours with Bella. "So are you coming up to my house?"

"I thought it was supposed to be for dinner?"

"No one will complain if you go up there earlier." I definitely wouldn't.

"I know. But I have things I need to do here."

"Like?"

"I need to set the lesson plans for next week."

I laughed. "You know, being a teacher isn't that much different from being a student."

She joined in with my laughter. "I know. Except I get to set the lesson plans to be what I want. And you have to do it."

She was right behind me, I wheeled around to talk to her and found myself off balance at our proximity. I reached my arms around her to steady myself, and the words slipped out reflexively. "I'll always do what you want."

I righted myself, dropped my arms and sighed. "I'm sorry. It's just easy to forget all that other stuff when I am near you."

"Yeah, I know. That's why it's not a good idea for us to be alone."

I nodded, the hope and joy I'd felt all morning suddenly drained away. I heard Alice turning into the driveway, so I slid the frying pan off the heat. "These are ready. I should probably go."

"But how are you going to get home, you can hardly run the whole way from here - there isn't any coverage."

"Alice will be here..." the door bell rang, "see."

"I hope she parked out the back? The neighbours will notice if one comes in and two come out."

I felt like rolling my eyes, you make one stupid mistake – okay scratch that I'd made a few of them lately. "Remember who you are talking to. Between Alice and I, we've got this covered."

"Are you two going to be alright?" I could tell she was referring to the strain that had been present on our relationship.

I thought about our conversations yesterday, we were back joking again. "I think we will be now."

I opened the door while Bella plated up her breakfast. Alice darted straight past me and pulled Bella into a giant hug.

"What was that for?" Bella asked.

"Just to say thank you." _For bringing my brother back from the dead and into my life again._

"For what?"

"Nothing." I could see Alice's vision, we were friends again, back the way we used to be before I hurt her by forcing her to leave Bella.

Bella looked over to me, but I just smiled and shook my head, she'd see soon enough.

She huffed a little. "Fine, if you don't want to tell me - don't. Now you two scoot. I will come up to your house mid-afternoon. I need some time to myself this morning."

Alice was upset that Bella wasn't coming now but I laughed. "She's got homework to do."

Bella stabbed her finger at me. "Just go."

Alice and I giggled as we made our way back to the car. Just before she reached the driver's door I pulled her into a hug. "Thank you again for everything."

She climbed into the seat and I raced around to the passenger side.

As we drove out of the driveway she chastised me, "If you're that grateful, maybe next time you'll answer the phone when I call."

"Sorry. I was...busy."

"I know. I knew you weren't going to answer it but a girl can always hope."

"So why were you calling? Is everything okay?"

"I was going to warn you about the attack."

"Attack? What attack? Is something going to happen to Bella." I almost ripped the car door off and ran back to Bella's.

Alice rolled her eyes. "Relax would you! Bella's attack... on you." She raised her eyebrow.

"Oh," I felt the smile on my lips, "Why would you warn me about that?"

"I didn't know how it would affect things. I thought it would make them worse but the future was unclear about it."

"Thanks for the thought Alice, but I wouldn't trade that attack for _anything_."

"Even if it's a once off?"

"Even then."

Silence fell over the car again.

"Alice?" I asked.

She rolled her eyes. "Bella will be at our house at 2:37."

"Thank-you."

I couldn't help the Cheshire smile that lit my face and it was all everyone thought about when we got home and I sat down on the couch and challenged Jasper to a game of MX vs ATV Reflex on the PS3. The whole family gathered to watch, except Carlisle and Esme who took advantage of the peace and quiet to disappear upstairs. I tried to block out their thoughts so they wouldn't distract me from the game, but they did some things that I was definitely interested to try with Bella. Even though I knew I never could.

Jasper growled at me. "It's bad enough when it's coming from upstairs, do you have to do it too?"

I read his thoughts and laughed, the lust in the house was becoming overwhelming for him. At least I wasn't the only distracted one as we played.

Emmett slapped his hand on my shoulder. "It's good to have you back, bro."

I didn't turn away from the game as I said, "It's good to be back."

**A/N: I told you this thing is writing itself. How the hell else do you explain rattling off a chapter in under 3 hours? I do have the advantage of copy and paste on some of the dialogue which helps but jeez – Edward just won't shut up! :P**

**He's really anxious for Forks, even though he knows Bella's going to suffer. **

**My darling 3 year old will be up any minute though so I am off to shower while I still have the chance. I hope to post another chapter later this afternoon\tonight but that depends on how said Miss3 is today :)**

**Stay good & thanks for the reviews! I really do love to hear what you think. My husband often shoots me surreptitious glances while I am at my laptop giggling my head off over something a reviewer has said. **

**And April Rane, I've had breakfast this morning – so you can use as many food analogies as you like ;)**


	6. Innocence Lost

**Chapter 6: Innocence lost**

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations. This is unbeta'd so apologies for any & all mistakes. Please take the time to leave some words if you really loved it or really hated it! _

_~ 0 ~_

The Wednesday of the week after we started back at school was Bella's birthday. I forbade Alice from organising a birthday party-after the disaster of the last one-so instead we took Bella out to the movies and for coffee. It was a little low key for Alice's liking, but Bella seemed to enjoy herself after she got over her initial trepidation. While we were in the movies, Rosalie put Bella's birthday presents in her car-unwrapped. Bella laughed loudly when she saw them. She was becoming much more gracious about accepting gifts, which was good because I knew Alice in particular planned to spoil her rotten in an attempt to make up for the time we had missed. I had given a photographer from Port Angeles the co-ordinates of our meadow and had him photograph it and print it onto a canvas as my gift. Bella recognised it immediately and at first I thought she was going to refuse it. But she obviously decided no one else would know the significance because the next time I was at her house it was hanging on a wall in her living room, in pride of place as soon as you walked into the room. I smiled at the sight of it. Emmett admitted she had asked him to help her hang it there as a surprise for me.

Being _friends _with Bella was... different. I had to constantly remind myself not to kiss her or hold her, they seemed like such natural things to do – like breathing. But, like breathing, I could avoid doing them if I tried hard enough; even if it left an uncomfortable ache in my chest. But surprisingly, being friends actually removed some of the intensity of our relationship.

I was constantly on the alert for thoughts that indicated anyone was suspicious of Bella's and my friendship but there was nothing, aside from June. Of course half the boys in school thought they were in love with her and the other half just used images of her as a tool for their own pleasure. It was a little difficult to deal with. The worst part was I couldn't help but imagine myself in their place, playing out those same scenarios in my mind. Jasper had a hard enough time dealing with the lust of the other boys but mine at home sent him over the edge. He and Alice spent a lot of time cooped up alone in their room each night after Bella left.

Besides having to contend with all the debauched thoughts of the boys in the school, the weekdays were relatively easy. I had an hour every day when I could just stare at her. I knew all the books we were studying, so I could answer any question she threw my way. Then she would come over to our house and have dinner, which Esme would usually cook although I spent the early part of many nights watching Food Network and helped out as well. I liked the fact I was looking after Bella in some small way. Occasionally, late at night, I would run to Bella's house, just to gaze at it from the road – I never once broke my promise and entered it.

Most weekends Bella would come to our house and then we would go shopping with Alice and Rosalie, or spend the day playing Xbox or PS3 with Emmett and Jasper.

The days slipped past quickly. I couldn't say it was the happiest time of my life-that was when I was _with _Bella-but it was definitely brighter than the years of darkness I had endured. Before I knew it a month had passed.

_~ 0 ~_

Tuesday the 9th of October was the day everything changed. Alice and I were planning the evening's festivities when her eyes glazed over and I watched the vision run through her mind.

_Charlie was lying in a hospital bed in Forks. His skin was a strange grey colour. He had all manner of cords and wires attaching him to an array of machines. Bella was sitting next to him clasping his hand and sobbing. _

"When Alice?" I asked urgently.

She replayed the memory again and again, trying to get a handle on the timing. "Soon. Maybe today. There is some inconsistency, something might happen to change the exact timing but the outcome is set."

"Is he going to make it?"

She closed her eyes. _I don't think so._

I closed my eyes too. I couldn't tell Bella that he would go if there was even a small possibility he would make it through.

Alice was talking again, her voice strained – she had been fond of Charlie, "I'll arrange tickets for the both of you to go as soon as possible. I'll keep everyone home from school and work until you are back. I'll get a bag packed for you and bring it down shortly."

"Thanks, Alice."

I ran straight to the Volvo and pulled out of our long drive. Alice rang while I was on the road and gave me the flight details. Once I arrived at Bella's house I charged straight out of my car and pounded on her door. "Bella! I need to speak to you."

I heard her heart pound as she woke to the hammering I was giving her door. She started speaking halfway down the hall and threw the front door open as she finished. "What is it?"

I pushed my way into the house, I couldn't have her breaking down in the front yard. And I knew she would break down when I told her the news I had. "Call the school. You need a few days off."

"What is it Edward?"

"Sit. I'll explain but I'll be busy packing for you so I need you to sit." I walked straight to her bedroom and started to push clothes into the bag I brought with me.

"What do you mean?"

_Why didn't she ever listen to me? _"Sit. You won't be able to hear this standing up."

She sat on the bed, her voice panicked when she spoke. "Edward, what is it? You're scaring me."

I tried to be as gentle as I could when telling her. "Bella, love, it's Charlie."

"What about him?" Her voice had no volume.

I continued to throw clothes into the bag, while I spoke to her. "He's going to have a heart attack. Later today. There's nothing we can do to stop it but I've got plane tickets and we are going to go to him."

Her body took over and she nodded slightly. "Is he..." she trailed off.

I stopped and knelt in front of her. "I don't know. Alice had the vision this morning and arranged the flights. She saw you crying over him in the hospital but she couldn't tell if he was alive..."

"Or dead?" she whispered.

I wanted to take her pain away. I didn't even think, I just wrapped my arms around her. _But that was allowed in friendship wasn't it? _I expected her to push me away, but instead her hands clutched onto my biceps and she pushed her face further into me. I felt tears soaking through my shirt and held her as she sobbed. I wanted to sit with her all day to comfort her, but we needed to keep moving. I stroked her hair gently. "We've got to go. Our flight leaves in two hours. You've got to get ready and arrange the time off."

She pulled back and stared at me intently. "_Our_ flight?"

"I'm coming with you," I said, leaving no room for argument. "Everyone else wanted to as well, but we couldn't risk it. As it is I will be spending the time in a hotel so that I don't get seen."

"But the school. They will notice that you and I are both away. I don't want any rumours to start."

"Don't worry. None of my family is going to school until you are back. Carlisle isn't going into work either. We're going to say that we went with you because Charlie was an old family friend."

She nodded and allowed me to help her to her feet and into the shower. I heard Alice pull up out the front. I went to the door to meet her. Her thoughts were all on Charlie and Bella as she silently passed me a suitcase, a carry-on and a printout of our flight booking before turning and leaving.

I entered the bathroom and left a change of clothes for Bella on the counter. I didn't know what more I could do for her now than just be around. I promised myself I would stick by her side as much as possible – which I knew would be difficult when we got to Forks because I would be stuck in the motel room.

I guided Bella out of the bathroom as soon as the door opened. I guided her into the kitchen and sat her at the dining room table. I passed her the phone and knelt beside her, gently rubbing her hand while she called the school. She told them Charlie had a heart attack last night and she needed to go back to Forks. I held out my hand expectantly for the phone but she took a deep breath and dialled another number.

I tried to keep my face impassive when I heard the voice answer, it was thick with sleep, and sounded older, but I recognised Jacob Black's voice immediately.

"Hello?"

Bella's voice was strained. "Jake, it's me. I need you to do me a favour."

"What now?" he snapped at her. I wanted to grab the phone off her and shout at him. How dare he speak to her like that, especially with what was going on now, not that he knew about that yet but it still took an effort to remain calm.

Whether from the anger in his voice or because the events had just caught up with her, Bella broke down again. Sobs wracked her entire body. I pulled her closer to me. Between sobs she managed to squeeze out, "It's Charlie."

That seemed to get Jacob's attention. "Bella, what is it - tell me."

"Alice...Alice had a vision... about..." Bella was past words.

I wrestled the phone off her gently and pulled her head into my shoulder. "Charlie is going to have a heart attack later this morning. I think Bella would like you to be there for him."

"What the hell are you doing at her house, bloodsucker? How _dare _you go anywhere near her after what you did. Do you know how broken she was after you left? And now what you come waltzing back into her life expecting nothing to be different. Well, guess what – it is different. Everything is different. For starters I know all about you and your _family_ and don't think I won't hunt you down if she comes to any harm because of you. I can't believe you had the gall to ever show back up in her fucking life. Why not just leave her alone?" He continued on with his string of abuse. As much as I wanted to interrupt and set him straight on a few issues and give him some back I felt my fingers in Bella's hair and I knew it wouldn't do any her any good for me to argue with Jacob now.

Finally he stopped his tiradet long enough to say, "Look, tell Bella that I'll look out for Charlie. Unlike _some people, _I never stopped looking out for her."

That was too much for me, he had hurt her just as much as I had, maybe more; at least I left for the right reasons, even if the decision was wrong. I controlled my temper as much as I could, but my voice still came out as a low growl, "Thank you, Jacob. I know Bella appreciates it. And Jacob, thank you for being there for her when I wasn't, but if you ever hurt her again..." Suddenly Bella's hand was wrapped around the phone in my hand and she was silently requesting it back.

Bella kept her forehead on my shoulder as she spoke, her voice was still heavy with tears, "Sorry, Jake. I know I ask so much of you but I just...I can't lose Charlie."

"I've got patrols for the next few hours. I'll check on him as soon as I can."

"Thank-you. I'll see you soon."

"What?" Shock infused Jacob's voice.

"I'm coming to Forks. As soon as I can get there."

"Are you bringing them with you? Cause if you do I'll have to pull back to the treaty lines," he growled. I seriously wanted to teach the boy some manners.

"No. Well, Edward is coming with me, but he's going to stay in the motel. He won't even hunt." I rubbed her back, glad she was so far gone that she didn't notice the stress in the set of my jaw.

"So you and Edward are back on again?"

"No."

I turned my face away from her so she couldn't see the pain that one word caused me. I knew we were just friends, and I was happy with it if it was my only option, but that didn't stop me wanting more.

"Good."

Bella growled at him and then hung up the phone. I grabbed the handset off her and quickly set it to divert to my house.

I stood and then wrapped my hand around her shoulders to help her stand. "Come on. We'd better get going so we can check in on time."

She nodded vaguely as I lead her outside and into my car. I returned quickly for our bags and then we set off for the airport.

Alice called just before we were due to get onto the plane. Bella sat staring unseeingly out the terminal windows while I took the call behind her.

"How is she?" Alice asked.

"About as good as can be expected I guess." I felt utterly lost in this experience, I couldn't remember the pain I felt when my parents were ill or even when they died.

"I've booked an Avis car for you, it will be waiting in Seattle. It's a Chevy Camaro so it should get you from Seattle to Forks fairly quickly. And I've booked a room at Olympic Suites Inn for you, that should be close enough to have Bella close to everyone but hopefully it's off the beaten track enough that no one will see you."

"Thanks, Alice."

"You know I'd do anything for Bella."

"I know."

"Change your shirt. I put a high collared one in your carry-on bag. There's a baseball cap and sunglasses in there too. That should help avoid anyone identifying you easily."

"You've thought of everything, haven't you Alice?"

"That's what you pay me for." She paused. "Keep her safe, Edward."

~ 0 ~

A little over six hours later, we stepped out of Seattle airport and into the rented car. Another half an hour, and we were halfway to Forks. It had been a little over nine hours since Alice's vision and Bella hadn't said one word besides her two short phone conversations. I was at a loss about what to say or what to do, so I just tried to convey to her silently that I was here for her, whatever the outcome.

My phone buzzed and Bella's eyes shot to it in horror. We both knew this would be the call she was both expecting and dreading.

I looked at the number. "Alice?"

"The hospital just called Bella's house. It's happened. He's there now." Alice's voice sounded dead.

Bella was chewing on her bottom lip and looked at me with tears glistening in her eyes, silently communicating with me. I nodded and she broke down again. I reached across the car and pulled her into me, the phone closed and forgotten. Alice would see and understand.

I drove straight to the hospital and dropped Bella near the front door. I gave her the second phone Alice had packed in my carry on. "My number is already programmed in there. You call – I'll come. Okay."

She nodded and then braced herself. Her inner-strength carrying her through the doors and beyond my help. The hospital staff would recognise me too easily. I drove to the hotel and checked in under Bella's name, glad I hadn't lost my power of persuasion during my years of darkness.

Once I had taken our luggage into the room, there was nothing I could do but sit and wait. I called Alice back but she couldn't tell me anything, except that the room would disappear in just over two hours. She'd explained her theory about the wolves when she'd realised why she'd missed so much of Bella's life, so we both assumed Jacob would be arriving then to comfort her. I didn't know how that made me feel. Conflicted was probably the best word. I was happy that she wouldn't be alone if anything happened, but jealous that he would be the one there for her. Him - the one who left her for _someone else_.

The two hours passed and then another half hour. Alice called again. All she said, through the wracking sobs in her chest was, "He's gone."

I hung up, anxious to keep the line open so Bella could contact me as soon as she was ready. I held the phone in my hand, staring as each minute ticked by on the clock on the front of it. Finally it rang, I stared at it for less than half a second before flicking it open and raising it to my ear.

"Bella?"

"No, it's me." Jacob's voice was gruff. I could tell he didn't want to make this call.

"How is she?" I didn't care about anything else in that moment. Just Bella.

"Not good, I've only ever seen her this broken once before."

I didn't ask, I could imagine when he meant. "Does she need me to come get her?"

"I'll bring her to you – where are you?"

"Olympic Suites Inn." I gave him the directions.

"Look, to be honest, I don't want to bring her there, but the way she is at the moment I'd do anything to help her."

"We might not be together anymore, but I still love her Jacob, with every fibre of my being. If I can ease her suffering in any way I will."

"And you promise me she'll be safe...with you?"

"If I hurt her in any way, I will allow you to finish me off personally."

"That's all I wanted to know." I could almost hear the challenge in his voice.

I waited in my same position, sitting on the edge of the bed, scanning the thoughts around me to detect Jacob's worry. As soon as it came into range I ran downstairs. I wanted Bella in my arms, to give her what comfort I could.

The second Jacob's car had come to rest, I had the passenger door open and had scooped Bella up, clutching her tightly to my chest and inhaling her scent. I felt her face press into the side of my neck. I'd never seen her so broken, although Jacob was comparing her suffering with the pain she'd fet when I left.

"That's not helping anyone, _Jacob,_" I hissed at him, trying not to disturb Bella in my arms.

"You don't like what's in my head?" he asked. "Then stay out of it."

"Please, can we not do this now?" I looked down at Bella's face. Her eyes were bright red and half-open but unfocused, her lips parted and dry, two red salty lines trailed down her face where her tears had flowed freely. She was the only thing that mattered.

"Later then," Jacob said, his voice full of a venomous promise.

"Later."

I walked up the stairs, carrying Bella in my arms the whole way. I shuffled her body so I was supporting it in one arm and pushed open the door. I gently laid her down on the bed. She curled tightly into herself, clutching her chest again in that unfamiliar way – as if she was trying to hold her insides in. I grabbed a face washer and softly wiped her face to get rid of the salt. Then I sat beside her and gently lifted her head and shoulders into my lap. She seemed to loosen her grip on herself a little, so I hoped I was helping. I stroked her hair. I still felt at a loss, not sure whether to speak or stay silent, so I just kept stroking her hair.

Four hours passed and she hadn't moved. I was starting to get worried. I pulled out the call and called Carlisle.

"How are you doing, Edward?" he asked.

"Bella's catatonic. I don't know what to do."

"It's probably just her mind's way of dealing with the pain. Just try to make sure she gets food and fluids as soon as possible, but don't force it. Water is the main thing. If she is still like this tomorrow take her to the hospital, they may need to put an IV in."

"Okay."

"But you already know all of this, Edward."

"I've only got a few years of theoretical knowledge, you have hundreds of years of practical experience."

"Trust your instincts. You'll know what Bella needs and you'll be able to tell if she's getting too dehydrated."

"Mmm-hmm."

"Trust me when I say you're the best placed to look after her. Keep her safe."

"Okay."

I had barely hung up the phone when it rang again. The number was the one I'd given to Bella.

"Hello?"

"It's Jake."

"Yes?"

"Is Bella there?"

"She's not really up to talking."

"Where is she?"

"She's right in front of me, but there's no change from when you dropped her off here."

He sighed. "I kind of expected that."

"Why?"

"Because last time she was like that for a... while."

I wondered how long a 'while' was but I didn't know if I really wanted to know – especially as I was the cause. "What can I do for you?"

"Renee is here from Florida, she's demanding to see Bella."

"Can you keep her away?"

"Not for long."

"Give her the room number, 24. If Bella is better when she comes then I'll leave it to Bella to decide what she wants to do."

"And if she's not? Renee won't just leave if she thinks something is wrong."

"Then I'll make sure reception knows that no one is to be allowed into the room."

"You can't keep Bella away from her mother."

"I don't intend to, but what do you think is going to happen if she sees Bella here alone the way she is? Who is she going to blame for that when you dropped her off, _Jake_."

I heard his jaw snap shut. I had him there.

"And I can't exactly invite her in either can I?"

"I guess not," he was seething. I couldn't help but feel a little pleased over my victory.

"What do you need for the funeral? I think we should start the arrangements without Bella, just in case."

"Sure, sure," he said dismissively.

"Let me know if there is anything you need me to do."

"Why don't you pop down to the florist and arrange the flowers?" he said sarcastically. _And the score is one all._

"Let me know if you need any assistance with the bills. I'm happy to cover any costs incurred." Okay so it was degenerating into a bit of a pissing contest, but I couldn't help myself.

"Trying to buy your way back into her life? Nice!"

"So how's your imprint going? You know the _child_ you hurt Bella over?"

"At least I had a reason for leaving."

"You know _nothing_ of my reasons or my motives."

"Then why don't you enlighten me?"

"Why is it any of your business?"

"Because Bella is my business. I still love her."

His honesty shocked me. "Me too."

He laughed a little. "Will you tell me?"

"Why is it important?"

"I nursed her through a broken heart for months. I'd like to know why."

I sighed. "I was worried that myself and my family would be a danger to her if we stayed in her life. I wanted her to be safe."

"So why are you back then?"

"Destiny."

He scoffed. "Destiny?"

"Yes. You of all people should believe in destiny. Isn't that how the imprint thing works?"

"Yeah, but how is you being back in Bella's life destiny?"

"You wouldn't believe me."

"Try me."

"Since the day I left Bella, I have struggled to exist. I never left the house, not even to hunt, then finally after six years my family had enough and forced me back to school. For whatever reason, I ended up at the same school as Bella. I have to believe that's destiny's way of giving me a second chance to be in her life."

"And what does you being in her life mean for her – you said you were worried you were a danger to her. How has that changed?"

"It hasn't, as such. We're no more or less a danger than we were when we left. But I've realised Bella is a magnet for dangerous creatures. I'd rather me and my family stand in their way. We all love Bella dearly."

He was silent. I stared down at Bella, her face still beautiful despite the ravaging her sorrow had wrought on her features. "Jake, just keep me informed will you? Keep the phone, that way I'll be able to contact you too."

"Okay, Edward. Leave the funeral to Renee and I."

"Thanks, but I meant what I said about helping cover the costs, even if it's just a loan." It felt strange ending the call on almost civil terms; with a werewolf; who had hurt Bella in the past.

I gently slid Bella off my lap and grabbed her some water. I tilted her head back a little and helped her to swallow. She was still beyond anything more than that simple action, but at least it meant I wouldn't need to take her to the hospital.

I continued to give her mouthfuls of water every half hour or so.

Another two hours passed, and I heard the thoughts of who I thought must be her mother coming up the stairs to our room. She banged on the door. "Bella?"

I gently rubbed Bella's face to see if I could get her attention.

Renee's voice came a little louder and her pounding a little more insistent. "Bella? Bella? Are you there?"

I whispered in Bella's ear, "Bella, your mother's here." There was still no response. I remembered I hadn't contacted the front desk to tell them not to let anyone in. If Renee went down there frantic enough, they might use their key to break in. I was trying to decide whether to ring down to the front desk now or not when my phone vibrated.

It was Alice. I had it at my ear instantly.

"I rang the desk earlier pretending to be Bella, they won't let Renee in yet. And Bella will be a little better tomorrow."

"Thank you," I breathed.

Renee banged on the door for another ten minutes before giving up and heading down to the front desk. I listened to her thoughts as she went down to talk to the front desk to try to get them to give her access. They told her they'd heard from Bella two hours ago and she'd asked not to be disturbed until the morning. I breathed a sigh of relief when Jacob called me an hour later to let me know that Renee had decided to give Bella her space until she was ready to talk.

I just had to be patient and give Bella her space to recover.

~ 0 ~

I sat with Bella the whole night, giving her a little bit more water at regular intervals. Another thirteen hours passed before she finally showed some sign of life. Unfortunately, that was just to fall asleep. I shifted her off my lap then and under the covers. I laid next to her, my face close to hers. I gave her a quick kiss on the cheek to let her know that I was there.

Just under four hours later, her eyes fluttered open and she seemed to be more focused on my face. I raised my fingers and stroked her cheek. I didn't know what she wanted me to do.

She shifted her hand slightly and relief washed over me, it was the first true movement she had made in over a day. She pushed her hand up further until it was in my hair. I moved my hands back into her hair, mirroring her movements to allow her to control what I did to comfort her. She cupped her hand into my hair and pulled against me while she pushed her face into mine. Suddenly her lips were on mine. It was the second time she'd kissed me as she'd woken from slumber. I couldn't be sure she wouldn't regret this one as much as the first. She pressed harder and harder until I was sure it must be hurting her. I pulled back. "No, Bella. Not like this."

The next words from her mouth and the look of desperation in her eyes told me that she was fully awake. "Please, Edward, I need you."

"No." It was physically painful to say no to her but I couldn't do it like this. Not as a result of her pain.

I saw her face fall and tears spring into her eyes.

I stroked her face gently. "Bella, I'm here for you. Always. But I know you will regret this later. Remember we're only supposed to be friends."

For a moment, I wondered if I had somehow magically borrowed Jasper's gift because I could feel how badly she needed closeness. I shifted my body closer to her, closing every gap between us. The electricity crackled in the air between us. I reached my hand behind her head and pressed it gently into my chest. Her breathing hitched and then she started to sob. I ran my fingers through her hair and down the length of her back. Slowly the sobs started to subside. I kissed the top of her head.

She shifted herself so that her face was nuzzled into the crook of my neck. Her warm breath sent shivers down my spine. Then she started to press her lips onto my throat, again and again. Each one heated my skin more. I was torn between what I knew we were supposed to be doing and what I wanted-what Bella said she wanted.

Her hands reached into my pants and pulled my shirt out, her finger ran fire trails up my sides and around my stomach.

"Bella!" I growled. I was still trying to resist, but it was next to impossible with her fingers on my skin.

She pulled away from me and I thought she was giving up, realising that I was right when I said it would be more difficult in the long run. I didn't know which one I wanted more anymore.

Her eyes were thick with unshed tears but her need and lust were unmistakable. "Please?" she begged.

I shifted my head slightly to look into her eyes, and suddenly her mouth was on mine again and her fingers were running up my chest. The shivers were greater now. Her touch burned deep into my skin, down to my bones. I was so aroused I didn't know if it was possible to stop but I had to try one more time. I cupped my hand around her head and pulled back from her, her face fell with rejection as I whispered, "Are you sure this is what you want?"

"I need to know I'm still alive. Life is far, far too short."

That was all I needed, and resistance was impossible. I pushed back on her lips and lost all the control over my emotions. I couldn't hide anything from her anymore. I rolled over, taking her with me until she was pressed underneath me into the bed. A tiny part of my brain whispered that this wasn't right, for all the reasons I told her but also because she wasn't my wife yet, I wasn't raised to have one night stands in motel rooms. But that part was beaten to death quickly by the rest of my body which was just chanting Bella's name again and again. She looked so beautiful and fragile underneath me and her eyes were telling me how much she wanted this. Her fingers deftly twisted around each of my buttons and before I knew it my shirt was hanging open. I raised off Bella long enough to shake it off. Her fingernails raked up the length of my back, I wondered if she realised just how much that small pressure affected me. I had never felt emotions and feelings as intense as I was feeling at her touch.

She twisted her fingers into my hair, giving it a gentle tug and wrapped her legs around me, futilely attempting to lock me into her. I would have been able to escape her grasp easily, but I didn't want to. I wanted to give her every part of myself and take every part of her in return. Her lips danced across mine and I wanted more. I wanted to check one last time, although I truthfully I didn't want to stop. I needed her desperately now. "You're positive about this?"

She said nothing, just pulled my face back into hers. I growled against her as my need became too much to bear. I had to have her, to possess her. She was going to be mine. "I've wanted you so much, Bella. Ever since that kiss when I stayed over your house."

"Me too, Edward," she said before pausing. Then she seemed to have an internal debate and whispered, "I love you."

I looked at her, I had no idea what the expression on my face was. All I knew was I was floating in heaven. She had just freely told me she loved me; not while she was asleep or felt under duress. I had never experienced the level of joy I currently felt. It was all the sweeter for having known the darkness. And it only made me want her more, if that was even possible.

I unbuttoned her shirt, running my fingers slowly along the centre of her chest as I went. I wanted to show her how much she meant to me. She was my angel and saviour. My world was only complete when she was in it. After her buttons were undone, I brushed the material aside. I couldn't breathe, it was a physical impossibility as I took in her perfection. I wanted to know how she tasted underneath her shirt. I moved my lips against her chest and swirled my tongue around in small circles. Her scent was so much richer this close to her heart, with nothing to dilute it, but although the fire in my throat was burning more fiercely than it ever had, there were more immediate desires that burned more intently. Nothing had ever taken precedence over the thirst before.

I pushed my fingers into one of the cups of her bra. I gasped as I felt her nipple rub against my finger tips. It hardened immediately to my touch. I rubbed it softly between my finger, the texture was so unlike the rest of her skin. It fascinated me. I watched the shudders of pleasure that ran through her body as I tweaked it and circled my fingers around it.

I pulled my fingers back, desperate for her to be free of the garment. I pushed my hands around to her back and smiled when she arched her back to allow my fingers room to move. I didn't think two little hooks would be so difficult to undo, but my fingers twisted around them ineptly, having never done it before. Eventually I managed to unhook them and pulled her up into a seated position. I slid her shirt off her arms and removed her bra completely. I took a few seconds to stare at her perfect body and her ivory skin, with a red flush of arousal passing over it heating it further than usual. Two flawless mounds rested on her chest, each topped by an erect, perfect, pink tip, calling me in, begging to be in my mouth. She leaned back into my arms, and I bore the weight of her easily. By leaning back she gave me more access to her neck, shoulders and breasts. I just wanted to mount an expedition and explore every inch of her skin.

I pressed my face into her neck, kissing and running my tongue along the length of it and then moved to her collarbone. But her chest kept calling me in. I shifted her weight so that I was holding her up with one arm. The other burned as it ran across her heated skin. I reached up and grasped her entire breast into my hand. It was the perfect fit, as if she had been made precisely for me. I kneaded my hand gently around her, and twisted her nipples between my thumb and forefinger. She groaned and writhed beneath me.

"You are so beautiful, Bella," I whispered to her.

I pushed my hand onto her back and into her hair. I fisted my hand behind her head and pulled her lips back to mine. I captured her lower lip between my lips and dragged it between them. She parted her mouth and I wanted nothing more than to force my tongue between her lips. There was only one thing stopping me-my venom. It wouldn't get into her bloodstream through her stomach, but if she had the smallest cut in her mouth it could start to work through her.

I had to ask. It meant risking frightening her away, but the call of the open, soft cavern of her mouth was too much for me to resist. I whispered softly into her neck, "I'm going to ask you a strange question, but I need you to answer honestly,"

She nodded against me, and another shiver ran down her spine. I loved the fact that I was the one giving her such intense pleasure.

_Here goes nothing._ "Do you have any cuts, or sores in your mouth? Bitten your cheek anything like that?"

She laughed at me. _Never the reaction I expect._

"I'm serious, Bella."

She stopped laughing and shook her head. That was my permission, I clutched her hair as tightly as I dared in my hand and pressed my lips to her hers. She parted her lips again and I pressed my tongue forward, entering into her mouth and exhaling all the breath in my lungs at the same time. I explored every warm inch with my tongue and she bucked her hips against me, sending a thrill through my erection. Her tongue pressed into mine. I had never had an experience like this before. _How could I even compare the sensations that were dancing around in my head? _I had seen other people's thoughts on this of course-even though I tried hard to tune them out-but nothing could compare to actually experiencing the firing of all of my synapses at once. Pleasure ran through every cell in my body and I wanted to crush Bella against me, and press hard into her.

Her breath came in desperate pants and I pulled away, worried that she might be about to pass out. I dropped her gently back down onto the bed and restarted kissing her shoulders and collarbone. Then I finally submitted to the call of her breasts, running my tongue across her nipples one at a time before sucking one of them into my mouth.

She squirmed underneath me and moaned for me. Her hands brushed over my hair, then down my chest and stomach and rested on the button of my pants. She unbuttoned them, and my body screamed _go, go, go._ I raised my mouth off her breasts for a second, "Are you sure?"

She panted up at me between shudders and squirms, "I've never been more sure about anything."

I pressed my tongue into her mouth again as I pushed my pants off. There was nothing covering me now besides a thin piece of satin. I leaned my body into her, feeling myself pressing against the warmth of her centre. Her hand moved around my back and I felt her thumb slip down between my boxers and my skin. She bunched her hand into a fist, pulling my boxers even tighter against my erection and my body even tighter against her.

Every muscle on my body was tensed, coiled as if ready to spring. Flickering and twitching regularly. She pulled her face back from me and then trailed kisses down the side of her neck and I began to pant, desperation struck me. She kissed my collarbone and I hummed against her. She ran her hand in a large circle on my chest and down the line of my stomach before rubbing the back of her hand along my straining erection. I grunted, and tried to articulate what I was feeling, "That's...just..." I felt my eyes roll with pleasure and my voice cut off. I couldn't explain it with words.

She quickly undid and slid out of her own jeans and panties. I felt my eyes widen when I realised she was lying in front of me. Naked. Perfect.

"It's okay," Bella whispered to me in an assuring tone. She pressed her lips against my chin and I felt myself being tugged towards her by an invisible force. Her hands moved across me again and she pushed off my boxers. Suddenly, I realised I couldn't do this, I had never done it. I was going to be bad at it and Bella would be disappointed in me. I knew that we only had tonight. I knew that when we went to Fairfield, she would want to go back to a casual friendship but now she was going to go back to that with the memory of how bad I was in her head. I froze.

"Roll over," she whispered in my ear and pushed me gently, moving herself around. I had two choices, comply or run. Either one could end with Bella's disappointment. I turned and lay beside her on the bed. She slung one leg over me and I ran my fingers up her side. My previous worries gone. How could this be anything less than perfect when Bella was involved?

She sat on my stomach briefly, she was warm and wet against me. I wanted to grab her hip and ram her onto me, but I waited patiently for her to move and it didn't take long. She pressed her mouth back to mine and her body naturally arched out along the length of mine. She enveloped me into her and I gasped as the warmth surrounded me. My body shivered. She raised herself off me a little and slid again, issuing a deep guttural groan that made my body respond. I couldn't help the chuckle that escaped my lips, I had lost all control over my body. She flexed her hips and lowered again, shifting the angle so I went even deeper and I groaned myself. My hands found their way to her hips and I started to guide her up and down, forward and back.

Looking over her body, with her chest heaving with her deep breaths, I couldn't resist telling her how I felt. "Bella, you're perfect." I whispered, "You are so beautiful."

I wanted to possess more of her so I flipped her over in one swift motion and pressed further into her. Her warmth and wetness surrounded every fraction of my erection and I pounded harder and harder into her. I built up a rhythm, slow and steady, pressing deeper into her. She groaned and bucked against me, finding another couple of fractions of inches of length. Before I knew what was happening, she clutched at my back and screamed against me. I felt her orgasm all around me and it sent me tipping over the edge.

I fell against her, gulping down deep breaths of air, tainted with her scent. Which was a big mistake. Now that my desperate aching had been fulfilled, the hunger-the thirst-was back as the dominant desire. Her blood was pumping hard and fast around her body and I could smell the endorphins racing through her system, it was like throwing petrol on the fire in my throat. I imagined for a brief second what it would feel like to sink my teeth into her neck and draw deeply, allowing her blood to run over the fire, soothing it as it flowed down the back of my throat. If it was anyone other than Bella, I wouldn't have been able to control myself, but I knew what life was like without her in it. And then she was only absent – not dead. I pulled myself off her a little and tried to get some mouthfuls of clean air, but everything smelled of Bella.

"What's wrong?" She asked, sounding concerned.

"You just smell so good," I said and turned back towards her. Her eyes widened with fright at whatever was on my face. She dropped all of her limbs to the bed and froze.

"In a good way or a bad way?" she asked tentatively.

I managed another few breaths and listened to her heart rate start to steady out. I pushed the monster within me back down. Once I was sure I had gathered control I chucked. "Both. Always both."

I kissed her mouth again slowly, to show her that it was all right; that I could contain the monster; that I could never hurt her. Then I curled in beside her and pulled her into me, humming her lullaby to help her back to sleep. Once she was asleep, I stood and pulled my boxers back on, before dressing her carefully in a pair of pyjamas that I had packed for her. I wrapped the blanket tightly around her and curled into bed beside her.

As much as I wanted to protect her from it, the reality of the last few days would hit her again when she woke up.

~ 0 ~

**A/N – ok, sorry this took so long to get up (I was planning on posting it much earlier this evening not at nearly midnight), but in my defence this is really two chapters long, but I knew I would be shot & hung if I cut this bit in half and didn't give you their night in Forks. **

**The other reason was the title is relevant to both events, Bella's loss of innocence. When she loses Charlie, there is always that sense that your parents will be there to protect you whether you are 3 or 33 and so I think you retain a small amount of child-like innocence when it comes to parents. And of course Edward's loss of innocence is pretty obvious. So I wanted both events in the one chapter but didn't want to skim over the gory details which everyone seems to love so much :)**


	7. Goodbye

**Chapter 7: Goodbye **

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations. Please take the time to leave some words if you really loved it or really hated it! _

_~ 0 ~_

I watched while Bella slept, glad that it appeared to be a more natural sleep this time. She mumbled and called for Charlie a lot, butfor the most part was peaceful. I wrapped her tightly in my arms so she'd be as comforted as possible.

She slept for just under twelve hours. As the morning warmed a little, I climbed underneath the blanket with her to keep her a cooler. She shifted her head so that it was on my chest and I was instantly blessed and cursed with a fresh helping of her warm scent. As she woke, I stroked my hand up and down her arm to let her know I was there for her. After I saw she was completely awake, I asked, "How are you feeling, love?"

"Sad."

I didn't know if that was a good or bad thing, but I guess at least she was feeling something and was not comatose any more. I pulled her tightly into me again, wrapping my arms tightly around her.

"Edward? About last night. I'm sorry."

I knew this conversation was coming. And I knew how it had to go. I'd known it as soon as she had thrown herself at me but I didn't want her to live with any regret about it. "Don't be."

"You know..."

I interrupted her, I knew what she was going to say. "I know. It doesn't change anything. I know when we return to Fairfield, I will have to go back to hiding everything I feel for you."

I felt her face nodding against my chest, I could feel the wetness around her eyes.

"I'm not sorry though," I told her. That was the one thing I wanted her to know. I wouldn't change what happened for anything.

"Me neither. Not really."

I smiled. I was glad she didn't seem to regret it too much. Our moment was lost when her stomach growled angrily. Her body seemed to be ready to start functioning again at least.

"How long was I out for?" She asked me.

I decided to go with honesty. I didn't want her to realise that she'd lost a day later on. "Well, you were catatonic for almost a full day. Then you finally slept for around four hours, then well...last night, and then you slept for another 12 hours."

"So it's been a few days since I left Fairfield?"

"Yes, love. But the funeral is the day after tomorrow so we'll stick around until then."

She nodded. "Who organised it?"

"Jacob. And Renee arrived from Jacksonville and helped him. She came by here but you didn't notice her knocking and, well, I could hardly answer the door. Jacob has my number though and is keeping me informed." Well, maybe I wasn't going with complete honesty. I knew she'd be upset if I told her about the five thousand dollars I had Alice transfer to Jacob's account to organise the funeral.

"Thank you," she said, catching me off-guard.

"For what?"

"For being here with me. I don't know how I would have coped without you."

"You would have." I began stroking her hair again. She always doubted her inner-strength but I could see how much it carried her through. I think it was the reason she fell back in on herself when utterly devastated.

She laughed darkly at me. "Don't be so sure about that."

She'd caught me off-guard again. "What do you mean?"

"Well, when you left I was completely unresponsive for a full week and then I felt numb for months."

That must have been the 'while' that Jacob spoke about. A week. I'd hurt her so badly she was like she was yesterday for a _week_. I hated myself more in that instant than in the entire seven years I was without her. I wrapped my arms tightly around her and debated never letting go again for any reason. "I'll never forgive myself for doing that. I still can't believe what it has cost us."

She put her hand on my chest and pushed herself off me a little her eyes seeking mine. "The sad thing is, we probably would have ended up here anyway. How long do you honestly think I could get away with having a seventeen year old boyfriend? Especially if I had still gone into teaching. Realistically, it was doomed before it began."

I knew she was right. There was never a way we could have had a normal relationship with her as a human. I'd realised that a long time ago. Friendship yes, maybe we could do that, but not what we had. It made me feel like she was trying to pull even further away from me and a strangled cry left my mouth before I could gather some control over myself. But my control wasn't absolute, because the next words fell out before I had processed their meanings and implications. "Sometimes, in my most selfish moments, I wonder if I would have been better off letting the venom spread when you were attacked by James."

She didn't move or speak for a while, I looked down at her and her features were deep in thought. Finally she spoke. "I don't know. Part of me agrees with you but I look at what I have achieved, finishing college and working and I wonder if I would have been sad eventually if I had missed all that."

And that was the killer part. She had to give up so much to stay with me, but we couldn't be apart either.

Her stomach growled again. It was a sharp reminder that she hadn't eaten in almost 48 hours. I knew she had to leave to get food. There was none in the room and I couldn't risk leaving it.

I sighed. "I don't want to let this moment go. I feel like if I let you out of my arms now, I'll never be whole again."

"I know, but we still have tomorrow," she whispered. It warmed my heart, until I remembered why we would still be there tomorrow. Charlie's funeral. I climbed out of bed and walked around to help her out of bed, I knew she would be weak from lack of food for the past two days. I paused as I noticed her tracing her hands across her body. She was sitting on the edge of her bed, slowly twisting each limb over and back, tracing her eyes and fingers along the length of them. It looked like she was trying to be very subtle about the motions but I couldn't understand what she was doing. I'd never seen anything like it before.

"What are you doing, Bella?"

She looked up at me with a sheepish grin on her face than she laughed. It made me more confused, but a tad worried as well.

"Bella?"

She shook her head.

I was in front of her, I needed to know what she was doing, and why. "Tell me what you're doing, please?"

"Fine. If you must know, I'm checking for bruises."

_Oh my God, I'd hurt her? _I felt sickened. I'd considered my venom before kissing her, but the fact that I might hurt her never crossed my mind in my excitement, "Did I hurt you?"

"No. I just... well... I have some experience with people with superhuman strength and bruises aren't out of the question."

I wondered what Jacob had done to her. Did he ever stop hurting her? All the charitable thoughts and amicability I had been feeling toward him flew out the window. "That mongrel mutt."

"Edward, no, it's not like that. I just bruise easily. He never physically hurt me, not really. I just knew how you would react if you saw bruises after last night so I wanted to see what the damage was before you had a chance."

"I didn't even stop to think. I used to worry about it so much, but last night I just got carried away."

"It's okay. Obviously if you didn't hurt me despite being caught up in the moment there was nothing to worry about. See, I'm fine!"

She stood and I heard her blood pressure plummet. I caught her as she fell towards the floor. I raised my eyebrow at her. "You were saying?"

She laughed. The sound was magical, it told me she would get through this.

"That I'm famished."

I felt my face fall at the renewed realisation that she needed to leave.

"What's wrong?"she asked, running her finger over the lines on my face.

"Well, there's no food in here, and they don't do room service. That means you have to leave. I don't want you to go."

She moved her fingers along the side on my mouth, comforting me. I felt selfish – she'd just lost her father and yet she was comforting me.

"I'll be back. I need to eat, and I need to see Renee. But I'll be back tonight and then I promise you my undivided attention."

I kissed me and passed her the keys to the rental car. She swept out of the room and my life grew black again.

~ 0 ~

An hour after Bella left, a courier arrived. I checked through the peephole and listened to his thoughts. I didn't recognise him, so I opened the door. He had a white box addressed to me from Alice. I signed for it before pulling the lid off. Inside was a black dress for Bella. For the funeral. It was a painful reminder that I couldn't stand alongside her on the hardest day of her life. I left the box beside me on the bed where I sat anxiously awaiting Bella's return.

Finally, hours later, I heard the hire car roar coming up the drive. I heard Bella's weary steps coming up the stairs and had the door open before she could reach for it. I pulled her into me and straight onto the couch. I clutched her tightly into my chest. She seemed almost as bad as she had been yesterday before she shook off the worst of her sorrow. Her face turned into my neck. Her breathing and heartbeat were erratic. I felt them slowly calm into a more natural pattern.

"How'd it go?" I asked her when she'd calmed a bit.

I felt her shrug against me.

"Did you want to talk about it?"

She shook her head.

I noticed that she had a sandwich clutched to her chest. Service station sandwiches – I felt bad that I wasn't looking after her better. I shifted her off my lap, put the sandwich into the mini-bar fridge in the room before sitting back down and pulling her into my lap again. I hummed her lullaby, but she didn't seem willing or able to sleep. We sat like that for an hour before I stood, carrying her in my arms over to the bed. I pulled the covers back and laid her underneath. I moved the box with her dress from the bed to the dresser.

"What's that?" she asked me.

"Alice sent it up via courier. It's a dress for you for tomorrow. I didn't pack any acceptable clothing for you. I didn't think..." I didn't think past bringing her down here, and despite what Alice had told me, I couldn't face the fact that she would lose him. She patted the bed next to her. I laid down beside her, we turned to face each other. We stayed like that for a while before she finally succumbed to sleep, but by no means peace. She thrashed around, sweaty and hot, calling for Charlie and screaming. I tried to calm her as best as possible, stroking her face and whispering in her ear. Finally at around five in the morning, she fell into a deep slumber. I knew she had to be in Port Angeles by eleven for the funeral but I wanted to let her sleep now that she was finally resting.

I finally woke her at nine, shaking her gently. "Bella. It's time to get up, love."

"How long did I sleep?"

"Too long, but I just couldn't wake you, not while you were so peaceful."

She looked confused.

"You were very fitful most of the night, crying out for your dad. You finally settled a few hours ago. I wanted to leave you as long as possible."

"Thank you."

I started the shower for her while she sat on the end of the bed, tentatively chewing the sandwich she'd bought yesterday. I helped her into the bathroom and into the shower, she had a slightly dead look in her eyes. I hated that it was there. And I hated that I couldn't help her more, by being there beside her.

While she was under the shower I called Jacob.

"Hello?"

"It's Edward, I'm going to drive Bella to Port Angeles today."

"I thought we'd agreed I would take her?"

"I'm sorry, Jacob. I just don't think I can let her out of my sight the way she is right now. Can you just meet her at the cemetery instead?"

"What about the risk?"

"It's minimal. I won't leave the car and I will dress in clothes that cover my face as much as possible but I need to do this. Please?"

"It matters that much to you?" He sounded surprised.

"Yes. It does."

"Okay then, I'll meet you there."

"Thank you."

I heard the shower shut off and raced into the bathroom to help her dry off. She was becoming a shell. Retreating deep into herself again. I helped her into her dress. It was a simple black shift that had a high waist and flowing skirt that fell just below her knee. It had a tie attached to the sides which could be secured around the front or the back. I tied it into a loose knot on her back. Alice had also sent a simple fascinator with a small black veil. She tied her hair back into a loose ponytail and secured the fascinator.

I dressed in black jeans and a black hooded jumper – something Alice had packed, which surprised me because she usually banned them from my wardrobe. I grabbed her purse, my sunglasses and baseball cap before opening the motel room door.

She shot me a slightly quizzical look.

"I'm going to drive you down today."

She shook her head. "No, it's too risky."

"I don't care, Bella. I can't let you drive, not like this. I'll park far enough away and pay attention to all the thoughts around me. It'll be alright."

I walked her down to the car, pulling open her door for her. I pushed the sunglasses onto my face, put the baseball cap on and then slid the hood over the top.

I heard her giggle slightly.

I felt relief at her laughter and smiled at her. "Well, do you think they'll recognise me?"

She shook her head slightly.

"Come on, love, we'd better go or we'll be late."

We'd left with enough time for me to drive at the speed limit to Port Angeles. I hated driving that slow, but I also didn't want to stress Bella.

As we were driving she turned to me. "It's all my fault you know."

"What do you mean, love?"

"I didn't tell you, the doctor told me that the other officers said Charlie was shouting something about giant wolves before he collapsed. If I hadn't asked Jacob..." she broke off in tears. I clutched her hand in mine, rubbing small circles with my fingers.

"Bella, don't do this to yourself, love. When Alice had the vision she told me the outcome was set, but not the cause. It wouldn't have mattered whether the cause was Jacob or something else, the same thing would have happened."

"But you said Alice couldn't tell if he..."

"Bella, I'm sorry. Alice told me she didn't think he would make it. I just couldn't tell you there was no hope if there was even a tiny amount. I couldn't face the reality of you losing him." And suddenly it was her rubbing small circles into my palm to comfort me. I pressed my lips quickly onto her hand.

"Thank you again for being here with me."

"Is it wrong to say it's my pleasure?"

She smiled sadly. "No, not when I know what you mean."

I put my arm around her shoulder. We drove the rest of the way in silence.

As we approached the cemetery, I heard Jacob's thoughts. He had found a perfect place for me to park. It was up high on a hill overlooking the plot. I'd be able to see everything, but it was far enough away that no one would be able to see my face. I drove up to the place he was thinking about and then helped Bella out of the car.

Jacob pointed out the place the funeral would take place. I kissed Bella on the cheek.

"I'll be right here if you need me."

She nodded, tears already staining her face. Jacob took her hand and they walked down to say goodbye. As the day proceeded, Bella broke further and further down until she was only supported by Jacob's arms clutching her tightly. And there was nothing I could do but watch and wait while another man comforted my girl.

After it was finished, he led her back up to me. Her face was red and tear-strained. Her nose runny and her lips were dry and pale. I clutched onto her tightly.

"The wake is going to be at Charlie's old house in an hour if you're feeling up to it Bells."

She nodded against me but then she shook her head.

After Jacob left, Bella and I stood on the hill wrapped in each other's arms for at least half an hour. When I pulled her face back from me I noticed some of her colour had returned and her eyes were a little less puffy. I felt relieved again that I could be such a calming influence.

"Can I go say goodbye again? With you this time," she whispered to me.

Everyone else was halfway back to Forks by now.

"Of course, if that's what you want."

She nodded and sniffed. We walked back down to the plot hand in hand. The grave was now covered over with fresh dirt, the diggers just moving off. Bella stood near the head of the grave and held my hand.

"Dad, I wanted to say thank you for giving me the opportunity to live you with in Forks. It gave me so much happiness. I want you to know that because sometimes I wonder if you only saw the bad things. Edward leaving and Jake leaving. And you never understood either of those heartbreaks because I could never tell you the truth about them.

"I want you to know that I always loved you, even when I was being stubborn and refused to come down to Forks anymore when I was little. It was never because of you. I'm sorry that I didn't get to spend more time with you."

She sobbed a little then wrapped her hand around my waist. "Dad, I'm sure you remember Edward. And I know you probably don't approve of what is happening between us now, but I want you to know that he cares about me very deeply. And I think you would approve of that. He will always be there for me. No matter what else happens, I will always be able to rely on him." She gave me a small smile.

I nodded. "I promise I'll always be there for her, sir."

She nuzzled into me again.

"Did you want to go to the wake, love?" I asked.

She shook her head. "I've said all I wanted to."

I drove her back to the motel. She changed into some pyjamas. We were flying out first thing in the morning so it was our last night together. We laid on the bed side by side and she told me stories of Charlie until she fell asleep with a smile on her face.

She slept much more peacefully that night.

The next morning she woke in a melancholy mood that had nothing to do with Charlie. This was it. In a few short hours we would be back in Fairfield and it would as if nothing had happened in our motel room. After we'd packed up our bags, I decided I wanted to give her one more parting gift.

I traced my hands up her neck and into her hair, gently guiding her face into mine. I started slowly at first, softly moving my lips against hers, waiting for her to comply or resist. She complied, so I ran my tongue slowly around her lips, requesting access. She knew the rule now about my venom so I would rely on her to stop me if she thought there was a danger. I felt her lips part and her breath came in a longing sigh as I pushed my tongue inside her mouth, moving it slowly, passionately against hers. She hummed into me and clutched me tightly. Her hips started to rock forwards and backwards to their own rhythm as my tongue swirled slowly around her mouth. She sucked deeply on my tongue, causing me an instant erection and brought to mind thoughts about what else would feel good plunged into the warm depth of her mouth, but I shut down those thoughts quickly. This was not a seduction...it was a goodbye.

I slowly pulled back from her, first withdrawing my tongue then lessening the pressure of my lips. As I moved toward the end of the kiss, the tears started to flow from Bella's eyes - she realised what this was. Something to remember _us _by. The salty rivers ran down her cheeks and into our mouths, adding an extra complexity to her already divine taste. Eventually my lips dragged slowly across hers for the last time. I rested my forehead on hers and whispered goodbye.

~ 0 ~

**A/N - Is it really sad that I've got tears running down my cheeks picturing their 'goodbye' kiss even though I know where this ends up? **

**I wanted to extend this scene in EPOV because he was 'there' for it. Bella was a bit out of it, a bit too dazed to really comprehend and absorb the situation. Also - sorry if my representation of a funeral isn't very accurate (I know I didn't go into much detail of the actual event but the details of what/when etc) but I've been very very blessed to have never lost a loved one so I have never been to a funeral in all my 27 years. And Charlie is buried in Port Angeles because apparently there is no cemetery in Forks, having never been there I have to take Google's word for it.**


	8. Visions of Trouble

**Chapter 8: Visions of trouble**

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations. Please take the time to leave some words if you really loved it or really hated it! _

~0 ~

My hand ran up the length of Bella's smooth thigh. Her skin felt like warmed silk under my fingers. I continued to push my hand higher, exploring, searching for unchartered territory. I pushed up over her hip and across her stomach. It paused momentarily as it reached her breast, trailing around in a lazy circle and gently massaging for a few precious seconds before my hand restarted its journey. It brushed the length of her collarbone and along the planes of her neck. My tongue itched to follow the same path up along her body. When my hand reached her face she smiled up at me. I brushed my fingers across her lips and she pressed her tongue out slightly against them, a reminder of the warm, wet entrance there. My body longed to survey every part of her, and excavate deep into every delicious wet crevasse; To learn the unique taste of every square inch of her body. I gazed at her. My goddess. She was lying beneath me completely naked, waiting for me to complete her. I leaned my face in towards hers…

"Mr Cullen?" The voice of Mr Williams, my physics teacher, called me out of my fantasy.

I pulled the answer he was expecting out of his mind, "3000 pounds." I glanced at the board and realised I probably could have worked it out for myself just as quickly.

"Good. Nice to know you were paying attention after all."

I gave him a polite smile but inside I was in turmoil. I thought I could do this. I thought I had prepared for just friendship with Bella but I was starting to realise that there were some things that it was impossible to prepare for. Despite spending the night together in Forks, I really thought I would be able to return to Fairfield and just be her friend, but my head was constantly filled with thoughts of the feel of her skin under my fingers and the taste of her on my tongue. Although if that were the only problem, I may have been able to cope.

The bigger problem was that in the four weeks since we had returned from Fairfield, Bella had slowly but steadily pulled away from me and my family. It was just a number of little things at first. She stopped smiling at me in the classroom, although at first I put that down to grief and guilt over Charlie. Then she stopped coming up to our house as often, only once every three nights or four nights, never for more than an hour and she usually spent the better part of that time locked away with Alice or Rosalie; which annoyed me, because I felt it was their fault she wasn't coming around as often-because there was a marked reduction in her visits after their little 'idea'. I'd spent one afternoon at Bella's with Emmett and Jasper during the week we first arrived back. Alice took advantage of my absence to orchestrate a master plan with Esme and Rosalie which resulted in Bella and I finding ourselves side-by-side on the couch watching the end of Pride and Prejudice completely alone. As soon as she realised we were alone, Bella jumped up uncomfortably and made an excuse to leave.

I began to worry that she did in fact regret what we had done in Forks, but I had no idea how to help her-help us-get back to being friends. Especially when every time I looked at her I felt stirrings in me that I never knew existed. I'd heard about sex, seen it on TV and in movies, even experienced it in other people's thoughts no matter how much I tried to tune it out, but none of that could prepare me even in a small way for the staggering magnificence of the physical act. And I knew what we had done was a very small sampler of what we could do, which made it harder to give up. Especially knowing I would never experience it again because I had no interest in doing it with anyone other than Bella and I knew the boundaries there. I had no interest in causing more problems for Bella.

I left the classroom quickly after physics ended. I was four doors down from Bella's classroom. I needed to go in the other direction for my next lesson, the last of the day, but I couldn't resist the chance to get once more glimpse of Bella. I vacillated for a second, but my decision was made when I noticed the door was currently open. I walked past and saw Bella cleaning off the black board, reaching right to the top of the board where one of the students had been writing. Her arm was extended high and made her shirt rise off her stomach and afforded me a view of the creamy skin there, my eye trailed up higher to her breast that swayed just a little underneath the cotton of her shirt, held in place by the confines of the bra she was wearing. She was standing on her tiptoes to get to the last bit of writing at the very top but couldn't quite reach. I walked in, risking her ire, to help her out.

"Allow me?" I asked, putting my hand out for the duster. I quickly dusted off the board and passed it back to her, casting her a grin. She smiled tentatively back at me.

"Are we alright?" I asked her.

She looked away for a minute. "Yeah, sure."

"_Miss Swan_," I said, "I need to know if I've done something wrong. It just seems you're avoiding me."

"Not deliberately, I just… I don't know, I guess I'm not sure how to act around you anymore. It's harder than I thought."

_You're telling me. _I couldn't even think how _hard _it was at the moment_._ I nodded. "Are you coming up to see my family tonight?"

She smiled. "No. I've got a staff meeting on so I'll be here late. Maybe tomorrow?"

"Everyone would like that." _Everyone_ being me. I turned and walked back out of the classroom. I didn't want to start any rumours.

As I walked out of the classroom one of the other student's came up to me. "So you know Miss Swan well then?"

"Well enough," I said through clenched teeth. I did not need the images he was giving me - especially when he got the details all wrong. She was much more perfect than his thoughts.

"She is _f-ine_," He made the word two syllables and a fresh wave of images flooded into his mind.

I pressed my nails into my palm to try to distract me from the desire to kill the boy. "I wouldn't know, she's an old family friend so I don't think of her like that." I thought about how easy it would be right now to reach out and kill him. A quick flick of my wrist and he would never be able to think of my Bella like that again, but I knew that wouldn't fix anything, it wasn't like this boy was the only one who thought those kind of things about her.

"Oh, c'mon man. Just look at that..."

"Edward! There you are." Alice darted around the corner her eyes flicking to me and her hand wrapping around mine. She pulled me away quickly.

"That close?" I asked.

She nodded. "'Fraid so."

She led me to my next classroom and delivered me to the door. I suffered through the last hour of school, thankfully away from the worst of the thoughts.

~ 0 ~

Hours later, I was sitting on the couch while Jasper and Emmett watched a ballgame. Alice was wrapped around Jasper's waist, spinning into the future for random visions. It was something she liked to do for entertainment; seeing how far into the future she could get. My head snapped up when I saw one of them.

"What was that?" I asked Alice.

"Nothing," she said quickly – too quickly.

"Please show me again?" I implored her, I needed to know if I had seen right or was seeing things.

"You won't like it."

"Try me."

She called up the vision. _Bella stood in our guest bathroom, looking into the mirror, Alice and I were with her. Her skin was pale white, her eyes a blazing red. My mouth fell slack. _

"I told you you wouldn't like it."

I shook my head to clear the image. That wasn't going to happen. That couldn't happen. Could it? Another vision filled Alice's head. _Bella at our front door in tears. "Edward, I can't do this anymore, it's too hard. Can you and your family please leave?"_ My heart ripped in two and a pained howl escaped my lips, "No!"

"It's alright," Alice said, patting my knee to comfort me. "That one was a random thought, it's not going to happen."

I breathed a sigh of relief, but then another vision came to Alice. _Bella in her kitchen on the phone. Tears running freely down her face. She shook her head. "It's just so hard."_

_I wasn't used to not being able to hear the other side of the conversation. _

"_Being here... so close and not being able to take comfort from the one person I need it from?"_

_She breathed deeply. "Edward."_

"_I know." She wailed down the phone._

_"Well, I need him... so much. It hurts, Jake. So badly. But I'm his teacher."_

I didn't hesitate or wait to see if the vision was real, or even wait for it to finish. All I knew was that Bella was in pain. I needed to see her. I ran as fast as I could, exerting every reserve I had. As soon as I arrived at her house, I heard her finishing up a phone call. I knocked softly on the door. It swung open to reveal Bella swathed in a halo of light. She didn't even hesitate before she threw herself into my arms. I caught her enthusiastically.

"I've missed you," she whispered.

"Me too," I said before kissing the top of her head, breathing deeply of her scent.

We stood in our embrace on the front doorstep for over half an hour, completely lost in one another and not needing to say a word. The only sound was Bella's breathing and heartbeat, and the occasional sniff as she battled to stop my tears again. It felt so right. Maybe that was why Alice had the vision, it would be so easy to ask her-no to beg her-to allow me to change her. But I thought of her going through that pain, I thought about her losing her soul and my resolve faltered again. I couldn't do it. I couldn't damn her to this existence.

Eventually she pulled away from me, I anticipated her next words but they still hurt. "You shouldn't have come, Edward."

"I know, but Alice got a vision of you and you were so sad. I didn't even stop to think when I saw it, I just ran from the house."

"Thanks."

I cupped her chin with my finger. "Are you going to be all right now?"

"I don't know if things will ever be all right again."

I nodded. How well did I know that, wasn't it what I worried about earlier that day. I touched her lips softly with mine for less than a second, then I let her go and left. Leaving the entire contents of my chest with her.

I couldn't find any speed, I walked slowly to the road. Then I heard a whispered word behind me that froze me to the spot.

"Wait."

I turned back ever so slowly to look at her. She walked over to me, before sliding her fingers around the back of my neck. Then her mouth was on mine and before I realised what was happening her tongue was sliding around inside my mouth. I panicked, unable to concentrate on anything else but not hurting her. Alice's vision screamed at me from inside my head. _Was this how it happened? _The sensation of her tongue running along the inside of my lips was too diffiult to refuse. I pushed my tongue against hers to guide it away from my teeth. And then I was lost in the sensation, nothing else existed, the world was dark and Bella was the only source of light. Her body pressed into me, and my hands acted of their own accord to wrap around her and pull her even closer. I was dangerously close to losing it, throwing her down on the road and ravishing her. That was when she pulled away.

"I'm sorry, Edward... I just couldn't let you go without doing that."

I walked home in a daze, not able to go faster than human speed.

~ 0 ~

The next morning I was at school early, eager to see Bella again. Alice had told me she would oversleep and be there a few minutes late so I went straight to her classroom, ready for when she would arrive. Class was due to start when Alice giggled, I saw the vision she had too. _Bella running into Mrs Davis and sprawling on the concrete in a swarm of paperwork_. My teeth snapped shut.

"Relax," Alice said, "She's not hurt. I'll go help her."

I nodded, then I watched through Alice's thoughts. Bella walked towards Alice, but spun to say something to June and lost her footing again. Alice was already there gathering up Bella's paperwork. I was in Alice's thoughts when the vision started._ Mrs Davis walking into Mr Anders' office and handing him some envelopes. He flicked through them and noticed one was different from the others, not an internal envelope. He opened the flap, which wasn't sealed. _It felt like my heart was in my throat as I recognised the envelope I had given to Bella. I knew what was going to slide out of that envelope. I raced from the room. "When Alice?"

"It's happening now."

My worst fears were confirmed. Bella was going to lose everything and it was all my fault. I turned to Bella, "I'm so sorry, Bella."

I heard her heart start to thump. She spoke softly, her voice lost all volume, "Renee?"

I shook my head. "No, it's nothing to do with Renee."

"Then what?"

I grabbed her hands. "When you collided with June this morning you dropped something and she thought it was hers and picked it up. She gave it to the principal with the other envelopes for him."

"So?"

I needed her to understand this next part. "It was the envelope I gave you."

She gasped for breath and looked in danger of passing out. I wanted to wrap her in my arms and protect her from everything that was coming, but it would only make things worse.

I started to gather up all the paperwork on the floor while Alice gathered up Bella. As I walked into the classroom I heard Alice talking to her in a calming voice, "Bella. I need you to calm down. We'll figure out a way through this. But right now you need to go into the classroom and pretend that nothing is wrong, can you do that?"

I put everything onto her desk and then took a minute to calm myself down, none of the kids in the classroom seemed aware of much, other than the fact that Bella was running late. Bella and Alice entered the classroom with Bella lookin much more in control than she had a few seconds earlier. I could still tell something was off, I just hoped no one else in the room would notice.

Most of the students didn't realise Bella was slightly off her game, but one did. Cain. He was the only male in this class that I felt some charitable feelings towards. He was convinced he was in love with Bella-like all the other boys-but he never viewed her as a sex object. His thoughts were always above board about her. He noticed her slightly flustered attitude, and the slightly dead look in her eyes. He felt protective of her, wanting to save her from whatever had caused her to change.

After I had assess that Bella was alright and was sure that none of the students, aside from Cain, noticed anything unusual about her I leaned into Alice.

"What's going to happen now?"

She pulled up a vision. _Bella in the principal's office._ _Mr Anders was talking to her. "We had a complaint from one of your neighbours last night, apparently they saw a student enter your property last night before leaving a little over a half hour later."_

_Bella gasped, and I cursed under my breath. How had I missed that? There was no doubt in my mind now that I was solely responsible for anything that happened after this. It was all my fault._

_Mr Anders' continued when Bella didn't speak. "And then this morning we were sent an envelope anonymously that seems to back up the complaint. We are working on the assumption that you are carrying on an affair with a student at this school. Do you understand?"_

_I saw her nod and then a strange look of crossed her features – relief. I didn't understand._

_"Do you have anything to say about these charges?"_

_She shook her head, looking again like she would break down at any minute. _

_"I need to stress to you how serious this matter is. Our board of trustees is very strict about this type of behaviour. You will be stood down without pay pending an investigation. If these allegations are proven correct we will unfortunately be forced to pass the information across to the police and you may be charged."_

_Bella nodded again and then stood and spoke with an unnatural calm, "Is that all, sir?"_

Alice's vision swung again. _Bella sitting in her car, leaning over the steering wheel, screaming at it. She looked so totally despondent. _

"And there's nothing we can do?"

Alice shook her head.

"Will Bella be alight?"

_I don't know Edward, I can't see. There are too many decisions._ I was about to ask her another question when a new vision filled her head, but she quickly stopped it. My jaw fell open at what I'd seen.

_Sorry, I try not to pry when those visions come. I don't want to see it._ I wasn't surprised, in the quick glimpse I had seen I had Bella pinned against her bedroom door, my hand dragging up along her stomach, pulling up her blouse.

I tried to steady my breathing. "Do they come often?"

_No. _

"But then why now? Nothing's changed."

_Actually everything's changed_

"How?"

_Bella's worst fear has come true without justification. _

"So?"

_What's the point in denying yourselves anymore_.

She had a point. A very valid point. Suddenly my hand was back running up Bella's thigh in my mind and I was glad I was the only mind reader in the family.

~ 0 ~

**A/N – Just wanted to let you know I am on Twitter if you want to follow or harass me :) mpg82**


	9. If you've done the time

**Chapter 9: If you've done the time...**

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations. This is unbeta'd so apologies for any & all mistakes. Please take the time to leave some words if you really loved it or really hated it! _

I had to leave Alice to drive Bella to our house. It would not help the situation for me to be seen alone in a car with her. To be honest, it would not help _my_ situation to be alone in a car with her. With all the fantasies I'd been having about her lately I think it would be a big test for my self-control to be alone with her. But like Alice had pointed it, we were already doing the time....

I left school after second period, just as Alice's vision came to fruition. I gathered Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper. The only one not surprised by events was Jasper because Alice had informed him of the situation so he could give Bella some emotional assistance. Carlisle and Esme ran out in surprise when we arrived.

"What is it? What's happening?" Carlisle asked in his assured voice.

"It's Bella," I said.

"What about her, do I need to go to the hospital?"

I laughed once that his mind went immediately to her having hurt herself, but then I fell serious again, "No. The school have a photo of Bella and I from Forks. They think that it is evidence of a student/teacher affair." I couldn't help the images that burst into my mind when I said the word affair. I needed to focus. For Bella.

"That's hardly enough proof to warrant anything."

I hung my head, "They have a witness that saw us kissing."

"Edward!" Esme's voice held mainly shock but there was a tinge of relief. When I read her thoughts I almost laughed, she was glad we were finally admitting it wasn't over between us.

"It was an accident."

"Dude, how do you accidentally kiss someone?" Emmett laughed.

"You better not stuff her life up again," Rosalie hissed.

"Enough," I said, "Look, I'm not trying to stuff anyone's life up. I have been trying, very hard, to just be friends with Bella but it's next to impossible."

"So you had to kiss her?"

"No, actually, _Rosalie_, she kissed me."

"Sweet!" Emmett roared, slapping me on the back. If the situation wasn't so serious I might have smiled smugly.

"So what do we do?" Carlisle asked.

"I think we need to leave. But I also think it should be Bella's decision, it's her career after all."

Everyone nodded their agreement. The home phone rang. It was either the hospital or the school, they were the only ones that had the number.

"Hello, this is Carlisle Cullen?"

"Mr Cullen, it's Mr Anders' here, the principal for Fairfield High School. I'm afraid I have some disturbing information to discuss with you. I was wondering if you would be free tomorrow to come in to discuss it?"

"Certainly, can you enlighten me as to the nature of the information we'll be discussing?"

"Unfortunately it is school policy not to discuss such things over the phone. But we'll be speaking with your son Edward too."

"Okay. I hope it is nothing too serious. What time would you like me in?"

"Is ten o'clock alright with you?"

"See you at ten."

"That means Bella must be almost on her way home now." As if on cue I heard Bella's car turn onto the driveway. I walked out to meet them at the car, offering my hand to help Bella out. Her eyes were red and filled with unshed tears. I wanted to wrap her up protectively but I wasn't sure if she was up for the 'already done the time' experience I was imagining.

Once we were inside Bella murmured, "What do we do?"

I answered immediately, "We leave." I tried to implore her with my eyes to understand that I meant her as well. I wasn't going anywhere without her. Not anymore.

Bella shook her head, "We can't. If we leave all together it will be all the confirmation the gossips of this town need."

"So, let them gossip." Emmett replied.

"No, that's not what Bella means." Alice said quietly.

I saw the vision Alice was having. _Photographers were stationed outside our house, no matter what city we went to. The photo of Bella and I was on the front page of every newspaper. People who had known us from places we had left in the last 30 years asking questions. The Volturi becoming involved because the situation was too out of hand. The death and destruction of every single member of my family. Bella being drained personally by Aro. _I could never let Bella know the full extent of the horror that would occur from us leaving. I was sure she guessed the first part. The second, much worse, part she had no way of knowing.

"What aren't you three sharing?" Jasper asked, he could obviously sense my panic.

"I've seen this happen a few times before. Not exactly this situation obviously, but student teacher affairs. Without fail, the ones that had a level of assumed guilt faired far worse," Bella said.

Emmett looked confused, "So?"

"The gossips in the case I am talking about started a campaign against the teacher. They plastered photos and video of the teacher and the student everyone. All over the local newspapers, the national papers picked it up from there. The particular case I'm talking about happened about 18 months ago."

"I remember that," Esme whispered in horror, "We can't let that happen." Oh if only she knew the real danger. I looked meaningfully at Alice.

_I won't tell if you don't_. I raised my eyes to the ceiling and then to the floor.

Rosalie looked between Esme and Bella.

Bella explained her argument more, "Even though there was never any physical proof and the teacher was never prosecuted the photos made it into every national newspaper. I have no doubt that photo of Edward and I would somehow get into the hands of the media if we flee. There is a potential for every town you have lived in for the last ten or so years to see a photo of Edward, not a day older than when he left."

Rosalie started to argue but I shook my head, trying to let her know that it was much worse than Bella thought.

"What are our other options?" Esme asked.

"We stay," Bella said determinedly. "We deny."

"But anyone can see there is chemistry between you two." Jasper pointed out.

"You more than most," Bella smiled at him. "I'm sorry I didn't consider how we must be affecting you."

I knew just how much we were 'affecting' him and he wasn't complaining. It gave him and Alice a boost to their sex lives – not that those two rabbits needed one. Alice tittered, her thoughts pretty much matching my own.

"Oh, he hasn't been suffering from it. In fact he's found a very good outlet for it," she giggled. Jasper and Alice grinned at each other sheepishly.

I was provided with an onslaught of images of the two of them together. I imagined Bella and I in their place and almost lost control, "Okay that's not helping. So if we stay what happens?"

Alice's visions swung in circle around an uncertain future, "There are still too many options. I know if we leave it will be bad for us."

Bella interrupted her, "I won't leave and make things harder on you."

Alice nodded, "If we stay it might come down to how good a liar Bella can be."

Everyone groaned. It was no secret how bad a liar Bella was. She flushed brightly.

"I can give you lessons," I volunteered. Lying lessons. I remembered what happened the last time I lied, she had believed me so easily, and muttered, "We all know just how good a liar I am."

Now that we were all decided on staying Alice's visions stopped swinging quite so wildly. They were still uncertain though, "I think it will work out okay. Bella, you may still lose your job – I can't see that outcome – but I don't think there will be any danger of our secret being exposed."

_I hate this Edward_ she thought to me, _I feel like I'm asking her to choose between us and her job because I can't explain to her that is her job or everyone's life_.

I wished I could communicate back and let her know that I knew what she meant. But Bella didn't look upset, or accusing so I figured it was probably alright.

"Did you want to go home Bella?" I asked. "I can drive you down if you like?"

She looked pained when she replied, "No. I think we need to go back to how it was before Forks happened. I'll come up here as often as I can, but I don't think you and I should be at my place alone."

"Still, I want to know you get home safe."

"Alice can drive me." She said.

I wanted to be there for her. This was the worst part of the situation, I wanted nothing more than to comfort her, well okay a little bit more than that, but I couldn't even do that.

Bella softened, "Why don't you bring your car down and give Alice a lift home."

Alice scoffed. Everyone knew it would be dark enough that she could run home.

Jasper read my emotions and wanted to help out, "I'll drive down to bring Alice home." _That way you can hide in the car and stay the night._

I couldn't help the smile that crossed my face, a night with Bella again, even if I could do nothing more than hold her it would be heaven. "It's up to Bella," I said.

"What is?" She asked, plainly confused.

"Jasper thinks you should start your lying lessons ASAP. He thinks I should come down with him but stay hidden. I can move in stealth you know." I flashed her a grin full of hidden promises, if she wanted them.

"So to the neighbours Alice will drive me home and Jasper will pick her up?"

"And I'll be there for you for the rest of today and all of tonight. We don't know when you might be called in to discuss this further."

Bella nodded and my heart soared.

*****

Half an hour later Bella was out the front saying goodbye to Alice and Jasper. I had ran straight from the car to the backdoor, walking in the shadows and paying extra care to listen to the thoughts around me. Alice had unlocked the door for me as she shut all the blinds and I slipped in unnoticed. I knew if my heart could still beat it would be banging out a tattoo. I had listened carefully to Alice's thoughts as she and Bella drove down. Bella was deep in thought and Alice's vision kept flicking to the one she'd had of Bella and I, me pressing her into the wall. The vision kept coming and Alice kept tuning it out, not wanting to see the two of us like that. But I wanted to. Jasper punched me from the front seat when my lust reached a peak.

"Blame your wife – she's the one giving me the images," I laughed.

He turned back to glare at me – he thought I was thinking of Alice that way. I felt like a bucket of cold water had been thrown over me. If I didn't make myself clear in about three seconds I just might lose a limb. I grinned at him, "She keeps getting a vision... of Bella and I. Tonight."

"Ah, I see," he said as he turned back to the road.

So I found myself waiting in Bella's living room with baited breath. I heard Alice's Porsche pull off down the street. It would only be seconds now before Bella came into the house. I spent those seconds trying to figure out the best way to approach the subject with Bella. Despite Alice's vision I still had doubts that it was what she wanted. I heard her pause outside the door and take a deep breath. The door swung open and Bella stood there, grinning widely at me. I couldn't help but smile in response. She turned and closed the door behind her. When she turned back her smile was a little more nervous. Her heart was stammering the way I imagined mine might if it were beating.

"So, how do we do this?" She asked.

I wondered whether it was just my overactive imagination that made me hear the layer of sexual innuendo in her voice. I decided to test it out. "First you have to hold eye contact. Looking away is the first sign of an incompetent liar."

She met my eyes and didn't turn away. Her cheeks turned the beautiful rose colour that I loved so much. The colour she needed to try to avoid if she was going to get away with lying.

She took a deep breath, I watched as it made her chest rise towards me. She still had the slight blush but her eyes seemed to be dark with lust. I decided it was worth the risk to try. To see if she wants more.

"Now lie to me," I commanded.

"About what?"

I couldn't stop myself now, "Do you want me?"

"No." She held my eye but her cheeks flushed red. Her breathing sped a little and her voice was high and shaky. She was such a bad liar.

I took a step closer, allowing her scent to fill me up, "You'll have to do better than that – you weren't very convincing." A smile played on my lips as I asked the question again, "Do you want me?"

"No," She still held my eyes, there was less of a blush this time. Her voice remained more in control.

I took another step towards her, I was inches from her now. Her scent reached into the back of my mind and made my body react like any other man. "Better, but still not completely believable." I leant my face down to hers, tracing my lips along her ears as I breathed, "Do you want me?"

She shivered and her breathing became ragged. I felt myself straining for her. I moved my face to kiss her cheek but she twisted her head at the same time and our lips connected instead. I breathed out, unable to contain myself anymore. I felt like I was coming apart at the scenes. A month's worth of longing and desire poured into her. I slid my tongue along her bottom lip, tasting her. She shuddered against me. I pressed my lips into hers and she captured my bottom lip between her teeth, raking them along the inside. The sensation was amazing. I groaned as it became too much, I forced my tongue into her mouth, devouring her taste. I could feel each of her individual tastebuds sliding across my tongue, thousands of points of contact, each one a different taste and a different sensation. I was lost in enjoying the feeling when her hands snaked around my head and twisted into my hair, pulling me even further into her. I felt like I could sink into her. My hands acted of their own accord to run around her waist and then down onto her bottom. I dipped a little to capture her thighs in my hands and then I pulled her up onto me, wrapping her legs around my waist, so I was supporting her weight. She locked her legs into place, confirming that she wasn't willing to let go either.

I walked towards her bedroom, feeling Bella rubbing over my groin with each step, her bottom balanced perfectly in my hands. The sensation was almost enough to make me lose it right then, but I refused. My body would listen to me tonight. And tonight it was about Bella, about worshiping and exploring her. When we reached the end of the hall I found her door was shut. I pressed her against it and my resolve almost faltered. It would be so easy to tear the seams of her jeans and just ram myself deep inside her repeatedly. I refused to release her mouth and she mewed against me. I knew I needed to take this slower for her. For both of us. As much as I craved a release after a month of sexual frustration, I craved Bella more. I reluctantly shifted my hand off her glorious curves and felt for the door handle. I didn't realise I was still pressing into her so hard until the door fell against the wall under our combined weight with a resounding thud. I worried she might be upset that I was damaging her house but she just burst out laughing.

I decided to take advantage of my mouth's new found freedom. I slithered my tongue along the length of her neck. She moaned loudly and dropped her head back against the door. My free hand ran from the door handle and onto her waist, pulling loose her blouse. I pushed that up onto her stomach. Then I pushed her gently back against the door so her weight was being supported between the door and my hips. I moved my other hand along the same path on the other side. I pushed the material higher and higher until it was at her head, and then over her head. Finally she was free of it completely. I greedily looked over her unspoiled skin and felt the urgent possessive need fill me again. I put my hands on either side of her face and pulled her back to my lips.

Bella's hands steadily made their way down the buttons on my shirt. Once all the buttons were undone I dropped my hands from her face and shook off my shirts, leaving my tongue firmly lodged in her mouth the whole while. My hands sprung back up to their former position on her face for a few seconds before they decided to go exploring. The moved of their own accord along the sides of her neck, moving in perfect symmetry. Once they hit her collarbone they splayed out and ran across to her shoulders. As they passed over the skin they felt the elastic strap of Bella's bra. I pushed one of her straps down and kissed the skin it had been resting on.

I grabbed Bella's hips again and secured her against me again, before carrying her across to the bed. I debated lying her down and leaning in over her but I didn't know how long my resolve would remain. I wanted to worship her. I decided it would be better for my self control for now to have her on top. Right before we reached the bed I turned so that I was sitting on the bed and Bella was sitting in my lap. I could feel her body pressing on me. I craved her.

She put her hands on my shoulders and applied the lightest pressure – but I knew her intention. I allowed her to press me into the mattress. After I was lying, she moved her hands to rest on the mattress on either side of my head. Her body was lying across mine, warm and inviting. She looked deep into my eyes, "I love you."

"Now _that_ I do believe."

She laughed, "Yeah, but it doesn't count because it wasn't a lie."

I laughed with her but it became too much as Bella bounced up and down against me. I groaned out of desire. My hands roamed from her hips up the length of her waist, onto her back and wrapped around her bra. I knew how to do it this time and less than a second later I felt the clasp release and the bra fell forward off Bella's chest. It was almost my undoing but again I managed to roll back the emotions, the desire. I wrapped my fingers into the straps to pull it off her arms completely. I threw it in the general direction of our shirts. My arms pushed up along her back towards her body, and up into her hair. I fisted them at the base of her skull and pulled with ever so slight force, opening her throat up to me. The smell that was released was overpowering but resistible. I pressed my lips to the centre of her throat in defiance of the monster. I wanted to demonstrate how in control of that part of me I was. Her body warmed even further against me. I dropped my hands back to her waist, kneading softly at her skin through her jeans.

She started to pull herself off me but before I had time to panic she trailed kisses down my neck. The she pressed her tongue against me and I could again feel every individual tastebud pressing against me. Thousands of points of contact, each one burning itself into the memory of my skin. She trailed lower and my skin burned. She circled her tongue around my stomach and I almost exploded. I wondered whether tonight would be the death of me. Could I handle anymore of this exquisite torture. My fingers trailed along her skin as she moved, up her waist, along the side of her chest, through her hair. Suddenly she was standing over me, staring at me with unbridled passion in her eyes.

I stared up at her, standing bare to the waist. I couldn't imagine a more flawless being. She started to lean back over me and I thought she was going to kiss me again but instead she put her mouth to my ear. "I want you to turn me," she whispered.

I froze.

That's not what she really wanted was it? I couldn't be. She must have been trying to lie again. I managed to unlock enough to gently grab her shoulders and push her off of me. I stared into her eyes and across her face. It was hard to see the indicators that she was lying under the red flush of anticipation that covered her whole body. But I couldn't see a hint of a lie in her eyes.

"It looks like you're getting it now," I said and pulled her back into me to kiss her again.

She pulled back from me immediately, "What?"

"Well, I would have believed that."

"It's true." she whispered. Hurt flooding over her features. She wrapped her arms tightly around her chest – that gesture that was becoming familiar now, it was her reaction to pain. She sat on the bed next to me with her legs tucked tightly into her chest.

I sat up and wrapped my arms around her, pressing my face into the back of her neck. I was beyond confused, "I didn't think you wanted that anymore? You said you were happy that you got to go to college and have your career."

She relaxed the hold she had on herself a little so I gently tugged at her arms to release them the rest of the way.

"I know I did. But my career is probably done anyway. And I don't want it anymore if it means I can't be with you."

Did I want this for her? Yes, and no. My mind started to race with the different arguments for and against until my body screamed at it to stop. Bella sat inches from me, half-naked. There were things I wanted to do to her before she needed to sleep. I licked the back of her neck, her skin flushed, heart jumped and a shiver ran down her spine, all at once. I chuckled to myself. Then whispered against her ear, "Can we discuss this later? I was enjoying myself before."

I gently pulled her earlobe between my lips and sucked a little. She relaxed fully as she moaned with pleasure.

"Now, where were we?" I asked jokingly as I pulled her onto my lap. I wrapped her arms around my neck one at a time, running my fingers along the heated lengths as I went. She smiled an angelic smile at me before kissing my lips. She trailed small kisses from my lips to my neck. I let my head fall backwards a little to grant her access to it. She nuzzled her face in close to me and then bit my neck, raking her teeth along it. I felt the sensation deep in my loins. I couldn't help the purring sound that fell naturally from my throat.

"That's new," Bella laughed.

I couldn't answer with words. I was beyond crazed for her right now. Beyond words.

She clasped her hands together and pulled herself down backwards onto the bed. Dragging me with her as if with new found strength. I felt my body warm as it pressed against hers. But her skin seemed to do the opposite. Her already erect nipples clenched even tighter and goose-bumps appeared on every inch of her skin. If I kept going she was going to get hypothermia. But how could I stop. I decided there was only one satisfactory course of action.

"I'll be back," I whispered to her, disappearing before she could argue. I raced to her living room and turned up the thermostat. Before she could even finish her breath I was back above her, undoing her jeans. As I peeled back the denim I couldn't resist planting small kisses over her whole stomach.

"Mmm," Bella murmured, her hand running through my hair, "Where'd you go."

I wondered what she'd think of my response. I chuckled, "Just turning the heat up, you look a little chilly and, well, it was either turn up the heat or stop." As I was talking I wrapped my fingers around her jeans and her panties. In one swift motion they were both gone and it Bella was the goddess of my visions.

"Good choice," she growled.

"Thought you'd agree."

"There's just one problem now." She said, smiling wickedly at me.

"What's that?" I asked

"These!" She said, tugging at the waist of my jeans.

"That's an easy problem to fix though," I laughed, pulling them down and off. All that remained between us now was my satin boxers. She seemed to realise that too.

She pulled herself up into a sitting position while I stood at the end of the bed in front of her.

"Stay still," she commanded. My body listened without argument. She splayed her hands on my stomach, her wrists together and her palms and fingers facing out. She pushed on them with a forceful pressure and I felt I simmering fire burning deep inside underneath my skin. As she applied pressure she forced her hands out and down towards my bum and into my boxer shorts. It one smooth motion her hands met behind my back as she pushed the boxer shorts down and claimed me into her mouth.

Holy fuck!

I looked down at my beautiful angel as her mouth wrapped around the contours of my erection. Her tongue danced around the tip in slow agonizing circles. I wanted to grab her hair in my hand and force myself deeper into that precious cavern but I resisted, it would be too dangerous, the risk was too great that I might hurt her. She smiled knowingly at whatever expression she could see on my face. She sucked harder, pulling me deeper and deeper until I was completely surrounded by her warm mouth. As the burning in my groin strengthened and deepened, I gripped onto the bedpost for support and felt the metal bend under my grip. Keeping my hands off Bella was definitely the smart move in this second. She shifted her hands back around to my front, stroking small circles on my stomach with one and cupping me with the other, her fingers clenching and tightening around them. She may not have thought she was shifting them but I could feel the gentle pressure through my whole body.

"Bella, stop."

She did, but kept her mouth wrapped around my tip.

"I'm going to come if you keep that up," I whispered and she smiled broadly. Then a cheeky glint entered into her eyes and she slowly and deliberately sucked me back into her, never breaking eye contact. I shuddered. She pulled back off me, dragging her teeth along my length as she went.

"But the venom?"

She sucked me back in again, drawing me right to the back of her throat and that was it. I couldn't hold it anymore. I released hard and fast into her. I had to concentrate extra hard to stay upright and to not clench her shoulder as I released again. She continued to suck until I was completely spent. Then she drew back and sat in against the headboard, her feet pressed together but thighs apart her hands resting between her legs. Her face was the picture of innocence like butter wouldn't melt in her mouth. Then again – butter mightn't but I sure did, and would again if she let me.

I climbed onto the bed and towards her. Each inch closer I got her smile beamed even brighter. She cocked her head to one side, "Good?"

I rolled my eyes, "That is the understatement of the century."

"I just wanted to take your mind off your own pleasure so that you didn't have to rush mine."

"Oh, is that right Miss Swan? And what pleasure might that be?" I grabbed her feet and pulled them apart, sliding her body roughly towards me. She may have just finished me off once but with her under me like this I was almost ready to go again.

"Umm...I don't know, maybe you could repay the favour?"

I wasn't sure if I'd be able to. The smell of her arousal-warmed skin was driving my head into a frenzy as it was. Would I be able to control myself when I was surrounded by not only the scent of her blood but the scent of her passion? She must have seen the concerned look on my face because she reached out and gently traced the lines on it.

"You don't have to if you don't want to," she said, then she smirked, "In fact, I'll take anything you give me."

"Anything?"

She nodded.

"Anything..." I mused. I climbed over her body and starting at her forehead trailed my fingers gently over her face and down her neck, I circled each breast slowly and then down the centre of her stomach, over on hip and down her leg to her foot. "I'm going to follow that exact line with my mouth now, okay?"

She nodded her lips full and parted with excitement. I would lavish some attention on those soon. I followed my scent trail down the line across her nose, danced on her lips and along her neck. I noticed how well our scents complimented each other and how if I concentrated on the combination of the two it made the burning in my throat lesson without taking away her delicious aroma. When I arrived at her breasts I wanted to deviate off the course so badly, but there would be more time for the soon. I trailed kisses down over her stomach and when I got to her hip I ran my tongue along that section. I looked wistfully at her wet centre, wishing I could give her the pleasure she'd asked of me – wishing I was a human so I could pull her to me with all of my strength. Instead of trailing my body down her leg when I finished with her hip I grabbed it in my hands and lifted it off the bed towards my mouth. I bent over it kissing up the length of her thigh and sat up as I reached her shin. I put her leg over my shoulder as I worked towards her foot.

Bella lay beneath me, completely trusting, completely compliant and writhing with pleasure from my light kisses. I smiled that I could give her so much enjoyment so easily. I left her leg over my shoulder as I leaned back into her. I slide my tongue along her lips and she groaned. I pressed my tongue into her mouth and she willingly accepted it. I could taste myself on her tongue. It put the images of her looking up at me with a smile on her face and I was ready again. I could feel myself pressing at her entrance, hovering just out of reach. As I kissed her it pressed closer and closer until our intimate areas were just touching, her wetness just inches away. I held myself still there as I shifted my lips onto her neck and then I moved back to get access to her breasts. I took each of her nipples into my mouth in turn, licking them and sucking on them between my lips. I wanted to take her whole breast into my mouth but it was too risky. Too dangerous. Exactly why I shouldn't be allowed to be with a goddess such as this.

Bella seemed to sense me pulling away a little. She put her fingers to my chin and looked at me with come hither eyes. She slid her leg off my shoulder and beckoned me closer. I leaned back over her as she wrapped her arms around my neck. I kissed her deeply, supporting my weight with my legs and one hand. The other hand roamed freely along her body, touching every part it could reach. It trailed down over her stomach and into the wetness. I slid my fingers across it and Bella bucked under me. I traced a pattern between the inner and outer lips and Bella pressed her head back into the pillow and arched her back, "Oh. God. Edward."

I sat up. My name on her lips uttered in ecstasy like that sounded thrilling. I wanted to hear it again. I dragged my finger back up along her and found her entrance. She panted heavily as I slid one finger in. The others continued to work around her clitoris. I watched as the pleasure I was giving her caused her to buck and moan repeatedly.

"I want you in me," she panted. "Now, Edward."

The second part was a command and I was willing to follow it. I pulled my hand out and put my fingers into my mouth. Fuck she tasted good. Her lips parted again and I slowly drew my fingers out of my mouth and pressed them to hers. She flicked her tongue across the pads of each of them. I put my hand along-side her head and resumed my hovering position. I could feel her wetness as I slid myself along the length of her. I was going to tease for a little while but Bella reached down roughly and guided me inside of her and I was undone.

I kissed her neck and sucked on her earlobe and I pressed myself hard against her, filling her completely. She put on hand in my hair and the other on my hip and guided herself around me, controlling the speed and intensity. She wrapped her legs around my waist and I found extra depth. I sat up and grabbed hold of her hips. She left her shoulders on the bed and arched her back, locking her legs behind me. I was able to reach deeper than I ever had and the sensation left me reeling.

I knew I was going to finish again soon and I didn't want it to be before Bella. I wrapped one arm across her bottom, locking her hips to mine with it and used the other hand to rub over her body. The way she arched back put her breasts in easy reach and I kneaded each one and rubbed at her nipples. Then as I felt the pressure building within me I dragged it back along her stomach and into the warm spot between her legs. I massaged her public bone and then pressed my thumb onto her clitoris. I had barely touched it when I felt her release. The walls of her clenching tightly around me finished me off and I locked the rest of my body in place so I couldn't hurt her if I squeezed to tightly. My thumb was remained where it was against her and as Bella squirmed when I found my release it did the job again and I felt Bella release against me for the second time.

Finally I lowered her back down onto the bed and she looked at me with the sweetest smile. As if all her dreams had come true. Didn't she realise it was mine that had.

**A/N – Just a reminder I'm on twitter now ( mpg82) it'll mostly be random crap but I have decided I will do teaser sentences for whatever chapter I am currently working on randomly and maybe one day if I get enough followers I'll do q&a, games. I'll also take suggestions, hints & ideas there too – but a warning ideas tend to get stuck and implant themselves strongly in my head. More ideas = more wip = less frequent updating on the wips I have. Don't say you weren't warned. **

**And gabbysway2 – looks like it's not all on you Ricky Bobby. Perhaps I can manage both a twitter account & updating regularly....we'll see :P**


	10. Forcefed

**Chapter 10: Force-fed**

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations. This is unbeta'd so apologies for any & all mistakes. Please take the time to leave some words if you really loved it or really hated it! _

Bella gazed sleepily at me as I held her in my arms. Our breathing had returned to normal and some of the flush had left her skin.

"Edward?" She asked tentatively, the blush returning.

"Yes, love?"

She shook her head.

"What is it, love?"

"Nothing."

I laughed, "It can't have been nothing - you're blushing."

She shook her head a little more.

"Tell me...please?"

She sighed, "It was actually a question."

"Okay, so ask me...please?" I laughed.

"You know... how you... umm," She stopped and blushed again.

"Bella, that's very frustrating."

She laughed, "I just wanted to know whether there was a specific reason you wouldn't, well... you know."

I furrowed my eyebrows, unsure what she was talking about. She raised her eyebrows and lowered her eyes – indicating down her body.

I laughed again, I was surprised that she could be so brave and forthcoming in the moment and yet sit here now unable to ask a simple question, "You want to know why I wouldn't, how did you put it – 'repay the favour'?"

"Yeah," she flushed again, and then looked at me worriedly, "I mean, I don't mind if it's just that you don't want to. I just wondered if there was a reason."

"You're very perceptive," I whispered. I took a deep breath, I wasn't sure how to word this without frightening her off – then again, did anything ever frighten Bella off. "I'm just worried about my ability to control myself. Between my teeth, the scent and the proximity it might be too much."

She nodded and seemed relieved. I laughed at the look on her face.

"Did you think that it was something to do with you?"

She nodded again and then buried her head in her hands, mortified. I wrapped my fingers around hers and slowly prised them away. "I've lived without that view long enough. Please don't make me miss it for one second."

She looked up at me again, her cheeks burning bright red.

"Bella, there isn't an inch of you that I don't wish to explore, multiple times in fact, but I want to keep you safe first and foremost."

"You want to explore me?" She giggled.

"Multiple times," I repeated.

"Tonight?"

I would have jumped at the opportunity but Bella yawned right then.

"Are you sure you're up for it, it has been a long day."

She pulled a face, "Thanks for reminding me."

I hugged her tighter to my chest, "Sleep now my Bella. We've got every night to explore each other."

I started to hum Bella her lullaby, the tune so much more precious to me having lived without it for so long. Bella succumbed to sleep soon after.

I lay with her wrapped tightly in my arms for hours, listening to her murmuring in her sleep. Eventually the night was at its darkest and I knew I had to leave Bella. She was deep in slumber so she wouldn't realise I was gone until morning but I was still reluctant to let her go. And I didn't want her to wake up anxious so I scouted around for a piece of paper and a pen and wrote her a note.

_I've_ _left my heart with you. See you at 4._

I left it on the pillow on my side of the bed. Then I smiled at the fact that I was already claiming a side of the bed. After leaving the note I kissed her forehead and ran out the front door, pulling it locked behind me. I ran home, feeling more elated than I had in a long time.

*****

Alice was waiting at the front door for me, "Interesting night?"

"Beyond interesting."

She laughed and then turned serious, "I'm really happy for the two of you, you know."

"I owe you big time for it, Alice. For everything."

"Just remember that next time you leave her."

I shivered, "That's never going to happen."

"Good, that's what I wanted to hear."

Everyone was gathered in the living room when I arrived, deep in a planning session for what we were going to do. Alice showed me a vision she had of the meeting between Carlisle, the principal and I, it looked like it was going to go fairly smoothly.

"Why don't we take her out for dinner?" Esme suggested, "As a family. We can show the town that we support her completely."

"Interesting idea," I mused, "but we'd have to eat. With that many of us gathered, and as many eyes as are bound to be on us, it would be impossible for us not to."

Emmett and Rosalie made a face at each other and both their thoughts ran through the smell of the various meals Esme and I had cooked for Bella. But ultimately everyone decided they would be willing to do it. For Bella. Everyone's thoughts turned to how much we owed her for ripping ourselves out of her life so suddenly. My guilt spiked and I dropped my head again. I knew there would never be a day that I didn't regret that decision. Even when she was in my arms for good and all the traces of pain had left her eyes I would still regret that I had cost us seven years of happiness. I felt and heard Jasper send me a wave of calm, I smiled at him in thanks although I still felt I deserved the pain of the guilt.

"If we're going to do it we may as well do it in style," Alice quipped. I read her thoughts - _Copper Beech Inn_. It was the closest thing to five star dining Fairfield had, I was trying to decide whether or not that would be acceptable. I knew Bella would be uncomfortable but it was a good place to put on a show of support. Alice's visions twisted as I vacillated. While I was in thinking about the pro side Alice had a vision and I couldn't refuse to go anymore. She saw Bella dressed in a deep purple silken dress which clung to Bella's hips and breasts. It made her look even more beautiful than usual, if that was even possible. Bella was sitting comfortably at the table with all of us laughing and talking. It would be a perfect evening.

"That is a great idea, Alice. The Copper Beech Inn it is – Esme can you please book it today?"

Esme nodded, "What time?"

"7:30," Alice said, "That gives me time to make her look fabulous."

I growled at her, Bella always looked fabulous. Alice rolled her eyes, "_More_ fabulous than." She was thinking about visiting each of the different stores in the local shopping mall to get the dress she saw. Finally she had a vision of her walking into one of the shops and finding it. Now she just needed to duck out at lunchtime.

"We'll take two cars down to school today, so that we'll have room to pick Bella up on the way home. I'll drive down with Edward."

"I'll take my BMW," Rosalie said, "it's been a while since I've had the chance to stretch her legs."

"Okay, sounds like a plan," I said, "Now I've got to get changed for school."

_I've already laid out your outfit, Edward, _Alice thought after me.

As I walked away I heard Emmett and Jasper agreeing to a wager. Who could down the most human food – the loser had to wear women's underwear to school for a week. I didn't ruin Emmett's fun by telling him that Jasper had done that as a kink thing for Alice about six months ago anyway so it wasn't going to be that much of a punishment for him.

*****

I endured Mr Grossman in English. He had nothing on the teaching prowess of Bella. And I knew it wasn't just me being biased. The entire class tittered and murmured throughout his lesson whereas they were always near silent and attentive for Bella. It only made me miss her more.

By the beginning of the second period my worst fears were confirmed, somehow almost every student seemed to know about the accusations and those that did were quickly filling in anyone who didn't. Although none of them knew exactly who the student was.

I was called out of my third period class early to go to my meeting with Carlisle and the principal. Carlisle was already in the office and had been appraised of the 'situation' before I was called in. Carlisle quickly told me with his thoughts what had been discussed.

"Edward," Mr Anders said softly. He was obviously trying to play 'good cop' at the moment, "Can you please tell me about your relationship with Ms Swan."

"What would you like to know?" I asked innocently. This was exactly how the conversation had gone in Alice's vision.

"How do you know her?"

"Her mother was best friends with my mother."

He looked at his notes, "Esme?"

I shook my head sadly, "No, my birth mother, Elizabeth. When she," I made my voice sad and dropped my head, "when she died Renee and Bella, sorry Ms Swan and her mother, helped me to settle in with Carlisle and Esme. If it hadn't been for her my life might have turned out very differently."

"And how do you feel about her?"

I pretending to be surprised about the question, "I love her. She's been a part of my life since I was a baby. She's always looked out for me."

"Mr Cullen," I suppressed my smile, here came 'bad cop', "I'm going to ask you a question and I need you to give me an honest answer. If you lie you might make things worse for everyone."

I nodded and leant forward, pretending to be both confused and intrigued.

"Are you involved with Ms Swan? I mean as more than just friends?"

I was going to make him suffer just a little, "I'm sorry, Mr Anders, I don't understand what you are asking."

He sighed, "Are you and Ms Swan involved in an affair?"

I tried to look amused - it wasn't difficult as I heard the signs of his discomfort, "Are you asking if I'm having sex with Ms Swan?" I laughed a little, trying to make it look like it was a ridiculous notion, even as images of her mouth wrapped around me came into my mind.

His face fell as the bluntness of my words hit him. He squirmed a little and as he did I pretended to allow the words to sink over me. I pretended to be shocked, "Wait, are you being serious? Why would you even ask that?"

Carlisle put his hand on my shoulder as any supportive parent would, "Apparently someone sent in a photo of you and Bella, sorry Ms Swan, together."

"But why, Carlisle? Why would anyone even try to insinuate that? She's like my big sister." I infused my voice with as much confusion and sadness as I could. Mr Anders was buying everything I did. It made me sick even pretending to think of Bella as a sister figure to me, there was nothing even remotely sisterly about the way I loved her or the things I wanted to do to her.

"I don't know son, perhaps someone is jealous of your friendship with Ms Swan." Carlisle patted my back _Is it working?_

I nodded sadly, pretending to be comforted. But Carlisle knew I was responding to his thoughts.

"Has Ms Swan said anything to you about a relationship with any other students?" Mr Anders broached and my head shot up. I hadn't seen this in Alice's vision.

"No, why?"

He debated how to answer but I had to work to keep my anger in check while I read his thoughts. Two students had come forward claiming to be the student she'd had a relationship with, Cain Markson and Andrew Blackmore. I took a deep breath to stop myself from tearing from the room and hunting the two of them down. I was surprised by Cain, I'd never heard anything in his thoughts but an acknowledgement of her beauty and kindness. Andrew however I recognised as the boy I had the almost killed in front of Bella's classroom, the one who was going to tell me about her fine ass. The only thing that saved either of them at the moment was the fact that Mr Anders didn't believe either of them and Carlisle and I had instilled enough doubt about Bella and I too.

"No reason. You'll let me know if you do hear anything, won't you?"

I managed to keep my eyebrow in check, it was in danger of shooting up my forehead. Even if there was nothing happening between Bella and I - did he think I would betray a friend that way? I nodded though, unable to do anything more than that without letting my anger show. I needed to leave now.

"If that's all Mr Anders?" Carlisle asked, "I have to be getting to the hospital shortly."

"Of course, thank you both for your time and honesty."

Carlisle and I left the office.

_Did it work as per Alice's vision?_ Carlisle asked with his thoughts.

I nodded. Now I just had to get through a few more hours of school and I would be back with Bella again.

*****

I could barely contain my excitement when I got back to my Volvo at the end of the day. I was so anxious to get going I debated leaving Alice and Emmett at the school if they didn't arrive within seconds. But of course as soon as I started that debate Alice's thoughts screamed at me that if I dared even think about leaving the school without her she would make sure I paid somehow.

I sat in the car, taking a few deep breaths as I waited. Finally I heard both Alice and Emmett headed towards me. I was glad Emmett couldn't read my mind about exactly how anxious I was because I think he would have slowed down even further. As soon as their feet were in the car I reversed backwards. I heard their doors pop shut as I accelerated out of the parking lot.

I raced towards Bella's house. I was determined to be there on the dot of four, if not earlier. When I pulled up in front of her house my clock read 3:59 so I decided to be precisely punctual. I really wanted to go and get her from her front door, but that would make it seem too much like a date. The instant the clock read 4:00, I beeped the horn. As I saw the front gate swing open I leant over and pushed the passenger door open for her. It was all I could do – and it went against all my instincts. I wanted to get out and open the door for her.

Bella looked at me as soon as she climbed in the seat, her face beaming. She'd obviously only just showered recently, I could smell the slight residue of soap and lotion that resided on her skin.

"How'd it go?" She asked me.

I wasn't sure whether she meant the meeting or my day in general, "It's all over the school. Sorry."

She didn't look surprised or mortified like I thought she might be. "I meant your meeting."

"He doesn't want to believe it. He's actually trying _not_ to find any more evidence. But two boys have come forward and each of them have claimed that it is them you are having an affair with."

She laughed.

Wait, she_ laughed?_

"What's funny about that?" I asked, perplexed.

She looked nonplussed as she answered, "There's always one. They jump on the bandwagon for whatever reason, usually it's revenge or jealousy or to score points with their mates for nailing the hot teacher."

Her words hit far too close to home for me, I'd been dealing with the thoughts of the boys who wanted to 'nail the hot teacher' for too long. A growl built instinctively in my throat. Alice giggled from behind me and I shot her a quick look to silence her.

Bella continued, "But they'll be found out as liars eventually."

"Oh, Mr Ander's doesn't believe them." I wanted to put her mind at ease.

"See."

"And Carlisle did a very good job convincing him that we were old family friends who had grown up together despite the age gap. You see, you're mother was my mother's best friend. You guys were there for me when my parents died and helped me to settle in with Carlisle and Esme." I put on a look of mock solemnity. And Bella chuckled. I was glad she seemed so happy, despite everything that she was at risk of losing.

"So in short the defence is that you love each other but you're not _in _love with each other," Alice said from the back seat.

"And we're going out as a family tonight to show the town our support for you," Emmett added, patting Bella gently on the back.

"Where?" Bella sounded apprehensive.

"The Copper Beech Inn," I grinned at her, I knew that I was confirming her worst fears.

She glanced down at her jeans, "I wish you'd warned me. I'm not really dressed for it."

Alice made a face and I had to resist laughing, "You didn't think I'd let you choose your own outfit for tonight did you? I found the perfect thing at the shops at lunchtime." She'd borrowed the Volvo and because she knew the shop she needed to go to the longest part was driving it home so it wouldn't be crushed in the car.

I saw Bella roll her eyes. I would be interested in seeing her reaction to Alice's selection but I wanted to calm her down. "It's alright love," I said, grabbing her hand. "I've seen it, it won't be too bad."

She grunted at me.

I decided to steer things back to a better topic, "So how was your day? Do anything interesting?"

"I rang Jake."

"How'd that go?" Alice asked.

"Good. I actually think we'll be all right. Friends."

I wasn't sure how I felt about that news. I felt my jaw tighten. On the one hand I was glad Bella had someone else to talk to if she felt she needed it and I could see how much talking with him again had removed the last traces of pain in her eyes. But Jacob could become an issue if she insisted on being changed – and a big part of me was hoping she would insist. But there was the treaty we had with the wolves. If Jacob was friends with Bella he would know exactly when it was broken because he would immediately know the reason behind a sudden disappearance or a change in her voice.

I pulled up in front our house, leaving the car out because we would be taking it and Carlisle's car to the restaurant tonight. I jumped straight out and was at Bella's door before she had her seatbelt off. Alice and Emmett disappeared immediately. They understood my need to be with Bella right now. I grabbed her hand as I helped her out of the car. I pulled her into the entrance of the house and then immediately turned on her, sliding my tongue straight into her mouth and my hand into her hair. She reciprocated immediately brushing her tongue along mine before moving it onto my lips. My hands moved on their own accord slipping down onto the small of her back and working their way under her shirt.

_Don't get carried away_ Alice said, her thoughts showing me where my current decisions were leading – how was I supposed to not get carried away after seeing that? _Everyone else wants some Bella time before we have to go out_.

I reluctantly pulled away from the kiss, a true smile on my face for the first time today, "Everyone else is anxious to say hello."

"Do I get the same greeting from everyone?" She teased.

"I hope not." I whispered in her ear.

"I hope I do." She said to me.

She caught my eye and held it. The quiver in her voice was only minor and I could only detect it because of my pitch perfect hearing. Even her blush was remarkably controlled. As I watched her I mused, "You're getting better all the time. I'm starting to wonder if it's such a good idea teaching you to lie."

"Why?"

"Cause I don't want you to lie to me."

She smiled at me, "When this has all blown over, we'll leave and then we can be together forever."

I couldn't say anything. My thoughts turned again to the wolf and the complications her friendship with him might cause. Would she be willing to give that up for me?

She traced her finger along my jaw, "What is it?"

"It's just that will make some things so much easier, but it will complicate just as much."

"We'll work it out."

"It will mean the end of your friendship with the wolf."

"I'll have you. I'll have your family. That will be enough."

"Enough for forever?" I asked. That was the big question. Did she really want me forever? Could she?

She kissed me softly on the cheek. "Yes."

I couldn't help but smile. I lead her into the living room where she was pounced upon by everyone else. She'd barely had time to say hello when Alice came and claimed her. I paced anxiously outside the door watching Bella through Alice's thoughts as Alice did her hair and make-up. Alice left the room while Bella got dressed. She shook her head at me and thought about how lost I was without Bella but didn't say anything when she saw me out here.

She went back in again. Finally after what seemed like an extraordinarily long time Alice told me I was alright to come in if I wanted to. I knocked anyway so Bella would know I respected her privacy.

"She's decent, Edward," Alice said.

I could see how stunning she was through Alice's thoughts but after putting my head around the corner and seeing it for myself I was floored. Most of her hair was loose in big soft curls, but the very top of it was drawn back and pinned to the back of her head out of her eyes. Her brown eyes were framed with artificially thickened and lengthened lashes with a hint of smoky black in the corner, giving the effect of slightly more almond-shaped eyes. Soft pink covered her eyelids and her lips had a cinnamon coloured sheen on them, making her pout even fuller. And the dress was even more sexy in person that it had been second hand in Alice's vision this morning.

I took a deep breath to find my voice again, "I disagree. How am I supposed to be around _that_ all night and not be able to touch her?"

Alice laughed, "You'll just have to exercise that century of practice in self-restraint when you are in public."

"Mmm-hmm," I walked over to her, "But for the moment we are not in public."

My fingers slipped into her hair and I pulled her face into mine. Her lips didn't taste anywhere near as nice with the lipstick on but I wasn't going to complain about any time I could spend kissing Bella. Soon she was curving her body around mine and our hands were locked around each other's hips.

Alice coughed to remind Bella of her presence, she was shouting abuse at me in her mind, complaining I was messing Bella's hair and make-up. "Not that I'm not ecstatic that you two are back together but we do need to be going. And now I'm going to have to fix Bella's lipstick."

Bella laughed when we broke apart. I could still feel the lipstick on my lips. I couldn't help myself, I shot her a grin and winked at her before going to get changed myself.

*****

Bella drove down to the restaurant in Carlisle's car with Carlisle, Alice and Esme. I drove Jasper, Emmet and Rosalie down in my car. Every second I was out of Bella's presence felt like a lifetime. I knew I was fast becoming too obsessed with her but I didn't care. I'd been without her in my life for long enough. Now that I knew for a fact she wanted me just as badly and was willing to do whatever was necessary to be together it was hard to stay aloof.

As we walked into the restaurant every eye in the house turned towards us. Most of the men were just thinking about every one of the girls with us, including Bella. It was hard to listen to the thoughts of the supposed happily married men who started to fantasise about Bella. Rosalie put her arm around mine and held me in place, obviously my strain was that clear on my face. A few people recognised her from the school and started telling their neighbours the story. By the time we were seated almost everyone in the restaurant knew who she was and the rumour about her. I started to wonder if this was the best idea after all.

Once we were seated the waiter bought out the wine menu and we all turned to Bella. She was the only one who would taste the drink – for all of us it would be like liquid dirt. ,She ordered two bottles of chardonnay and a jug of soft-drinks. The soft drink was divvied up amongst glasses for those of us too 'young' to drink. Carlisle and Esme were each poured a small glass of chardonnay.

The waiter presented us with menus. Each of my family chose the meal they thought would be the least repugnant, although in truth any choice would be just as bad as any other. I tuned out Emmett's and Jasper's thoughts and discussions about their little wager.

There was only one thing I could focus on at the moment. One thing that looked far too tempting. I wanted to remind that one thing, Bella, exactly how I felt, "What looks good do you think? I know what I want but it's not on the menu."

Carlisle kicked me under the table _Edward! _

I couldn't tear my eyes away from Bella.

She almost controlled her blush, "Um, I was thinking the fish."

"The fish it is," I said folding down my menu and ordering two of the fish before turning to Carlisle, pretending to hold a conversation, although he knew quite clearly that I was watching Bella out of my peripheral vision and not paying real attention to what we were discussing.

Once the food had arrived everyone's thoughts turned to just how hideous it was. It didn't take long for Jasper and Emmett to mutually agree to drop their wager. I couldn't help but shudder every time I took a mouthful of fish. It slithered down my throat thickly. I kept thinking if it was anyone other than Bella there is no way I would be here forcing this down my throat. Bella seemed to be enjoying her meal and her night and that made everything else worthwhile for me.

Once we'd finished and we were leaving I realised that both bottles of wine were empty. I knew Carlisle and Esme hadn't drank any, they poured two small glasses out at the beginning of the night and that was all. Which meant Bella had almost two bottles on her own. How had no-one caught that – how had _I_ not caught that? As she stood she stumbled a little but Alice was right there and caught her easily.

_Rosalie and I have this Edward, we'll get her in your car and you can take her home._

I climbed into my car, by the time Alice helped Bella into the backseat Bella was in near hysterics over nothing and she kept toppling over in her seat and Alice kept pushing her back upright. I shot Alice a glare, "Who kept topping her glass up?"

"I only filled it once," she replied defensively.

"Me too," said Jasper from the passenger seat next to me.

"I did," Bella laughed, "Once."

I growled. As upset with myself as with anyone else. I could imagine the hangover she was going to have in the morning and she would have to deal with it alone.

"She'll be fine, Edward," Alice said.

"I'll be fine, Edward," Bella laughed.

"I'm going to take her straight back to her house. No arguments."

Alice pouted but didn't argue.

As we hit Bella's street Jasper sank low in his seat so that he wasn't visible. I pulled the car straight around to the back of the house and had Bella out and in my arm in a second. Jasper slid into the driver's seat. Alice quickly checked the future and her visions showed we would get away with the illusion that I wasn't here. They drove off quickly down the road both thinking almost identical thoughts, _Have fun!_ I rolled my eyes, did they really think I was going to take advantage of Bella in this state, especially while my stomach was twisting in knots around the chunks of fish resting heavily there.

As soon as the car was pulling out Bella turned her unfocused gaze on me, "You're staying?"

"I'm not leaving you alone like this. You're accident prone enough without being drunk."

"I'm not drunk!" She said, loudly and stubbornly.

"If you say so."

I guided her around through the side gate and into the house. I had barely closed the front door when I felt Bella's lips against mine. Her mouth was moving against me roughly. I gently prised her away from me and said words I didn't even know existed in my vocabulary anymore, "No, Bella. Not tonight."

I moved her over to the couch so she could get comfortable. I noticed her living room was in a bit of a state. There were two boxes packed up and everything else that I assumed was from Charlie's house was scattered around. I ignored the mess for the moment and bent down in front of her to remove her shoes. As soon as the second one was off she wrapped her legs around my hips and tried to pull herself against me. I gently wrapped my hands around her legs and pushed her off. She pouted and I couldn't help laughing at her.

"You need water and bed."

She grabbed roughly onto my shirt and pulled her torso off the couch. She put her lips to my ear, "I need you."

I untangled myself for her again, it was becoming more difficult with each attempt she made. I ran into the kitchen and brought her a large glass of water and some Tylenol. "Drink up and take these."

She complied immediately.

I walked over to the mantle to leave the glass there. I noticed the photo I couldn't look at when I was at Charlie's house. The photo of her wedding to Jacob. I picked it up and took it over to the couch, sitting next to her. She climbed onto my lap and curled up into my chest.

"You were so beautiful," I murmured, tracing my finger over the lines of her dress in the picture. I still couldn't help but wonder what it would have been like if I was at the end of the aisle waiting for her.

"Mmmm." She purred into my neck. I wrapped my arm around her should, pulling her more tightly into me.

"Will you tell me about you two?"

She looked up at me with a surprised expression, "Are you sure you can handle it?"

"He's part of who you are now. I want to know."

"Hasn't Alice told you most of this?" She didn't seem to want to tell me anything more.

I chuckled at her hesitation, although I could understand it. I answered her question the best I could, "Only what you told her that first day. She can't see the wolves. When we were gone I thought she didn't get visions of you because I asked her not to look out for them. But now I realise she was looking but the wolves were blocking her somehow."

She told me about how Jacob healed her after we left, which I knew from what she told Alice. Then she told me about Laurent in the meadow, and the motorbikes and cliff-diving. She spoke for about an hour telling me so many little details of their life, how they'd discussed having children in the beginning but she'd steadfastly refused after his imprinting, how Sam was one of the werewolves and it was his daughter that Jacob had imprinted on – how she should have suspected it was going to happen as far back as her wedding day. And how both of them had stubbornly refused to give up the marriage until it was too late. I grabbed her another glass of water halfway through her story, trying to rehydrate her before she fell asleep. She was leaning into my chest with her eyes half closed when I looked around her living room. I wanted to do something for her.

"Bella, love?"

"Mmmm."

"What's in these boxes?"

"Stuff from Charlie's house. That one's all the rubbish, that one's going to Billy – Jacob's dad, Charlie's best friend."

"And the other stuff?"

She shrugged her shoulders and yawned widely, "Up on the mantle I guess."

I stroked her hair and before long she was breathing rhythmically against me. I put her in the bed and pulled the door shut behind me as I went back to her living room. I quickly finished sealing the two boxes, I put the one with the rubbish in it by the front door, I'd take it with me when I left – one less thing for Bella to worry about. Then I put the box for Billy in Bella's car. I put all the photos and knick-knacks left in places which seemed reasonable around the living room. Finally I found her vacuum and dragged it across the floor. I left her a note telling her where the boxes were, then left a note on the bench with a glass and some Tylenol – instructing her to drink water and take the tablets first.

Finally I climbed into bed beside her to enjoy my few stolen hours with her. I would leave again before the sun lit the sky too much. I listened to Bella mumble and groan and call my name. I smiled, wondering exactly what she was dreaming about that could give her so much pleasure.

Finally it was time for me to leave, I tore myself away from her, kissing her forehead and breathing deeply of her scent. I left a final note on her pillow. _Love you. Have water and a coffee._

**A/N – Oooh I am so looking forward to the next chapter. It's going to get messy! :)**

**Don't forget I'm on twitter mpg82 & it's no longer protected so add me freely :)**

**Also I have another new story – AH/AU set in Australia called "Chasing Victory" – Edward Masen is a driver for Cullen Racing, but his career is racing down the toilet. Bella has overcome a challenge to secure a placement in the graduate program in one of UK's most prestigious law firms. Fate has plans for these former sweethearts. M for language & lemons**


	11. Torment

**Chapter 11: Torment**

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations. This is unbeta'd so apologies for any & all mistakes. Please take the time to leave some words if you really loved it or really hated it! _

"You could have told me, Alice!" I screamed. We were having our first fight since Bella accepted me back into her life.

"You wouldn't have come home if I told you it was going to be sunny today."

"No, you're right. I would have spent the whole day buried between the legs of the love of my life."

Alice's mouth popped open in shock, she'd never heard me say anything like that before – Emmett yes but not me. She recovered quickly, "Mr Anders has been debating all morning whether to call the house now that you're not in school today. And besides you need to hunt again, spending all this time with Bella is depleting your reserves."

She had a point, and today was Friday which meant I would have a whole glorious weekend of spending time with Bella. Hunting was probably a good idea.

"Jasper will go with you," Alice said, our argument forgotten.

I ran to Jasper and Alice's room and found him willing to go hunting. Carlisle and Esme came as well. We all ranged out a bit further than usual, trying to find some predators. I found a bear and took it down with ease. I tried not to let my mind wander to Bella as I hunted, the last thing I needed was the monster within me taunting me with the scent or taste of her blood while I drank deeply from something else – because I knew nothing would ever be as satisfying as her blood. I still remember it clearly from the incident with James when I'd had to drink to save her life. I didn't like the monster having that sort of ammunition, always worried me that I might slip for one fraction of a second and make a mistake that will cost me more dearly than any other.

Finally Jasper and I were both completely glutted and headed home. Carlisle and Esme decided to stay out a little longer for some privacy. It was only just after nine o'clock in the morning by the time we got home. There were so many more hours before I would get to see Bella again because I would have to wait for the cover of night. But I tried to comfort myself in the knowledge that I would have close to sixty uninterrupted hours with her when I did get to see her again.

I sat on the couch and started flicking through the TV channels. Jasper sat on one side of me with Alice curled on his lap and Emmett and Rosalie were on the other side. Neither couple were paying any attention to what was on the TV, which made me miss Bella all the more. It had just passed ten o'clock when Alice gasped. My mind turned to hers immediately.

_Bella was walking out from the post office. A large dark-haired man stood leaning against a building, he recognised her and as she passed by him he shouted, "If it isn't the slut teacher who likes fiddling with kids." _

_Bella held her head high and ignored him. I was so proud of her for about a second before I realised he had taken offense to the fact she hadn't reacted and was now following her. He stepped behind her onto an empty street with only her car parked on it. He followed her right to her car and then he pushed her against the car, twisting her around to face him. _

I stood, running for the door, but Alice grabbed my arm as I passed, holding on just tight enough to slow me down.

"Emmett, Jasper, hold him. Don't let him go – no matter what. Not until I tell you," she screamed. They each grabbed an arm and I was effectively pinned between them. Rosalie's arms circled around my waist to be for good measure.

Alice's vision of Bella had disappeared.

_I was standing over the torn up pieces of the figure from Alice's first vision, the one who had pushed Bella roughly. Blood ran thickly over the sidewalk and covered my clothing and hair. Bella was leaning, terrified, against her car door, looking at me with wide eyes – truly terrified of me for the first time ever. My skin was sending rainbows of light in all directions and people were screaming all around us._

The vision shifted again.

_The Volturi were on our front lawn, Aro had Bella's hair twisted roughly in his fist. She was whimpering with pain and fear. All of my family were standing with blank expressions on their faces, a mist passing around them all. I struggled against my captors. Aro pulled back roughly on Bella's hair, "So this is the cause of all this drama. I just don't get it."_

_He indicated to my captor to move me closer and as he did he traced a line along the length of Bella's neck, from ear to ear. As if in slow motion he pushed her into me as the blood started to bubble up from the long wound he had just made. Through Alice's vision I saw the moment the monster in me rejoiced and took over, and I drank deeply until Bella stopped struggling in my arms. Then Aro made a quick gesture and I was ripped to pieces and thrown over the top on Bella's body, and the both of us were set alight. Then, once I was burning he signalled for the fog over my family to be cut. _

"_The punishment has been issued on the guilty. It is now your choice whether to accept the punishment or join them."_

_Jasper and Emmett rushed forward to attack and the mist started again. I watched in horror as they froze, their senses removed, and then were ripped to pieces by the guard and thrown onto the already burning fire. _

I didn't realise I had been struggling and fighting the entire time, loud snarls and growls issuing from me until the vision had passed. I stopped resisting but no one loosened their hold. I wondered if anything was worth that sort of retribution from the Volturi. After all in the vision Bella had been pushed but not seriously injured. Perhaps I could just teach her attacker some manners after night fall. Suddenly Alice's vision swung back to Bella.

_Bella shook her head, she was being pressed against the car._ _The man leaned in close while he spoke to her, "I said - if it isn't the slut teacher who likes fiddling with kids."_

"_No." Bella said, "It's not like that."_

"_Yeah? Well my son told all about you - you sick fuck. People like you don't belong in our town."_

_Bella tried vainly to lift the handle on the car door but as soon as she had inched her door open the guy slammed it shut. _

"_Please," Bella begged quietly. "Let me go."_

_He grabbed her ponytail and yanked it backwards, "Get out of town if you know what's good for you." He pushed her roughly against her car. _

I began to struggle again. I didn't care about the consequences. They were something we could change later – but here and now Bella was being assaulted. I needed to get to her.

Alice's vision shifted back to the Volturi again. I could see Aro tracing that line along Bella's neck, her blood bubbling to the surface as she was thrown into my arms. I screamed in frustration. Whatever choice I made now Bella would suffer.

Alice's vision focused on Bella again.

_Bella whispered words that were almost designed to incite more violence, "I haven't done anything wrong."_

_I saw the man pull his arm back and then he jabbed his fist hard into the right side of Bella's face knocking her head backwards. She sank to the ground, sliding down the length of her car, then her eyes rolled back in her head as she slumped to the ground, the right side of her face impacting with the concrete. Without hesitation the guy pulled his leg back and kicked her chest. _

I cried out in pain as I watched helplessly as Bella was attacked. Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper still held me firmly in place.

_Blood issued from the wound on Bella's face. Her chest heaved as she gasped for air. She pressed herself hard against her car. He kicked her again, but this time he left his foot on her side, pressing hard into her. I could see her breaths coming in laboured pants. _

"_Go spin your lies somewhere else, slut," he said violently before spitting in her face. He kicked her once more in the stomach._

"Please, Alice?" I begged, "Please, let me go to her."

Alice's vision slipped straight back to the one of the Volturi.

"I can't Edward. Bella will get past this attack. We won't."

"When?" I felt sick even asking the question.

"It starts at 10:22."

I looked at the clock it was 10:17.

"Can I call her?"

Alice shook her head, "She doesn't have a cell on her."

"I'll call the post office," I said.

_Alice's vision showed the cashier arguing, trying to placate Alice and wasting precious seconds we could be using to call someone else._

"The police?"

_Bella was pressed against her car, the sounds of sirens rent the air. Bella's attacker panics as he hears the police sirens, throwing her into the car and roughly taking her keys from her. _The vision swung_ Bella's lifeless body being thrown into a shallow grave. Her attacker standing above her, tears streaming down his face, he whispers, "I'm Sorry." _

Alice's voice sounded like it should have been laced with tears, "It won't help. Nothing will help! All we can do is wait for it to start and then call an ambulance. Edward, I'm sorry. You know I would fix this if I could."

The finality of her voice, the way it sounded like it was coming from the bottom of a tomb made me lose control. I fell to a heap on the ground, Jasper and Emmett followed me down, pinning me there in case this was a ploy to get away from them. Sobs wracked my chest as I cried, "I am supposed to keep her safe. But she keeps being hurt because of me."

Again Bella was being hurt and again it was because of what I was. If I was human, getting older every year, we would have been able to slip straight back into our old relationship with no consequences. Then again if I were human I would never have left her. It killed me to think about it but the only logical solution I could see was to leave Bella again, she got over it eventually before, surely she would again. Alice's vision spun to the future in my mind now.

_Bella was in a hospital bed, two doctors were discussing her case. _

"_She's been like this for twelve months now," one said, "there is no medical explanation for it. All we can do is keep her on the IV until she comes around."_

_The vision swung to me, my face was sunken but my eyes blazed bright crimson. A trail of human bodies stretched out behind me. Then me on my knees in front of the Volturi, begging for death._

"No!" Alice shrilled at me, "You can't leave again. I won't let you. It _will_ kill you both."

My thoughts were in disarray. I wanted to keep Bella safe but whatever way I turned my thoughts pain was in her future. I looked at the clock and howled. I was 10:22. This very instant Bella was being attacked and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it. Especially pinned to the floor as I currently was. I heard Alice wait another minute before she picked up the phone and dialled 911.

I watched the future as it played out in Alice's mind. I felt like my entire being had been scooped out, ripped apart and pieced back together all wrong.

_Bella crawled along the pavement inch by painful inch, crying and panting for breath. She left a trail of material and blood as she dragged herself towards the main street. As she neared the street she seemed to find her voice, "Please. Please help me."_

My heart was in tatters. All I could do was sob._ Someone else started to scream at the sight of her and Bella rolled over onto her back, her face already swollen and bruised. Tears streamed freely from her eyes. As soon as she was on her back her eyes rolled back in their sockets and she blacked out again. _

Carlisle and Esme walked in shocked to see the scene in front of them. I saw it through their eyes. Alice looked as distraught as I felt, I was on the ground with Emmett and Jasper each on one arm. Rosalie was behind us, looking utterly uncertain about what was happening.

"What is it?"Carlisle asked, open concern in his voice.

"Bella..." It was all I could squeeze out before my voice gave out on me. Both Carlisle and Esme froze.

"She's just been attacked. It's not good." Alice said. "But you can go to the hospital in an hour, there will be enough cloud cover to get from the car to the door, but you'll have to watch for passing cars throwing light."

Carlisle nodded.

"I'm going with you," I said, shooting my eyes between Carlisle and Alice daring either of them to argue. I wanted to be close by Bella. If it came down to life or death - I would turn her.

**A/N – okay so it was a bit of a short one but man it was fun to write! I could go on a bit further with this (in fact the next few scenes are drafted) but I think the violence of this chapter needs to stand on it's own.**

**Read & review people! I love getting your feedback – honestly it makes my day :)**


	12. Waiting

**Chapter 12: Waiting**

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations. This is unbeta'd so apologies for any & all mistakes. Please take the time to leave some words if you really loved it or really hated it! _

I alternated between pacing around the waiting room and sitting still as a statue as I waited at the hospital. My thoughts were tuned the minds of Carlisle and every other doctor and nurse in the operating theatre. I couldn't give a damn what happened anywhere else. That room held my life and everything I ever wanted. I was desperate to see any small development, I didn't want to miss a thing so I watched Bella closely through their eyes. The skin down the length of her front was torn and bruised with shreds of her clothing buried deep into the wounds. Her face was bruised and swollen, her cheek concaved onto itself in an unnatural fashion. Bone fragments pressed sickeningly close to the skin along her collarbone, threatening to break through it at any time. A large bruise over her abdomen hinted at internal bleeding – Carlisle diagnosed it as her spleen before she'd been scanned, so he had her prepared for an emergency removal as soon as the scans confirmed it.

I was glad that I had Carlisle as filter when he cut into her, her blood was much less appealing to him. Although the monster in me still screamed for satisfaction.

So far Bella's heart-rate and blood pressure had remained fairly constant and she was coping well with the anaesthesia. Carlisle had promised me that if it looked like she would...take a turn for the worse he would do what he could to clear the room of witnesses and let me change her. I threatened that if he didn't clear the room I would go in and do it regardless of witnesses.

The hardest part was not knowing what to do. I was at a loss. I didn't know what Bella wanted. When we first arrived at the hospital I had a debate with myself about turning her regardless. But she and I still hadn't properly discussed whether that was what she really wanted and I couldn't take that choice away from her, not while there were other options. And I wasn't sure I could inflict that pain on her regardless of her choice. But if it meant losing her, the decision was obvious.

And so I waited.

And watched.

And waited.

And felt utterly useless.

Carlisle was in Doctor mode. He tried to tune out the fact that it was Bella underneath him and concentrate on her as if she was any other nameless stranger. Surprisingly it was easier for him to work that way. Looking into his mind as he worked over Bella was like looking at a giant checklist of injuries. Within minutes he had assessed each part of her body and immediately assigned a priority to it. The spleen was number one, cleaning the wounds that covered the entire length of her body was last. I kept watch on his mind as each item was checked off in turn.

And so I watched.

And waited.

Carlisle had been with Bella in the operating theatre for fourteen hours already and he still had a lot to do. He'd just finished removing her spleen, and inserted the drain for removing fluids from the wound and stitched her up. Now he was working on resetting the fractures in her collarbone, which was fractured. Large shards of bone pressed sharply against her skin, threatening to rupture it.

His nurses had been rotated three times now and the other doctors were telling him to go and get some rest. Only then, on their insistence that he leave, had he refused to think of Bella as a nameless individual - he cared too much about her to pass her onto any other Doctor. No-one else noticed that he was moving slightly too fast or could detect when the blood was pooling in the wrong areas and needed to be suctioned.

"If it looks like I'm too tired and am going to make a mistake then I'll leave." Carlisle replied, his voice calm with authority. But then it turned harsh and had a 'don't mess with me' edge to it, "But until then I am not going anywhere. Not until she is safe."

No one argued again as his hand swiftly worked to screw the bones along her collarbone together.

*****

After twenty-one hours straight of surgery Bella had finally been moved out of the operating theatre. Carlisle had arranged a personal suite for her. Ostensibly to give her some privacy but it was really so that I could spend at least some time with her. At the moment, I was sitting at one side of her and Carlisle on the other. I held her hand as tightly as I dared, unwilling to let her go. I pressed my lips against it and closed my eyes as I looked over her injuries. She looked so broken, so fragile and yet still so beautiful. She was beautiful and strong and I was the reason she was here like this.

_Alice says it will be another day before she wakes,_ Carlisle thought to me, _Please go hunt. You're making this harder on yourself than it needs to be. Bella's in capable hands._

I issued a low growl from my throat, full of menace and rage. I wanted to murder the one who had done this. I wanted to take delight in pulling him to pieces, slowly and painfully. Carlisle knew that. He was against it, he'd rather let the human justice system take its course. But I didn't think justice would be served until he was hurt as much as he hurt Bella, or more.

"If you force me out that door – you know where I'll go," I threatened.

"You can't stay with her the whole time," he said. "It will only make things worse."

"So I'm just supposed to sit around home and not even care?"

"You can show concern – you _are_ supposed to be her friend after all. But sitting here beside her bed without leaving at all will not do anyone any favours."

I let loose another low growl. Carlisle understood my frustration, my anger at myself for putting Bella back in this position. He had a thought which I'd had millions of times already today. If only it were appropriate for me to sit here with her until she healed, if I could claim to be more than just a friend. If only I could be more like a husband. Hearing it in his thoughts gave me an idea. And if it didn't pan out as I hoped – at least I could always plead insanity later.

I kissed Bella's hand again and laid it on the bed.

_Where are you going?_ Carlisle thought as I darted away from the room. I needed to get away from the medical equipment so I could use my phone. I went to the front of the hospital, turned on my phone and took a deep breath. I dialled the operator.

"Information. What number please?"

"Black of La Push, Washington."

"Would you like me to connect you?"

"Please."

I heard the sound of the connection and I held my breath. This was the right thing for Bella I thought to myself. Put your differences aside, it's the right think for Bella.

"Hello?" It wasn't Jacob, I assumed it must have been his father, Billy.

"Yes, hello. I was wondering if Jacob was there please?"

"He's out at the moment." Billy's voice sounded cold and distant. I wondered if he could tell it was one of the dreaded Cullen's on the phone or whether I was just imagining the edge.

I decided to demonstrate my 'insider' knowledge, "Is he on patrols?"

I heard his quiet, startled gasp down the line. "Yes."

"Is there any way you can get hold of him? It's about Bella."

Bella seemed to be the magic word, I could hear an intake of breath as I said it, "Sam's here now - I'll have him contact Jake. Can I have him call you back?"

"I'll wait."

I sat on the phone for ten minutes before it was picked up by Jacob.

"Hello?" Jacob said.

"Jacob, its Edward." I could hear the suspicion in his voice.

"What do you want?"

"It's about Bella."

"What is it?"

"She's been attacked."

"You filthy stinking bloodsucker! I thought you said she was safe from you and your family?"

"Not by _us_, dog_!_" I was trying to remember this was for Bella. This was best for Bella. She could have someone to watch over her when I wasn't able. Someone strong enough to protect her from everything that tried to hurt her.

"And let me guess, this mysterious _attack_ has left her dead? And you're calling to let me know. And you'll be leaving Fairfield with one extra leech. You'll have to try better than that to pull the wool over my fucking eyes. Put Bella on – I want a word with her."

I clenched my teeth and seethed, "Listen, _Jacob_, I am trying, very hard, to be civil here. Bella is hurt, very badly hurt. She is in hospital and probably will be for at least another week. I thought, as her supposed _friend_, you _might_ be interested in knowing that."

"What seriously?"

"You should know me well enough to know I do not joke when it comes to Bella."

"Shit – what happened?"

"Someone in the town to offense took our _relationship_. He beat her."

I heard Jake issue a low growl down the line, "So it is your fault."

"I never said it wasn't."

"Why didn't that physic leech sister of yours see it? You should have stopped it."

I closed my eyes, this was the question I had dreaded. Why didn't we stop it? "She did see it, but it was... unavoidable."

"What aren't you saying?" His voice was full of suspicion again.

"It was my fault we couldn't do anything. It was sunny. If I'd gone..." my voice cracked and stopped. If I'd gone, she would be dead. If I'd done anything else, she would be dead. The visions I had seen of Bella's lifeless body and of my drinking her blood would haunt me forever – even when she was safe and alive in my arms. I collected control of my voice, "If I'd gone, it would have been worse."

"How?"

"She'd be gone," I whispered, unable to infuse my voice with any volume.

"I want to come to see her," he said.

"I was hoping you would say that. I have a plan."

"Which is?"

"I was hoping you might be able to watch her for me. Keep her safe."

"For you? I don't owe you anything."

"For her then. I just can't bear the thought of anything happening to her because of me."

"So leave."

"I _can't_ Jacob."

"Why not? You did it before."

"You have no idea how hard that was for me or for her."

"I think I have a pretty good fucking idea how hard it was for her."

"Well it would be worse if it happened again now. She's already had her heart shattered twice – do you think she could cope with a third?"

I heard him breathing heavily down the line, obviously not happy that I had brought up his part in her pain up.

"I'm happy to pay for your flights." I said.

He sighed, "What is it with you flaunting your money over me?"

"That's not my intention. To be honest money is nothing to me – between no real living expenses, time and Alice it just is. I want to use it to help Bella. Getting you here helps Bella."

"You really think that?"

"She said you two were friends again. I think she needs a friend now – besides my family she has no one. And she will probably need some help getting around the house when she gets home."

"Fine – let me know when I need to be at the airport."

Carlisle came jogging out the front door, _Alice said the flight is tomorrow at seven am. Does he have an email address?_

"Do you have email Jake?"

"What year do you think this is, Edward? Who doesn't have email?"

I chuckled slightly, "Okay, let me rephrase – what is your email address. I'll get Alice to send you the flight details."

He gave it to me and I gave him my thanks. I was glad to think Bella would not be along during the days when I would be forced to endure the torture that school had become in the last few days – and would be until Bella was able to return, or we were able to move on – whichever one we did.

I walked back into the room and Carlisle was there again. _Alice saw your decision to ask and booked the flights just in case – she couldn't see the outcome. She also wanted me to tell you that the police are investigating – they will be in to see Bella later in the week._

I nodded. Then I resumed my position at Bella's side, her hand clasped tightly in mine.

_You'll have to leave soon._ Carlisle thought.

I resumed my stance of growling at him.

He chuckled, _Fine. If you listen carefully and stay out of the nurses and doctors way you can sneak back in tonight after dark. But tomorrow you will have to abide by the normal visiting hours. _

"What if she wakes up while I'm gone?"

_Then I'll be here. She's not going to wake until tomorrow._

I nodded.

_You have half an hour and then you're leaving for now – with me because I've already been here for twenty-four hours any longer and it will look suspicious._

I nodded again. I really didn't want to leave but I knew I had to. It would be worse for Bella, if I stayed. I just hated the idea of Bella waking alone.

*****

I left the hospital with Carlisle but didn't get in the car. Instead I ran to the back and hid near Bella's room. I paid close attention to anyone in close vicinity to her room, anxious for even the smallest glance. I wouldn't leave these grounds until she was awake. Until I knew she was safe.

Once night had fallen I climbed into her room. And I stayed the night in the room, ducking into dark corners or out of the window each time a nurse or doctor came into the room on rounds. To start with I was too scared to do anything more than just hold Bella's hand. I wanted the reference of her consciousness to know what hurt her. But she groaned regularly and eventually I shifted my hands to rest without weight along the worst of her injuries. She pushed herself further into me. I rested my face on her bed, my face close to her broken cheekbone. She seemed to calm a little and groan less frequently.

Finally, much to my annoyance, the sun rose. And as it did I had to leave. But I didn't want to. I wasn't going to. No one in this room could make me. The door clicked open and Jasper and Emmett walked into the room. I could read in their thoughts what they were going to do. Alice and Rosalie were outside the window. I had two options. Go quietly or fight. Both were undesirable. Both would cause problems for Bella. Emmett grabbed one arm and Jasper grabbed the other. I pulled out of their grip and held Bella's hand. They wouldn't hurt her.

_Edward, you need to go. You can come back later – during visiting hours_. Alice's thoughts came through loud.

Jasper and Emmett grabbed me again and pulled me away from the bed. My hand released Bella's.

"Please let me stay," I begged them, "I can't leave her."

Emmett and Jasper both shook their heads, a wave of calm, almost lethargy, settled over me. I knew it was from Jasper but I couldn't fight it. They dragged me from the room. Once we were in the hall I allowed them to pull me away.

"I'm not leaving the grounds," I threatened, my voice a low growl. "I want to be near for when she wakes."

I could hear Alice was going to protest but Emmett got in quicker. "I'll stay with him. Keep him out of trouble."

I could see Alice running through the future. She nodded.

"Thank-you," I said.

"You won't be there when she wakes up," Alice warned me. _But she'll be okay with it._

"But will I?"

*****

I sat in the car with Emmett listening to thoughts all around. It was ticking closer to visiting hours when I could go back in and sit by Bella's side again. Carlisle's thoughts snapped me to attention. I sat forward with such speed I startled Emmett.

_What is it?_ He thought.

"Bella," I turned to him, smiling through my relief, "she's awake."

I listened intently to Carlisle's thoughts as he told Bella what happened. My heart both sang and sank at the same time when I saw that almost top of her mind despite her pain and her confusion was me. And she was asking for me – she didn't seem to hate me for what I had done to her.

After Carlisle had explained her injuries to her she asked for me. Because _she _needed to know if _I _was alright. She always got things so backwards. That was it for me. I pulled open the car door, Emmett followed suit, ready to grab me if he thought it was necessary. I felt myself pulled towards Bella's room. The fact that she was conscious only made the call louder. I met Carlisle along the corridor.

"Please Carlisle?" He knew what I wanted.

_With Emmett. _

I nodded. I would take in the entire family if it meant a minute with Bella. I pushed open the door and I heard the bed move, followed by a groan.

"Try not to move," I said to her, trying to contain the rage I felt at myself and at the person who did this to my beautiful angel. Emmett followed me into the room and closed the door behind us.

I climbed onto her bed, straight into the position which had seemed so comfortable to her last night. Laying my body as close to her as I dared. I put my hand into her hair and dropped my forehead onto an undamaged part of her forehead. Her injuries seemed even worse now than they had when I left a few hours ago. The bruising seemed to continue to swell and purple. I closed my eyes, horrified that she had to endure all of this hurt.

_Edward, get off of her_. Emmett's thoughts were concerned with me being caught in this position. I ignored him.

"Bella, I'm so sorry I wasn't here when you woke up." I kissed her cheek. She closed her eyes, her face relaxed – I was glad that I seemed to be able to relax her. "And I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when you needed me."

_Edward,_ Emmett thought again. Then he shifted noisily. _I'll make you if I have to. _

I growled at him but climbed off. I would have a better conversation with Bella without Emmett's voice in my head. I sat next to her, pulling her hand into mine and pressing it to my lips again.

Bella smiled a small smile at me and gently pulled her hand away. She touched her fingers to her cheek, "How bad is it?"

How to answer that? The truth, "You're still beautiful."

She rolled her eyes at me, "You'd say that if I had no head."

Emmett laughed_ She's right._

"I wanna see."

I imagined what she would think of me if she saw all the bruising on her face. "I don't know if that's a good idea, Bella."

She flinched, "Please?"

_It's going to have to happen sooner or later, Eddie_.

I nodded. Emmett ducked into the bathroom and pulled the mirror off the wall. He returned and I saw Bella turn her head slightly in his direction.

"Are you sure about this?" I asked. Terrified of her hating me.

She inclined her head ever so slightly. It reminded me of the night I went to her house after going to Forks. Such a tiny, almost involuntary nod that would be so easy to miss. But I could never miss a single movement Bella made, she took up too much of my focus.

She closed her eyes and Emmett held the mirror over the top of her. All she needed to do was open her eyes and she would see the ravages that had been wrought on her.

She took a deep breath and opened her eyes. And broke my heart. The look of abject horror that was on her face was something I would walk through fire to avoid ever seeing again. My rage at the world grew with every passing second, every additional injury Bella's eyes seemed to take in.

Now that I knew Bella was awake it was hard to think about anything but my anger at myself – except maybe my anger at him. The person who wrought these damages on her.

I gently touched her chin with my finger, "I want so badly to hurt the one who did this to you."

She reached her fingers back onto my face, "Won't help me."

"It'll help me." But I couldn't do it if Bella didn't want me too.

She tried to sit up, I put my hand gently onto the bed and wiped her face clean.

"Promise you won't do anything. Don't bring yourself down. You're better than him." She ran her hand through my hair.

That simple movement was enough to undo me. I dropped my head onto the bed beside her. I was trying so hard to keep it together, to be strong for her. But the thoughts of her lifeless body, the sight of her injuries all came crashing down. And worse than all of that – she was comforting me despite her own problems.

"This is worse for you than James." She said. It wasn't a question.

I nodded. I couldn't show her the stress on my face, not now but I wanted to be honest with her, "He was _supposed_ to be a monster he was a vampire. But it was a human that did this to you."

She stoked my face.

I couldn't control my voice anymore, "But it's more than that - at least then I could wait by your side. I could support you. Now I can only come in twice a day for too few precious hours."

"Take me to your house?"

I raised my head, she wanted to move into my house? "You'd do that?"

"Yes."

I thought about it, being that close to Bella without needing all the cloak and dagger stuff. "I'll talk to Carlisle about it, but we need to be extra careful with you at the moment."

She laughed, but then groaned with the pain, "You always are."

Typical Bella – never wanted to be the martyr. "No, I mean you've had your spleen removed. It makes you very susceptible to infection. We can't risk moving you until we are sure that it'll be okay."

"Oh."

"I'll find out from Carlisle how soon though. I promise we will move you, the second it's possible."

"Sure." Bella's face lined with pain.

"Do you need more pain relief?" I asked, stroking her hair.

She nodded, tears springing to her eyes. I gently wiped them away.

"I'll get the nurse back in, then you can sleep again." I reached for the call button.

"Wait."

"What is it?"

"Police?"

"Yes, love, the police have been told. We're doing everything possible to make this guy pay," I clenched my teeth, imaging the ways I would like to make him pay, "at least everything possible the human way."

"They'll wanna talk to me."

"Yes, but not until you are up to it. Don't worry, everyone is here for you. We'll help you through this."

She shook her head at me, "No. I wanna talk. It's just...can't remember what he looks like."

"So?"

She looked panicked, "No witnesses. I need to tell them or he could get off. Alice's vision. You saw him? Tell me what he looks like."

"It's not going to look right if you know exactly what he looks like either."

"You can jog something in my memory?"

"Later. Now you need to sleep." I kissed her forehead and pushed the call button. As soon as the nurse came in she pushed Emmett and I back out again. I would just have to count down the hours until it was time to be back with Bella again.

**A/N – Sorry for the delay on getting this chapter up. I've been a bit involved with race-car driving, foul-mouthed AH Edward in Chasing Victory. Polite vampire Edward finally got his say tonight :)**

**As always I love to know your thoughts on these chapters and if you're on twitter so am I – mpg82 :)**


	13. Revenge

**Chapter 13: Revenge**

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations. This is unbeta'd so apologies for any & all mistakes. Please take the time to leave some words if you really loved it or really hated it! _

*****

Jacob threw his suitcase into the back of my Volvo and climbed into the passenger seat. I wasn't sure what to say to him and I could tell by his thoughts he felt the same. It was odd sitting so close to someone whom I despised for so many reasons but had invited to stay with the love of my life.

I heard Jake wondering how best to find out how bad Bella's injuries were.

"It's bad. But she's conscious again at least. She's through the worst of it. The biggest risk now is infections."

I saw him narrow his eyes. _I thought I told you to stay out of my head._

"Sorry, it just saves time," I chuckled.

He shook his head, "Doesn't mean I have to like it. Why do you do it?"

"I can't help it. I hear everyone's thoughts all the time. I could hear every thought and insignificant worry of every single person at the airport."

"Seriously?" _That must be annoying_.

I chuckled, "I can hear every individual voice. But I can work to make it become a general hum most of the time with all of the voices talking over one another. But individual voices, particularly familiar voices, make themselves heard. And my mind naturally listens to certain thing, like my name or Bella's." I stopped. Saying her name reminded me of how bad she was. How broken she had looked when I left this morning after our conversation. I tuned into the nurses thoughts right as I was leaving the hospital to come to the airport. I couldn't wait to see her again, which would be later this afternoon during visiting hours and then tonight I would sit in her room wrapped around her all night. But tomorrow was Monday and that meant I needed to go to school. Alice said she couldn't see when Bella would wake up next, I figured it was because Jacob would be in the room with her.

"What's wrong with her?" Jacob's question cut through my thoughts.

"She's very bruised, and cut, she has a broken cheekbone and clavicle. Carlisle had to remove her spleen..." I took a deep breath.

Jacob released his breath in a long exhale through his teeth. "I want to see her."

I expected as much. "I'll take you straight to the hospital. I can drop your suitcase at Bella's for you."

"Edward?"

I nodded.

"Thanks - for calling me I mean. It does mean a lot that I can be here for her."

I chuckled darkly, "I just hope she feels the same way."

"She doesn't know that I'm coming?"

"No, it didn't come up when she was awake."

He nodded but I could tell he was worried about her reaction.

"She cares about you Jacob."

_That must hurt to admit_.

"Only the fact that it is my fault you hurt her so much."

_How on earth do you figure that?_

"If I'd never left, you two would never have gotten close and you would never have been in a position to hurt her with your imprint."

I heard him wince internally at the reminder but I heard how much he already missed Harriett. I was surprised at the depth and complexity of the emotions he felt towards her. It was pure, simple and unconditional love. He shook his head, "You can't blame yourself for everything that happens to Bella. Sometimes bad stuff just happens."

I laughed – he sounded exactly like Bella had after her eighteenth birthday party.

_It wasn't a joke, geez_.

"I know it wasn't a joke – you just sound like Bella that's all."

He shrugged but was smugly thinking that he had a lot in common with her.

The rest of the drive continued in a mix of silence and discussions about Bella's time here. Perhaps the most surprising thing about the journey was that by the time I dropped Jacob off at the hospital neither of us had issued any threats or attempted bodily harm on each other.

"Jake?" I asked as he climbed out of the car.

He nodded.

"Thank you for coming, I know how hard it is for you to be away from Harriett."

He nodded and smiled at me before heading into the hospital.

I drove back to Bella's house and dropped off Jacob's suitcase into her spare room. I made up the bed and dusted the house. Then I felt useless. Bella was being taken looked after by Jacob and I wouldn't be able to go back for another three hours when the afternoon visiting hours started. I drove back to my house instead. I wanted to talk to Carlisle about the possibility of Bella moving in with us, although as much as I wanted to do it I knew it would complicate our plan of denial. There was a special favour I wanted to ask of Alice. I had promised Bella I wouldn't go after her attacker but I couldn't stop the burning rage that I felt every time I thought of him.

After I'd parked the car in the garage Alice came bounding over to me. "You're going to do some serious damage if you go through with your plan."

"I don't care. I need this Alice. If I don't..."

"You'll do it for real, yeah I know."

"So where do you see me doing this?"

"Your room – you can replace your own stuff if you break it and Esme will be upset if you if you break anything else. But it's also at least partially contained."

I nodded and stalked straight to my room. She positioned Emmett and Jasper outside my window and my door to ensure I didn't try to escape if it became too much.

_Go for it, Edward_.

I focused hard on Alice's mind, letting her vision become mine and decided, with every fibre of my being, that I would go against my promise to Bella and would get revenge on the monster that attacked Bella.

_I stalked through the darkened streets towards the pub where he was drinking. I waited in the shadows out the front for him to stumble out and towards his car. I slid silently into step behind him pulling the rear driver's-side door open as he pulled his own door open. He was too drunk and I timed it too perfectly for him to notice, both the opening and closing. He started the engine and as soon as he was out of the lot I slipped my hand over his lock and pushed it – locking all the doors. _

_Once we were away from the other traffic I clipped the back of his head to render him unconscious. In the same instant I climbed over the seat, shifting him to the passenger seat and taking over control of the wheel. I drove the car out of the town limits as quickly as I could. _

_I drove into the forest, pushing the car as deep as it could possibly go. Then I worked on trying to rouse the creep. He needed to be awake for what I planned. I needed him to see my face and to explain everything to him so that when he arrived in hell he would know who sent him there and why. _

_I leaned him against his car so he could know what it felt like to be pinned by an attack. It took a while for him to come around. When he did he was the charming person I expected him to be. _

"_Who the fuck are you?"_

"_I am the one who is going to teach you a lesson about keeping your hands to yourself."_

"_What the fuck are you talking about?"_

"_Bella Swan."_

"_Who?"_

_I pushed my face right into his, starting deep into his eyes. "Ms Swan – the poor woman you beat the living hell out of." I pulled my lips back off my teeth, revealing their glistening white sharpness. "She happens to be a very dear friend of mine."_

_A slight shadow of fear crossed his face before being replaced by stubborn pride, "What the fuck do you think you are going to do about it? You're just a fucking kid."_

_I laughed at him, a dark laugh that sent a shiver down his spine, "You'll be surprised what I could do about it. But that's up to you."_

"_What the fuck are you talking about?"_

"_Turn yourself into the police. Admit that you were the one who attacked Bella Swan."_

"_And why the fuck would I do that – they've got nothing on me."_

"_You do it because it's the right thing to do."_

_He scoffed and went to stand. I put my hand on his collarbone and tightened my fingers until I heard the creak that indicated it was at its stress point. Just the smallest amount of extra pressure and it would snap. He screamed in agony and it was like music to my ears. I was going to make him scream once for every tear Bella shed since the attack, for every stitch she had and for every fragment of bone Carlisle had to brace back together. _

_Thoughts of trying to convince him to do the right thing flew out the window at the sound of his scream._

_I squeezed my fingers together and felt the joy roll through me at the exquisite pitch his scream reached as his bone snapped in two. I knew this made me a monster. I knew it made me unworthy of Bella's love but I knew I wouldn't be able to stop now until my task was complete. _

"_You're fucking crazy,"_

_I pulled my lips back further, "You don't know how fucking crazy I can be."_

_I smashed my fist into his face, in exactly the same position as Bella's injury. I had to rein myself in so that I didn't kill him immediately. _

Alice's vision progressed further and I saw myself duplicating every single one of Bella's injuries before finally pulling him apart piece by piece. I could almost feel him between my hands as I twisted and tugged and pulled, mimicking the moves I saw in Alice's vision. I saw myself working hard against the blood lust to ensure that I didn't take a single drop of his blood into me.

When Alice's vision had played out I looked around my room in shock.

Then I laughed. I guess Alice had warned me that I was going to make a mess. The couch that formerly sat towards the edge of my room now resided in tiny little pieces all over and the springs and stuffing clung to every surface, including my clothes and hair. I did get a little... carried away. But there were two benefits, one I had been able to get the anger I felt off my chest and two it was now time to get back to Bella.

I ran downstairs and straight to Alice. I shot her a smile and gave her a hug, "Thank-you."

_Weirdo!_ But there was amusement in her thoughts. _Esme's going to flip when she sees you room though._

"Then don't let her see it – please?"

Alice looked at me, as if wondering what to demand.

"If she sees it I might have to explain to her exactly what happened," I teased, "Including your involvement."

"Fine," Alice said. Then she added, "Jasper's going with you to the hospital this afternoon."

"Is that going to be -"

Alice cut across me, impatiently, "He'll be fine Edward, she's not got any open wounds anymore."

I nodded, "Sorry, I just -"

She rolled her eyes, "I know, but seriously you have to learn to trust him or else he'll never trust himself."

I nodded, then I flittered over and gave her a peck on the forehead, "When you're right, you're right. I'll go get him."

The drive down to the hospital was the best I'd had. I knew Jasper was calming me but I didn't care, I welcomed it. If I had peace and could smile it would help Bella more than if I was a sobbing mess by her bedside. So I did just that, walked towards her room beaming. But as it turned out it didn't matter what I looked like because she was asleep again.

Jacob nodded to me in welcome and then stood and walked to the chairs at the other end of the room. He was thinking about the fact that Bella had just drifted off about half hour ago. I sat in the chair next to her and her head shifted slightly in my direction. I started my usual ministrations of gently running my fingers over her injuries, exerting no pressure – just allowing their natural coolness to sooth her.

*****

I arrived for school in a foul mood. After spending the night with Bella I didn't want to leave again this morning. The night with her, lying beside her in bed while she'd mumbled and screamed in her sleep, had brought back every inch of my murderous rage. I wanted act out Alice's vision for real. I wanted to smell the tang of his blood as it covered the footpath. But I wouldn't. Because I promised Bella.

I changed my assessment of Mr Grossman. It wasn't that he was not as adequate a teacher as Bella it was that he was an utter moron. I couldn't understand how he had ever graduated and been given the opportunity to teach English to students. He didn't seem to grasp any of the basic premises of books. There may be books that I don't particularly like, but I at least make an effort to understand them. His butchering of the ideals and themes of Wuthering Heights had me clamping my jaw tightly shut for the entire English lesson. It didn't help that I knew it was one of Bella's favourite books, she was no doubt looking forward to getting the students to understand it – and now they probably never would.

My day didn't improve from there. Word had got out about Bella's attack. No-one knew exactly how bad it was so a few of them, those who automatically assume the guilt in people, thought she got what she deserved for messing around with school boys. It was incredibly hard not to throw those people against a wall. But somehow I managed.

I also managed _not_ to kill the school boys whose fantasies of Bella had been slowly ramping up since they found out about the accusation and now included her in all manner of ungodly positions.

It was a constant struggle, more than any other day I had ever had to endure, and that include the first day in Bella arrived biology in Forks. I thought that had been the pinnacle of my self-control.

There was only one slip. Cain. I'd listened all though English to his guilt at what he'd told his father about Bella. I felt a little bit more charitable towards him about it – apparently he said something that he thought was innocent to his step-father who took it the wrong way and made a complaint. So it was a misunderstanding when Mr Anders had 'found out' about him and Bella.

It wasn't until I was passing him at lunchtime that I cracked. He was thinking about Bella's attack and I realised it was his step-father who had attacked her. I followed him out into the grounds and, as soon as we were alone, turned him around sharply to face me. I could see my black eyes reflected in his. He cowered away and slunk to the ground with his hands in front of him defensively.

His revulsion to my touch was disproportionate. Despite my anger I had barely touched him and yet he cowered away. I saw images running through his head of his step-father hitting him. It was enough to make me drop my hold and as soon as I had he ran away. I found myself halfway to my car before Alice and Jasper intercepted me.

"Edward – you promised Bella."

I clenched my jaw. Jasper tried to calm me. I tried to shake it off. He pushed harder to try to calm me and I shot him a murderous warning glance. I would not be calmed. Not now.

"If you leave now and continue on this course Bella won't forgive you," Alice said.

She was lying. But she also knew it was the one thing that would stop me from leaving. Bella would forgive me - I knew Bella would forgive me just about anything - but I wanted to deserve Bella. I wanted to be good enough for her and if I ripped Chris Markson apart piece by piece I wouldn't be.

"Two more periods and then you can go to the hospital."

"How is she Alice?"

_I don't know – I can't see her with Jacob there remember._

I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose.

Two hours.

Just two short hours and I would be able to see Bella again.

*****

Jacob was curled up in a chair in the corner of the hospital room when I arrived. Bella was awake and her face broke into as wide a smile as she could manage pain-free when I opened the door. Alice had come with me today and she immediately took my usual position on the chair beside Bella's bed. I'd known it was going to be a mistake bringing her down.

_My turn to spend some time with her. It's not all about you, you know._

I wanted to rip her from the seat and claim it but I didn't want to upset Bella. So I did the next best thing I could. I climbed in bed beside Bella. Alice poked her tongue out at me and Bella laughed.

Alice admonished me, "What if a nurse comes in and sees you there? I can't see what's going to happen in this room with the dog in the corner."

I heard Jacob chuckle and he thought, _Good_.

"Your talents might be limited, Alice. But fortunately mine are not. I'll know if someone is coming."

Bella laughed a little. I looked at her quizzically.

"Your talents are limited too," she said.

I smiled in response and kissed the tip of her nose. "But it takes a special person to mess with my talents. Whereas any old dog can muddle Alice."

Alice went to take a swipe at me but then thought better of it because I was so closely entwined with Bella.

"I'll get you later Edward," she warned.

"You'll try."

Bella laughed again. It was a good sound. I promised then and there that I would definitely work to be in a good mood when we came down in the future.

And then Alice spoiled it.

"The police are coming to speak to Bella tomorrow."

Great.

**A/N – Okay I made it, I got this posted this weekend :) Thanks for sticking by me while I took so long to post **

**Hopefully Race Car Driver Edward will be patient and let sparkly vamp Edward have his turn too from now on. I have a few days off this week & am going to be working on chaps for Carlisle's Doctor & the final chap or two of Bella the Wild Rose. **

**I'm on twitter (I know I keep saying this but I always forget who I have/haven't told in my chapter notes so I want to make sure everyone knows). I love talking to my bb's on there – you know who you are but I also like to make new friends. **

**I've got a few really good fics I've been reading lately – they're all in my fav's if you want to check any of them out.**


	14. Shifting Sympathy

**Chapter 14: Shifting Sympathy**

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations. This is unbeta'd so apologies for any & all mistakes. Please take the time to leave some words if you really loved it or really hated it! _

*****

Ever since Alice's announcement about the police coming I couldn't relax. I did everything I could to ensure I'd be as close by as possible. I knew there would be no reasonable explanation for me to be in the actual room with Bella so we agreed I would wait out in the parking lot, at least until they left. That way I could glean what information I could from them - because with officers of the law what they thought and what they said were often two different things, mainly because they didn't want to pervert the course of justice. But in this case I knew who did it and I wanted to make sure the police did too. I didn't tell Bella what I had found out about Cain or his step-father because I didn't want her to say anything in her witness statement that sounded out of place. And naming a man she'd only met the once would definitely be out of place.

I went to school in the morning to keep up appearances but I couldn't concentrate on anything but the upcoming police interview with Bella. It was even difficult to listen to the thoughts of those around me, despite the shifting attitudes. The true extent of Bella's injuries were filtering around the school now, thanks in big part to my siblings, and as word spread sympathy shifted. More and more people felt that regardless of Bella's guilt or innocence she didn't deserve the beating she'd been given, which in turn led many to view her as the innocent party and forget the initial allegations.

Mr Anders in particular spent much of the day as he had the last few, weighing up the 'evidence' against Bella, and he'd finally reached a decision. He hadn't seen anything in my behaviour to indicate that we were anything other than close friends. Of course, he couldn't read minds like I could – if he could he would have seen the scandalous thoughts about Bella that I had whenever I existed within my own thoughts.

I left school at lunch and drove straight for the hospital. I pulled into the parking lot and listened to find out who was with Bella. I was relieved when I found Carlisle's mind in her room. I just wished I had some way of letting him know I was here. He was talking to Bella, explaining how much he thought she had improved. And he was right. Each passing day her swelling reduced. Most of her bruises were starting to turn a yellow-brown colour. In short each day she became more and more _her_ again.

The police arrived in the room just as Carlisle was finishing up. Jacob was in the cafeteria, having been shooed out by a nurse just before Carlisle's arrival. I heard Carlisle find him and explain the police were here and to stay out of Bella's room for the time being.

The police woman spoke first, "Miss Swan, I'm Detective Fray and this is Detective Jenson." She indicated her partner, a tall and stocky man who looked like he'd never cracked a smile in his life. Bella didn't look very comfortable with him close by. I wondered if his bulky size reminded her of Chris Markson. The policewoman, Detective Fray, seemed to understand the apprehension on Bella's face and took the seat beside the bed, motioning for her partner to take one of the other chairs, that Jacob and whoever I took with me usually occupied, along the far wall of the room.

Detective Fray ran the discussion.

"Miss Swan, I'd like for you to tell me in your own words what happened to cause you these injuries."

Bella nodded and I tried to tune out the thoughts of her face and voice as she described the fear she felt and the words Chris said. I knew that if I had to see her tears, or hear her talk about how afraid she'd been, I might lose my resolve to keep my promise to not harm the monster that did it to her. So instead I tried to listen to the thoughts of both detectives without tuning into specific words. Both of the police had the exact same thought. Between the description Bella gave and their local knowledge they knew the only person who could have done this was Chris. And both were elated because it meant they finally had a case which might lead to Chris' arrest. Apparently they had both been to his house multiple times in response to domestic violence calls from neighbours but charges were never laid because neither Cain nor his mother would agree to testify against Chris.

Finally, after running over her story a few times and committing it to paper the police had Bella sign her witness statement and then left. As they walked out of the door Detective Fray turned back towards Bella with a sympathetic smile and said, "We're investigating a number of leads with this, we'll let you know as soon as we know anything."

Bella nodded but looked utterly dejected. I wanted to race in and tell her who it was but instead I did the sensible thing and sought out Jacob first so that the two of us could go into Bella's room together so that it didn't look like I was trying to sneak in on my own. Once I arrived I wrapped my arms around Bella as gently as I could.

"They know more than they're letting on," I whispered into her ear.

"Who do?"

"The police – they know, or at least strongly suspect, who it is."

"Then who was it?"

"Chris Markson. Apparently he's well known to them."

"Why?"

"They are regular visitors to his house. He apparently treats his own family the same way he treated you."

"Oh," Bella said. I could see the compassion and pity in her eyes. She was lying here in hospital and yet she still had the ability to feel for his family.

I gently stroked her face, "The police will handle this Bella. With your testimony they'll get him off the streets."

She nodded and a tear slipped from her eyes. I knew how hard it had been for her to tell the police the story.

"You did a wonderful job, Bella. I am so proud of you." I pressed my lips to hers very gently.

"Carlisle was here before the police," Bella said. She obviously wanted to change the subject.

I smiled, "I know."

She chuckled, "I guess I shouldn't be surprised you were listening."

"I told you I would be."

"To the police, not to anything before then." She teased.

I just laughed. "I've got more news for you."

She narrowed her eyes, "What's that?"

"Mr Anders has all but decided to cancel your suspension. He seems to believe the version of events we have offered."

She nodded, not seeming as pleased as I thought she might be.

"What is it, Bella?"

She shrugged, "I just don't see the benefit in that if the rest of the town hates me and believes I'm guilty."

"We'll get out of town soon enough."

"How? I don't want to leave gossip and rumours behind us."

"I don't think we'll have to worry about that. Everyone is very sympathetic towards you now."

She looked at me incredulously, "Yeah right, Edward."

"I'm being serious, Bella. Why would I lie to you about this?"

She examined my face then a small smile broke onto her lips. "So we can leave soon?"

I nodded, "I think the best idea is for you to go back to school for a couple of weeks though, show that it is all behind you. Then you can reconcile with Jacob and leave."

She made a face and I laughed.

"Hey!" Jacob called from the other side of the room, he'd caught the look too.

"Sorry Jake, you know I still care about you but I just cannot even think about going back there now."

I leaned close to her ear and breathed, "Good, because you are mine and I don't share."

She shivered but I wasn't sure if it was from my words or my breath.

"So when do I get to move in with you?" She whispered back.

"I've been thinking about that, Bella, and I think it might be better if we wait until we can move on. Now that there is a bit of a timeframe forming, I think it is better if you stay in your house with Jacob so we can encourage the rumours about a reconciliation. Better those rumours than the ones that might start if you move into our house."

She seemed to consider it for a minute. "That makes sense," she admitted grudgingly.

"It will only be for a few weeks, a couple of months tops. And then..." I smiled at her and she smiled back. "Which reminds me – Jacob?"

"Mmmm?" Jacob said without looking up from his magazine.

"Come up to the house later and pick a car to get around in, at least until Bella's is fixed."

Bella shifted anxiously next to me I looked quizzically at her but she just shook her head. She wasn't ready to talk about it. I sighed, but decided that it was better not to push her now.

_What car? Why?_ Jacob was thinking. I wished again that I could hear Bella's thoughts so I could know what was bothering her. I turned back to Jacob, "Any of the cars in our garage, you need to be able to get around town – especially while I'm at school."

"Any?" His eyes bugged for a second. He obviously knew our taste in cars from our time in Forks.

"Yeah _any_ no one will begrudge your choice, everyone is so thankful that you are here for Bella."

_He probably wants me to pick something safe and practical for chauffeuring Bella around in nothing fast or fun._

"Actually, you can pick any car because I know you wouldn't put Bella in danger. And if you did, I'd kill you."

He chuckled, "You'd try."

I caught his eye, "But it's a moot point anyway - isn't it."

He nodded, "Yeah, I'd never hurt Bells." He thought about their past, "At least not intentionally."

I nodded and returned my full attention to Bella. I was finally beginning to understand, and maybe even like, Jacob Black.

*****

The rest of the week passed in a similar fashion. I stayed in Bella's hospital room alone each night – ducking out of the room whenever a nurse or doctor came into the room. Then in the morning, as soon as Jacob arrived, I would fly from the window and run home to change and come back down for the morning visiting hours before going to school. Then I would have to endure hours of torture away from Bella's side listening to the thoughts of everyone in the school - although thankfully each day their thoughts were less and less about Bella which made it easier to deal. Then after school I would drive up to the hospital with whichever of my siblings would come down with me. Only Rosalie hadn't come down yet, but I knew it was because Bella's attack reminded her a little too much of her own so I didn't feel any anger towards her for it.

As I ran in the door on Saturday morning after spending the Carlisle thought that today was the day he would release Bella. She had made enough of an improvement that she would be able to manage at home, with assistance from Jacob. I was ecstatic, as was Alice who immediately decided a shopping trip was in order to make sure Bella had a fantastic 'going home' outfit. I knew Bella wouldn't care less about what outfit she was wearing so long as she going home but it gave me something to occupy my time until we were able to go up to the hospital because Carlisle wouldn't release her until the afternoon so he could run a final round of observations on her. We spent a bit of time orchestrating a plan for a series of arrivals and departures from Bella's house when she got home this afternoon – the plan was to leave anyone watching so confused they wouldn't know how many people came or went.

I walked as patiently as possible behind Alice as she dragged me from shop to shop. Finally she declared that she had found _it_. She held up a long scrap of material which just plain confused me. I knew about men's clothes, they were easy, but women's clothes just baffled me sometimes with all the knots and bow and ruffles and clasps. It was one of the things I loved about Bella - jeans and a button-up shirt were the staples of her wardrobe and were very easy to remove, not that I didn't appreciate it when she was dressed up as well. Alice laughed when she saw the expression on my face at the sight of the material she was holding up. She showed me how to do it up, and more importantly - how to undo it, on a mannequin in the store.

When we hit the hospital we went straight to Carlisle's office. I realised it was going to make me late but if we were springing Bella today I didn't mind and I knew she wouldn't either. Although I still tuned into Jacob's thoughts once we were finished in Carlisle's office. He was amused that Bella seemed to be anxious for me to arrive. This little confirmation of the way she felt about me made my smile even broader than it already was. Nothing could put a damper on my mood today.

I walked into the room and straight to Bella's side, kissed her gently on the forehead and then I gave Jacob a quick jab to the arm in greeting. Even though it wasn't a serious punch it probably would have broken a normal humans arm. He took a swipe at me in return and I grinned wider, looking back at Bella.

Bella looked between Alice and myself.

"So what's got you two looking like the cat who got the cream?" she asked.

Alice threw a bag onto the bed Bella's feet, "We've come to spring you."

"Seriously? I'm going home today?"

I laughed, "Well, Carlisle did say you could leave when you felt ready. Alice saw that you felt ready."

"Come on, Bella. Get up, get changed. Boys - out."

Jacob went to race for the door, _last one out is a rotten egg_. I grabbed him around the shoulders to push him behind me. I whispered, "You're so juvenile," in his ear. As soon as we burst into the hall he poked his tongue out at me. I shook my head, "You and Emmett need to get together – you'd get along so well."

Then I ignored him as I tried not to concentrate on Alice's thoughts. But it was hard, especially when I heard Bella start to ask how she was going to get out of it. I turned to Jacob.

"Jake?"

"Yeah?"

"You want to take my Aston out tonight? For a nice long drive?"

He laughed, "Quality time?"

I shrugged, "I just want to help her get settled back into her house."

"Sure thing."

"Take my credit card for fuel – go as far as you want."

I turned back into Alice's mind as I heard Bella ask whether Alice spies on us with her visions. I knew Alice didn't – in fact she went to great lengths to avoid them sometimes. I heard in Alice's mind that she was going to tease Bella a little about it though. I heard the bathroom door swing open and Alice say, "By the way, you two - hot!"

Bella sounded mortified, "Alice, sometimes I swear you're worse than Emmett."

"Thank you!" Alice said as she swept out into the corridor with Jacob and I. _I know you want to help her out now, Edward, but I think it's better if Jacob does._

I nodded in response to Alice's thought. "Jacob," I indicated for him to go in the door.

As soon as Bella was in Jacob's sights I saw she was flushed that gorgeous red colour I loved so much against her cream skin.

"What's up, Bells?" Jacob asked when he saw the colour of her face.

"Nothing." Bella said through gritted teeth. "Can we go home now?"

I couldn't help it, between Alice's thoughts and Bella's face I burst out laughing. Bella fumed. I was _so_ going to get it later – but it was worth it.

We walked though the hospital towards the parking lot. Jacob and I support Bella between the two of us and helped her into the MG which Jacob was currently borrowing – he'd been asking about the Aston Martin but despite what I told him about 'any car' I just hadn't gathered the courage to let him have it yet, so he was in for a treat tonight. And so was I – completely uninterrupted time with Bella.

As we drove home I rang everyone to give them the signal that our game of musical cars was about to start. Jacob and I settled Bella down onto the couch and then for the next hour my family came and went in a flurry of cars and bodies. Esme came down and dropped off groceries. Even Carlisle came up from the hospital.

Finally after everyone left I walked over to the couch beside Bella. I twisted my body back against the armrest so that I was facing towards Bella. Then I gently twisted her into my chest so that her legs were lying along the length of the couch. I brought my lips down to her smashed collarbone. I had run my fingers over this spot so many times over the last week, but I'd been longing to feel the warmth of her skin against my lips. Her blood coursed through her neck, so sweet-smelling, telling me that I was home. I ran my tongue from her neck to her shoulder. She shivered, but I didn't think it was because of the cold. I chuckled against her.

"So, how does it feel to be home?" I asked her.

"To be honest, it doesn't feel like home anymore."

I was confused by her answer. "And what would be home then?"

"Wherever you are."

If my heart was beating it would have just skipped a beat. "I'm here right now."

"Yeah, but it's always cloak and daggers stuff to get you in here. I'd like to be able to walk in the front door holding hands for once, you know."

"Two months and then we can be together forever."

"Mmm, sounds good." She leaned her head further back into me, opening up her neck and chest. I brushed her hair off her shoulder and neck, pushing it around to the other side. Then I nuzzled my face into the crook of her neck and kissed her a few times. Bella's heart rate sped. I knew I wasn't going to take it too far but I was also going to enjoy every minute of time we spent together. I twirled the knot Alice had made in the material that became a shirt. "So, Alice told me I had to help you out of this thing?"

"Mmm-hmm."

I pulled at the knot, skilfully twisting and pulling in all the places Alice had shown me until it was just sitting in a heap beside the couch. I pushed one hand around her waist and just held her to me. My thumb drew gently circles on her stomach. She yawned absently, so I tried to relax her further. She needed sleep. I ran my mouth and tongue over her neck and shoulders. She groaned. I started to hum her lullaby into her neck while I continued to kiss her.

Her breathing settled and evened out. She was asleep. I didn't want to move her so I just held her tightly and rocked her as she slept.

After a few hours I realised that Jacob would be home soon so I gently shifted Bella in my arms so I could pick her up. Bella startled awake a little, she lifted her head to look around.

"Why's it so dark?"

I laughed a little at the question – she obviously hadn't realised she was so close to sleep. "You fell asleep."

"I'm sorry."

I spoke to her as I carried her down the hallway, "Don't be. I wasn't going to take it any further anyway. I'm not going to risk that while you still have broken bones."

"Tease."

I laughed as I laid her into the bed and climbed in beside her. I ran my finger over her broken cheekbone gently. She shivered at my touch. I realised it was the first time I had touched that side of her face while she was awake. Then I cupped her chin and pressed my lips to hers briefly. But that brief taste made me want more. I looked into her eyes, "Tell me if I hurt you."

She nodded and I pressed my lips forward again. I felt her mouth popping open, her lips soft and supple against mine. I wanted to stay lost here all night but I knew she needed her sleep. I pulled away and laid down beside her.

"Tease." She murmured as I hummed her lullaby to help her off to sleep.

**A/N- Any mistakes in this chapter can be blamed on the RPatz "Details" shoot because - well honestly who isn't a bit muddled at the moment after those photos! **

**I will keep my updates coming as fast as I can but I have to start my study again for this semester this week so I will have to concentrate on that a little too (unfortunately LOL) **

**Check out my favs list there are some fantastic stories in there, in various stages of completion. Special mentions this week Almost Doesn't Count, Expectations & other moving pieces and Smoking in the Boys Room. And if you haven't read Emancipation Proclamation I highly recommend that you do (it is epic & I am only 1/2 way through the story to date!) it's address on blogger is http://kharizzmatik-ep . /**


	15. Repairs

**Chapter 15: Repairs**

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations. This is unbeta'd so apologies for any & all mistakes. Please take the time to leave some words if you really loved it or really hated it! _

*****

I watched helpless as Bella tossed herself from one side of the bed to the other. Screams ripped from her throat as nightmares took hold. It concerned me because I'd never seen her like this. She certainly hadn't had anything like this at the hospital, but then she'd usually been so heavily medicated there her sleep was not natural. This was the first natural sleep she'd had since the attack, and it was filled with terror and there was no way I could fix it. I'd done everything I could to make her comfortable after shifting her from the couch. I'd dressed her in one of her favourite pairs of pyjamas and I'd climbed into bed beside her in just my shorts as she seemed to prefer that. And after the tossing and turning started I tried to wrap my arms around her and the first few times that worked but then she started to struggle and screamed louder and I was worried about her damaging her fragile collarbone so I let her go.

She continued into the early hours of the morning, too heavily asleep for me to wake her. I'd tried murmuring and whispering to help her but nothing worked. I even heard Jacob's mind racing with concern for her. I'd never felt so utterly useless in all my existence. Finally, after what felt like hours, she settled back into a deeper, dreamless sleep and I tore myself away from her. I paced the hallway, running my hands through my hair repeatedly. Bella was certainly bringing out the human in me, this was never the way I dealt with stress. I usually froze up. But now I felt like I couldn't walk or run fast enough to shake the stress.

The door to Jacob's bedroom creaked open, "Man, you are going to wear a hole in that rug."

I sighed, "Leave it, Jacob."

"I know. It's hard when she gets like this."

I turned my head in his direction, seeing images of Bella in similar night-time panics when she was with Jacob.

"I don't understand. Why was she having nightmares then?"

"You really don't want to know," Jacob said. But I saw anyway. His thought inadvertently turned to a conversation they had one morning after a bad night.

"_Bells, you've got to tell me what's wrong."_

_She shook her head. _

"_You've been having the bad dreams again. I want to help you stop them. Tell me what they are about."_

_She shook her head, "You don't want to know."_

_Jacob grabbed her hands and knelt in front of her, "I love you, Bells. I always want to know." _

"_You don't."_

_He growled in frustration and stood, walking to the other side of the room, "Why won't you just tell me what your dream was about? I want to help."_

_Bella seethed, "You want to know what I'm dreaming about? Why I'm trying to get you to just drop it? I'm dreaming about _him_, Jacob. About how much his absence rips through me even though I don't want it to. I don't want to tell you that because I know it hurts you when I talk about him."_

"_Shit, Bells. It's been three fucking years, I'd have thought you'd be over that shit by now."_

_She dropped her head and started to cry._

"_Do you love me?" Jacob asked her._

"_Of course I do, Jake, you know that. And I don't regret being with you. And I don't feel like I just settled when we got together. But none of that can make me stop dreaming about him. Especially this time of the year." _

"_Yeah, he really fucked up your birthdays for you didn't he?"_

I stared at Jacob with wide-eyed disbelief. Was it possible that Bella's nightmares had nothing to do with her attack and everything to do with me? With my leaving.

"Shit, man," Jacob said, "I didn't mean to think about that. I'm sorry."

"I did that to her." I fell to my knees on the floor clutching onto the hair at the back of my head, tearing at it to cause me some pain. A super heated hand came down on mine and stopped the clawing, then Jacob's face came into my line of sight.

"You can't stress about that now. Not while she needs you. If you can't be strong for her now, if you can't be there for her 100%, you may as well walk into that room and snap her neck because honestly you falling apart will kill her just as effectively, but a lot more painfully."

I stared at him, my mouth gaping. He was supporting me, _helping_ me? I knew it was for Bella's sake, but still. How did we end up in a situation where Jacob Black was telling _me_ to make sure I was there for Bella. My shock must have been evident on my face because he chuckled, "Yeah I know right. Who'd have thought the werewolf would be telling the vampire to go after the girl."

"And here I thought _I_ was the mind-reader," I said and Jacob chuckled.

"Come on. Neither of us is getting any more sleep tonight," he said, laughing at his own little joke. "Why don't I spill some dirt on what happened with Bella during your break?"

I laughed darkly at his term but relented, moving to the dining table. Then I realised this was the perfect opportunity to ask a question that had been burning within me ever since the afternoon Bella had spent with Alice, but a question which I hadn't wanted to raise with Bella because I didn't want to dredge up painful memories. I looked over at Jacob who was fixing himself a coffee. "What happened with Laurent and Victoria? Bella told Alice you saved her from them."

Jacob was a little startled at the bluntness of my question but recovered quickly. "It'll be easier to show you." It was evident he was slowly becoming more comfortable with my talent, although everyone maintained a certain level of discomfort knowing every thought was on show – even my family complained about that sometimes.

He started running through his memory. There were many of them. The first was of Bella in our meadow, she looked so broken and lost but the worst part of the scene was Laurent was so close to her and was preparing himself for attack._ She told me later she'd gone there to find a trace of you - a memory to hold onto_. Jacob's thoughts made my jaw tighten. It was my fault that Bella had almost become a meal for Laurent. _As soon as we knew he was going to attack we hunted him. We were afraid of attacking any sooner in case he was a friend of yours – we were off treaty lands._ I nodded, understanding his dilemma but thankful that they'd waited to see the outcome after Laurent started talking to Bella and hadn't merely walked away thinking him an old friend. Jacob showed me the way the whole pack, or at least the whole pack at the time, had hunted him down and killed him.

Then he showed me memories of Victoria. She had been a constant menace for a while, always testing their boundaries, somehow managing to escape at the last second each time. But then she disappeared for a long time. But his last memory was blurred to start with, he'd woken from slumber to the smell of a vampire nearby. Bella was standing in front of an open set of glass doors I didn't recognise, high up from the ground, Victoria was on the other side of the doorway. _It was a hotel in Phoenix, it was our honeymoon when she caught up with us. It was almost as if she was waiting for Bella's happiest moment. _I saw in Jacob's memory as he sailed over Bella as she fell to the floor and hit Victoria, pushing her off the balcony. The two of them sailed down through the air, tumbling one over the other until finally they smashed into the ground, with Jacob on top. The ground was shaken by the impact Victoria made, a deep hole in their wake as she stood and sprinted away into the darkness. Jacob had hurt one of his legs in the fall but didn't let it stop him from pursuing Victoria at full speed. He chased her unerringly across the land. _Sam was already in wolf form when I phased and saw what happened. He howled for the whole pack and then we laid a trap for her. She didn't know that our co-ordination wasn't affected by distance so she thought she could outrun me at first. Then she decided to turn and attack me but by then the rest of the pack was close enough. I turned, pretending to run from her but instead led her into the ambush. _

He showed me the wolves ripping and tearing at Victoria until they finally lit a fire and burned the pieces. He thankfully stopped his memory before his reunion with Bella. I may have been crawling towards friendship with Jacob Black but I didn't want to see my girl in his arms.

Jacob started to try to think of a happier memory from her time with him while I was away. He seemed to realise my reluctance to want to see her in his arms because he kept pushing any memories like that aside, then again maybe he just wanted to cling onto some part of her for himself. He still loved her, I could read that in every one of his thoughts. But his love was different now, she was no longer a draw for him. He didn't feel that magnetic pull towards her that lovers had, for which I was thankful. And despite trying to think about Bella his thoughts kept flickering to Harriett. And I saw the depth of his emotion. It was almost as passionate as I felt about Bella. And I saw how deeply he missed her. I decided that I would do something about that, and soon.

But amongst all of his thoughts and memories I caught a glimpse of something else, something he wasn't even really acknowledging himself. He was hungry but wasn't looking forward to a bowl of cold cereal.

"Bella will be up shortly I think," I declared. "I'm going to make her some bacon and eggs. Would you like some, seeing as I'm cooking them anyway?"

I knew Jacob would be too stubborn to accept if he thought I was doing it solely for his benefit. Without waiting for him to answer I walked into the kitchen, pulled out the frying pan and put it on to heat.

"Yeah, sure, that'd be great." He said finally, following behind me. I smiled to myself.

_What should we do about Bella's car_, he thought – as much to me as himself.

"I think we should just put it in for repairs while she's not using it."

_What? Pay someone else to fix it. Are you a pussy? Panel beating isn't that hard. _

I raised my eyebrow at him, "Is that a challenge?"

He chuckled, "_I_ could fix it."

"Well, why don't you show me how?" I was sure it wouldn't be too hard. Not for someone who had two medical degrees, countless years of schooling and super human strength.

He chuckled, "Deal."

I'd just finished plating Jacob's when I heard footsteps from Bella's bedroom. Jacob heard them too so we both turned to watch as she came down the hallway. She'd barely taken in the sight of the two of us when she burst out laughing.

I left the frying pan on the stovetop and walked over to Bella. Wrapping my arms around her as her laughter continued, it was good to hear – especially after her night of screaming. I kissed the tip of her nose. "What's so funny, love?"

"Nothing, it's just this scene is like the start of a joke, you know a vampire, a werewolf and a human..."

I laughed a little, I could see how that could be the beginning of a joke, and judging by his thoughts Jacob had heard a few jokes that started that way. I wasn't sure I wanted to know the details.

I walked back over to the pan and dished Bella's onto a plate, glad that I'd timed it so well. I was debating whether or not to raise her nightmares but she beat me to the punch by raising another subject. "So what's on the agenda today?"

"You're going to rest on the couch. Alice is going to bring some DVD's over for you to watch soon."

"And you are?"

"Jacob and I are going to do a little panel beating on your Audi. We haven't had time to do it yet, I was just going to put it into a shop but Jacob insists that he wants to do it himself."

Bella rolled my eyes, "Don't bother."

I frowned. I couldn't understand why she would be so concerned about us fixing her car – especially if it wasn't going to cost anything. "Why not?"

"I just don't think I can ever face that car again."

That monster had not only hurt Bella physically but mentally as well and I wanted to kill him. I relived the visions Alice had shared with me in my mind, wishing I could feel his body breaking the way I saw it. I looked over at Jacob. His thoughts echoed my own.

Bella seemed to recognise what we were thinking, "No. No revenge. Just let it rest. Leave it with the police."

I felt the growl rumbling in my chest before I could think to stop it. I heard Jacob issue a human approximation.

"And don't you growl at me." Bella snapped, pointing her finger at each of us in turn before stalking off towards the bathroom.

I looked down at her untouched plate of food. She really needed to eat to get better. "What about your breakfast?" I asked

"I lost my appetite." Her voice snapped. Then the bathroom door slammed. I heard Bella's body lean against it and the shift in her voice that indicated she was close to tears. I'd just reached the bathroom door when a sob escape from her. I knocked as lightly on the door as I could, anxious to check if she was alright. Her mood had shifted so quickly – almost faster than mine could. I knew enough medicine to know that meant she could be suffering some sort of post traumatic stress.

"Bella, honey. Let me in?" I whispered. I could break through the door easily enough but I didn't want to risk Bella being hurt in the process. Not to mention I didn't want to face the wrath of Bella for it.

I heard her standing and let go of the breath I was holding. The door cracked open an inch and then I was holding Bella tightly in my arms – she'd thrown herself at me with such force I was surprised she didn't re-damage her arm.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I don't know what came over me."

I stepped into the bathroom as I unwrapped her from me a little, I looked at her face for a second and then smiled at her, trying to be reassuring. "I don't think we're too far off the money on the post traumatic stress claim, that's all. You'll get through this. You're strong enough to get past anything."

She shook her head against me, "I'd never be able to get past loosing you again."

I chuckled, "That's a moot point because I'm never letting go of you again."

I felt her forehead come to rest on my shoulder. Her breathing calmed a little. She didn't seem willing to make a move so I decided to tease her a little. "So were you going to have a shower or did you just come in here to cry?"

She laughed in response and it was music to my ears. "Can you help me with this?" She pointed to her sling.

To get her sling off I needed to take her pyjama top off. Suddenly I thought of her being naked in front of me. Naked and wet under the shower. And I could join her there. I mean she would need help...washing her hair or something. "Sure," I said.

I unbuttoned her shirt slowly, knowing if I went to fast I would lose control and probably take her here on the bathroom floor – which wouldn't do anyone any good, not with her injuries still so fresh. It would be too much of a risk for her. But that didn't stop me enjoying the view of each new inch of skin that was exposed. She shivered as I slid my hand down her uninjured arm to brush the shirt off completely.

I turned on the shower, giving it time for the temperature to settle before turning back to Bella and helping her with her pyjama bottoms and panties.

Then I started to unbutton and unzip my own shorts.

"What are you doing?" Bella hissed as I stepped out of them.

"Helping you in the shower." I said. I couldn't help the grin that was on my face. After all I was standing inches from Bella and we were both completely naked.

"But Jacob is right there."

The horrified look on her face was completely priceless. I decided to take the rare opportunity to tease her, "Oh, would you like me to get him to help you instead?"

Jacob laughed, before quickly stifling it behind his hand. I could have growled at him but then the face Bella made – showing that she'd heard it too – was priceless. I burst out laughing. She gave me the evil eye and then turned on the spot – no doubt aiming for the shower but instead swan-diving towards the bathtub. I shot out my arm and grabbed her around her chest before she did herself anymore damage. It wasn't until after I'd stopped her progress that I realised my arm was resting just underneath her breasts, I could feel them resting against me. I wanted nothing more than to shift the position just a little and feel the delicate texture of her nipples beneath my fingers. But if I started that I was sure neither of us would be able to stop – and that would mean a risk of hurting Bella.

Bella didn't seem to register where my arm was and as I turned her back around and steadied her on her feet she glared at me.

"You can't exactly wash your own hair, not without moving your arm too much." I reminded her.

She shrugged her acceptance and walked to the shower. She stuck her uninjured arm into the water and then smiled.

"What are you thinking?" I asked. Because I knew what was making me smile and if the same thing making Bella smile perhaps a shower together wasn't the best idea.

"Just that I've finally found something I'm better at then you."

"Falling over? We already knew that." I teased, but I really wanted to know what she was talking about.

"No. Setting the temperature on the shower, I don't know what good you thought that arctic blast of water was going to do for me." She turned on the hot tap a little more.

I shook my head a little but helped her into the shower. I took note of the exact position of the taps. Next time it would be perfect.

I tried very hard to rein in my excitement at the smell and sight of Bella wet and steamy. After her hair was wet I grabbed her shampoo and rubbed a little into my hands. I lathered it into her hair, the strawberry scent was overpowering but did little to diminish the pull of Bella's natural scent. I helped her rinse it out and then conditioned her hair.

"You need to let that sit for a minute," she said, pulling herself out of the stream of water. She leant against the wall, facing towards me. I was drowning in desire for her. I put one hand on the wall on either side of her head and leant in towards her. As my mouth drew closer to hers her breathing sped. My lips connected with hers and I instantly felt my excitement growing. I wanted so much to keep going, to push it further. But I couldn't, not while she was still so injured. So after tasting her lips, and her mouth, I broke off the kiss and pulled away to the other side of the shower, trying to slow myself and calm myself. Bella rested, breathless, against the wall for another few seconds before pushing herself off and standing under the shower. I ran my fingers through her hair to help shake out the rest of the conditioner.

"Tease," Bella whispered.

"Soon," was all I could respond. I was too utterly breathless in that instant to say anything else.

Bella reached her good arm out to grab the liquid soap, but I beat her to it, she gave me a look that said she could do it herself but I just shook my head. There was no way I could not do this now. I lathered the soap up between my hands and started rubbing it in small circles over her body. My breathing was shallow, which didn't allow as much of Bella's scent in but I couldn't help it, Bella brought out the human in me. And right now that human wanted to do things to her. And the moans she gave as my hands grazed across her breasts didn't help my control.

"Tease," I murmured to her. She smiled and moaned a little louder deliberately. Jacob was in the living room, trying to block out what he thought was happening which made my laughter rise again. Bella looked at me questioningly. I debated for a second but decided if I told her it would mortify her but it might also stop this from going any further, because right now it was going to go further. I was about three seconds from losing control and taking her screw the consequences. It was only that the consequences meant pain for Bella that stopped me. I leaned in close to her ear and whispered, "Jacob."

Her head snapped in that direction and a blush passed over her whole body. I groaned at the sight, but also at the increased scent that filled the air – now she was warm, wet and the blood was pooling close to the surface of her skin. Bella's hand came down on my chest, "Stop that – he's going to think we're having sex in here."

I couldn't help it - I laughed. "He already does."

Bella rinsed herself off and stepped out from the shower, huffing the whole time. I turned off the shower and beat her to the towel rack. By the time she got to it I had a towel around my waist and was wrapping her robe around her. I pulled her into me and kissed the top of her head. We stood there like that for a few minutes before I let her go and pulled my shorts on. I jumped out of the room and grabbed her a change of clothes. I took them into the bathroom and handed them to her. As she pulled them on I decided to approach the car issue again to see how she reacted.

"You don't want your Audi anymore?" I asked, trying to keep my voice light. I didn't want her to panic but I wanted to see whether it was causing her anxiety.

She shrugged, "I just don't know if I can look at it again – or whether it will always be what stood between me and freedom. The way he had me pinned..." her voice trailed off and her hand came onto my chest. I had no doubt my face had morphed into a mask of pain.

"So you want to sell it?"

She shrugged again.

"I think if you want to sell it you should let Jake and I fix it."

"Whatever, Edward. I don't mind if you want to... I just don't see the point."

The point was to get her to overcome her fear of the car but I couldn't say that to her. "The point is getting you the most amount of money back for the car as possible."

"Since when has money meant anything to you?" she accused.

I shook my head, "That's not the point." I decided to change tack, "I think Jacob really wants to do this for you. You should have seen how excited he was when he raised the idea of fixing it himself. I think he feels that by fixing your car, he's helping to mend you."

She rolled her eyes, "Jacob thinks that does he?"

I wasn't sure whether there was sarcasm in her voice. I knew that I felt like I was walking into a trap though. "Umm, yeah?"

"It just doesn't sound like something Jacob would say."

"Jacob's thoughts are different to what he says. He's a lot deeper internally than he'd ever let on."

She shook her head and walked out of the bathroom, "Whatever, Edward. Just do it."

I caught up with her and wrapped my arms around her from behind, kissing the unbroken side of her neck, "Thank-you."

She leaned her head into me and I kissed her cheek. She surprised me by spinning around and capturing my mouth.

She pulled away and whispered, "Soon."

*****

The rest of the day and most of Sunday was spent in the garage with Jacob. He was actually pretty good at repairing the car. He told me about the VW Rabbit he'd built.

I smiled, "That was the one you needed the master cylinder for isn't it?"

He looked at me and his thoughts were wondering how I knew that.

"Prom, remember?"

"Oh, Christ! I hadn't thought about that in years. Sorry man, that was pretty low – crashing your date to tell her to break up with you. I didn't want to, but Dad bribed me. Mind you there was a pretty good reason for it in the end."

"Actually you did want to. Remember," I tapped my forehead, "nothing escapes me. And that was before you believed all the vampire stuff so that wasn't the reason. You had a crush on Bella."

"Actually I fucking loved her, even then. Did she tell you about the day on the beach?"

"When you spilled all of the Quileute secrets? And mine. Yeah, she told me about that."

"I honestly thought then that I meant something to her."

"I think you did, even then – maybe not what you'd hoped at the time but she's always cared for you. At least I think she has. I don't really know anything for sure when it comes to her."

"Isn't that frustrating?" _The one person whose thoughts matter most and you can't hear them?_

"Yes and no. I mean I'd love to know what she's thinking, but she seems to prefer that I can't. At the end of the day I just want her to be happy."

_I can't believe I am going to say this, _"You make her happy. I saw her face light up more when you came to see her at the hospital than I ever have the whole time we were together. It's like she exists on two different levels of happiness. The normal happy which she gets from everyone else, the happy that she had with me, but then there's like this whole other plane of joy. It's strange seeing it in someone..." his voice trailed off but his thoughts continued, _who's not an imprinted wolf._

I smiled, he'd seen the same thing I had – the depth of Bella's and my love was comparable to the wolves, in fact it was stronger, but besides my family imprinting was the closest comparison I had.

I confirmed his thoughts, "How we feel about each other is at least that strong."

"I guess I never really realised. I always thought she was just a plaything. Especially the way you walked away so easily. How did you do it? I mean, leaving Harriett..." He shuddered and broke off, his mind not even able to contemplate the thought.

"It wasn't easy. It was by far the hardest thing I ever had to do. Even harder than keeping my promise to Bella not to hurt the monster that hurt her. It took every ounce of my willpower and then some. And even then I could only stay away for a few months."

"You went back? When?"

"About eight months after I left. But I saw she was happy without me and I left."

He chuckled darkly, "In what world was she happy without you." He passed images through his mind of her during the time I was gone.

"She looked happy enough with your tongue down her throat."

"Aw, man. You know I'd say I was sorry about that but I'm not. I don't regret the time I was with Bella. I just regret how it ended."

"If you could choose to go back to before you imprinted would you?"

His thoughts were chaotic as they sorted through the pros and cons of each option. His love for Harriett was deeper, richer and more wholesome than he'd ever loved Bella. It wasn't about physical attraction, or lust, it was pure love – unbreakable and unchangeable. But it had hurt Bella, and he still loved Bella but he couldn't see her romantically anymore. His love for her was more like love for a sister.

"Probably not. I know it hurt Bella and man that sucks, but now that I know the feelings of imprinting for myself I don't think I'd give them up."

I nodded, "That's what I think about Bella and I sometimes. Undoubtedly it would have been better for her if she'd never met me and to some degree I wouldn't have missed what I'd never known had I not met her. But now that I have – I'd take every ounce of heartache it causes me, every lick of pain to be with her. I just hate that it always seems to be her that suffers for it."

"Why haven't you turned her?"

"Why would you even ask that? I wouldn't thought you would be demanding I didn't?"

"I just wondered, I mean with the injuries she had, wouldn't... well... wouldn't it have been easier?"

"I don't know. She would have been in a lot more pain, at least to begin with. That's reason enough not to do it. But I don't know if that's what she really wants either. I'm not going to damn her to this life without reason, not if there is any other way to go."

"She seems to think it's going to happen eventually."

I cocked my head, surprised that nothing in his thoughts or voice indicated that he was upset by that. I shrugged, "Maybe. If she asked me and I thought she absolutely meant it, and had considered the consequences."

"If it was what she really wanted I'd probably give my blessing."

I understood what he was saying. If it came down to it, he might let the treaty stand despite it being broken.

"After all, I've broken the treaty myself." He was thinking about the day on the beach with Bella again.

"You have. Technically that gave me the right to cross onto your land and kill your people you know."

He chuckled, knowing there was nothing serious in my tone. His voice dripped in sarcasm as he spoke, "Yeah? Well thanks for not doing that."

"You know, I never thought I would be able to say I was friends with a werewolf."

_Friends? _He seemed surprised by the word but quickly agreed that's where we were at now. Somehow over the course of a few months, years of animosity had been shed. And I knew why. It was all due to the brown-haired, doe-eyed beauty sitting on the couch watching movies with Alice.

She was my angel and my saviour, and now she was helping mend ancient feuds.

**A/N – I think I've already warned you but in case I haven't – I've started a new job & new study this week so my updates will be a little slower going forward. I really hope they won't be anymore than a week between chaps. If I do kick my bum & I'll get back into gear. **

**I'm on twitter – mpg82 . I'm seeing more of you on there so *waves*. I talk shit most of the time but occasionally I might give a good rec or RT something of interest LOL**


	16. Ultimate in Sharing

**Chapter 16: Ultimate in Sharing**

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations. This is unbeta'd so apologies for any & all mistakes. Please take the time to leave some words if you really loved it or really hated it! _

*****

Bella hadn't brought up her car again despite the fact that Jacob and I had been banging and painting all weekend. I wasn't entirely sure what to think of that but we pressed on and once the paint was dry we moved it out onto the main road because Jacob had Alice's MG and I knew she'd be upset if she learned _it _was being kept on the road.

By Sunday evening I could tell Bella was exhausted, but she was doing well for it being her first weekend at home. She didn't know but I'd been surruptitiously taking four hourly observations on her for Carlisle. He wanted to make sure her body was coping with the home environment, especially with the greater risk of infection from her removed spleen. I made sure she had a decent meal regularly and put her into bed early on Sunday night. I just wished I was able to stay home from school to play doctor tomorrow but I knew it wasn't possible so I would have to make do giving Jacob instructions.

After Bella was asleep I curled alongside her. I held her in my arms and hummed her lullabye for her. I dreaded the time that was coming in a few short hours, when I had to leave. Thankfully her sleep wasn't as restless as it was on Friday night otherwise I didn't think I'd be able to go. Eventually I climbed out of the bed and dressed in some clothes I had bought down. I would talk to Jacob this morning about bringing Bella up to our house this afternoon. I had my reasons and ulterior motives for wanting her there instead of coming to her house – firstly all of my family were missing Bella, she'd become such a part of our day to day life they all noticed her absence, but I also wanted to show my family there was nothing to worry about with Jacob. I trusted him not to hurt Bella or come between us. Unfortunately some members of my family were less trusting. Alice understood why I felt like I did but she couldn't trust Jacob because of her blind spots when he was involved.

I knocked lightly on Jacob's door and he followed me into the kitchen. He immediately set about making himself a coffee as we discussed the plan for today. After he'd agreed to bring Bella up at four I wrote her a note and left it in the usual spot on her pillow.

_Be Safe. See you at 4._

I said goodbye to Jacob and headed home. As I ghosted through the streets, I hoped Bella would understand why I needed to leave. Especially considering the 'stay and deny plan' was her idea. When I arrived home Alice was waiting at the front door for me, showing me a vision she had. Mr Ander's had decided to go visit Bella today. Then he disappeared.

"It's happening today?" I asked.

She nodded and smiled, "Of course I can't see the conversation but I do know he's preparing all the paperwork for Bella's return so I can only assume the two things are related." Her nose scrunched on the word assume. I knew she hated guesses and assumptions – especially with her usual certainty.

I put my arm around her shoulder and guided her into the house. "I think this is one cause for celebration. Do you want to know the other one?"

She smirked at me, "Who are you talking to Edward?" So she already knew.

I raised an eyebrow at her in questioning.

She rolled her eyes, "The whole house disappears at four so either we're going to be under attack or Bella and Jacob are coming to visit us. I _guess _it is the latter considering you know and you're smiling about it."

"I guess I can't fool you, Alice. Am I driving everyone to school?'

She nodded, "Or at least I can't see any reason why you shouldn't."

Fifteen minutes we were all loaded in the car and heading for school. And of course school was the same monotonous torture I was used to it being. Thoughts about Bella were reducing a little more each day, Mr Grossman was still an idiot and Alice still sought me out regularly in the halls to stop me killing one of the few people who were still fantasising about Bella.

Finally the day drew to a close and it was time to go home. To my house. To Bella. As we drove home Alice giggled, "There is going to be a thunderstorm tonight."

"Cool," Emmett said, "So what are we playing?"

Alice furrowed her eyes in concentration. "I don't know, Jacob's going to be there."

Emmett laughed, "How about fetch. The dog would be used to that wouldn't he?"

His words were jovial enough but I could hear the thoughts and mistrust behind them. "Emmett, please remember he's important to Bella and he's saving my marbles by protecting her."

"I know, bro. I just can't understand how you can trust a dog to look after your girl. Especially a mutt that broke her heart."

I shrugged, "My advantages make it easy for me to trust him because I can read his sincerity. If you can't trust him – trust me. You know I'd never do anything that would allow Bella to be hurt again. Or anything that would push her out of my life."

"I know." I could hear him grumbling in his thoughts that he hadn't _said_ anything against Jacob and he thought he was making an effort.

"You are Emmett and I appreciate it. But please try harder."

"Sure, whatever. You going to have the same chat with Rosie?"

I looked at Rosalie in my rear-view mirror. She was still being the most difficult. But then she was almost always the most difficult. "I don't need to, do I Rosalie."

She just sneered at me, but I could tell she would behave.

Jasper drew my attention by thinking of a sport he'd seen on ESPN recently. It was called 'Ultimate'.

"I like it," I said. "Can you explain the rules to everyone else." So the rest of the short trip home involved Jasper telling everyone the rules of Ultimate.

As soon as I was near enough to hear Esme's thoughts I listened and realised that Jacob and Bella were already there. The mood in the car became positively buoyant as Jasper absorbed my joy and reflected it back out. Then I heard Jacob's discomfort in his thoughts. To his credit though he was putting in a very good effort to appear as comfortable as possible, although the smell of Esme's cooking may have helped with that.

Just as we pulled in I heard Jacob explaining to Bella why he was making such an effort. "Seeing the way they looked after you, the way the bandied around you when you were hurt, well it made me realise that maybe they're not so bad after all."

"Coming from you Jacob, I'm sure they'll take that as the highest praise," Bella laughed.

Esme laughed in unison with Bella. I ran for the front door pushing it open and seeking Bella straight away. I wrapped her securely in my arms and kissed her mouth, tasting her lips, before turning to Jacob. "Yeah, you're not too bad yourself. For a stinking mutt." I smiled at him and punched his arm.

Emmett put his hand down on Jacob's shoulder, causing him to flinch slightly but he kept it together well, "You know, if you are a member of the family now, we really should bring you in on some of our games."

Bella looked confused, "What do you mean?"

Alice smiled, "There's going to be a thunderstorm tonight."

Bella grinned like a Cheshire cat after Alice made her announcement. I wondered whether she assumed we were playing baseball but I wasn't going to correct her assumption if she was. We had a few hours before the storm was due to hit so we decided to crank up the Xbox while Esme and Carlisle went upstairs to spend some time together. I concentrated harder on Bella and tried to block their thoughts, and noises, out. I think Bella was the only one who couldn't hear the near silent moans and heavy breathing that was coming from their upstairs room. But I could tell it wasn't the first time Jacob had realised he was able to hear the sounds of romance so he was able to pretend not to hear it fairly easily but there was still an elephant in the room and everyone sat in slight discomfort.

Jacob fit into the family a lot easier than I'd thought would be possible. There was no tension as we all played game after game. I played on Bella's behalf which everyone else said was cheating but she couldn't play with a broken collarbone, so at least we had an excuse. And when we played need for speed she picked the car and colour that I had to race in, which Emmett and Jasper found hilarious.

Finally Esme declared that dinner was ready and served it to Bella and Jacob. Bella just grabbed the plate appreciatively, she knew how good Esme's cooking was now. Jacob took a little convincing despite enjoying the aroma, especially with the name of the dish - 'Coq au Vin'. Esme told him it just meant chicken and wine and then he agreed to try it. As soon as he had his first mouthful he was sold.

Halfway through the meal he leaned forward across the table.

_Edward, do you think it would be alright to play a prank on your family?_

I stared at him to let him know he had my attention.

_I'm going to pretend I'm coming on to Bella. You just need to react _almost_ how you would react if it were true. _

I almost laughed when he said almost because he was showing me what he thought the difference between actual and almost was. And he wasn't far off. If he was actually doing it I would leap across the table and kill him in an instant. I slid my eyes to the ceiling and then to the table and then back to the ceiling. I knew he understood my silent gesture. What surprised me was that Bella had obviously noticed to based on his thoughts. He saw the look of recognition in her eyes.

Bella leaned across the table too, her face was inches from his.

"You know what we talked about earlier? It's getting more tempting all the time," he said, winking at her before giving kissing her lips. Even though I could tell there was no passion behind the kiss I was still glad he'd warned me because I would probably have killed him anyway. As it was my fist was clenched tightly under the table. It was only that he was thinking about their previous conversation, where she had joked they should move in with my family, that stopped me from taking it any further.

I wondered what Bella would do. Would she play along or try to slap him.

"Jacob, not here." She whispered, surprisingly convincingly. I knew I was too good at lying for my own good if I could teach someone like Bella how to lie. Only the slightest flush reached her cheeks, but that could be just as easily interpreted as embarrassment as lying.

I played my part next. I slammed my hand down on the table, being careful not to use enough force to do any damage because if I broke the table for a prank Esme would give me grief.

"What the hell, Jacob?" I said and then turned back to Bella, "Bella? What's going on?"

The thoughts of my family were in chaos.

_I warned him, leaving his girl at home with her ex all day, they were sure to rekindle something. _Emmett thought. _I'll kill the mongrel if he takes Bella away from us. _

_If she hurts Edward I will kill her myself, I don't ever want to see him the way he was when she was gone again. _Rosalie fumed.

_I know how Bella feels about Edward there is no way she'd leave him for Jacob.... is there?_ Alice worried. She probably wouldn't have had any doubt if she wasn't already stressing about her blind spot.

Carlisle and Esme both were uncertain what to think. They didn't think Bella would honestly leave me for Jacob but they couldn't understand what he was referring to which put a little doubt in their minds.

Only Jasper wasn't convinced. He could read the playful mood the three of us were in and the fact that my anger was only a faint at the moment.

I turned back to Jacob pretending to stare him down. The thoughts of my family continued to grow increasingly concerned. Until finally Bella start to giggle to break the tension.

All of my families thoughts were flooded with relief at her laugh. They realised in that instant they realised it was a prank.

_Cheeky mutt. And my brother... I didn't think he had it in him._ Emmett thought, slapping my back. I looked at him, he had a smile on his face that had a hint of a warning in it. "I'll get you back for this, bro," he said.

"We both will," Jasper laughed. He was going to claim retribution even though he'd never really believed the prank.

"You'll try," I said, tapping my forehead, "But I'll know when you are going to."

"Ah, but the mutt won't," Emmett laughed, walking around to slap Jacob on the back.

I laughed, "Maybe I'll have to warn him. And you'll never know beforehand if it's going to work because Alice can't look for you."

Bella drew my attention back because she was still laughing, although it was beginning to sound a little hysterical. Everyone's attention fell to her when she started to gasp for breath between her fits of laughter. Then her laughter became deep wracking sobs and I wrapped my arms around her and whispered in her ear, "Breathe, Bella."

I felt her drawing deep breath, as deep as she could at least. Her breathing started to even out. I stroked her head and rocked her gently in my arms.

"I'm sorry," Bella coughed out.

I growled in frustration at the fact she felt the need to apologise. She'd been viciously attacked a little over a week ago, no one expected her to be perfectly fine. "Don't apologise. No one expects you to be act like nothing happened. Something did happen. If you ever need to talk about it I'm here." I paused. I could see her shaking her head slightly. I don't even think _she_ realised she was going it. She was trying to be a silent martyr again, she was healed enough for her stubborn streak to come through. And she probably thought I wouldn't want to hear about her in pain. But she was wrong, if it helped her I would take the pain of listening to what was hurting her. I was sad that she didn't think she could talk to me about these things, but I did understand so I wanted to remind her she had other options – she didn't have to go through it alone. "And if you don't want to, or can't, talk to me about it you know every single member of my family and Jake are all here for you too."

She nodded and gulped down another few deep breaths.

"Are you feeling better now?" I asked. I knew she wasn't alright, she was still battered and bruised enough for me to know she was not alright, or even okay.

She nodded and managed a weak smile. "A bit. I think I need to take my mind off things. What's happening with this baseball game?" She confirmed my thoughts that she'd assumed it was baseball again.

Emmett looked at her innocently, "Baseball? Who said anything about Baseball?"

Bella looked between Emmett and Alice, confused, "But you said games and Alice said a storm was coming."

Alice rolled her eyes, "We do play other things you know. It's not just baseball."

"Then what?" Bella asked. I watched her carefully, she was definitely more relaxed. Almost normal again, although her heart rate was still slightly erratic and her breathing held a slight tremor.

"Fetch." Emmett said, eying off Jacob with a smirk on his face.

I laughed, "Not fetch – Ultimate."

Bella turned her face to me, "Ultimate? What on earth is that?"

"Like football but with a Frisbee."

Emmett laughed, "You'd be used to catching a Frisbee, wouldn't you dog?"

Jacob let out a low human-like growl but it wasn't really menacing, and his thoughts confirmed he actually found the idea of the game humerous.

Alice spoke again, "There is a field about 20 miles from here. Bella, Edward will be able to drive most of the way, but he will need to run you a little way – if that's okay with you?"

I was a little worried about this part. I didn't think Bella would allow me to carry her with her injuries as they were. I had learned during our nights where I could touch her pain-free and where it hurt her too much. And if I ran slowly, at least slowly for me, I wouldn't jostle her too much. But I would leave that decision to Bella.

Bella nodded in agreement. Jacob was undecided whether he should phase and run with my family or drive up with Bella and I. In the end he decided it might be pushing his luck a little running with vampires when he was a wolf because he would be relying on the fact that no one's instincts, his or theirs, would take over to force an attack. So the three of us loaded up in the Jeep. Bella and Jacob were both lost in their own thoughts as we drove, I guess there was a lot to process. Sometimes even I couldn't believe how absolutely everything had changed in the past few months. There was only one thing that would make it complete for me now. I decided I needed to talk to Jacob and Alice as soon as possible to arrange their help in the next step for Bella and I.

I pulled the Jeep over once we'd gone as far as we could by car. I helped Bella out of the car and pulled her onto my hip, with her broken collarbone away from my body.

"Tell me if you feel any pain," I whispered to her, "Anything."

She nodded and rested her head on my shoulder. I started to ran as gently as I could. Jacob ran alongside me in human form so I knew I really wasn't going anywhere near as fast as I should be. We ran for a couple of miles before we reached our destination. I pulled Bella off me and settled her on her feet before letting her go. She looked a little bit tired but she was smiling still so I didn't think there was anything wrong.

"All okay?" I asked just to be sure.

She nodded and smiled at me.

I looked around the clearing. Emmett and Jasper had come out here and given nature a helping hand to create this area when we first moved her. I hadn't helped because I couldn't care less about playing games at the time we moved here. Now that Bella was back in my life though it was a different story. Now I wanted to share this with her again.

Emmett and I were unofficially selected as team captains. I didn't even ask anyone before I claimed Jacob onto my team. I knew he would feel more comfortable there. Alice had a plan to get around Jacob's influence on her visions but before she could say anything to Emmett he loudly declared that she was useless to him and therefore needed to be my team to balance out my ability. I didn't mind – Alice and I worked well together. She stuck her tongue out at Emmett and showed me her plan in detail. Basically so long as Jacob decided to stay away from Alice she could see around him. Esme declared she would be on our team. I knew of my remaining family members she felt most comfortable with Jacob, because she was just that type of person. Which meant that Jasper, Carlisle and Rosalie where on Emmett's team.

"And Bella can referee," I declared, winking at her.

Her face showed fear as she started to shake her head. "I don't know the rules, Edward."

I laughed, "That's okay, it's played with a gentleman's code. There are no referees, the teams agree on calls."

I pulled my team to the side and discussed tactics, telling them all Alice's plan. She was find to predict the exact course of the disc on provided she was only catching from Esme or I. We decided early that Esme would work to position herself as close to the end zone as possible each time – we were playing dirty with that decision because Carlisle, Emmett and Jasper always went easier on Esme than anyone else. Jacob would throw to me, I would throw to Alice and Alice would throw to me. I was the fastest on the field so could outrun the markers the easiest.

I heard Emmett talking to his team and quickly gleaned their strategy from their minds. Jasper was to mark Jacob. Emmett was going to mark me. Rosalie was going to mark Esme. And Carlisle was going to mark Alice. Those pairings suited us fine. In fact it made no difference to us who was marking each of us. So long as we had our throwing game down it didn't matter.

Alice held up her hand. Letting us know that the game would start soon. I could feel the shift in the atmosphere that indicated the storm was about to start. On the first strike of lightning Alice dropped her hand, indicating it was time to play.

We pulled the disc into play, giving Emmett's team the first play at the goals. Emmet caught the disk and stopped as still as a statue the second the disc hit his hand and a sixteenth of a second later he'd sent the disc flying towards Carlisle but Alice darted in and intercepted it at the last second, turning the play over to us.

She took a second to run through the plays in her visions and then showed me exactly what I needed to do before hurling the disc. I sidestepped around Emmett and caught the disc. I had thrown it again before my feet even hit the ground. Alice re-collected it and threw it to Esme who caught it in the end zone, giving us the first point of the game.

Rosalie took the disc from the goal and threw it back into play. Jasper caught it and as he prepared to throw it he was cast off waves of calm. Jacob fell victim, allowing Jasper to send the disc soaring over his head and down to Carlisle who caught it and landed just within the end zone, giving them a point too.

The next few rounds we went point for point. I wondered what the game looked like to Bella's human eyes as the disc flew fast and far across the pitch. As the game went on we got rougher and rougher. Marks went from a few yards to a few inches. Interceptions went from between players to tackles. But no one called anyone else out on it so we all just allowed.

As per the rules that Jasper had outlined each time one of us got the disc we stilled our feet completely. At one point we were down by two but Alice caught the disc on the first throw and hurled it down the length of the whole field, the wind catching it and taking it the balance of the distance to reach Esme. Rosalie threw the disc from the end zone again and I read from Alice's vision the direction of the throw. Suddenly the disc disappeared so I stopped moving as Jacob leapt across and grabbed the disc, knocking it to the ground. He collected it and threw it back to Esme who caught it cleanly giving us the second point in less than a minute.

We quickly gained some ground and were eight points up at one point. I looked over at Bella at every opportunity I had. Admittedly it did cost us a couple of points but seeing the enraptured look on her face was worth it. Before I knew it we were down by four points. At one point Alice distracted Jasper with some particularly lustful thoughts, which I could have done without, but it worked because he stared straight at her as her emotional state registered with him. She licked her lips and he was lost in her lust. I threw a pass to Jacob who flicked it straight on to Esme. Emmett smacked Jasper on the back of the head to get him to focus back on the game.

Jasper had realised that Alice was only catching my throws and Jacob was only throwing to me so when Jacob got the disc he, Carlisle and Emmett all marked me leaving Alice wide open. Jacob didn't even hesitate to throw it to Alice, knowing that it was a lost cause throwing it to me and that even if Alice's vision wasn't working her eyes did. She flicked it easily on to Esme, who ducked out from behind Rosalie at the last second to grab the disc.

After about an hour we were sitting just ahead so I deliberately misdirected the disk to where Bella was sitting. She smiled widely when she saw me jogging towards her.

"Having fun?" I asked as I bent to pick up the disc.

Bella nodded, "It's interesting. Who's winning?"

"We're up, just, but to win its first to get to sixty with an eight point lead, or whoever gets to 68 overall."

Bella looked at me, "Those are odd numbers? Who thought of that?"

"Well traditionally its 15 with 2 points or 17 but the games over too quickly then." I smiled, "So we play it this way instead."

She grinned back, "So what's the score then?"

"We're at 55, they're at 52, so really it is anyone's game still." I stepped towards her, kissed her quickly on the forehead and then ran full-speed back onto the playing field and it started again.

I jogged back into the game, throwing the disc to Emmett for his play. Jacob had an idea and I called a time out to give us a minute to work through it.

_I would be faster as a wolf. I'd be able to phase from wolf back to human to throw the disc. _He thought.

"That could work," I said.

_No fair, Edward,_ Emmett complained, _tell us what you're planning._

I smiled and shook my head at Emmett.

_It's not technically against any rules, _Jacob thought.

"Go for it."

Jacob raced off the pitch and into the forest. Then he came back out in wolf form, dropping his clothes off by Bella before trotting back onto the field.

As he ran back onto the field Emmett shouted, "No fair!"

_Just remind him that he wanted to play fetch_, Jacob's thoughts were amused.

I answered for Jacob, "You said you wanted to play fetch with the dog. Now bring it!"

Everyone gave Jacob a slightly wider berth than they had been. He was right about being faster in this form. He intercepted more, picking the spot to toss to and warning me in his thoughts before phasing to human less than a fraction of a second before throwing, so no one could tell which direction he was planning on throwing the disc. The technique worked doubly well because Jasper and Emmett both turned their eyes away when he phased so they never saw the direction he throw it in until it was too late and I'd already caught it.

We scored the last five points easily. Emmett was accusing us of cheating in his but he didn't voice his opinion. We declared the game won and headed back over to Bella. Jacob's thoughts were smug. He enjoyed being on the winning team. Jacob was greeted with a congratulatory pat on the cheek from Bella.

Emmett called out to Jacob, "Wait, Jake, before you change. There's something I've been dying to do since finding out about you." _I've always wanted to wrestle a werewolf. It might be something of a challenge – unlike the bears. _

I burst out laughing.

"What is it?" Bella asked.

I couldn't keep the smirk off my face when I answered, "Emmett's been dying to wrestle with a werewolf."

I watched as Bella's face drained of all colour. I wanted her to know what Emmett didn't mean any harm. "Relax, Bella. Our family wrestles all the time."

"Yeah, and Edward always cheats," Emmett called out.

Bella looked at me, confused.

"He thinks my _ability_ is cheating," I explained.

"You know it is," Emmett called again, before turning back to Jacob, "So how about it dog? Fancy a wrestle? I'll even go easy on you."

_Hell yeah, _Jacob thought, _been a while since I had a shot at a vampire. _He leapt away from Bella and ran towards Emmett.

Carlisle cautioned Emmett, "Just remember no teeth. You can't get your venom near him, he's not a vampire."

Emmett rolled his eyes once Carlisle's back was turned. _I know, I know. Geez, I said I'd go easy on him. _

"Ugh, I can't watch," Bella groaned.

I sat next to her and wrapped my arm around her, "You don't have to."

Despite her protests, Bella's eyes were glued to the scene in front of her. Jacob and Emmett circled around each other, instinctual growls rising from their throats. But their thoughts weren't malicious, each one was planning a wrestle but not to inflict any actual harm.

I squeezed Bella as tightly as I dared to, "Don't worry, Emmett knows how to hold back enough that he won't do any real damage. It's just his idea of fun. And besides I'll know if it gets too serious. Then Jasper and I will break it up."

Alice sat on Bella's other side, and started to talk to take her mind off the fight. I deliberately kept my mind off the conversation, trying to give them privacy even though I could hear every word. I understood why Bella was concerned, because she'd never seen my family play this way before. But as I had told her, we did it all the time – or at least we used to.

Jacob leapt at Emmett just a fraction of a second before Emmett retaliated. They crashed together with a thunderous crash. Each tried to gain the upper hand on the other. Emmett tossed Jacob to the ground, but Jacob twisted and pulled himself out of the way before leaping back at Emmett and pushing him to the ground. I could feel Bella relaxing in my arms as she understood what I had said about Emmett holding back. She'd never seen his full strength or speed but she understood enough about it to know that what he was doing now was the equivalent of a father wrestling with a child.

Jacob pinned Emmett to the ground again and Emmett rolled away as he did I heard Jacob's internal scream and the snap as his leg broke. Bella cringed against me as the sound rent the air. I leapt to my feet, grabbing Jacob's clothes as I went. Carlisle was already at Jacob's side and he got him to phase back to human just as I arrived. Then he put a splint on the leg.

_I am so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt him, Edward._ Emmett was thinking about my words earlier and was remorseful about Jacob's injuries. I waved him off, I knew he didn't mean any harm by it. So did Jacob.

"So, Em, when's the rematch?"

I saw Bella shake her head and walk away. I heard her mutter "Boys!" under hear breath.

I caught up with Bella easily and wrapped my arm around her. Emmett and Jasper followed close behind me, supporting Jacob between them. The trip back to the Jeep took about an hour. I doubled checked Jacob's bracing after he climbed into the car. His bones were already starting to knit together. In fact it was probably already more healed than Bella.

Bella seemed annoyed as she climbed into the car but I couldn't understand why. After all helping Jacob with his injury was the perfect reason for me to go openly into her house. The neighbours couldn't start any rumours about Bella and I if I was helping her ex husband into the house. Then Bella smiled, I looked over at her. She'd obviously made the same realisation I had.

"Did you want to go straight back to your house? There's no real need to go back to my house. Unless you want to of course?"

Jacob didn't say anything, leaving it to Bella to make the choice.

"I'd like to go home and climb into bed." I smiled a little at the hidden meaning in her words.

I drove through the bush before turning onto the streets of town. There was no conversation in the car on the way back to Bella's. As I turned onto her street a vision hit me. It came to me violently, wrenching my eyesight and senses away from me. My entire being was taken over by another's mind. There were two things highly unusual about the thoughts I was being assaulted with. The first was how vivid the experience was and the second was the fact that it was coming from Bella.

**A/N - I have lots of awesome fic to pimp but I'm struggling to even type right now so basically if it's in my favs or I discuss it on twitter (mpg82) I deem it worth reading :)**


	17. Visions of you

**Chapter 17: Visions of you**

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations. This is unbeta'd so apologies for any & all mistakes. Please take the time to leave some words if you really loved it or really hated it! _

*****

I lost control of my body and actions and a strangled cry left my throat as the vision engulfed every part of me. My senses were left no sharper than a human's and my mind no longer belonged to me.

_I reached my car and gave a sigh of relief. I had my hand on my car door when I felt a hand on my shoulder and I was twisted around roughly._

"_Didn't you hear me?"_

_I turned and a large man was standing right on top of me, leaning over me. He was at least as big as Emmett, with dark curly hair, a thick moustache and yellowing teeth. His breath smelt thickly of alcohol despite it being a little after ten in the morning. I glanced left and right as quickly as I could. There was no one else on the street. He took my movement as a head-shake. _

It had been a century since I'd felt fear for my physical self. But through Bella I felt it.

"_I said - if it isn't the slut teacher who likes fiddling with kids."_

"_No." I said, "It's not like that."_

"_Yeah? Well my son told all about you - you sick fuck. People like you don't belong in our town."_

_I lifted the handle on my car door and leant forward, trying to open it but he slammed it shut before I even opened it an inch._

"_Please," I begged quietly. "Let me go."_

_He grabbed my ponytail and yanked it backwards, "Get out of town if you know what's good for you." He pushed me against the car. I knew I would end up with bruises on my hip from the force of the impact. _

It had been a century since I'd felt physical pain that wasn't the burning in the back of my throat. But through Bella I felt it.

_I don't know what possessed me, I knew the smart thing to do was shut up and drive away but the words were at my lips before I could think them through, "I haven't done anything wrong."_

_I didn't even see him move but I felt it. A fist slammed into my cheek. A sickening crack filled the air. I fell to the ground. I felt my head impact with the concrete with a sickening thud. I blacked out._

It had been a century since I'd seen the darkness of unconsciousness. But through Bella I saw it.

_I woke seconds later, just in time to see a boot coming towards me. I searched for an escape but I had fallen against my car so I was pinned between it and my attacker. I tried to crawl myself forward to get away but I felt the boot impact into my chest and I couldn't breathe. I lost control of my arms and I fell against the concrete again. My chest burned as I gasped for air. _

It had been a century since I'd been affected by a lack of oxygen. But through Bella I needed it.

_I could see blood on the ground around me and my vision was blurred by tears. I couldn't gather the strength to move forward but managed to roll backwards into my car, trying to press myself as close into it as possible to get away from my attacker. The boot was lifted again and connected with my shoulder a second later. My shoulder was caught between the boot and my car, the force of the impact strong enough to leave a dent in the side which my arm was pressing into. I heard the crunch of my collarbone at the same time I felt pain shoot up my arm and neck. The pressure from the boot increased, crushing me into the car. I cried out but I couldn't get any volume._

It had been a century since I'd shed my own blood. But through Bella I shed it.

_He leaned forward so I was bearing almost all of his weight on my shoulder, my chest was still burning and I couldn't get enough air to scream. The pain made my mind go blank, all concerns over hangovers gone. He brought his face into mine. "Go spin your lies somewhere else, slut." He said before spitting in my face. He kicked me once more in the stomach before turning and walking down the street. _

It had been a century since I'd screamed in agony. But through Bella I did it.

Through Bella I saw it all, I felt it all and I heard it all.

*****

My breathing was heavy when I came back to myself. I was surprised because it was obvious the Jeep had mounted the kerb at some point. Jacob was leaning forward, his hand on Bella's shoulder in support. My thoughts slowly converged on the blinding realisation that I'd somehow been granted access to the one thing I always coveted - Bella's thoughts. But there was one thing I didn't understand. Why had her thoughts been so tuned to that? To her attack.

"What _was_ that?" I finally managed to whisper. I screwed my eyes shut to block out everything else and trying to concentrate on getting Bella's thoughts back. They were noticeably absent again. I couldn't understand why they came to me or why they were gone now.

"I didn't see anything?" Jacob responded. _Why did her swerve like that? There's nothing on the road. I didn't see any animals and my eyesight's as good as his._

"What is it, Edward?" Bella asked, her voice pitched with stress.

"I just...I just heard you." I didn't know how best to explain it. I had a thousand and one questions but I couldn't answer any of them until I knew that Bella was alright. I willed my eyes open but they wouldn't comply.

Jacob was confused both in thoughts and words, "We all heard her. But what happened? Why did you lose control?"

"No, Jake. I didn't _hear_ her... I _heard_ her." I tapped my forehead to say what I couldn't with words, that I had heard her thoughts – not her words. I looked at Bella, wondering if there would be something on her face or in her eyes that would tell me what was going on because I still didn't understand what was happening. "What was that?"

She looked embarrassed. I wanted to tell her she shouldn't feel that way but my thoughts were still in chaos.

"I...I've been having flashbacks. Of, well, of... you know. That was the worst one so far."

"I can't hear you now. It was so vivid." I said to myself. I needed answers and there was only one person I could think of how might possible have some. I looked back at Bella. "We're going back to my house. I need to speak to Carlisle."

It wasn't a question.

I turned the car around and headed back towards my house. All my family would be well and truly home by now and the car on the driveway would be enough warning that they had visitors so I didn't bother calling first. I spent the entire trip trying to call Bella's thoughts back to me. I wanted to know if she was still thinking about that animal that did that to her. I wanted to tell her not to, to concentrate on happy things instead but I couldn't form the words. My hands had crushed indents into the Jeep steering wheel from gripping it so hard. I was torn three ways – I wanted to make sure Bella was alright, I wanted to talk to Carlisle and I wanted to rip that animal apart. Two of those three things could be achieved at my house and that was the only reason I was driving in that direction.

As soon as the car's tyres hit the gravel of my driveway we had my family's attention. They waited inside the house until they were certain of what vehicle it was but as soon as they saw the Jeep they rushed forward. Their thoughts were all in chaos, particularly Alice's because she was fretting about what she might have missed.

Carlisle was the first to question us, "Edward, what is it? Jacob?"

Before I could answer Jacob did, "No, Doc, I'm fine."

He pulled himself out of the car. He was putting on a brave face and for the most part was healed but he was still in agony when he put any weight on it. Jasper felt his pain and walked to his side and helped him.

I couldn't find the words to describe what was happeneing. "It's Bella. And me. And, well I don't know."

My eyes darted amongst everyone, imploring them to understand and suddenly hating for the first time being the only one with my talent. My fingers raked constantly through my hair and I walked in a tight formation back and forth across the front of the Jeep.

_Son, calm down. _Carlisle paced over to me and put one hand on each of my shoulders, anchoring me in place. _Get your thoughts in order and then let us know what's wrong. We're here for you and Bella._

I dropped my head and took a deep breath. Then I looked into Carlisle's eyes. "I _heard_ her Carlisle."

Everyone gasped and froze in place.

_Edward heard _Bella_?_ Rosalie thought.

_I wonder why that's stressing him so much, he's always wanted that,_ Jasper mused.

_If only the wolf wasn't there. I would have paid anything to see _that_, _Alice was cheerful about everything as always.

Carlisle looked between Bella and I, "How? What happened?"

I looked over at Bella, trying to find the words to explain how I felt but also imploring her to tell me and Carlisle about the vision she had.

"I...I had a... flashback I guess you'd call it... and I think, well I guess Edward heard it."

I caught Carlisle's eyes and spoke so low and fast so Bella wouldn't hear – I didn't want her to worry about how completely her thoughts had taken me over, "Carlisle it took everything from me. I didn't just hear her the way I normally hear people. Every ounce of my being was invaded by her thoughts. I felt what she felt during her attack, I heard what she heard, I could even smell what she smelt. But that was all. I even lost control of the Jeep."

Carlisle was shocked. Even his thoughts were silent.

"What?" Bella demanded.

_You have to tell her Edward,_ Carlisle thought.

I flicked my eyes quickly from left to right and back again.

_It might help us to figure out what happened and why, but Bella needs to be involved and that means she needs all the facts._

I repeated the silent headshake. I didn't want Bella to worry about me on top of everything else she had going on.

_If you want to be in an adult relationship with Bella you need to be an adult and that means trusting her with information like this. If you want her to trust you, you have to trust her. _

I narrowed my eyes at him for a second for playing that card. But then I closed my eyes in defeat, because he was right.

"Edward didn't just hear it in his mind. He saw and felt everything you did. He said he has never had a vision so strong." Carlisle told her.

"But why?" I asked. "And why now?"

"Something to do with the accident?" I offered. Although I would have thought it would have presented sooner.

Carlisle shook his head and his thoughts echoed mine, "No. Not directly at least. This sounds like it was more a specific case."

"Post traumatic stress?" I asked, struggling to keep my volume at a level where Bella would still be able to hear.

"That's an interesting idea. She internalises so much, maybe her mind is subconsciously trying to share it." Carlisle mused.

"Like whatever shields her mind from you broke during the flashback?" Alice asked. _Maybe she's got some sort of latent talent._

Alice's words and thoughts struck me. I thought about Renata, the shield of the Volturi that Carlisle had met during his time there. It would certainly explain why I'd never been able to hear her thoughts. But it didn't explain why now. Carlisle's thoughts went to the same place as mine and I wanted to question him on it. But Bella interrupted before I could, "Is it something we need to worry about?"

"I honestly don't know, Bella." Carlisle said. "The last scans you had at the hospital came back clear but maybe you should come back down tomorrow and we'll do another round of tests, just to be safe. I think whatever is happening is more related to why you are silent to Edward than any medical reason. Actually, while you're there we'll check how everything is doing and pin down the timeline better for the school." _Alice told me, _he let me know.

I nodded.

"She'll start the Monday after next." Alice declared.

Carlisle laughed, "Well ok then, that narrows down the time but I'd still like to double check everything just in case."

"Can I go home then?" Bella asked.

"I'd prefer if we stayed here," I said. "That way we'll be close to Carlisle. Just in case." I couldn't help thinking there was something sinister to these visions. I'd learned enough over the years to know how fragile human brains could be. I couldn't bear the thoughts of something going wrong with Bella's and that taking her away from me.

"No, Edward. We're close enough to get up here quickly if we need to. Right now I need my own bed." Bella demanded. She was so forceful about it I didn't think I could argue, even though I wanted to. I sighed, thinking I was going to regret this, but I nodded.

"Then let's go." Bella said, already back at the car and climbing in.

I turned to leave but Alice's hand came down onto my elbow and she handed me some paperwork. _For Jacob – like we discussed. I'm still working on the other thing for you._

"Thanks, Alice." I whispered, tucking the paperwork she'd just handed me under my arm.

I looked over at Jacob, Jasper was helping him back to the car. _She's stubborn, Edward. She could out stubborn a mule._ He started to chuckle.

The thing was I couldn't disagree with him. From all my experience with Bella stubborn was a perfect word for her. If she really didn't want to do something she wouldn't.

I looked into the car and saw Bella had her arms crossed and was pouting. I had to hold my smirk in when I saw her like that. I leaned across and quickly pecked her cheek before putting the car in gear and driving off.

We'd barely hit the main road before Bella was almost out of it. Her head was leaned back against the headrest, her eyes were half-closed and her breathing even and slow.

"Jacob?"

_What?_

"I know you've been missing Harriett."

_Like you wouldn't believe._ "Nah, man it's not that bad."

I chuckled, and raised my eyebrows at him in the rear-vision mirror. "That might convince Bella, but I can hear what you really want."

He chuckled.

I passed him the paperwork from Alice.

"What's this?" He asked, opening it up. His brow furrowed in confusion as he read it. "Why are you giving me a plane ticket back to Washington?"

"To give you a break. It's only for a few days and then I'd really appreciate it if you came back until we were ready to move on. Of course I understand if you want to stay there."

"Nah, man, I thought you were giving me my marching orders." _I'm really enjoying spending time with Bella especially if her time left as a human is so short._

"No one said it was short. We haven't really discussed that."

"Whatever you say."

"Are you okay with that though, with going back to La Push?"

He shrugged but his thoughts screamed a resounding yes. As much as he wanted to spend time with Bella and be here for her while she was healing he couldn't help how he felt about being away from Harriett. "How am I going to tell Bells? She'll be devastated that I'm going to leave her alone during the day – especially with her flashbacks."

"I'll tell her but I know she'll be fine with it."

"How do you know that?"

"Because I know Bella. But also because she knows the pain of being separated from love. She wouldn't put you through that deliberately."

He nodded.

"And besides, she won't be alone. Alice scheduled the flights for this week specifically because there are a few sunny days so my family is going camping. And I'm going to stay undercover at Bella's house."

_Undercover or under covers?_

"I'm not above breaking the other leg, Jacob," I joked.

He raised his eyebrow, "I'd like to see you try, leech." _He'll never know how much these tickets mean to me._

"I do, Jacob. I do."

I thought of the favour I was going to ask of him in return but glanced over at the sleeping angel next to me. I couldn't risk her waking and hearing my plan so I left it at that for the moment.

Once we were back at Bella's I pulled the Jeep around the back into Bella's garage and helped Jacob into the house first because Bella was out like a light but I knew from experience she would wake when I shifted her and then I wouldn't want to leave her.

I returned to the car and gently pulled Bella out. She was in a half-asleep state as I put her into her bed so I gently went about changing her into a pair of pyjamas. She was still semi-conscious but had her eyes pressed tightly shut so I figured she didn't want to be awake right now.

"Edward?" Bella asked without opening her eyes.

"Yes, love?"

"What were you and Jacob discussing in the car?"

She'd obviously been paying more attention than I thought. I was glad I hadn't brought up my other plans in car. "I bought Jacob plane tickets to go back to La Push to visit Harriett. I can see how much it's killing him being away from her."

"I didn't even notice." Bella whispered, her cheeks flushing red. Obviously, she was ashamed that she'd been oblivious to it. As if anyone would blame her after the last few weeks.

I chuckled a little to try to alleviate her guilt. "He's been hiding it very well. I've just seen a few slips here and there when I've been around."

"It's my fault he's here."

I shook my head, "He wants to be here. To support you, you are still his best friend. He's not going for good but I think we might just have to anticipate another trip or two before this is all said and done. He knows that once we've left town he'll be able to go back to her for good. He's actually a little worried that he'll lose contact with you again so he wants to make the most of the time you have."

She nodded, "When?"

"He'll fly out tomorrow afternoon and be back for the weekend."

Bella's eyes mashed together a little and she started chewing on her lip. I brushed her hair from her face and whispered, "What is it, love?"

She looked at me in shock as if I trying to work out why I thought something was wrong and then shook her head a little.

"Please?" I asked her, trying to convince her to tell me. I pressed my lips to hers as an extra incentive.

"What am I going to do?" She asked. I could see the fear in her eyes. I realised that the last time she was completely alone had been when she was attacked. As if on cue a shudder ran through her body and her hands clenched into fists against her sheets. I heard her fear in my mind. She felt a flashback coming on and worried because each one seemed to be getting worse and she wondered if she would lose herself in one completely. Before I had time to try to reassure her it started and her fear completely paralysed her – and me.

_I felt the hand on my shoulder, twisting me cruelly and pushing me into the car, the taste of stale alcohol on his breath filled my mouth until it was all I could taste. Fear rushed through my and I heard myself utter the words that had sealed my fate, "I haven't done anything wrong." I felt the impact on the right side of my face. _

Bella came back to reality and her thoughts left me. Sobs were wracking her chest. As soon as I had control again I sat up and pulled her close to my chest, my breathing came in laboured pants.

I needed to make one thing clear to her. I needed her to know that it wasn't her fault. She should never have been made to feel the fear she did. "No, you didn't do anything wrong." I whispered to her, stroking her hair and rocking her like a child as she sobbed against me.

"I don't want to be alone," she murmured.

"You won't be. I'll be here while Jacob is away. I promise I will not leave you alone."

She pushed her face harder against me. I noticed she didn't argue or ask how. Her hands fumbled onto the buttons on my shirt. I recognised the same urgent need for comfort that she'd had in Forks. And this time, with our relationship as it was, I was able to reciprocate without questions. Once she'd finished unbuttoning my shirt I slid it down my arms. I undid the buttons of her pyjama top and pulled it off to. I pushed her gently down onto the bed and pulled her pyjama bottoms and panties off. I slid my own pants off. I lay beside her, leaning over her but avoiding her stitched side and shoulder. I was worried about hurting her but I also knew she needed this.

I pushed my face into the warmth of her neck, breathing deeply of her scent. She moaned lightly and I kissed her neck and behind her ear. I kissed my way from there along her neck and across her cheekbones. My lips met hers with urgency. I didn't want to risk my venom in her mouth with the injuries she had received so I kept it lips on lips, but my lips dragged across hers and a new intensity seemed to exist between us. I don't know whether it was because I had felt the depth of the fear she'd suffered and I wanted to erase it.

I pulled myself into position above her and she spread her legs to allow me access. I pressed myself forward into her slowly, increasing the connection between us. I dropped myself down onto her, closing every gap between us, but keeping my weight off her. I paid close attention to her to make sure I didn't hurt her.

Once our connection had been made we pushed against each other slowly, neither of us leading or following. We weren't seeking release just closeness. It wasn't passion but need. I stared into her eyes and found myself lost in them, I cursed whatever god decided to give me access to Bella's pain but not this.

Our rhythm built slowly towards a crescendo which crashed onto the two of us simultaneously. After we rode our orgasm out together I bent my forehead down onto my right shoulder, resting it there as my breathing slowed. Bella reached her hand up into my hair and pulled me to her tightly and then kissed my cheek. I lay there for as long as possible and realised she'd fallen asleep. I stood and pulled on a pair of shorts. I didn't want to risk waking Bella for a second time so I left her as she was. I lay down next to her and pulled her to me.

I didn't want to let her go at all so I wrapped my arms around her and stroked her body gently. I spent the night contemplating the mystery of her thoughts and why I could hear them. Why now and why those thoughts?


	18. Testing Time

**Chapter 18: Testing time**

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations. This is unbeta'd so apologies for any & all mistakes. Please take the time to leave some words if you really loved it or really hated it! _

*****

Bella slept peacefully against my chest the whole night. I couldn't stop thinking about the brief glimpses I got into her mind. I was worried about the fear she felt, and the underlying current that she somehow deserved it. It worried me so much and I didn't want to let her go for a second. Especially with the hospital visit that was going to happen. I let Bella go finally when she started to stir

Once I saw she was fully awake I grabbed her hand and brought it to my lips. "Do you want breakfast or a shower first?" I asked, today was going to be all about her.

"Are you going to help me in the shower?"

I nodded, "Naturally." I enjoyed our previous shower immensely, there was no way I would miss the opportunity if it was presented again.

"Then I think breakfast first," she teased.

I couldn't help but feel a little disappointed that she'd prefer breakfast to time alone with me. I also worried that maybe I'd misinterpreted her last night – maybe she wasn't ready for that just yet. That was until she brought her lips to mine. Then she suddenly jumped up and grabbed her bathrobe. She had barely finished covering herself with it when she was at the door and running from the room. I was behind her in an instant. She made a beeline to the bathroom and I couldn't help the grin that passed across my features. I pulled the door shut behind me.

She pulled her bathrobe of and hung it on the back of the door. I would have offered to help but I was momentarily distracted by the long snowy planes of her torso. She turned back towards me and my desire bubbled to my throat in the form of a low growl. Even with her injured arm pinned across her chest she was magnificent. I stepped forward and turned on the shower, turning the knobs to the exact position I memorised, before helping undo the sling around her neck. Bella extended her arm into the shower to test the water temperature and she shot her eyes to me darkly before stepping in without making any adjustments. I smirked in smug satisfaction, obviously the temperature was right then.

I undressed and stepped in behind her so that I could help her rinse her hair. I grabbed the shampoo bottle from the shelf and squeezed a little onto my hand. I started at Bella's scalp and massaged with a gentle pressure, the feeling of her hair rubbing through my fingertips was sensational. I hoped she enjoyed the feeling half as much as I did. Once I had worked it right to the tips I helped Bella rinse it off under the flowing water, my fingers running from root to tip and brushing down the length of Bella's neck in the process. Once the water was clear I grabbed her conditioner. This time I worked from the tips up into the roots. Living with Alice did have some benefits because she'd drilled this into me when she'd learned I would need to help Bella out this way.

Bella moaned lightly as I rinsed the conditioner out. The sound reverberated around the bathroom and sank deep into my bones, causing my desire to spike. I grabbed her sponge and squeezed some soap onto it. My breathing was rapid with need as I began to drag the sponge along her limbs. Each time the material touched her skin she would close her eyes and give a small groan of desire. I couldn't stop myself any longer.

As the water washed the soap away I replaced the sponge with my lips. Kissing down the length of her arms and across her chest. I put my hand on the base of her spin and pulled her into me. She complied fully with my wishes, allowing me to guide her body into place. I slid one arm up into her hair, supporting her head and back. The other began to explore of its own accord, running up and down the length of her thigh and waist. Without a conscious thought my lips found her and I was pressing my tongue into her mouth. My fears of last night were forgotten in the heat of my passion. I just needed to taste every part of her right now. I felt warmness envelope my fingers before I considered what I was doing. All I knew was that Bella was whimpering in my arms and trusting in me completely not to hurt her.

I felt her clenching tightly around my fingers as her pleasure peaked. The sounds and smells of Bella overrode every thought and I began to act of instinct growling into her mouth with my primal desire. Bella gasped as she came down from her high and the sound snapped me back to the here and now. I put my hand behind her so that both of my arms were supporting her.

I raised my lips from hers and touched them to her forehead. I couldn't help the grin that I wore when I saw her radiant smile. "Good morning."

She sighed contentedly. "If only they could all be so good."

"Soon, love. Soon."

I grabbed the towel off the rack and patted her dry, enjoying the view and her scent in the process. I put her sling back on and then realised she had nothing to wear but her robe. I quickly wrapped the towel around my waist and ducked into her room grabbing some clothes for both of us.

After we were both dressed I grabbed her good hand and led her into the kitchen. Jacob was already sitting at the table, eating a bowl of cereal. _Looks like the two of them had as much fun as it sounded like they were having. Look at Bella – she looks like the cat that ate the canary,_ was what he thought. What he said was, "Nice shower?"

I could smell Bella's blush before I could see it. The pooling of blood so close to the surface of her skin was delicious.

Jacob laughed louder when he saw her reaction. _Yep, thought so,_ he thought to himself. _She can't hide things like that_.

I was about to offer to cook Bella breakfast but she was already pulling the cereal out of the cupboard. I grabbed her a bowl and the milk and set them on the counter for her.

"What time are we due at the hospital today?" Bella asked out of nowhere.

I knew I had forgotten something. Bella really was making me more and more human all the time. I held up my finger to her to tell her 'one second' and pulled out my phone.

"Edward? What's wrong?" Carlisle's voice sounded worried.

"Nothing. I just wasn't sure what time you wanted us to come down to the hospital."

"Oh, well, I'll want to administer as many of the tests as I can myself. I'm on rounds until ten strictly speaking so anytime after that I'll be on my own time, but they'll let me use the equipment.

"No problems." I hung up the phone and turned back to Bella. "Carlisle says anytime around 10 will be fine, he'll fit us in from there."

Bella wore a confused expression. "Why didn't you call him while I was asleep?"

I was embarrassed to admit the real reason, but I did anyway. "I just couldn't let you go."

Jacob choked on his mouthful of cereal. _God, as if having to listen to them last night and this morning wasn't enough. Now they have to gush in my face. _

I knew they were instinctual thoughts, how he felt even if it wasn't how he _wanted _to feel so I couldn't hate him for his thoughts.

Bella turned to Jacob. "Jacob, Edward tells me you're going back home?"

_Yes and I am so excited about it._ "I don't have to if you need me here."

Bella sat across from him at the table and laughed. "I'm sure I can manage for a few days without you, Jake. Besides I think it'll be good for you."

Jacob leaned across the table and pecked her cheek. _Thanks_, he thought.

I stood leaning against the counter, watching the scene from a distance. Considering how heartbroken she had been when explaining to Alice about their history it was surprisingly good to see them getting along. Especially when I knew there was no way Jacob could ever be interested in her the same way again.

"I see the leg's better." Bella quipped at Jacob.

_I hate that I heal so much quicker than her, I wish I could help her somehow. She must hate me. _He kept his voice light when he teased her back."Yeah, it's amazing what a good night's sleep can do."

"I hate you, you know,"

I laughed.

"Sorry, Bells. I'd help you heal faster too if I could."

"I know." Bella stood and put her bowl in the dishwasher.

"Well, I'm going for a quick shower before we need to leave." Jacob said throwing Bella a quick glance.

"Have fun," I said.

_Nowhere near as much fun as you two had before._

I had to laugh. I felt Bella's warm fingers wrap around my hand and she pulled me over to the couch. I sat down and she sat in front of me. I could tell by the rapid shifting of the channels that she was trying to distract herself so I wrapped my arms around her and tried to distract her in my own way.

Jacob finished in the shower and came out dressed and packed. He was worrying about missing his flight.

"Take your bags with us," I said, startling Bella because she hadn't heard Jacob's approach. "We'll get you to the airport on time, someone will be available to drive you done."

_I don't really want to have to drive with anyone else besides Carlisle or Edward but if I get to see Harriett it'll be worth it._

"Then it's settled." I said, turning my attention back to nuzzling Bella's neck.

*****

I heard Carlisle's thoughts long before we arrived in the hospital. He had a range of tests in mind and wasn't sure how Bella, or I, would feel about them. As he explained the tests he had in mind, he didn't say anything I wouldn't expect or be fine with - EEG, MRI, CT scan, x-ray. But then I saw what was worrying him. He wanted to try to prompt Bella to have a flashback to see if he would get different readings under those conditions.

"Do you think that's absolutely necessary, Carlisle," I asked.

"I think it is the best way to determine what changes are happening that could be the cause."

"What are you two talking about?" Bella demanded.

I turned to her. Her face was so anxious I wanted to calm her. I wasn't sure whether what Carlisle was suggesting would alleviate that tension or increase it. "Carlisle wants to do all the neurological tests twice. Once while you are in a relaxed state and the second while exposing you certain stimuli, to try to duplicate the results."

She pulled a face. "You mean things that will make me have a flashback."

"Yes, Bella," Carlisle answered. "Obviously I'm not going to make you do anything you are too uncomfortable with but I think it would give us the most accurate test results."

I could tell she was uncomfortable but she nodded anyway. I wanted to tell her that she didn't have to do it if she wasn't comfortable but I couldn't, because I was desperately anxious to know what was wrong and if it was serious.

Carlisle organised a nurse to arrange a hospital gown for Bella. They took her away and helped get her settled into the radiology area. I had to follow Jacob around it wasn't wise for me to be seen supporting Bella on my own. Not if there was a change of renewing any rumours. I heard Carlisle tell Bella that Alice was going to swing past the hospital to come and help her if it was getting too late and I needed to take Jacob to the airport. I was glad my family had thought of that contingency plan, because it hadn't even crossed my mind. I was starting to let far too many things slip past me lately in my concern for Bella.

I followed Jacob as he followed Bella from machine to machine. Carlisle was running both the screening for Bella's release for the school as well as his own tests on her mind to see why she was having the flashbacks and, hopefully, why I was seeing them. I had to leave the room as they drew Bella's blood. I had been exposed to her running blood of course, and I had learned to control myself around it to a large degree. But seeing it drawn slowly from her body into those small tubes proved too much for me to handle. For half a second I considered how easy it would be for one of those vials to just go missing. As soon as that thought crossed my mind I left the room.

I heard Alice's thoughts as she entered the hospital. She was concerned about a vision she'd had. _I know you can hear me Edward. Jasper is going to drive Jacob to the airport. Carlisle won't be happy with the tests unless you're there to verify whether you can _hear _Bella or not. _

I couldn't help the smile that broke out across my face. Sure instead of having to spend time around Jacob I'd have to spend time around Alice but the most important thing is that I would be around Bella. I would be there for Bella.

Bella was wired up for the EEG and looked concerned. It was time for her to force herself to have a flashback. I wasn't particularly looking forward to this part either, but I knew we needed to get to the bottom of it. To find out if there was some dangerous cause for her flashbacks.

I knelt in front of her and looked into her eyes. "I know it's hard, Bella, but we need you to do this. We want to make sure it's not a product of a small bleed or clot which could..." I couldn't finish the sentence. It could kill her.

"How do I do it?"

"Think about what has happened the last couple of times. Last night you seemed to react to me telling you Jacob was going back to La Push."

She nodded as she seemed to understand what I was saying. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. I heard her thoughts the same second she grasped tightly onto my hand. Once again I experienced the full force of the flashback as if I was actually inside her head.

_I was pinned up against the car, the boot was pressing into my shoulder, his breath beat down on me hot and stale. His full weight was on me. I felt suffocated, I could get the air I needed. His face was inches from mine, "Go spin your lies somewhere else, slut."_

Now that the initial shock of experiencing these things in Bella's place had worn off I couldn't help but be furious at the monster who did this to her. Who made her feel fear, and hurt and bleed.

Bella's eyes snapped open. She reached her hand out and stroked the side of my face. "I'm sorry you have to see this, Edward."

I caught her eye. I wanted to let her know that it was okay. "I'd be delighted for the view into your mind if only it wasn't so..." I trailed off, I wasn't sure how to finish that sentence. If only it wasn't so consuming. If only it wasn't so infuriating. If only I could see the good things too.

I watched as Bella's hands shook as the EEG electrodes were removed. I wanted to tell her that it was okay, we had enough we could go now. But I knew Carlisle wanted the MRI that we were going to do now. And I knew he had a plan to see if it was just that memory that caused her visions.

She bravely lay on the table and it slid back into the MRI. I knew the instant her vision was about to start. The last thing she thought before the flashback consumed her was whether she'd be able to come back this time. She felt like she lost a part of herself with each vision. I wanted to run and take her in my arms and tell her everything would be all right. But I couldn't, so I didn't.

I flicked on the microphone to allow me to communicate with her. Strictly speaking I wasn't supposed to be in this room but it was allowed sometimes. I was most definitely not allowed to play with any of the equipment but Carlisle allowed me to get away with it. He knew I'd be able to get more out of Bella. And right now we were going to ask her to give us her all.

"Bella, love. I know this is going to be hard but we were wondering if you can have a similar flashback with another event."

"I haven't yet."

"Can you try. We want to find out if there is something about this event in particular that is causing this."

Bella seemed to think for a while, I figured she was running over every major event in her life.

I felt the connection with her mind and her thoughts screamed at me. _No! Not this one. Edward can't see this one._

In the fraction of a second between that thought and her vision I wondered what could be so bad that she didn't want me to see.

_I was standing in the forest, Edward stood across from me. I knew something was wrong, I had known it ever since the night of my birthday party. _

"_You... don't... want me?" I asked. _

My breathing stopped as I realised which memory Bella and I were about to relieve together. I wanted to forget this had ever happened. I wanted to ignore the fact that I had even been stupid enough to leave her.

"_No." Edward's face was hard, his normally liquid eyes were frozen solid. I couldn't see any contradiction in his eyes or face. He meant what he said._

My heart broke with Bella's as I felt her fear and looked into my own face. I could see how convincing my lie was, but I still never really understood how she believed me so quickly.

"_Well, that changes things." I said calmly, my body ignoring the words that he spoke, trying to protect me from the impact. _

"_Of course, I'll always love you... in a way. But what happened the other night made me realize that it's time to change. Because I'm..._tired_ of pretending I'm something I'm not, Bella. I am not human. I've let this go on much too long, and I'm sorry for that."_

"_Don't." I wanted to scream at him not to leave but I couldn't, my voice was broken and pitiful, "Don't do this."_

_I couldn't see any of the love I thought had existed between us when he said, "You're not good for me, Bella."_

_The words were confirmation of exactly what I had always known – I wasn't good enough for him. There was no emotion on his face as he waited for me to respond. I forced the words out, "If...that's what you want."_

My entire being shattered as I heard her thoughts. She genuinely felt that she wasn't worthy of me. How did she ever get it so backwards? She'd told me things like that from time to time but I had never understood how deeply rooted her self-doubt was. How did she not realise that she had changed me so much. She had improved me. I was only now even partly worthy of her love. If she chose to bestow it elsewhere I could hardly blame her. But for her not to be worthy of me? It was a ridiculous concept, but one which she had believed completely.

_He nodded once, a hard nod that shattered everything. The conversation continued but I couldn't follow it. I couldn't breathe. I knew this memory wasn't right, I knew the truth behind it know but it didn't stop me feeling every ounce of pain and rejection I had felt at the time. _

"_Goodbye, Bella."_

"_Wait!" I tried to reach out for him but I couldn't carry myself forward. His cold hands locked around my wrists and pinned them to my sides. He leaned down, and pressed his lips very lightly to my forehead for the briefest instant. My eyes closed._

My breathing was caught in exactly the same way as Bella's in her memory. I knew the feeling she experienced well. I'd had the same one. Like someone had removed my heart and lungs and left the wound gaping.

I heard Bella's breathing grow more erratic, as if she was having panic attack. She started to scream to be let out. I silently dared Carlisle to argue with me as I raced into the room and pushed the button to withdraw the table. As soon as Bella was clear I pulled her tightly into me. In that instant I didn't care who saw. I just wanted to comfort Bella, to make her feel better. I closed my eyes so she wouldn't see her own pain reflected in them and rested my forehead against hers.

"I'm so sorry. So sorry." I muttered. I felt venom pricking my eyes in ways that it had rarely done before.

_She did such a good job, Edward. And I'm sorry you both had to go through that, _Carlisle thought. "I think that's enough for now. I'll start to analyse the results. Alice, can you take Edward and Bella back to her house," he said.

Bella seemed to cling tighter to me for half a second before muttering, "Edward, I'm sorry you had to see that."

I couldn't let her feel an ounce of guilt over showing me that memory. After all that day had been my doing. I had hurt her and scared her just as effectively as Chris Markson. "I did that, Bella. You suffered that because of me. Seeing, feeling, it for myself... I'm sorry."

She grabbed the back of my head and pulled my face into hers. I allowed her to make the move. She kissed me fiercely, as if trying to erase the thoughts that I'd been exposed to.

_Edward, that's not a good idea. _Alice cleared her throat, "Not in public please. Not while we are so close to our exit."

Bella nodded. "Let's go home. Please."

I gave her one more quick squeeze before letting her go. I wanted to get her home as soon as possible as well. Especially considering we would be alone for the next 72 hours.

**A/N –Okay so this will be posted on the 28****th**** in Australia even if it's not the 28****th**** wherever you may be. This is for the reader appreciation day. And honestly without you guys reading there would be little point writing. I thank you for sticking with my story :) **


	19. Fine Line

**Chapter 19: Fine line**

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations. This is unbeta'd so apologies for any & all mistakes. Please take the time to leave some words if you really loved it or really hated it! _

*****

Alice drove Bella and I back to Bella's house. We were all silent as we drove. Alice was looking into the future for problems now for the next three days. There was nothing on the horizon but she wasn't able to settle on any vision for too long because she was trying to skip past the intimate stuff. She didn't like to be voyeuristic and I appreciated her for it. That being said, I couldn't say I was disappointed with any of the flashes I was seeing as we drove.

As we neared Bella's house I stretched out across the back seat, ducking out of the line of sight of any potential witnesses. I positioned myself so that my head was behind Alice's seat and I had a clear view of Bella. She was chewing her lip and her heart was pounding. These could both be signed that Bella was stressed or that she was excited. I wondered which was causing it now.

Despite the harrowing visions Bella and I had just shared I couldn't help but be excited. She and I were minutes away from a nearly uninterrupted seventy-two hours with each other. Jacob was across the other side of the country and my family had arranged time off work and school and were going hunting. Of course according to the rest of the town they were going camping and I was with them but what the rest of the town didn't know wouldn't hurt them.

When we arrived at the house Alice barely stopped the car before reversing out. After Bella had left the car I asked Alice to do me a favour and have someone run down tonight before leaving to go hunting so that they could collect Bella's car and take it back to the house. I wouldn't do anything with it until Bella told me what she wanted to do with it but I also didn't want it parked out in front of her house if it was going to cause those horrid flashbacks for her. I knew the flashbacks were horrid because I had experienced them.

As Alice pulled away she took one last glance into the future and saw no problems for us. Although apparently Emmett and Rosalie were going to have a fight while they were out camping.

I went into Bella's house via the back door to minimise the risk of any possible sighting by Bella's neighbours. I walked through the laundry and down the hall. As soon as I saw Bella I could tell it was anxiety that was causing her heightened pulse and captured lip. Her eyes dropped away as soon as they hit mine. Her head drooped slightly. I closed the distance between us and knelt in front of her. I clutched her hands in mine and silently willed her to talk to me. I didn't want to press her on what she was thinking unless she felt ready to raise it because for once I knew exactly what she was thinking about, even without hearing her thoughts. It was the same thing on my mind – our good-bye - or to place the blame where it really belonged - my leaving. My idiocy and all the pain it had caused us.

"Edward," Bella whispered, her eyes finally meeting mine. "I'm sor..."

I cut her off with a kiss before she could finish the word. I didn't want her to apologise to me. It wasn't her fault I left and it wasn't her fault she was having these visions or flashbacks, whatever you wanted to call them.

I pulled back after a short amount of time. I did want to talk about the issue, I just didn't want _her_ to apologise to _me_. I raised my hand and rubbed my fingers across her undamaged cheek. "Bella, do you know the reason I left?"

She shrugged and tears pricked her eyes.

"It was _never_ because I thought you weren't good enough for me. If anything you are far too good for me. You are good and pure and oh so perfect. I didn't want to corrupt that with what I am."

She shook her head. "Don't you see? That's how I feel about you. I look at how you live your life. The struggle that it must be and I can see how good you are."

"I've killed before. Nothing can ever change that."

She placed her free hand on my face in response. "That's not who you are now. You've proven that again and again."

I wrapped my hand around hers and gently pulled it from my face, placing it in her lap. Then I rested my cheek on top of our joined hands and whispered, "I still wonder how I ever deserved your love."

Her fingers struggled free and began to stroke my hair and I buried my face deeper in her. "Deserved or not, you have it completely."

I placed my hands on her hips and slid her closer to me, resting my head on her stomach. I encircled her with my arms, clutching her to me. "You have my heart completely."

"Did you feel..."

I nodded against her I knew what she was going to say. Our minds may not be linked at the moment but our hearts were. "I know how you felt. I felt exactly the same way being away from you. It was as if I..."

"Left your heart behind," she finished. Her hand fisted in my hair and she gently pulled my head up so my eyes would meet hers.

"Exactly." I smiled.

Somehow between the two of us we closed the gap between our lips and were pressing forward into one another. We reiterated the words we had just spoke with the need in our mouths. Finally Bella started to gasp for breath and we broke apart.

"Why?" she asked. Her eyes boring into me.

"You know why. I couldn't risk your soul. I wouldn't. It was something I was unprepared for and unable to think through."

"How do you feel about that now? Would you be willing to risk my soul now?"

I answered her as honestly as I could, feeling like a cad as I did. "I don't know."

She surprised me by chuckling. "At least it's not a no."

I laughed as her words reminded me of ones I had spoken to her just a few months ago, back when everything was so different. The thought of ever having to go back to that, to being just friend – or worse, not having her in my arms at all – drove me to capture the goddess in front of me. In one swift movement I had her in my arms and on my lips as I carried her towards the bedroom. Her free hand tugged and pushed roughly on my hair as her face pressed into mine. I felt myself harden at her touch. I wanted nothing more than to worship every inch of her body. I placed her in the centre of the bed, propping her head and shoulders up off the bed slightly with some pillows. Then I ripped her free of her clothing quickly.

After she was positioned I moved to the foot of the bed, watching her watch me. My eyes ran trails of fire over her body, plotting the course my tongue would take shortly. The longer I watched the more she started to squirm with anticipation. I was glad to see there was no self-consciousness – I had seen her naked enough now that she was comfortable with it. Instead her eyes grew darker and hooded with desire. I stepped backwards from the bed. I began to unbutton my shirt slowly, enjoying the feeling of her eyes on me. I took my time, moving excruciatingly slowly to draw out the feeling of her desire and need for me. As I shrugged out of my shirt her lip was captured by her teeth. I moved as quickly as I was able, sliding between her legs and placed my thumb on her lip to pull it away. As I pulled my thumb away it burned from the heat of her. My lips longed to replace the void my thumb had just left.

Bella seemed to recognise my desire, or perhaps it was her desire too, because her lips parted slightly, falling into a delicious pout that screamed for contact. No amount of restraint in the world could have held me back in that instant. I fell into her, allowing her to overrun my senses. My throat constricted and burned but it was sacrificial. I knew I burned because Bella was alive. I burned because Bella was in my arms and allowed me to take her in every way I wanted. The pain only heightened the pleasure.

My lips found hers and blazed with a new intensity. I wanted to wipe away her insecurity, her fears. She was the only person I would ever love, could ever love. She held my heart and every fibre of my being captive and I never wanted her to release me. Her lips moved in perfect time, soft like rose petals as they caressed and warmed my own. The taste of her on my lips was a pleasure I could revel in for all eternity.

Eternity.

The word struck me hard. Bella had been hinting and had asked once for me to change her. Could I? A large part of me rejoiced of the thought of Bella being unbreakable and mine forever, but another part begged me to consider her soul, the pain, the sacrifices she would have to make. I would be taking her life. But it would be worth it. Before I realised what was happening I found my lips and her throat, parting wider and wider, allowing my teeth access to the pale white skin and warm pulse. It wouldn't take much pressure and I had the willpower to stop. Didn't I?

I couldn't. I stilled completely and Bella took over, running her hand up my back, sending rivers of pleasure coursing through my body. That was all it took for my momentary lapse to be pushed aside. I wouldn't change her. At least not yet. I couldn't be that selfish.

I pulled back into a kneeling position, with my legs still between Bella's. She was splayed out in front of me in all her beauty. My hands found her all too familiar curves and traced them from beginning to end. From shoulder to thigh. Bella sighed and moaned as my fingertips ghosted her frame. I ran my fingers along the length of her thighs, pushing them wider apart.

I rubbed small circles into her inner thighs with my thumbs, gazing in wonder at the perfect pink flower open before me. Bella bucked her hips and my breath caught. I longed for a taste, to run my tongue across that glorious patch but I knew I couldn't. If I couldn't even control myself while kissing her mouth what chance did I have? So instead I closed the distance between my thumbs, inching them closer to the warmth. I shifted one hand to gently cup her. The wetness I felt there increased my own arousal. I slide my hand downwards so my fingers could slip softly inside. She sighed as I found my way deeper inside her.

I let my hand be the only point of contact between us even though my body ached for her. I longed to feel her surrounding me but I resisted. I wanted to watch. I loved the pink blush that passed over her skin as if in reaction to my gaze. I wanted to see her writhe beneath my touch as her pleasure mounted and peaked. My resolve lasted a few short minutes until Bella murmured, "Edward, I need you."

I couldn't resist her need. Her words were a siren call. I climbed off the bed and Bella groaned at the loss of the one point of contact between us. I ran my fingers over my lips, relishing the taste of Bella's sweetness. I quickly stripped off the last of my clothes, leaving no barriers between us, and climbed back onto the bed. I crawled up the length of her body, my hands and tongue making trails and detours. Then I hovered above her, relishing the crackle of electricity between our bodies as they rested inches apart. The anticipation on Bella's face and in her erratic heartbeat made me smile and that made her heart skip another beat.

I pressed my body slightly closer to her, stroking her hair. I put my lips to her ear and whispered as I pressed into her. "You have me."

Bella let out a low guttural groan, at either my words or me filling her – or perhaps a combination of the two. She issued a small mew as I withdrew a slightly. As I pushed forward again I licked behind her ear and whispered again. "Completely."

I pulled back again, almost removing myself entirely. I thrust again with a low growl followed by another declaration. "I love you."

I buried my face in her hair deep against her neck. Her body reacted to my breath with an outbreak of goose-bumps and I licked across them. Bella cried out.

Her hand came around and rested on my lower back, her finger stroking a delicate pattern in the rhythm of our steady movements. Our tempo increased, each thrust combining us and drawing us closer to our own personal but united heaven.

Bella's heated body called for me, I could see the tension coiled in every muscle screaming for release. I dipped my head and captured one of her nipples between my lips and ran my tongue across it. She thrust her hips up urgently towards me. I stilled my movements and she groaned in disappointment. I returned my lips to hers, planting soft, chaste kisses across her mouth and cheeks. She followed my mouth with her own, running her tongue across her lips in an attempt to coax a passion-filled kiss which would finish her off.

Slowly the tension in her muscles dropped slightly and I knew it was safe to continue without her crashing over the edge. I wanted to increase her tension to a level so high the peak would be incredible.

I pushed myself off the bed and back into a kneeling position. I put my hands behind Bella's back and pulled her up onto my lap, never breaking our connection. Her head rested against my shoulder and her mouth teased my neck. I shifted the two of us so that my legs were crossed beneath her, her thighs resting on either side of my waist. I hitched her higher against me, finding new depth and receiving a low moan of pleasure across my skin in response.

I pulled her chin up and dropped my forehead to hers, staring into her eyes and getting lost within them. Her full lips called to mine and I responded, never breaking eye contact. My hands found her hips and I pushed and pulled her over me, controlling her tempo. I could feel her desire to go faster, she twisted her hips in my hands and growled.

I stared into her eyes. "Are you ready?"

She nodded frantically. "Please, Edward. Oh god, please."

I increased the tempo and the depth. Each thrust elicited a new sound, a combination of groans and cries and suddenly it happened. Her breathing and heart stopped for one long second and she threw her head back. I raised my arm quickly to give her something to lean into so she didn't do any damage to her slowly healing collarbone.

"Oh! Fuck me!" she screamed, pushing herself backwards, changing the angle and giving rise to another groan. Her perfect pink buds and white creamy breasts were tight and called my name. I claimed them again and she called out again. "Oh my God, Edward."

The combination of her voice and her body clamping tightly around me caused my body to react in unison and I joined her. She leaned back forward again and fell into me, her face pressed to my chest. I stroked her hair as we sat together. Minutes later, or maybe hours, her breathing had settled into a steady rhythm and I knew she had fallen asleep.

*****

I watched as Bella slept. I gently ran my fingers across her body as she slept and she muttered my name repeatedly. When I realised she was going through the patterns of starting to wake I got up, pulled on a pair of boxer shorts, and went in the kitchen to prepare her breakfast. I made a stack of pancakes and covered it with fresh strawberries and whipped cream.

Once I had finished preparing the pancakes I went back into the bedroom carrying them on a tray. I set breakfast down on the bedside table and grabbed Bella's robe for her. I had no problem with her remaining naked all day, but she might.

I leaned over her to touch my lips briefly to hers and she woke with a large grin on her face. I showed her the breakfast and she shook her head a little.

"I'm going to get fat if you keep cooking like this," she teased.

I smiled widely. "Well, we'll just have to come up with some ways to burn it off."

She sat up in bed. To my surprise she declined the robe, merely pulling the blanket up and tucking it under her good shoulder and her sling. I sat on the bed in front of her and grabbed the tray. She reached out for the fork but I shook my head and grabbed the fork. I cut into the pancakes and offered the fork to her. I had to admit the sight of her mouth closing around the fork as she slid the food off was highly erotic. I understood now why people watched their lovers eat.

I continued cutting her pancakes and feeding her piece by piece. Each bite I found myself leaning a bit closer, until I was so close our lips were almost touching. I put the fork on the plate and kissed her, not enjoying the taste nearly as much as usual the taste of the human food she had consumed overpowered her natural taste. She hummed against my mouth.

"I could get used to this," she said.

I wasn't watching her hand as it ducked down to the plate and scooped a small dollop of the cream and brought it into her mouth. I could hear her tongue run around the top of her finger and my breathing sped thinking about her doing that to me. I winked at her and ran my finger through the cream. I raised it to her lips and she focused her eyes on mine as she ducked her head and took my entire finger in her mouth. My mouth suddenly felt dry and my erection strained against the satin of my boxers. Bella's eyes dropped and she smirked.

She put her finger back into the cream on the plate and then, before I realised what she was going to do, ran it along my cheek. She leaned forward and traced the same line with her tongue.

"Hmmm, that tastes nice."

My mind left my body as Bella took control. She pushed me backwards and I complied completely and she worked her way down my body, a smear of cream and then a swirl of her tongue. She was driving my senses crazy. Then she was tugging at my boxers. I helped her to remove them, knowing it would be impossible for her to do it with one hand. She climbed out of bed and offered me her hand. I sat on the edge of the bed, dumped the tray back onto the bedside tale and pulled her into me. I wrapped my arms around her waist and took a moment to suck and lick her chest.

She pulled out of my arms and knelt on the floor between my legs. She stared up at me and pushed her mouth forward so it was inches from me. She stopped and looked up into my face, raising one eyebrow with a smirk on her lips. "What do you want?" she asked.

I couldn't think straight. "What do you mean?"

"Well, I can go for a shower instead of this if it's all the same to you."

I wanted to tell her not to, that I really wanted her to keep doing what she was doing but I couldn't. I didn't want to force her to do anything she didn't want to do. I offered her my hand to help her to her feet. She rolled her eyes at me.

"What?" I smirked, my mind was still frazzled.

"You can tell me what you want, Edward."

I looked at her mouth just inches from me. "That looks good," I stammered.

She giggled. "What does? What do you want me to do?"

"Please Bella would you..." I couldn't bring myself to say it. She moved her mouth another inch closer, encouraging me to say the words. "Would you suck..."

As soon as I said the word suck I was enclosed by her mouth. As she moved her tongue swirled around me and her teeth gently scraped along my shaft. I growled at the feeling and she hummed in response, sending my body reeling again.

She pulled back and released me from her mouth. "Don't be afraid to talk to me, Edward. To tell me what you want, what you like."

"It's a lot easier to just give you everything instead," I admitted. I was able to tell exactly what please her based on shifts in her scent, the way her muscles played underneath her skin and the beating of her heart. I didn't necessarily need vocal cues as well – although they added to the excitement I felt while giving her pleasure. "I just don't want you to feel pressured."

She laughed and laid her cheek on my thigh. "You might be surprised at the things I want to do to you, with you. So never be afraid to ask. We need to communicate if we are going to be together."

I nodded. I think I understood what she meant and I had to admit I was intrigued by what she wanted to try, but I wasn't going to press her on that issue right now. "So what you are trying to tell me is that telling you what feels good, telling you what I would like you to do to me, is helping our relationship."

She nodded and turned her mouth onto my thigh, kissing it passionately.

"Are you saying that telling you what I want would be the same as saying 'I love you'?"

She chuckled but nodded again and turned to the other thigh, repeating the kiss.

"In that case," - I stilled her movement and dragged her chin up so our eyes could meet – "Bella, would you please suck me."

Her mouth closed around me again and she pushed my stomach to get me to lie down on the bed. I complied willingly and my erection found the back of her throat. She moved her tongue along my length and moaned against me. I could tell how much doing this to me was turning her on. "That feels so good, Bella, but I want to be inside you."

I sat up again and gently grasped her body helping her to climb back onto the bed. She climbed onto my lap and pushed me back down to the bed as I sank deep inside of her. She set the rhythm this time, finding the perfect tempo of up, down, forward, back. I ran my hands from her stomach to her breasts and back down again. As I sensed her nearing her climax I pressed my thumb onto her clit, she screamed out my name in ecstasy as her body came hard.

She glanced at me with a mischievous look. She climbed back off me, leaving me wanting. I wanted to fill her again to complete her. I closed my eyes. I knew what she wanted. She wanted me to beg for more. At least that was what I thought but then I felt her lips around me again. She was sucking her own sweetness off me. Just the thought of that increased my excitement to a level where I couldn't contain myself anymore. I came hard and fast into her mouth and she moaned as I did. She kept her lips wrapped around me until all my movement had stilled. Then she stood and I followed, pressing my lips to hers, tasting the combination of her natural taste, the sweetness of her arousal and the lingering taste of myself. It was almost enough to get me going again. Instead I pulled away. "I think it's time for a showe

*****

We were just finishing up in the shower when I heard Carlisle's thoughts indicating he was close. I let Bella know and we dressed in clothes designed for lounging around the house.

Carlisle quickly imparted the information I needed in his mind. Bella was fine. She had an enlarging in some areas of her brain, which had occurred at some point after the van incident, but there was no evidence of excess fluid, clots or other dangerous abnormalities. She was safe. Realistically that was all I needed to know – the exact reason why I could hear her thoughts during the visions may remain a mystery forever, but I could live with that.

So I spent the time Carlisle was explaining it to her preparing her lunch. The last thing he told Bella for telling me goodbye in his thoughts and bidding Bella farewell was that her results came back with an all-clear for a return to school a week from Monday. I smiled to myself. That meant that life could be more like this permanently. Regardless of what happened with her mortality we would be living together soon.

Bella walked into the kitchen and I handed her the meal I had made. She laughed and shook her head. "I could have done this."

I shrugged. "You were busy. I don't mind."

She sat at the table and took a bite, her eyes turned thoughtful and her heart rate stepped up a bit. She was anxious about something. I sat across from her, waiting for her to talk about whatever was bothering her. I figured she would want feedback on some of the things Carlisle had discussed.

"I want you to turn me," she said suddenly, taking me by surprise.

"Are you sure about that? What about teaching and school and everything?"

"I've already told you, I don't want any of that if it means giving you up. I don't know if I will be able to pass for a high school student or not, but at very least I can go to college a few more times. After I've settled into the life I mean."

_Settled into the life,_ I thought. When she said things like that I wondered if she really understood how difficult the struggle was. "After you stop wanting to drink the blood of all and sundry you mean?"

She smiled sarcastically at me, "Well, yeah I guess if you want to put it like that. But, you know, it will mean that for at least a year or two you will have to be constantly at my side to ensure I don't slip." Her smile turned sly, "In fact, you might even have to physically restrain me."

I didn't miss the double meaning behind her words but I couldn't let the surge of desire I felt take over from the conversation – we needed to work this out. "And the loss of your soul?"

"You don't know it will cost me my soul. Besides, there are no guarantees of anything more for me anyway. Who knows what exists after this life for any of us? I know Carlisle is deeply religious and believes all this, and I know you are too to a point. But I was never raised to believe in heaven and hell. I can count on one hand the number of times I have been in a church, it just wasn't Renee's style. So I could stay human and there might still be nothing after this for me. I won't give up forever with you on that gamble."

I clenched my teeth together. I had been raised with very strong beliefs in the afterlife and Carlisle too had similar beliefs. But even if I didn't have that history Bella herself would convince me that there was such a thing as a soul, because I could see hers clearly in her every action.

Bella raised her eyebrow at me. "I know you will say I'm too good not to have a soul and that there must be something more for someone like me," She paused, I assumed waiting for me to respond. All I could do was smile at how perfectly she had guessed my argument.

"And maybe that's true," she continued, "maybe that's not. But I look at you and feel the same way. If there is a heaven how could anyone deny you a place there with all the good you have done in your life? All the sacrifices you have made?"

"I've been selfish too," I whispered. She couldn't believe how selfish I had been over my long existence. "I mean look at this, look at us. I am talking about stealing your life and you tell me I'm good?"

"It's not stealing if I give it willingly. And I would take eternity in hell if it meant just another few years with you." She walked around the table and climbed onto my lap.

I wrapped my arms around her. She pressed herself into my chest and I took the opportunity to breathe deeply of her unique scent. I whispered into her hair, "Bella, how did I ever deserve you?"

I heard her small voice respond, "Ditto."

I smiled. She really wanted to be mine forever.

**A/N – Thanks to everyone for your patience, I did warn you chaps would slow. I really honestly hope to do min. one chap for this & CV a week. Carlisle's doc may be more like one every 2 weeks. **

**Thanks to the Aussie Twilight Mum's for their amazing support over the last little while & for choosing Teacher's Pet as the March Fanfic of the Month! - still amazed and awed and ecstatic over that BTW :)**

**A massive thank-you to all my twitter h00rs & pimps – ILY all**

**And a huge mega thank you to gabbysway2 for always being available to bounce ideas from and for giving my lemons a quick squeeze to make sure they are right :)**

**A little bit of pimpage – my girl CorrinaTFF has entered the black balloon angst contest. Her story is called "To Start a Life" it's in my favs if you want to read & review. Obviously being for an angst contest it is a dark story but wow some of the images in there are still with me - very moving. When voting time comes I will let everyone know because it deserves some lovin'.**

**If you are reading this & you haven't checked out Teacher's pet yet – why the hell not, it's the finished one j/k ;) and my foul-mouthed aussie racecar driver Edward seems to be charming his arrogant ass into many hearts so if you haven't read his story it might be worth a read too – Chasing Victory. Yes, I am aware I am pimping my own fic – I am that shameless these days. RCE as he is affectionately known needs to be shared with the world LOL (although if you believe him he's already been shared with most of the female population)**


	20. Engaging Situation

**Chapter 20: Engaging Situation**

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations. This is unbeta'd so apologies for any & all mistakes. Please take the time to leave some words if you really loved it or really hated it! _

*****

Now that the date was set for Bella's return to school, and therefore our subsequent departure, the mood around us was buoyant. I spent every night lying beside Bella and all of my family saw her regularly. Even Jacob – mortal enemy to us all – was now a near permanent fixture by my side during afternoons when I came down to Bella's house. If I brought Alice, she would make a fuss about needing all of Bella's attention which gave Jacob and I the opportunity to plan.

When I told Jacob of my intentions to marry Bella I was a little unsure how he would take it, after all he was her ex-husband and they had only been divorced for a few months, but he was ecstatic and asked what I needed help with. I told him I needed her to be taken into town on Wednesday to give me some time to prepare the house. Jacob and I spent the majority of our time together organising every small detail of Bella's wedding, which was a little backwards considering I hadn't asked her yet. Alice continually assured me Bella would say yes, but as I reminded Alice, she couldn't see the definite outcome until Bella had made her decision.

Finally the Wednesday was upon us and I struggled the entire day at school. My mother's ring was burning a hole in my pocket and I just wanted to race to Bella's and give it to her without any preamble. But she was set on being made immortal and forever is a long time to remember a bad engagement so I wanted to make sure I did it right.

Alice and both I skipped last period in order to go to the florist and collect the wild flowers I had ordered. We packed them into the car as carefully as possible and drove to Bella's house. We sat down the road a little, waiting for Jacob to take Bella out. This was the part of the plan I was worried about. I wasn't sure if Bella would go into town so close to the time she knew I would be here. I listened to Jacob's thoughts as he coaxed her into it

As soon as the Jeep had turned down the street I pulled the Volvo into Bella's drive and Alice and I unloaded all the flowers into the living room, covering the entire floor. We spent a little while getting the placement of each one just perfect. Bella had the photo of the meadow up on the wall so we mirrored that.

Too soon Alice's vision went blank. Jacob was bringing Bella home earlier than anticipated. I had hoped to have a nice picnic waiting for her and be dressed in a tux before she arrived but I wouldn't have time now. I didn't want to be halfway through dressing when she came in and spoil it all. So instead I just waited.

It wasn't much longer before Alice darted through the front door, under the pretext of yelling at Jacob. Jacob's thoughts were apologetic. Apparently Bella had another flashback, more violent this time because she was screaming and thrashing around in the car.

I heard Bella's heartbeat coming closer to the front door. I pulled the front door open and stood next to it. The Jeep pulled out of the driveway and I knew Bella and I were alone. Alice was obviously going to cheat and watch.

Bella stepped into the living room and gasped. I swung the door closed gently and took a deep breath to steady myself. I walked up behind Bella.

"They're all the different types of flowers from our meadow." I whispered in her ear. "Had I been smart enough to not leave you. That's where I would have done this."

"Done what?" Bella asked, turning to see me.

I anticipated the movement and shifted around to the back of her, waiting in a kneeling position within the sea of flowers. I held out my mother's ring for her. The look on her face was full of wonder.

"Isabella Marie Swan, you have asked to join with me forever in my life. I am honoured by the request. I ask one small favour in return. Be my wife?"

She laughed. It wasn't just a nervous titter or a slight giggle but a proper whole-hearted laugh. I started to panic and for the first time in as long while I felt the whole in my chest. Did she find the concept of marrying me so funny?

My whole body drooped just a little and I felt like fleeing the room in horror. "You're laughing at me? I asked you to marry me and you're laughing at me?"

She shook her head. "No."

Her laughter mounted even more. She was dangerously close to the hysterics she'd been in before the game of Ultimate. I felt unsure how to proceed, was the idea of marrying me so ridiculous. I was hurt, but the way Bella was gasping for air was concerning me much more.

I grabbed her good hand and gently pulled her into me. To my immense relief she didn't resist. I decided that was a good thing, if she was that horrified with what I had just asked she wouldn't want me to hold her now.

"Why now?" she asked.

"Why not now?" I replied. I tried to keep the doubt and hurt I was feeling out of my voice.

"This is important to you?"

I nodded. "I want to be able to say that you belong to me in every sense of the word."

"But I do, regardless of any ties or bonds or promises. I belong to you."

I smiled, relief flooding through me at her words. This wasn't a reaction to me, she didn't think marrying me was hilarious or ridiculous. "I know. Is it so wrong for me to want to share that with my family?"

"I guess not. And is my being turned conditional on this?"

I was surprised she had asked that. She had made it perfectly clear that she wanted to be turned, and I would respect that – even if there were aspects of it that still pained me to think about. "No, Bella. You've made your choice clear. I will respect and support that decision, even if part of me is saying it's the wrong one."

"Hmm."

"So is that a yes?" I asked, hopeful.

She nodded and then pulled my face towards hers. I kissed her a little, but there was still one more thing I needed to ask her. "Bella?"

"Yes, Edward?" I could hear the trepidation in her voice.

"Can we do it before you go back to the school?"

She choked and coughed in reaction. "Do what?"

"The wedding."

"But, Edward, that's four days away?" She was incredulous.

I smiled as sweetly as I could. "It's just going to be my family and Jacob anyway. I wanted to do it while he was still around. Besides if we do it quickly Alice won't have a chance to go overboard." I didn't mention the fact that it was all pretty much arranged anyway.

She rolled her eyes at me.

I could hear the Jeep coming back and Alice's thoughts were excited. I estimated I had about twenty seconds more alone time to convince Bella to do it straight away. "And I think it would be easier dealing with the thoughts of the boys at school if I know you are mine."

"Edward, I already told you..."

I cut her off. "I know, but you know what I mean."

She sighed. "Fine."

I pulled me back towards me for another kiss, more passionate than before. Too soon the door opened and Jacob and Alice distracted Bella. I didn't care though.

She'd agreed.

*****

The rest of the week at school passed quickly and suddenly it was the weekend. Between Jacob, Alice and I we'd organised every aspect of the wedding. Jasper, Emmett and Carlisle roped Jacob in and the four of them kidnapped me on Saturday and took me hunting while Alice set about a beauty routine for Bella. It was the first night we had spent apart for a while and I hated every second of it.

When we arrived back home, Bella was already locked in the guest bathroom. I tried very hard to stay out of Alice's thoughts. She'd made me promise not to peek because the one element she'd taken complete control over was the dress. I'd finished dressing and was downstairs with the rest of my family when I heard Alice calling for my attention.

_She's ready Edward, send Jacob in._

I nodded to Jacob to let him know that Bella was ready for him. He headed towards the bathroom and moments later I heard his voice.

"Oh, Bells!" He exclaimed. "You look so beautiful."

"Thanks, Jake," Bella said. Jacob was concentrating on her face and I saw a wide smile. My own lips curled naturally in response. Emmett whacked my back. _Here she comes, the time for running is gone._

I growled at him and he laughed. Carlisle, who was positioned in front of me ready to officiate, rested his hand on my arm. _Whatever he said, you know it's his way of telling you how happy he is._

I nodded. I knew it before Carlisle had said it. It was just how Emmett was, it was easier to tease than to say honest feelings but he'd been just as lost without Bella in his life as the rest of us had been.

Alice came flittering out first and flicked on the music.

_She's beautiful, Edward._

"She always is," I hissed under my breath.

_Yeah, I know. _

Jacob walked around the corner and then Bella came into view. She was wearing a white dress that only came over one shoulder so it didn't put any stress on her fractured collarbone. It had beading or crystals or something down one side, but I couldn't give it much attention, not when her face was lit up with the most beautiful smile I'd ever seen. She was happy this was happening. I smiled wider in response. It was close to 24 hours since I'd last seen her so it took everything I had not to run to her and whisk her off into my room to devour every inch of her.

Carlisle kept the ceremony simple as we'd discussed. Simply reminding everyone of our love, how we had faced difficulties and we had overcome. He spoke of the family being complete now, four wholes split across eight bodies. Then came the time for us to say our vows. Bella and I had decided to forgo tradition and simply agreed on a shared promise. I took her hand in mine and looked deep into her eyes as I gave recited mine.

She didn't even falter as she returned it in kind. "I promise you every part of me. All I have, all I am and all I ever will be. Forever. I'm yours."

Carlisle moved straight into the exchanging of the rings and then said the magic words I longed to hear. "I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."

I pulled Bella straight into me and pressed my tongue into her mouth. She hummed against me and I longed to take her away. Unfortunately, there would be no honeymoon for us. Tomorrow we would both be going back to school - as teacher and student.

Alice immediately began taking photos. Photos of us, photos of the family and photos of Jacob and Bella. Most photos were meticulously planned so that there was a little ambiguity as to who the groom was. That way we could circulate some as wedding photos of her and Jacob if necessary.

Once the photos were taken I helped Bella back into her sling, Carlisle had given his permission for her to keep it off during the ceremony but I didn't want to risk her having it off for too long.

"Can I go get changed now too?" She asked.

I shook my head and put my lips to her ear, "That's for me to do later." I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her close to my chest. "I missed you so much."

She laughed. "We were only apart for 24 hours."

"It was 24 hours too long."

She kissed chin. "You're right. Let's never be apart again."

I leaned down towards her as she raised on tiptoes and our lips touched.

Before we had the opportunity to kiss properly Alice came up beside us. "Time for the first dance."

I rolled my eyes, but grinned inwardly, even if I didn't see the point in these formalities when it was just my family it was an excuse to hold Bella to me. I clasped Bella's hand and led her onto the makeshift dance floor. As the music began I lifted her onto my feet the way I had at prom so many years ago and we twirled around gracefully.

After the song finished I rested Bella back on her feet and then the onslaught started. Everyone wanted to say congratulations. One in particular. Rosalie. I remembered how she'd looked after me when everyone else had abandoned me, even Alice. I knew how much effort she was making to move past her jealousy and towards a friendship with Bella. They would never be as close as Bella and Alice but Rosalie wasn't that close with anyone except Emmett.

I kissed Bella's cheek and told her I'd be back, whispering in a subtle murmur for Rosalie to talk to her if she wanted to. I walked over to Emmett and Jasper.

Emmett laughed. "Jasper's in for a thousand that my girl won't be able to talk to your girl without insulting her somehow. But I say Rosie's better than that. What do you think?"

At that moment I heard Rosalie say, "Sorry, scratch that last part. You look very beautiful."

I laughed because Emmett's face fell as he heard it too.

"Damn, I really thought she could do it," he said.

"I know she didn't mean anything by it. I'm sure Bella does too – but that's just Rosalie for you I guess."

Emmett shook his head and wandered off mumbling about how his girl didn't mean anything so he technically shouldn't have to pay up. Not that the money mattered. He just hated losing.

I sat back and watched as Jacob and Bella interacted with my family. They were both firmly entrenched with us now and I couldn't be happier. Jacob had become a brother to me, as much as Emmett or Jasper. I knew if I ever needed him to he would fight alongside me, and not just for Bella anymore.

I saw Bella stifle a yawn and knew it was time to keep moving. I captured her in my arms and breathed into her, "You ready to go home Mrs Cullen?"

She leaned back into me. "Mmmm, I could get used to the sound of that."

I kissed her neck. "Good."

"But I'll still be Ms Swan for the next few weeks."

I groaned, her words a harsh reminder of the torture we would go through tomorrow. "I was wrong, I don't know if this is going to be easier at all. Being married to my teacher" - I dropped my voice lower - "and not able to do this" - I licked the back of her earlobe and felt a shiver run down her spine - "whenever I want."

Emmett laughed. "And not just _a_ teacher, but the teacher who's the fantasy of all the boys at school."

Bella turned her head to Emmett. "Not helping."

He laughed even louder. "Seriously - even without Edward's talent I can hear what all the boys are saying about you. They all hope the rumours are true and they get their chance next."

Bella groaned. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Well, technically I did." I argued, and I had – I told her when I asked her to marry me that it would be easier to deal with the boys thoughts if she was my wife before we went back to school.

"Fine you did," she contended, "but you didn't tell me how bad it was."

I kissed her neck again. "Because I didn't want to stress you out anymore than you have been, love."

"Tomorrow is going to be a long day," she mumbled.

"You're right." I agreed. I swept her legs from under her and cradled her in my arms, moving towards the door in the same motion. "So we're going to go home and get you to bed."

Emmett catcalled behind us and Bella blushed beautifully.

"Are you coming, Jacob?" she called back. I had to stifle a laugh that she thought we hadn't arranged an alternative ride for him.

"Ohh, a threesome!" Emmett teased. _I'm sure the pup would share - perhaps a game of tug-of-war?_

Because I had Bella in my arms I was unable to attempt to cause him any physical harm and he knew that so was taking the opportunity to tease while he could get away with it. I growled at him instead. "You know I don't share well."

Jacob sensed Bella's embarrassment as clearly as I did and tried to make it a little easier for her. "Actually, Bells, um, I was going to stay up here for another couple of hours. To give you guys, um, time to... finish."

Emmett and Jasper both found his word choice hilarious and were practically double over with laughter by the time we reached the Jeep. Alice would be driving Jacob down later, so Bella and I had some time alone.

*****

"Welcome home, Mrs Cullen," I said as I carried Bella over the threshold. I'd driven straight around to the back of Bella's house and helped her from the car before scanning carefully to ensure there were no prying neighbours around. I helped Bella through the side gate before picking her up into my arms again. I refused to let her go when she asked me to, it was my right as a husband to carry her over the threshold.

"It's only home when you are here, Mr Cullen."

"You look so beautiful in that dress Bella. Beautiful beyond my wildest imagination."

She chuckled, "Is it the dress itself or what it represents?"

"Both," I admitted. "You don't know how good it feels to be able to say that you belong to me. That I am inextricably bound to you through marriage."

"Actually, I do have some idea about that."

Hearing her say that warmed me. I put her on the ground, ensuring her footing was steady before putting my hands on her face, guiding her mouth up to mine. I kissed her gently, slowly. A part of me wanted to consume her as fast as I could and taste every part of her skin, but another part wanted this to last. We had hours before Jacob was due to come down and I didn't want a second of that time to be wasted. Especially not with what was coming up tomorrow. I wanted to stop time and make tonight last forever.

I put my hands on her hips as I pulled away from the kiss, silently asking her to stay where she was. I grabbed one of the dining room chairs. After the way she pushed me while Jacob was away I felt more comfortable with asking for what I wanted.

"Spin for me?" I asked her. "Show me your dress."

She laughed but spun slowly on the spot, waving her arms seductively.

I swallowed down on the venom in my mouth. "That really does look fantastic on you. But I wonder what it would look like off you."

"Wouldn't you like to know?"

I nodded and indicated with my finger that she should come closer to me. She took two steps and I held up my hand to tell her to stop.

I reached out and grabbed her hips, pulling them against my face and was greeted with the scent of her arousal. I pulled on her hips to lower them onto my lap. I reached my hands around to the back of her dress and rested my fingers on the zipper. Then I pressed my mouth onto hers. I slid the zipper down as I pressed my tongue further into her mouth. After her zipper was undone my hands found their way to her hips and I pushed and pulled her across my erection, giving us both the friction we desired. My mouth left hers and slid down the length of her neck. My lips found her collarbone and then her chest. I found myself losing control, I was ready to take her here and now so I stopped and gently pushed her off of me.

I stood and smiled, offering her the seat. "Why don't you sit?"

She sat down in the chair and I knelt in front of her. I picked up her right leg and slowly unfastened her shoe. I took each of her toes into my mouth in succession while I massaged the pads of her feet. She was soon writhing on the chair from my touch. I placed her foot back onto the ground and repeated the process with the other leg. Then I helped her to her feet again. I helped her slide her arm out of the dress and then pushed the fabric folds to the floor. I offered her my hand and she stepped out of the dress.

Her skin shimmered lightly and the ivory of the corset she was wearing seemed to make her appear even paler. I couldn't help but remember the visions Alice had had before Bella and I first fell in love in Forks. Bella, pale and cold, with her arm wrapped around Alice, both their eyes warm butterscotch. At the time I had been equally horrified and curious but how I longed for it now. To be able to give herself every part of me without fear of hurting her. To be able to show her how I hunt and how deep my emotions and sensations were.

"Dance with me?" I asked as I flicked on the stereo. I pulled her into me and started to whisper into her ear the words of the song I had placed in the stereo earlier in anticipation of this moment. "_The world was on fire. No one could save me but you. Strange what desire will make foolish people do. I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you._"

As I spun Bella around her living room I found my hand constantly drawn to the ties at the back of her corset. How easy it would be to just snap them and have her out of the pretty packaging. As the song progressed my hand began to tug at the knot on the ties and I pushed my hips deeper into her. I became less concerned with moving my feet and more concerned with finding friction between our bodies. Finally I had worked the knot loose enough that one good pull would free Bella completely. I held onto her and dipped her, kissing her neck. As I righted her I tugged the last of the tie loose and the corset fell to the floor.

Bella began hastily unbuttoning my shirt. All semblance of dancing went go out the window shortly after that. I kissed her hard and passionately. She unfastened my pants and pushed them to the ground. I kicked them off and pushed her back into the chair, kneeling in front of her.

I started at her feet again, before trailing the kisses up over her calves and thighs. I paused when I came close to her arousal, once again it seemed to call my name and I wanted to taste but I couldn't chance it. The risk was too great, between the heat, the smell and the blood pulsating so close to the surface. Even just the thought of it brought the monster within me out to play.

Instead I continued to climb further up her body, taking extra care and lavishing extra kisses on all the area that had bruising or were still injured. I pulled each of her nipples between my lips, running my tongue over them and relishing the texture and taste.

I pushed my hands underneath her thighs and lifted her off the chair, sliding in beneath her. She was pinned between my body and the back of the chair. She squeezed her thighs against my stomach and groaned loudly. I leaned into her, pressing her against the chair back. I suddenly wanted to be inside her more than anything else in the world. I grabbed hold of her panties and tore them off before disposing of my own boxers the same way. I lifted her hips and slipped her over my erection.

There was no urgency or movement. We merely sat, intimately connected, and began to kiss. Whenever Bella's breath became too laboured I would focus on another area of her body. I wanted ever part; her chin, neck, ears and nipples were all within easy reach. I started to guide her hips to make small movements along my length. This wasn't physical sex, it was emotional sex. We were reaffirming our wedding promise with our bodies. I looked into her eyes and was home.

She whispered against my mouth, "I promise you every part of me. All I have, all I am and all I ever will be. Forever. I'm yours."

I smiled. "Didn't you already promise me that once today?"

"I wanted to remind you. I don't want you to ever forget it or doubt it. I love you."

I moved my hands from her hips to her face, caressing lovingly. "I love you too. And I can't wait until I can shout from the rooftops that you belong to me."

I pressed my mouth into hers again. The instant our lips touched I felt Bella's orgasm hit. She broke off the kiss and tipped her head back and groaned as it peaked and released. I felt her walls tightening around me.

I was pleased that my words alone could cause such a reaction. "Really?" I confirmed.

She shifted her head forward and nodded against my shoulder. I began to seek my own release, hoping to bring her to another as well, and grabbed at her hips a little more roughly, sliding her up and down with more force, pressing my hips forward into her. My breathing increased as I found my way. Bella came again as I released into her. I turned my head into her and kissed her deeply. We stilled, remaining connected, as my body slowly calmed beneath her.

We sat like that for over half an hour before I heard Jacob's thoughts come into range. He was only a few miles away. I picked Bella up carried her into her room, laying her on the bed and covering her with blankets. I quickly left and cleaned up the clothes that were lying all around the living room, and replaced the car back to its rightful spot at the dining room table.

Bella gave me a quizzical look.

"Jacob's on his way back home, he's about a mile away now."

She smiled at me and held her arms out for me to join her. I climbed into the bed and kissed her forehead.

"Sleep now, my Bella. It's going to be a big day tomorrow."

She pulled a face and it made me laugh. But then I wanted to comfort her. "I'll be there for you. As much as possible."

She snuggled in tightly to me, but didn't seem very relieved and it took a while before sleep finally claimed her.


	21. School Daze

**Chapter 21: School Daze**

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations. This is unbeta'd so apologies for any & all mistakes. Please take the time to leave some words if you really loved it or really hated it! _

*****

I remained by Bella's side in bed until the dying night was just about to give way to the first grey streaks of daylight. Then I gently woke her with a kiss and wished her good luck. As I was climbing out of the bed to get dressed, she reached out and grabbed my hand, pulling me back towards her. She pressed her mouth onto mine and pushed me back onto the bed. In theory I could easily stop her and leave like I should, but in practice tearing myself away from her lips and naked skin was proving to be difficult.

She lavished kisses on my throat and worked her way down my body, licking and caressing with her tongue and lips. She claimed me in her mouth and I growled. My hands found their way into her hair and I traced small circles there. I looked down and caught her eye as she smiled back up at me and swirled her tongue around, eliciting a groan of pleasure. She worked her magic quickly and climbed back up my body when she was done.

"Now, you can go," she laughed.

"No. I really don't think I can." I wrapped my arm tighter around her.

She pulled herself up and out of my grasp. "You have to, it'll be light soon. You need to get home."

"I know."

"What's going to happen today, Edward?"

"I wish I knew, Bella. But I think it would be best if I waited until the last minute to come into the room. We should spend as little time together as possible."

"It's not going to be easy is it?"

"No, it's going to be a unique and horrific form of torture."

She laughed. "I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks that."

"We'll be fine though, just a few weeks and then you'll be able to leave for good. We'll move somewhere new and everyone will know we are together."

"Mmm, sounds good."

I kissed her again and climbed out of the bed. I pulled on some clothes, kissed her cheek one last time and left through the back door, calling a good-bye to Jacob as I went.

I arrived home with just enough time for a quick shower and change before I climbed into the Volvo with Alice and Jasper. Rosalie and Emmett were going to take her car. Alice put her hand on my shoulder. "It's going to be a long day, Edward, but I _think_ you'll both be fine."

We arrived at school and Alice led us to the spot which disappeared in a few minutes and we waited for Jacob and Bella to arrive. I watched as the Jeep pulled up and Jacob climbed out and opened her door.

"Do you need help with anything?" he asked her.

Bella shook her head.

_She's going to do pop quizzes all day_, Alice thought, amused about something but she wouldn't tell me what.

I watched as Jacob comforted Bella, wrapping his arms around her and dipping his head to meet her eyes. I wanted to be the one comforting her but I couldn't I needed to keep my distance. I briefly wondered if I'd done something unforgivable and had ended up in hell. "Just remember why you're doing this," he said. "You'll be fine." He dropped his voice lower, "Two weeks remember. Two weeks."

Bella nodded and took a deep breath to steady myself. "I can do this," she said to herself.

Jacob kissed her cheek. If I hadn't been so fond of him now I may have ripped off one of his limbs. I heard Jasper reading her anxiety, and mine. _Should I help her? _He asked. I nodded and heard him releasing calming thoughts at her, and surreptitiously trying to calm me as well.

Alice called out to Bella, "Hi, Ms Swan."

I managed to stifle a moan at the name. She was Mrs Cullen now. She was mine and I wanted everyone to know that fact. I noticed a vision coming to Alice and in the instant before it hit I braced myself for the worst, thinking it was going to be about me revealing our secret because I knew I was close to doing just that. Instead I saw Bella gliding around the classroom, calm and assured with Jasper sitting near her.

"Whoever thought of that, it's a great idea!" Alice said.

I was grinning at the vision – I don't know why we hadn't thought of it sooner.

_What's going on? _Jasper was clearly out of the loop, which left Bella as the mastermind of the idea.

"Was that you, _Miss_?" Alice asked.

"Yes, I think it would be easier to get through today and it shouldn't be too difficult to arrange."

Bella walked closer to the three of us. I longed to grab hold of her, or at very least press my lips against that soft, warm cheek of hers. As our eyes met I could see the same longing echoed within hers. I was reminded of last night, of our stillness and complete fulfilment as we sat on the chair in each other's arms.

Jasper sighed, "Please, _Miss_, unless you want Alice and I disappearing for the better part of the day can you try to keep _that _emotion in check?"

"Sorry." Bella and I said at the same time.

Jasper rolled his eyes then asked, "So what was this master plan anyway?"

Bella answered him, "Well, I could use some assistance today. The kind only you can offer. I was thinking I could ask June, sorry Mrs Davis, to arrange for your schedule to be cleared today, and maybe tomorrow, to help me get by. Of course we'll tell her it's so that you can make up for my inability to use one of my arms. And only if it's alright with you."

Jasper smiled. "Anything you want ma'am."

"Thank you." Bella met my eye again. Then the paperwork she was holding 'accidentally' fell to the ground. I knelt down at the same time as Bella. I gathered it all up and handed it to her. Our hands brushed each other's and a jolt of electricity passed between us.

"Bella!" Jasper growled, too low for anyone else nearby to hear.

"Sorry." Bella blushed a rich shade of crimson and her scent filled the space between us. I inhaled deeply, wishing I could get away with not talking today so I could hold the flavour in my lungs.

Jasper sent out a new wave of calm and I took it in. I wasn't sure how I was going to get through the next few weeks. The worst part was that I hadn't even faced the classroom yet. The thoughts in the boy's heads had declined noticeably in Bella's absence but I was sure that now she was back they would be worse than ever.

My fear was realised long before I even reached that dreaded room. I saw a multitude of boys licking and stroking and caressing my Bella. A low growl was buidling Alice linked her arm tightly into mine. _Ignore them. Focus on me, listen to the thoughts of your family. You can get through this._

I nodded and tried to do as she asked. But as I got near the classroom and every male thought was turned to Bella and how hot she looked despite the bruising I began to wonder how long it would take me to kill every one of them. Alice gripped tighter and I saw why. I tried to block out the vision but all I could focus on was the look of disappointment on Bella's face as I worked my way around the room.

I entered into the classroom and sat at my usual seat next to Alice. My thoughts were being tugged in fifteen different directions as Bella took command of the classroom. I remembered how she was before being put on probation. She had ruled the classroom then and no one spoke or took advantage of a distraction. Now she seemed to lack a little confidence, seemed a little broken and every boy in the room wanted to fuck her senseless.

I grabbed at my hair and leaned forward against the desk. I felt like banging my head against it, anything to get rid of the thoughts in my head before they drove me mad but I knew in my current state of mind that would just leave the desk in a crumbled heap on the floor and do nothing to provide me with any relief.

"Edward?" Bella's voice saying my name was about the only thing that could cut through the haze I was trying to surround myself in.

I raised my head and looked into her eyes. She was imploring me to answer a question, I saw what she was doing. She couldn't be seen to be ignoring me or playing favourites. For the I-don't-know-how-manyth time I wished I could read her thoughts. She could just give me the answer and I wouldn't have to embarrass her. "I'm sorry, miss, can you please repeat the question."

I hated doing this to Bella. It made it seem like I wasn't paying attention, which made the other students less respectful. I heard a titter pass around the classroom and I worked desperately to suppress a growl.

"Perhaps if you could pay a little more attention, Edward." Bella's eyes were full of apology as she reproached me. I understood the reason, she needed to have the respect of the class. "I asked if you could please describe one of the plot points in Wuthering Heights."

I heard the words but with all the screaming in my head, and the vision of thirteen boys with Bella in different positions, put a damper on my ability to create an answer.

"Um, plot points?"

"Of Wuthering Heights." Bella prompted, her voice soft. She could obviously see the struggle for me.

Alice answered for me. "Heathcliff and Catherine's struggle to find a way to have love with one another despite the class distinction which leads to a tormented love for both of them."

"Thank you, Alice." I whispered in a hushed tone none of the class would hear. She patted my arm.

Bella moved on again, asking the next student a question.

Finally the torturous hour was over and everyone was packing up.

"Edward, could you stay behind please?" Bella's voice rang out over the din.

I was worried she was going to be mad at me for embarrassing her throughout the class but relief washed over me when I saw the look on her face, it held such compassion and love. I found myself chuckling. "Sorry. That was just a little bit more difficult than I anticipated."

"Yeah, I noticed."

I dropped my head in shame.

"Can you do me a favour?" Bella whispered her voice full of elicit promise.

I raised my eyes to meet hers.

"When you see those thoughts of all the other boys," Bella said, breathing the words out so quietly only those with supernatural hearing had a chance of hearing. "Put yourself in their place. Because you are the one who gets to do all those things to me. All those things and more."

I pictured what she was asking me to and felt my lips curling up into a smirk. I winked at her. "I'll hold you to that, _Miss_."

Bella blushed. She never failed to amaze me with how bold she could be and then just as suddenly she would become embarrassed. "You'd better go or you'll be late for your next class. But you'll try to do what we discussed won't you?"

"Definitely," I said, already seeing the images in my head. I was in a daze with a grin on my face as I walked out of the classroom. So much so that I almost ran into Jasper.

_Hey! _he thought. Then he sensed my mood and groaned before punching my arm. Emmett and Bella both laughed at our exchange.

_He's in a better mood than I would have thought,_ Emmett thought. He walked straight to Bella's desk. "How was it, Miss?"

I paused outside the door, listening to her response. She spoke in that same low voice. "The lesson or watching Edward debating whether or not to rip off the head of every male in the room?"

Jasper and Emmett laughed. I wondered whether I had really been that obvious or was it just that Bella knew me so well. I was halfway to my next class when I heard a vision Alice was having. One of Jasper's teachers wouldn't give him clearance for tomorrow so Bella would be alone during the day. I wasn't sure whether I would be a help or a hindrance but I couldn't bear the thought of her having to get through a day alone at the moment. She was being fairly strong but I still noticed her occasional extreme reactions and flashbacks which indicated she may indeed be suffering from post-traumatic stress.

Mrs Davis looked up in surprise when I opened the office door. "Edward," she said, "shouldn't you be in class?"

"I'm sorry, Mrs Davis. I just noticed that Bella was struggling today and she mentioned that Jasper was helping her out today, but I wanted to volunteer for tomorrow."

"I'm not sure, Edward. After the rumours about you two."

"Only the faculty know that the rumours were about me. And as my father explained to Mr Anders, I have been friends with Bella for many years. Please? I hate to think of her having to cope with extra difficulties just because of a prejudice against me." I smiled as politely as I could and maintained eye contact.

Mrs Davis looked abashed. "Absolutely. Of course I'll have to clear if with your teachers."

I nodded and smiled wider.

"And, Edward, don't worry, there's no prejudice against you or any of your family."

I resisted the eye-roll that threatened instead squeezing out a polite, "Thank-you."

For the rest of the day I tried to do what Bella said whenever I heard the boys picturing her naked from every angle. I began to notice that so many of them got fundamental details so incorrect it was almost comical, which made it easier to hear their thoughts. Then there were those who got fairly close but I managed to put myself in their place and saw the scenes playing out that way. Some pictured her bent over the teachers desk, an image which would haunt me forever. Others saw her standing behind them while she dished out discipline. There were a few who imagined being romantic with her, gentle caresses and all-over mutual worship, they were few and far between but by far the hardest to see.

I refused to dwell on the names or faces of everyone thinking about Bella because she was right. I was the only one who got to do those things to her.

Those things and much more.

*****

At the end of school, I drove Alice and Jasper home and went for a quick hunt, grabbing whatever wildlife I could find closest to the house. Then I convinced Alice to drive me back down to Bella's. If I ran I would have to wait for night.

I could smell the putrid scent of warm food and knew that I was interrupting dinner. But then I saw how tired and worn Bella looked through Jacob's thoughts and I was in the house before I thought twice about it. She was already dressed in pyjamas.

"Geez, you ready for bed already?" Jacob asked as he helped put her sling back on.

"I just can't seem to shake this lethargy."

I laughed. "I should have warned you that can be a side-effect of being calmed by Jasper for a whole day."

"Edward!" Bella threw herself at me. The shock of her scent hit me instantly but it aroused rather than hungered me now. Bella kissed all over my face. I was about to kiss her back more passionately when Jacob's thoughts interrupted.

_Jeez, get a room would you. _"Looks like you might manage to shake the lethargy after all, Bells," he said, laughing. "Hey, Edward," he greeted me.

I nodded in response. Bella finally took one last wistful look at me and then turned back towards her share of lasagne on the table. I sat in the chair next to her. It just happened to be the same chair we had used last night. I sat recalling every perfect detail of our time, my hand finding Bella's thigh and stroking along the length of it. I decided that I was going to risk trying the one thing I had resisted until now – the one thing I wanted more than anything else at this point.

Jacob caught my attention as he turned on the TV and turned the volume up as loud as it would go. He noticed Bella was staring after him in disbelief. "What? I figured you two would want some alone time again." _There you go Edward, plenty to distract me now. Go. You know you want to._

I picked Bella up and raced to the bedroom. I pulled Bella tightly to me and kissed her the way she had just kissed me – repeatedly. I was making up for the time lost today. Each time I saw her I should have been able to kiss her, but I couldn't so I was making up for it now. I should have been able to show everyone in school, without a shadow of a doubt, that she was mine. I spoke between my hurried kisses, "You...would not...believe...what...those boys...were...thinking...about....today."

"Mmmm?" she hummed against me.

I kissed down the length of her neck. "They weren't being very gentlemanly."

"Did you do what I asked?" Her hands came up into my hair.

I leaned forward, pulling her upwards so that our mouths could meet in the middle. I kissed her hard, pressing my tongue forward and relishing in her taste. I finally released her mouth and growled into her ear, "You don't know how much I wanted to bend you over your desk and take you from behind."

Bella gasped but I could tell by the shifts in her hormones and heart rate that she was excited by my admission. I thought about it and it was the first time I'd been that forward and abrupt in my desires. I was glad that it pleased her rather than making her think I was being forceful.

She pulled away from me and pulled off her bottoms, leaving her pyjama top on. She kissed me gently before walking over to the dresser and leaning forward against it. She leant her weight forward over her arm, spread her legs and angled her hips backwards, giving me a perfect view.

"Like this you mean?" she asked, her voice almost but not quite coy.

I grunted in desire. I undressed myself and was behind her in an instant. I pressed my body against her legs. I pushed my hands up along her back, relishing the silken texture beneath my fingers. I pushed further and swung my hands around to cup underneath her breasts. She shivered to my touch eliciting a moan. Then I pulled my hands back over her stomach and rested them her hips. "Oh, god, Bella. I want you so bad."

"Then take me." Her voice was thick with desire, she definitely wanted this as much as I did.

She angled her hips back even further, pressing herself into me. I dipped my legs and little and once I was positioned at her entrance I urgently sought entry. I was as rough and forceful as I dared be. Bella mewed and groaned and began to scream out with pleasure. She moved in time, anticipating my thrusts and responding in kind. It was raw and primal and oh so sexy. She screamed a little louder as her climax came hard and fast pushing me to release almost instantly afterwards.

I was satisfied but I hadn't had my fill yet. I spun her around so that she was sitting on the dresser. I gently removed her sling, Jacob had put it on over her pyjama top – which actually relieved me after the day I'd had. I didn't want to think about him seeing her naked. I unbuttoned her top slowly, drinking in the exposed skin as it was revealed. I tried to steady my breathing as I leaned her back into the wall and pressed my mouth to the hollow of her neck. My hands explored her skin, leaving trails of goose-bumps in their wake.

My tongue traced the trails my hand just took, the mixture of our scents once again balancing my hunger for her blood. I started to form a plan in my head and moved back up to Bella's mouth. She ran her tongue along my top lip and then gave me a chaste kiss in the same spot and another, slightly more lingering one on my bottom lip. I groaned and she claimed my mouth, kissing me with a passion I knew only existed between the two of us. Bella's breathing was ragged she broke off the kiss again, but she moved quickly and began to explore my body with her mouth. She trailed kisses across my face and down my neck, running her tongue over it.

I rubbed a small pattern with my hand against an erogenous zone on her hip. I ran the other hand along her body and into her hair. She brought her mouth to my ear, her breath warm against it and I closed my eyes in response. I felt her teeth scrape gently against my earlobe and felt it in the pit my stomach, my muscles clenching.

She ran her hands across my body and pulled me closer to her, pushing her hips forward at the same time. That was the permission I needed. I moved my hand from her hip to her thigh. I circled it around the and then ran it higher. I pressed my fingers into her and groaned at the feeling of her warmth surrounding me. I kissed her as she rocked against me to the rhythm of her choosing. I timed my thrusts to match her. As her pace sped I shifted my thumb to caress her clit and she came hard around me.

Now was the perfect time to test my resolve. I hoped that the mixture of our scents would still be enough to keep the monster at bay. I picked her up and carried her to the bed. I pinned her undamaged arm to the bed with one hand, using the other to run circles from her fingertips to her knees. I wanted to make sure she was ready for me to try but I wasn't sure how to ask her without scaring her, considering the reasons I had offered when I'd told her I would I would never be able to do this for her while she was human. I kissed her cheek. "That's two – you want to try for three?"

She grinned at me, "You trying to set the world record or something."

"Something like that."

I shifted so that I was resting between her legs, and began to kiss my way from her face downwards. Each inch I gained my apprehension grew but I beat it down. I wanted to experience this pleasure, more than that though I wanted to give it to Bella too – I had ever since she'd asked me to return the favour.

I found myself positioned against her thigh and I ran my tongue along it. I could smell the sweetness of her. I'd had little tastes on my fingers but wanted to experience the sensation of my tongue lapping up that taste, I knew it would send my desire soaring.

"Oh, god," Bella panted and I knew I was making the right decision. Her heart was pounding, but I couldn't sense an ounce of fear. In fact she seemed to be silently urging me on. I smiled at her to reassure her that I would remain in control. I paused and assessed the situation with the monster inside. He was quiet for the moment. I would do this. I ran my tongue down the outside of her lips and my breathing stopped. The taste was even more glorious than I could have anticipated and almost made me come undone – it brought back memories of the taste of her blood. "You taste so good."

Bella gripped the sheets beside her with her hands. I could tell she was trying to remain as still and compliant as she could. It was helping. I eventually had enough control to press my tongue forward again. As I ran it across her lip she moaned a long low moan filled with urgent need. I couldn't help but chuckle that _I_ was causing that sound. "Do you like that?" I whispered.

"Oh, god, yes!"

I pressed my tongue forward more, running it across her clit briefly and felt her shiver and try to stop herself from bucking against me. I ran my tongue down towards her entrance and pushed it as far forward as I could. My teeth were rested close to her skin now and one false move by either of us would cause a cut and risk the venom entering her bloodstream. I ran my tongue up and down, using different parts to experiment. I worked my tongue around inside her and up and down across her clit. Bella started to buck and I could smell the blood pumping through her skin, it was so warm and close and smelled so sweet I longed for just a little taste. The monster cried out in triumph, begging me to take that last step, to push forward with my teeth and devour her in the truest sense.

I ran.

I pushed myself against the door, trying to put as much space between us as possible. I held up a finger silently begging her to wait across the room. I could taste her and smell her still. She filled up my senses and it was so hard to gain back control. But finally I did.

I crossed the room back towards Bella and ran my tongue up along her body, proving to the monster that I could taste her without losing control. "I'm sorry, that was dreadfully rude."

I kissed my neck and she started to laugh.

"What was rude, wanting to kill me or stopping what you were doing?"

"Both. But god that was good."

"Mmm-hmm, you're telling me."

"I promise I'll try again another night, I don't want to push it too far. And once you are one of us, don't think I won't do it again."

I kissed her neck, "and again."

I kissed her undamaged collarbone, "and again."

I ran my tongue across her nipple, "and again."

She laughed. "I get the point. And so long as you don't leave me unsatisfied I'll forgive you."

"What satisfaction canst thou have tonight?"

She laughed "The exchange of thy love's faithful vow for mine."

I smiled at her, glad she was playing the game because I wanted to alleviate the sloght tension I still felt. Being wrapped around her was helping to calm my desire for her blood – the desire for her body was taking over. "I gave thee mine before thou didst request it. And yet I would it were to give again."

She laughed again.

I grabbed her hand in mine, wondering if she would get the next line, although suspecting she would, she knew this play so well. "If I profane with my unworthiest hand this holy shrine, the gentle fine is this. My lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand to smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss."

"Good pilgrim, you do wrong your hand too much, which mannerly devotion shows in this. For saints have hands that pilgrims' hands do touch, and palm to palm is holy palmers' kiss."

I looked deep into her eyes I could see desire and love within their depths. "Have not saints lips, and holy palmers too?"

"Ay, pilgrim, lips that they must use in prayer."

"O, then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do. They pray, grant thou, lest faith turn to despair." I could tell my words were affecting her so I smiled widely.

Bella giggled. **"**Saints do not move, though grant for prayers' sake."

**"**Then move not, while my prayer's effect I take. Thus from my lips, by yours, my sin is purged." I kissed her deeply. I could hear her heart flutter.

I broke off the kiss, waiting for her next line. She could speak Shakespeare better than any actor on a stage.

She smiled. "Then have my lips the sin that they have took."

I gasped and gave her a look of mock horror. "Sin from thy lips? O trespass sweetly urged! Give me my sin again."

I kissed her deeply again. I was hard and ready to go again. Bella broke off the kiss and I moved my lips back to her neck.

"Are you ready for round two yourself?" She asked me. I found my way into her in response.

After we finished, we lay against each other breathing rough and heavy.

"So what was the inspiration for the little trip downstairs?" Bella asked.

"Well, it was one of the things a lot of the boys imagined doing to you. In their illusions your face was always filled with such ecstasy. I didn't want what I am to be the reason you never experienced that. I know I said I never could because of the blood but I didn't know the taste could be so..." I couldn't finish the sentence without reminding the monster of how close we had come.

"As good as my blood?" She joked.

If only she knew. I didn't answer her, simply kissing her again.

She pulled away and sighed. "I've got lessons to plan."

I laughed, but helped her to get it finished as fast as she could.

I was ready to go back to bed.


	22. Resisting Temptation

**Chapter 22: Resisting Temptation**

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations. Please take the time to leave some words if you really loved it or really hated it! Thank-you to my lovely Beta FE71SH for looking over this chap for me._

*****

I left before Bella was awake, leaving a note on her pillow. I hated doing it but we'd been up late the night before and I knew she needed her sleep. Jacob was awake as I came out of the bedroom.

"Sorry about last night." I grinned.

He rolled his eyes both mentally and physically. "Just because I am okay with your relationship doesn't mean I need to hear it and I'm sure your neighbours would agree."

I punched his shoulder and then ran out the door. I decided that although I'd only just hunted last night having the temptation of Bella's blood in my mind meant I could never hunt too much. I ranged a bit further out this time, searching for a mountain lion. Today was going to be hard because I didn't just have an hour with Bella, I had a whole day. Including the senior class – I knew their thoughts would be worse than the juniors. I ran straight to the house after I finished and got ready for school. I would be glad when this charade was finished soon. I realised that a new charade would begin then, but at least we would be away from the rumours that were fuelling the fantasies now.

I stayed at home as late as possible and drove myself down in the Volvo. I didn't want to be at the school a second longer than necessary. I pulled into the parking lot and scanned the thoughts around me.

_She's in the classroom already, Edward_, Alice thought to me. _She's alone_.

I smiled widely. I might get half a minute of alone time with her. Then my smile fell, it didn't matter if I did get alone time because I couldn't do anything more than watch her anyway. As soon as I passed the open door I groaned. Bella was leaning forward against her desk, her posture reminiscent of last night. She licked her lips and I was almost undone. I closed my eyes and drew a few deep breaths to calm myself down.

Bella walked around to the other side of her desk and sat. She smiled sweetly at me before her face turned thoughtful and she began chewing her lip. The look of lust on her face was utterly unmistakable – to me at least.

_Miss Swan is still here. _

I recognised whose thoughts I was hearing immediately. Cain. I usually tried to block him out more than most because the images he imagined of Bella were almost spot on and he was one of the few that imagined love and romance. Candlelit dinners and moonlit walks. Torture.

He smiled at Bella. _She is so pretty, her skin almost glows. _

He looked at me. _Why does he get so much of her attention? Who the hell does he think he is anyway. I don't buy that crap about 'old friends', he's in love with her. He doesn't seem to realise nothing is ever going to happen between them. She far too good for him. He seems dangerous._

I was about to stand and teach him some manners when I noticed Bella's eyes on me. The look on her face demanded answers. I just shrugged a little. I wasn't sure I could explain the complexity of Cain's thoughts. It was almost like there were four or five layers, all conflicting and yet through all of that his dominant thoughts were kind and caring. He only had her best interest at heart, he just didn't understand what her best interest was. Or maybe he did, because what he thought wasn't entirely untrue. I was dangerous, especially to Bella. That was what compelled me to leave her seven years ago. I realised now it was more dangerous to leave Bella ever again.

I heard Alice flitting down the corridor quickly, she'd obviously seen my close call with teaching Cain some manners. She tousled my hair to get a rise out of me and to distract me from Cain. I growled at her.

_Edward, you need to relax. We've just got a few more weeks left here. _

I was about to respond to Alice when I heard a new voice in my mind. Panic shot through me, but it wasn't mine. I looked at the source of the fear. Bella's eyes were wide and she gripped tightly onto the desk. Alice's hand shot out to stop me from flying towards Bella at top speed. As it was I crossed the distance in a slightly shorter time than was humanly possible. I helped Bella to the ground, she was lost in her flashback. I concentrated on that with her, trying to provide what comfort I could.

_I was on the ground, I heard screaming. Someone had heard me. They would find me. They would help me. Relief flooded through me and I rolled onto my back, the wind burning the cuts down the front of my body. Every inch of me ached. _

Bella began to scream at the top of her lungs and fought against my arms as I tried to hold her to the ground. Students rushed to the door to find out what was happening. Their thoughts were a mix between concern and amusement. I couldn't believe anyone would find the sight of Bella on the floor in obviously distress amusing. If it wasn't for the fact that Bella needed me so much I would have found each one of them and made them see how funny they found it being in her position.

Bella finally calmed down enough to stop tearing at her skin. Her face was streaked with tears as she turned her eyes on me. Her face grew concerned at whatever emotion she saw reflected on mine. I didn't want her to be concerned about me, not after what she'd just suffered. She put her hand out to reach out to me and I used it to leverage her back onto her feet. Alice helped by supporting her back.

Once she was on her feet she spoke shakily, "Edward, can you please go tell Mrs Davis that I need to go and to arrange someone to cover for me. Alice, help me out please." Her voice was still full of tears and close to panic.

I didn't want to leave Bella but she specifically asked me to leave. Once upon a time I may have been hurt that she asked me to go and Alice to help but now I knew there had to be a reason. I realised what it was when I was halfway to the office. I heard Alice and Bella having a brief conversation about the vision Alice had that sent her into the room so quickly.

I heard Bella through Alice's thoughts. "It might not be a bad thing."

"What do you mean?" Alice replied. Then a new future took shape in her mind.

_Carlisle was in the principal's office, he was in the same clothes he'd been dressed in this morning. He was standing over Bella, who was also dressed the same as she was today. "It's obvious Bella is suffering from some form of post traumatic stress. I think it would be best for her to leave places which trigger these strong memories."_

"_What will you do, Bella?" Mr Anders asked._

"_My ex-husband and I are getting remarried. He's been begging me to go back to Forks but I wanted to stay here. But now I think it might be easier all around if we just go." Bella said through convincing tears._

"_A fresh start sounds like it might be just what you need. I'll organise the release forms for you. We'll be sad to see you go though, you were an excellent teacher."_

"Oh!" Alice exclaimed to Bella, realising what she'd meant - it brought our timetable forward by two weeks. I didn't have time to get excited though because I needed to get Mrs Davis and Mr Anders and arrange a replacement teacher for Bella.

"Edward?" Mrs Davis asked when I pushed open the door.

"It's Bella, um I mean , Miss Swan. She's had some sort of panic attack in the classroom. She asked me to come and ask if you could arrange someone to cover for her."

"Is she alright?"

"I think so. Alice is going to call our father though so he can come and check on her."

She flushed. _Doctor Cullen is coming here? I'm really not dressed for that._ "Yes, it probably is for the best if your father checks her out. Come with me, we'll get Mr Anders."

I trailed along behind her as she tracked down the principal. I explained to him what happened to Bella and he quickly walked down to her now unattended classroom.

"You'll be released back to your usual schedule today then, Mr Cullen," he said as we walked.

"Sir, if it's alright I'd rather help Bella."

"No, I don't think that will be necessary."

I felt the frown furrow my brow. We were back at the room and Alice was waiting. _I called Carlisle he'll be here shortly. _

I nodded to let her know I understood but I was suddenly anxious about Bella. No one was with her. I tried to listen out for her thoughts, which I knew was the indicator that she was about to have a panic attack. I was relieved when I couldn't hear her. I turned my attention to the thoughts of anyone around the principal's office, hoping someone would be able to give me insight into how she was. I was surprised when I saw her through Cain. He had gone to check on her apparently, I hadn't even noticed him missing from the room. He was talking to Bella and anger coursed through me as I heard his words and thoughts. "It doesn't matter. It only matters how I feel about you and how you feel about me." _We love each other, why is she denying it?_

He grabbed at her hair and pulled her into him. I ran from the classroom, not even thinking about whether anyone might see me and not caring if they did – it was about Bella right now. I arrived just as Bella fell to the side and Cain pushed himself on top of her.

I didn't even think about what I was doing, grabbing at him. My hands grasped his shirt and my fingers dug into his back a little, making him release her as his own pain took over. As soon as I saw his hands were open I twisted and threw him away. I knelt over him and growled in warning – daring him to get up and try that again.

"Edward, no." I heard Bella's voice behind me. She spoke softly and with compassion. I closed my eyes, trying to block out the love I felt – it was weakening me. I wanted revenge on Cain. This was his fault and he'd admitted it himself. He'd built up a relationship with her in his head and allowed that to hurt her. I wanted to hurt him. But those two words from Bella were enough to stop me. She put her warm hand on my shoulder to calm me. There was only one thing that could calm me now. I turned to pull her into my arms but she stepped back quickly. "No."

At first I was hurt, I needed her and she wouldn't hold me, but then I remembered where we were and why it wouldn't be a good idea to hold her now. I walked over to the seat that Bella had been on moments before, with Cain.... before he'd attacked her. I stared at his lifeless body, willing him to move, to give me a single reason to attack him because I would. I hated him like I had never hated anyone in my life.

Bella stood halfway between myself and Cain, turned towards him. "Cain? Are you alright?"

I held back a growl at her words. I wanted to shout, "Who cares!" but I kept quiet.

"Edward, you have to help him," Bella demanded.

I couldn't take my eyes off Cain – his thoughts were disjointed but they were all about Bella. He was obsessive over her. I couldn't understand how I had missed the extent of it and that made me angry with myself, which in turn made me more angry with him.

"Please?" Bella begged.

I tore my eyes away from Cain and they rested on Bella. Her eyes implored me to take care of him. She was too kind for her own good. I sighed, because that was one of the things about her that had drawn me in. I walked over to him and checked his pulse. It was strong. He'd live dammit. I rolled him into the recovery position. "Carlisle will have to take him to the hospital for a scan."

I turned and sat back on the seat again. My hand raked my hair. Bella sat beside me. "What is it? What's the matter?" she whispered

"I didn't see how possessive his thoughts were of you. I didn't realise the danger in him. I thought it was just a crush like everyone else. I let you down."

"No, you didn't. You saved me. Like you always do." She smiled at me and made me feel worse.

"Not always," I muttered. I could think of many times when I hadn't been there for her. After I left. Laurent. Victoria. Jacob leaving. Chris Markson's attack. So many times I had failed her. I didn't want to fail her ever again.

"That wasn't your fault either."

_What's happening here?_ I heard Mr Anders thoughts and scowled, because I knew I would have to go back to class unless I wanted to draw additional attention to myself.

"Mr Cullen, I thought I told you that you were to remain in class."

"Yes, sir." I said, glancing quickly at Bella, trying to give her a silent apology for leaving yet again when she needed me. I turned back towards the classroom and walked as quickly as I could. I didn't pay any attention to the teacher – I knew I didn't need to, I could rely on my ability to get me through any class that wasn't taught by Bella.

I tried to ignore the conversation between Bella and Mr Anders. I knew the crux of it from Alice's vision and seeing it now would only make me what to be there with her. It wasn't much longer before I heard Carlisle's arrival and I breathed a sigh of relief. He would take care of Bella – or at very least remove the threat of Cain.

I listened to his thoughts as he oversaw Cain being loaded into an ambulance. The he walked to the principal's office and listened to Bella crying to Mr Anders about not being able to cope. Then he softly knocked on the door. Carlisle spoke to Bella and Mr Anders. "An ambulance has just taken Cain down to the hospital."

"Bella, dear, what's wrong?" He put his hand on her shoulder.

"I just can't do it anymore, Carlisle. I thought I could come back but I just...can't."

He gently rubbed her back. He was uncertain how much was the truth and how much was acted. I suspected it was a little of each. I saw her lean forward right before I was assaulted by her thoughts. She was calling a vision to her and apologising to me the whole time. I bent forward and put my head in my hands. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply through the vision. After it was over I saw Alice's vision play out. This time I found myself smiling. After the battles and the heartache we were getting out.

*****

It was a little after lunchtime when my cell rang. I looked at the dial in confusion because it was Bella's home number and she would have no reason to call me now, unless it was to let me know she got home, but Jacob picked her up over an hour ago so she would have been home long ago. I pressed 'answer'. "Bella?"

"Edward," the voice wasn't Bella. It was Jacob and it was full of worry, "get here. Now."

"Jacob – what is it?" I asked, anxiety twisting my muscles into unfamiliar patterns.

"It's Bella."

I hung up the phone. I didn't need to know anything more than that. It was Bella and something was wrong, something Jacob couldn't handle on his own. That was enough.

I ignored the calls of the teacher behind me. I didn't care what they had to say on any subject – Bella was in trouble.

I was at my car and driving off without having made a conscious decision to do so. Alice called out to me as I drove off. _What is it Edward? I didn't see anything._

It was too late to answer her or ask for help – I was already a good distance down the road. I wished I could run – it would have been quicker, but also infinitely more dangerous.

I pulled up to Bella's house minutes later. I couldn't remember a time I had driven faster. But speed was paramount. Every inch closer I drew my anxiety increased. Something was seriously wrong – I knew it with every part of me.

I heard Jacob whispering, "Bella, you have to stay with me." As I walked through the gate I was assaulted with the scent of blood.

Fresh blood.

Flowing blood.

_Bella's_ blood.

I swallowed the venom that had pooled in my mouth. I forced the door open without knocking. As soon the door was open I couldn't see anything but her. She was bleeding wildly from a wound in her chest. She was pale as death. And death was about to claim her.

Her breathing was too shallow, her heart rate too slow. She wouldn't make it.

I took a deep breath, it was clouded with the scent of her. The scent I couldn't lose. I wouldn't. I refused to let her go without a fight. I launched myself at her, teeth bared, no longer willing the venom away, instead wishing there was more. I sunk my teeth into her neck and was horrified by the wave of pleasure that surged through me. I remembered my purpose quickly and pulled back, licking the wound to seal it over and prevent any more blood loss.

I repeated the process on the other side. I thought each time that the next bite would be easier, would be less of a struggle.... but I thought wrong. The monster inside used each taste of Bella's blood to taunt me for me, to take a little extra, to drink deeper. I fought back with everything I had to beat it down. I needed her alive, I wouldn't survive if she didn't.

I had done almost everything I could – only one more thing was left – forcing venom into the wound near her heart to keep it beating. I had left it because it would be the hardest – her scent was overpowering near her heart at the best of times, but while her blood was flowing it would be even worse. I groaned with pleasure as I took a little of her blood into me. I heard Jacob's disgust in his mind. I needed to gain control. I licked her wound to seal it before leaning over her and kissing her mouth.

"Bella, my love, please forgive me." I dropped my voice and leaned into her ear. "Please don't leave me." I rested my forehead on hers and wished I could cry because Bella deserved tears. I needed some way to pay penance for what I had just done.

I listened to her heart rate, waiting to hear it steady out now that she had venom in her system but to my horror it continued to slow. She was dying.

"No, Bella." I breathed. "Don't go."

I pressed my hands to her breast and began to massage her heart, trying to correct its rhythm. Finally it began to beat to the familiar tune and I knew the burning would start soon. I clasped Bella's hand in mine, readying myself for the screams.

Carlisle came through the door – I'd been so concerned with Bella I hadn't even heard his thoughts approaching. I hadn't thought about why Bella was like this – just acted on instinct to save her. Now all the thoughts I had neglected came.

_I'm sorry Edward, I asked them to keep watch over him but they didn't realise the threat._

I heard a groan of pain from the hallway and realised there was an extra heartbeat in the house. I knew who it was and nothing was going to stop me from getting my revenge this time. I was on my feet in an instant but Carlisle blocked my way.

_Edward, this won't solve anything. _

I ducked to the left to get around him but he anticipated my movement and shifted.

_What will Bella think?_

I growled lightly at him.

"Go to, Bella," Carlisle finally spoke out loud to me. "She needs you now."

I listened to her heart, it was still beating steadily but she wasn't screaming. I'd been through the changes of Esme, Rosalie and Emmett. Without fail they were all screaming by this stage in their transformation. "I don't think it worked Carlisle. She's..." I heard something. Bella's thoughts echoed in my mind. She was standing in our meadow. I crawled back over to her and breathed a sigh of relief, maybe she was being spared the horror of the transformation.

I watched with her as she witnessed the memory of our time in the meadow – the first time she saw me for what I really was. Saw me and loved me. I was so lost in her thoughts I barely noticed any movement around me until Carlisle tapped me on the shoulder. He pretended to give Bella CPR so the ambulance officers wouldn't attempt to save her. This would work in our favour if the town could be convinced she was dead.

I held Bella's hand as she was wheeled into the ambulance. Once Carlisle, Bella and I were alone in the ambulance he turned to me. "Good job, son. You've done everything I could have, and more. I think you've done enough to save her."

I couldn't begin to explain the feeling of joy that washed over me at those words.


	23. Raising the dead

**Chapter 23: Raising the dead**

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations. Thanks to my lovely beta FE71SH for looking over this chapter. Please take the time to leave some words if you really loved it or really hated it! _

*****

I thought waiting for Bella's surgery to finish was bad. I thought it was the worst experience I had gone through, or would ever have to go through, in my entire existence. I knew better now.

Was about to spend the next five days in both the best and worst scenarios imaginable. Simultaneously.

After the ambulance delivered Bella to the hospital Carlisle had taken her into a spare ER and quickly ordered an array of scans on her. Luckily the wound where the bullet had entered was still slightly open and a quick X-ray showed irrecoverable damage to her heart. If we'd left it even another hour her heart may have been repaired enough that we wouldn't have been able to pull off the deception we were planning.

_Edward, can you please call Jasper and get him to contact Jenks? We'll need a marriage certificate for Bella and Jacob. That way we can get her declared dead and then released to Jacob rather than involving her mother any more than is necessary_. Carlisle's thoughts were calm, he was already planning the next step – rigging the heart rate monitor to stop.

A flush of love tinged with a slight fear washed over me unexpectedly, but I knew immediately where it was coming from - Bella. She was reliving our first day in the meadow almost eight years ago; the beginning of our love. I allowed myself to exist within her thoughts for a few moments and was surprised by what I saw. No longer were the flashbacks merely her reliving moments, and me along with her, now she was also a bystander watching events unfold. I was stunned by the new intensity the visions seemed to be taking on.

I reluctantly pulled myself away from the beauty of the vision, and the feeling of fresh love that accompanied it, and back to the harsh reality of hospital corridors and faked deaths. I pulled out my phone and switched it on. It rang the instant it was powered up.

"Alice?" I answered, knowing the timing was too perfect for it to be anyone else.

"Oh my God, Edward, what's happening? I haven't been able to see much, but I saw Bella in hospital. I can't pin down the timeline though, it keeps fading away. I'm sorry Edward, I didn't see anything. Is this why you got the phone call earlier? God help me if anything happened to her on that dog's watch." She hadn't even taken a breath and seemed set to continue her rant.

I interrupted her. "Alice. Calm down."

She paused. "You sound...collected."

I laughed. Away from her bedside where I only had her happy visions to accompany me it was easy to forget that Bella still had an ordeal ahead of her. "You mean I don't sound half-crazed?"

She tittered nervously in response. "Yes, you could say that. Is Bella...."

"She's alright, Alice, in fact she's better than alright."

"What do you mean?"

"She was shot."

Alice gasped but I didn't allow her to interrupt.

"That's why Jake called me, he needed my help. She was dying, Alice."

There was a momentary pause on the phone where I figured Alice was trying to get a vision. Suddenly she started to squeal down the phone line. "So she's transforming? Now?"

"Yes."

"Where are you?"

"At the hospital. She's going to die here."

"Is that safe? Isn't she..."

I couldn't let Alice ask the question, even just thinking about the burn brought the pain back into my mind. It had been a hundred years since then but the feeling would live forever in perfect clarity in my memory. "No. She hasn't uttered so much as a whimper. She's barely got a heartbeat and her breathing is so shallow even I have to watch carefully for it."

"Are you sure it worked then?"

"You tell me – didn't you just have a vision?"

"Yes, but.... how?"

"I don't know why, but she's retreated into her memories. She's reliving our life together."

"How do you know that?"

"Because I can hear her."

"Wow."

"I know. But, Alice, there was a reason I turned the phone on."

"I know, I just had to find out everything was alright first."

"I appreciate it Alice. Can you let everyone else know too?"

"Sure. Here's Jaz."

"Edward, what's happened?" I could hear the trace of stress in his voice. Alice had obviously worked the family, or at very least Jasper, into a panic.

"Alice can fill you in later, for now I need you to go see Jenks and have a marriage certificate drawn up for Bella and Jacob."

"Bella and Jacob?"

"Yes. Right now it is vitally important to prove that they remarried in secret."

"Sure." I could tell he was confused but compliant. That was all I could ask at the moment.

"Alice will explain – and what she can't, I'll fill in later." I hung up the phone and listened to the thoughts around Bella. I was grateful I had the shared visions in my mind reminding me that Bella was okay. She was alive and she would survive this. She wasn't dead like the machinery said. She wasn't dead like Carlisle had to tell everyone.

She was alive.

I had to keep reminding myself of this simple fact every time I saw her cold, lifeless body on the hospital bed in someone's thoughts. I was more grateful for my mind reading ability than I had ever been before. I'd always seen it as something of a curse, with the occasional benefit. But now that it was the one thing that allowed me definitive proof of Bella's survival, I thanked God above for blessing me with it.

Carlisle pulled some massive strings and was allowed to perform her autopsy. It was highly unusual, but as the star surgeon in a small hospital he usually got his way when he started to apply pressure. He let me in via the back door and we faked her autopsy together. We dug the bullet out with a little difficulty, the venom kept repairing any cuts we made and Bella's skin was already starting to harden a little. Then we faked the weights of her various organs. This hospital only used sound for autopsy recordings so we didn't have to worry about forging a video. The whole time Bella lay in front of me looking, for all appearances, dead. I whispered her name and my love in her ear, too low for any of the recording equipment to collect. Whenever staring at Bella's comatose form became too much for me to handle, I simply retreated into her mind and existed in her memories alongside her.

_I threw myself in front of the car and heard the most beautiful voice in the world growl at me from the now open passenger door. "Get in." I was instantly calmed by the feeling of security that washed over me. I climbed into the seat as quickly as I could. The car was spinning and flying us away from there within seconds. _

I smiled briefly at the memory she was reliving. I'd always wondered how she had remained so calm when threatened in Port Angeles. I didn't understand at the time just how safe she felt in my presence. Which was ludicrous really, considering I was the one thing she should have feared above everything else.

Carlisle and I finished the fake autopsy and rested Bella's body into one of the drawers in the morgue, ready to be released to Jacob as soon as possible. I would need to get Alice to keep her visions tuned closely to Bella in case she pulled out of her visions early. Just before I did the hardest thing I could ever do, close the drawer containing Bella's body, I called to her softly.

"Bella, my love, if you can hear me please be patient. Soon we will be together forever."

*****

Twenty-four hours had passed since Bella began her transformation. I had nothing to do but wait. Her body was still being held in the hospital as they drew up her death certificate. I constantly prayed that she wouldn't wake early, or try to come back too soon and experience the burn. Alice was doing nothing but watching Bella's future for the slightest change. So far it looked as though Bella would be waking no sooner than we anticipated and not before her transformation was complete. But she was also capable of decisions at the moment – which meant her future could shift at any second.

I waited as close to the morgue as I could get without being seen, ready to race in at a moment's notice if I received a phone call from Alice. None came, so I sat and lived with Bella inside her memories. Each memory seemed to become more vivid than the last, more rich and vibrant. Much more similar to how I was used to experiencing things through my own senses. They were filled with sights, and smells, that Bella would not have been able to detect as a human. I began to wonder exactly what her visions were but pushed the thought from my mind.

*****

Two days after Bella had begun her transformation her body was finally released. We arranged a hearse to take her to our house on the pretext of a private wake. Things like this were one of the reasons we flaunted our wealth through our clothing and cars. If you were poor and act like we do – people would think you were crazy. If you are rich, you are eccentric. Jacob was going to take a coffin back to Forks with him and have her burial there for her mother and friends. We didn't want to risk them seeing Bella, or her wanting to see them.

I moved her to my bedroom and laid her out on the bed. She looked like sleeping beauty and it occurred to me this would be the last time I would see her sleeping. I climbed in beside her and clutched her to my chest. She was precious to me and I would never let her go again.

I closed my eyes and blocked out all other thoughts, concentrating on Bella alone. Her thoughts began to wrap around my consciousness. I felt like nothing could exist outside of Bella's thoughts.

*****

Day three I saw all the physical changes that had taken place. She was still my beautiful Bella, nothing would ever change that, but somehow her beauty was enhanced. Everything that was breathtaking about her before was now beyond ethereal. She was an angel, sleeping in peace for the last time. I just couldn't see her as a monster, no matter how much I thought of myself that way.

*****

By day four I grew concerned about Bella's lack of response. I pulled myself from her side and went in search of Carlisle. He checked her and told me the transformation was complete. She was now a vampire, just like me. But for some reason she still wasn't back with me. I began to panic, desperate to know why she didn't want to come back and meet me. I began to whisper quietly to her, telling her of my love as she relived our memories together. I wondered if perhaps she had retreated permanently into herself – the thought was enough to render me utterly helpless.

*****

On the fifth day I noticed a change. Bella's thoughts turned towards fighting her way back to reality. I felt a surge of relief. At the first glimmer of that hope I began to call to her louder, talking at regular volume, hoping she would sense my need and bring herself back to me.

I listened to Bella's thoughts. She was remembering prom, I saw myself.

_Edward was staring into my eyes. His eyes were filled with pain, but something else flickered behind the pain, hope maybe. He was dressed in a black tuxedo and we were sitting outside. I was in a dress, deep blue, frilly and off the shoulder. My heart skipped as I recognised this as prom. _

_He murmured, almost to himself, "So ready for this to be the end, for this to be the twilight of your life, though your life has barely started. You're ready to give up everything."_

_"It's not the end, it's the beginning," I disagreed with him under my breath. _

_"I'm not worth it." He was so sad, the hope behind the pain had dwindled. _

I tried to remember my emotions from that night. I found it hard to put myself back there, because I had grown and changed so much. So had Bella.

_"Do you remember when you told me that I didn't see myself very clearly? You obviously have the same blindness."_

_"I know what I am." _

I heard Bella's thoughts as she considered the differences between then and now.

_I wanted to reach out and smooth away his pain. This Edward was so different from my Edward. This one hid so much and internalised his pain. My Edward had learned that sharing his problems didn't make him weak, it made us stronger. I had learned that with him. _

My heart soared as I heard her thinking about me. Not the me from the past, but the me that I was now. I took it as a sign she was ready to come back to me.

_"You're ready now, then?" He asked, his eyes probing. _

_I nodded my head._

_"Right now?"_

_I closed my eyes._

Suddenly Bella's thoughts were closed off to me. I'd never been so happy to not hear her.

"Bella?" I whispered in her ear.

"Edward! You came." She called but remained dead still. Her voice rang clear and bell-like. I'd thought she sounded beautiful before, but it was enhanced now, chiming on multiple octaves from her vampiric vocal chords.

"I've been here the whole time, love." I chuckled at the bewilderment her three words held. Did she doubt I would?

Suddenly she shot up to a sitting position. "Edward - help me! I've been shot."

I realised that she didn't remember anything of her transition and laughed in relief. "It's alright, everything's going to be alright now."

She opened her eyes. I stifled a gasp at the bright red of her irises. Even with their harsh colour her eyes were beautiful to withhold. She stared in wonderment, I assumed at the clarity with which she could now see. I remembered the experience of opening my eyes for the first time and seeing the new world.

She turned to look at me and I saw the happiness and joy I felt reflected in her eyes. Then she was in my arms and on my lips. For the first time ever I held nothing back as I kissed her. I sucked her tongue into my mouth and felt it grazing across my teeth. I held no concern about hurting her any longer. My venom ran through her veins. She belonged to me in a way she could never belong to anyone else. As I pulled back from the kiss I captured her bottom lip between my teeth and grazed them along it. I tasted her sweet venom on my tongue as it mixed with mine. It was similar to her taste before, but somehow different. Bella purred at the sensation and the sound sank deep into my core, igniting fires within.

"What was that?" Bella asked.

"Something I've wanted to do for so long." I whispered back to her, not attempting regulate my volume or speed for a human. I knew she would understand, and it would help her to realise she was through it. She wouldn't need to feel pain ever again.

Bella cocked her head to the side, I assumed to listen to the changes she could now hear. She stopped breathing and I followed her cue. I couldn't help the bubble of excitement that grew in my chest as I thought about all the parts of me that I'd had to hide before that I could now share openly. I couldn't wait to take her hunting.

"But how?" Bella sounded curious. I didn't know her new voice enough to detect whether there was any sadness or uncertainty there.

I was concerned that she was upset by the turn of events. I felt I needed to explain myself. "I had no choice. By the time I got to you there was barely a heartbeat left. There was nothing I could do but force as much venom into you as possible and keep your heart pumping. I hope that's okay."

She smiled. "It's what I wanted."

I exhaled in relief. She was happy. She was alive, unharmed and happy.

Her thoughts suddenly hit me and I saw the final moments of her life, reliving them through her. _I had just pulled myself to my feet when a bang sounded behind me. I fell forward, my arms unable to support my weight and I fell. I tried to crawl towards the laundry, towards escape. I was roughly turned over and pushed against the wall. I could see everything clearer now. From my dual viewpoint I could both feel myself being turned over and see that Cain was the one who did it. The look on his face was one of concern. Jacob tore himself over the ground and into Cain in one sharp movement. Cain fell to the floor and stayed slumped where he was. I started throwing wild punches and Jacob tried to calm me down. _

I tried to pull away from her thoughts. Her breathing hitched. "Jacob? Cain?"

"Jacob is fine. He was pretty much healed by the time I got there. Cain is in hospital, Jake did a little bit of damage throwing him off you in the hallway." I smiled a little, as I thought of the sight of Cain lying broken on the hospital bed. I'd only seen him in Carlisle's visions – I couldn't trust myself to go near him without wanting to inflict further pain. "Carlisle arrived the same time I did and helped Cain while I worked on you." I wished I had arrived before Carlisle, I sighed to calm myself down. "But after being responsible for your death he will probably be in jail for a long time."

I saw Bella's face fall as I spoke of Cain and jail. I resisted rolling my eyes as I realised she felt sorry for him.

"Jail? I would rather he gets some help, he's just a broken boy who latched onto the one person he thought showed him kindness."

I sighed, there was no changing Bella. "I know. I think that's why I didn't pick up his thoughts earlier, even when he was stalking you. I'm used to hearing thoughts of how beautiful boys, and men, think you are so I tune them out. There wasn't anything malicious in his thoughts until he felt that you rejected him."

"Poor Cain." Bella whispered.

I shook my head at her in exasperation. But truthfully, her ability to forgive was one of the things I loved about her. She was just so good.

"Wait - you said my death?"

I laughed loudly that she'd caught up with what I'd said. "Somehow you had the most silent transformation we have ever seen - well from the outside at least." I smiled at the thought of her memories. "It was almost too easy for Carlisle to take you to the hospital and have you declared legally dead."

"But my heartbeat?"

"It was slow by that time and it was easy to rig the heart monitor for a false result. Jasper drew up a fake marriage certificate and we used that and the photos from our wedding to show that Jacob was your next of kin and we had your body released to him." I laughed. "Technically he now owns Charlie's house and everything of yours too."

"But why didn't I burn? You told me... everyone said I would burn for three days. That I would be in excruciating agony. But I didn't...I wasn't... why? Did something go wrong?" I was surprised because she almost sounded upset – like she'd been cheated out of something. How to explain to her how much she benefited from not having to go through _that_.

It was easy to explain to her why she didn't burn though. "I think you know the answer to that. Think about what you've seen for the last five days."

"_Five_ days?"

I nodded. "You're transformation was complete a little under two days ago but you didn't seem ready to come back." I smiled again.

"Wait – did you see all of that too?"

He nodded and smiled even wider. "It was the only thing that has kept me sane. I was expecting screaming and thrashing. In truth I had thought of nothing else whenever I thought about how your transformation would go, it was the one reason I would have tried to stall you even though I wanted it to happen as soon as possible. It was the reason I couldn't do it after your attack. I didn't want you to blame me for that pain. I remember the burn more clearly than anything else in my existence – I didn't want to put you through that. But I was wrong. For whatever reason you retreated into your memories. You were so still and so silent I could have been staring at a corpse." I shuddered at the memory of her beneath me lifeless on the autopsy table.

"Can you hear me now?"

I already knew the answer but I tried again anyway. "No."

"I wonder why?"

"I have a theory," I said before winking at her. I'd been able to give this a lot of thought during my five day vigil. "I think you're _talented_."

"Okay," she laughed, "if you say so."

"No, Bella, I'm serious. These flashbacks you got when you were human, well they were of events that you couldn't talk to me about." I raised my eyebrow, wondering if she would try to disagree.

She didn't. "Yeah, I knew it would hurt you too much to hear it."

"And you were in pain because you didn't talk to me about it?"

She nodded.

"But once I'd seen it we spoke about it and we moved past it? And you felt better?"

She sighed and nodded. "But how does this fit into your theory?"

"It was something that was said during the conversation with Carlisle about why I could hear you after the first time."

I felt the pull of Bella's thoughts and wondered if she was having a flashback. I stepped into her mind and followed the vision.

"_Post traumatic stress?" Edward asked. I remember at the time I couldn't hear him very well, he spoke at a volume that was just within my hearing range. Now I had no troubles, it was like the fact that I was human at the time had no bearing on how I saw the memory now. I could smell everyone's scent and see with crystal clarity. I could smell my own human scent and it felt like I had swallowed a flamethrower. There was another smell too, repugnant, deep and earthy. It smelled like moss and rot, the sort of smells you only find buried underneath the bracken in wet, dark forests._

"_That's an interesting idea. She internalises so much, maybe her mind is subconsciously trying to share it." Carlisle mused. I noted my previous weariness and confusion but found it didn't affect me the same now. Again it was like I was an impartial third party watching the scene. I shut down the part of my memory that was seeing this through my own eyes. Now I was only watching it from a distance. I turned and could see details that I couldn't possibly know in my memory. I listened and could hear the cars passing on the freeway. _

"_Like whatever shields her mind from you broke during the flashback?" Alice asked, drawing my attention back to the conversation. _

_Something in Alice's question or mind made Edward react in wide-eyed wonder._

Again I was surprised by the level of detail in her visions. She could see and hear and smell things that should have been impossible. I didn't remember anything from my human life as vividly as she did.

"I never got a chance to finish that conversation," I said. "We were so concerned about making sure _you_ were alright."

"What made you react that way?"

"The word _shield_. It makes sense that a shield is the reason why I can't hear you. I have heard of them before, nothing quite like yours though. And I think when you flashback your mind exists somewhere outside of the shield or the shield falls, that's part of my theory. But I also think maybe your subconscious was letting me into those specific memories to help you heal. And then your subconscious took you into happy memories when you needed it most and when I did. Who knows exactly the reason why and how but it's something I want to explore." My eyes traced over her body. Her visions and talent weren't the only thing I wanted to explore.

She smiled widely at me, showing off her gleaming white teeth. I could see the slight sheen of venom on them and longed for another taste. "Luckily, we have time to explore."

I smiled at her. "Only forever. Are you sure that'll be long enough?"

She shook her head. "Not nearly."

I ran a finger down her throat. I saw her muscles twitch as a shiver ran through her. "You must be thirsty?"

Once again I was inundated with Bella's thoughts. I followed her into her vision. I watched as she stalked around the cafeteria in Forks. She was appreciating the scent of her former classmates. I wondered if she would be able to settle for animal blood with that scent in her memory. It took a lot of conditioning to get there.

I watched as she examined the scene again knowing me more – knowing us more. She understood how terrified I was of losing her, while at the same time trying to push her away. I smiled when she realised how revolting the pizza I had forced down that day was. It _was_ revolting though, It was also worth it.

"_So," I said after a moment, finally meeting his eyes. The anxiety was plan on his face now. "What's your favourite?"_

_He raised an eyebrow and the corners of his mouth turned down in disappointment. Terrified that I would run, horrified with himself that I stayed. "Mountain lion."_

"_Ah." I said in a politely disinterested voice._

_He matched my tone, "Of course, we have to be careful not to impact on the environment with injudicious hunting. We try to focus on areas with an overpopulation of predators – ranging as far away as we need. There's always plenty of deer and elk here, and they'll do, but where's the fun in that?"_

Her thoughts cut off again. It was as if someone just turned off the power. She smiled at me and raised an eyebrow. "Where indeed?"

I couldn't contain the amazement I felt at the depth of her visions. "How do you do that?"

"I don't know; it's just a memory."

I shook his head, "No, it's not. There is no way you could remember things with that level of clarity from your human time. Human memories are dim, weak and very hard to look at. And your human self wouldn't be able to detect the scents of those other children. It's almost like you step back in time."

"Interesting idea but can we talk about it later?"

I watched as she swallowed hard. I could have kicked myself for wasting time talking while she was in obvious discomfort. I knew the burn that permanently existed in the back of our throat – hers so much worse for being new. "Of course. I'm sorry, love."

I held out my hand to her and helped her up. I led her to the study door and then picked up my pace – showing her the speed I could achieve. We could do together.

I was going to take her on her first hunt. I realised again there were so many new firsts for us. I smiled and clutched her hand tightly as we ran.


	24. Hunting Perfection

**Chapter 24: Hunting perfection**

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations. Thanks to my beta (FE71SH) for looking this over. Please take the time to leave some words if you really loved it or really hated it! _

*****

_Edward, we're coming too, _Alice thought. I could see in her visions that everything would be fine, but we all knew how quickly things could change. How easily Bella could hurt me if I tried to stop her should we encounter a human. I knew she wouldn't do anything deliberate, but I also knew firsthand how volatile newborns could be.

Bella heard the footfalls around us and looked at me with a panicked expression. She gestured with her hands, silently asking if we were being followed.

"They're just setting up a perimeter, love," I said. "To ensure there are no humans around."

She nodded and her expression softened.

When I detected the hint of prey on the air I pulled on her hand to bring her to a stop. Then I closed the distance between us, placing my hands gently on her shoulders. "Close your eyes," I instructed; she obeyed. "In hunting your sight is actually one of the least important senses. Your hearing and your ability to track scents are much more useful. Now tell me what you can hear and what you can smell."

"I can hear footsteps and breathing, your family."

"Our family," I corrected, smiling, "but you can tune those out if you concentrate. Now, what else do you hear?"

"I can hear a heartbeat. No. Two heartbeats almost in time with each other."

"Good, now follow the sound in until you can find the scent that goes with them."

I watched as she sank deep into a crouch. She was in instinct mode and I knew this would be when she was at her most dangerous. She stalked gracefully through the forest, a spectre amongst the trees. I followed behind, staying far enough back that I would not be a distraction but close enough to try to stop her if I needed to. The deer could sense the danger in the atmosphere, their heart rate increased and a low growl issued from Bella's throat. I don't even think she realised she'd done it but it sent me reeling. I'd never heard a sexier sound in all my life. Seconds later Bella pounced, bringing down one of the beasts and pressing her mouth straight to its throat. I herded the second as I watched her feed. This was one of the aspects of my life I'd always worried about introducing her to. How could she possibly have wanted this. But now, watching her feed, I could see the almost seductive nature of what we were. She was not a monster. My desire rose in response to my thoughts. Bella could no longer be harmed. She was beautiful, she was powerful and she was mine. Forever.

Bella dropped the deer she'd been feeding on and leapt onto the one I'd been shepherding. As she fed I watched her closely. The set of her lips as they rested against the beast's neck. The movements in her throat as she swallowed. The relief in her eyes as the blood soothed the burn. She dropped the carcass from her mouth. I walked over to her. "How was that, love?"

She pulled a face which I couldn't help but laugh at.

"Yeah, they're not great," I said. "The predators smell and taste better, that's why we prefer them."

"Are you happy?" She asked out of the blue.

I wondered where on earth the question had come from. Could she not see that I all my wishes had come true? I'd received everything I'd always wanted – even if I had resisted it for so long. I allowed all my joy to flow to the surface. "Absolutely."

I held my arms out to her, she stepped straight into them without even a fraction of a second's hesitation. She put her hand against the side of my face and guided it towards her own. She raised herself up to meet my lips. My tongue slipped between her lips and suddenly she was on me like a woman possessed. I was caught unawares by the ferocity of her desire. She pushed hard against me, unaware of her strength. I toppled backwards. As I fell I reached out and grabbed onto Bella, pulling her with me. Her body pressed into me and it felt right. It was soft and warm, but unbreakable. And the smell was just divine. Everything that had been delicious about her scent when she was human remained, but the hunger – the burn – that had accompanied it was gone.

She tried to pull herself up but I clung tightly to her shoulder, unwilling to break off the kiss. I would never get tired of her taste or her scent. My arms encircled her and I clutched her to me with all of my strength. Her hands came to the buttons on my shirt. I felt her fingers enclose one of the buttons and then heard the sound of material tearing. My shirt gave way under the strain of her tugging. I shook off the remnants before pulling back a little. She caught my eyes and grinned a little in apology. She didn't seem upset by the fact I was now half naked, in fact her gaze was filled with lust.

I fisted my hands into the material that clung to her back, grabbing hold of the back strap of her bra as well. I tugged my hands apart as quickly as I could. The material from her shirt and bra fluttered around us, falling gently to the ground like autumn leaves. I pressed my fingers into her jeans, pulling apart the seams and gaining leverage to rip them off too.

_Go Eddie, _Emmett thought, momentarily distracting me. Our family heard the noises of the ripping clothes and everyone knew what was happening. Everyone but Emmett tried to turn their attention to other things as they decided to leave us with our privacy. Emmett's thoughts remained trained on us, or more specifically on what we were doing. He was hoping to get Rosalie to stage a reply later.

_Give them their privacy, idiot_, Rosalie thought, grabbing his hand to pull him towards the house.

Bella looked around at the tattered material that used to be her clothing and gave me a look of indignation. She pinned my arms above my head and her breasts rested against my chest. She heard the sounds of our family's retreat and lifted her head. I could tell by the set of her mouth that she was embarrassed, but I felt a small twinge of regret – I would miss the gorgeous colour she used to flush. I went to shift to gain Bella's attention again and tell her it was fine but I realised she was pinning me down. The only way I could get up without her approval at the moment risked doing damage to one of us. I smiled when I realised there was one way of silently gaining her attention again. Her nipple rested a few inches in front of my face. If I ducked my head I would be able to pull it into my mouth.

I closed my eyes as my tongue found the smooth skin of Bella's chest. I circled her nipple once before sucking her breast into my mouth. I gently ran my teeth along her and she purred in response. The noise went straight to my groin and my muscles clenched. She straddled my hips and pressed her body against my erection. She dropped her face to kiss me and then her thoughts were laid bare before me. She clutched tighter to my wrists to stay grounded, but it was useless, we both felt her shifting.

_Edward was sitting on my bed in my old room in Forks. His face relaxed into a smile. My human scent was so concentrated in this place it made my throat flame again. _

Through Bella I could hear her heartbeat and smell her human scent. Through my own senses I could compare it to her new scent. I knew which one I preferred, the one that didn't bring the ache to my throat. I could sense the same ache in Bella's throat – her visions gifted her the unique opportunity to understand what it was like for me while never putting anyone in danger. I felt closer to Bella for this shared experience.

_"That suits me," he said. "Bring on the shackles – I'm your prisoner."_

"Yes, you are," she growled, capturing my mouth. She shifted her hands from my wrists to my hands. She slid her hips from my thighs to my waist and back again repeatedly. Her body rolled against mine, her breasts rubbing against my chest. She shifted my hands in hers so that she pressed me into the earth with one arm and used the other to run one finger down the length of my arm, she gazed at my arm in awe when she realised that no longer was I marble to her – she could bend my body to her will however she wanted.

She ran her hand down and across to my cheek and caressed my face. I closed my eyes as my desire ramped up to a new level – her touch warmed me through to the core, the perfect temperature, the perfect pressure. She pressed her fingertip to my lips and followed the line of my mouth. I watched as her eyes followed the same path and she licked her lips in anticipation. As she focused on my mouth I made a quick move, capturing her finger gently between my teeth – just one of the many things I could do now that there was no fear of hurting her. I sucked lightly on her finger, bringing it deep into my mouth. I trailed my teeth along the length as she pulled it out.

She ran her fingers across my face and down my throat before running them over my body. I trembled beneath her touch, thrilling at the simple pleasure. I heard Bella's thoughts again and glanced up at her, she quickly grasped my hands and held them tightly. Suddenly we were in her bedroom.

_I was wrapped in Edwards arms and he was carrying me to the bed. I expected him to drop me onto my back on it but at the last second, he turned and sat on the bed, holding me securely on him, straddling his lap. I put my hands on his shoulders and pushed him down onto the bed. I pushed my hands into the bed on either side of his head, leaning my body over him. I looked into his eyes, "I love you."_

_"Now that I do believe."_

_I laughed, "Yeah, but it doesn't count because it wasn't a lie."_

_The smell of my own blood filled with endorphins was too much to stand. It was like holding fire in my mouth. How on earth had Edward ever managed this? Being so close to me when I smelled like _that_!_

I could hear her struggling with the pain of the burn in her throat. I needed to comfort her. I ran my nose from her sternum to her chin and then pressed a delicate kiss against the fire that I knew too well. "You just need to hunt some more," I whispered. I knew the pain would never fully dissipate but hunting some more would quell it a little.

"Maybe," she kissed my shoulder. "But right now I'm not dressed for it. I am dressed for this though."

She ran both of her hands down the length of my arms again and pressed them into my shoulders, pushing herself into a sitting position. I moved my now free arms to her hips. I grabbed tightly and flipped us both – leaving her pressed into the earth beneath me. I grabbed each of her arms and pinned them to her sides. I licked her neck and began to work my way down her body. I could feel her muscles quivering beneath my mouth. My lips tasted every inch of her skin, my nose revealed in her scent.

She pressed her hips up against me to create some friction and I knew immediately what I wanted to do to celebrate her newfound vampirism.

"You know," I asked kissing her stomach, "it's just occurred to me," I kissed her hip, "there's something I owe you."

"Mmmm," she teased, "and what's that?"

I twisted my hands around her wrists and lowered myself further. I kissed one of her inner thighs to give her a hint. "And this time there's no reason to stop," - I pushed her thigh with my cheek, she opened up a little further – "after all I can't hurt you," – I bit down on the elastic on her underwear before ripping it off her – "I don't get tired," – I ran my tongue along her thigh – "and I don't need to breathe." I laughed and licked along the length of her arousal.

The taste of her on my tongue made my senses come alive and I needed to have her, all of her, in my mouth. I parted her folds with my nose and pushed my tongue against her roughly. I pushed it further into her centre and she moved her hips against me. I rubbed her clit with my nose as I lapped up her wetness. I moaned in delight at her flavour and her hands came into my hair.

She pushed and pulled my head in time with her wishes and I responded in kind with my tongue. I used every part of my mouth on her, sucking and licking and gently nipping. Bella groaned and growled as she came hard and fast against my lips. I allowed her no respite, continuing to work her with my mouth as she came back down from her climax, bringing her quickly to a second, more powerful, one.

Then I climbed up her body, taking my time to worship every inch. I couldn't see how it would ever be possible to get sick of this. I wanted to never stop doing what we were doing right now. I wanted to freeze time and live forever in this small, private bubble we had – never needing to release each other ever again.

Bella was a quaking mass of loose muscles, completely shaken apart beneath me – because of me. I smiled at the thought. I wanted to give her pleasure over and over. I was glad I had finally been able to give her the one thing I had been unable to do when she was human.

I placed myself expertly between her thighs and hovered just out of reach. Every instinct that was running through me now was animalistic and primal. I wanted to claim her as mine and take her repeatedly, especially now that there was no chance of doing any damage to her. There was no risk that I would kill her if I didn't watch my actions every second. To demonstrate to myself again just how unbreakable she was now I pulled a section of her skin into my mouth and raked my teeth along it. Bella sighed at the feeling and I longed for her to reciprocate. I wanted to feel her teeth on me, her lips, her tongue. But for now I would settle for residing inside her. As her eyes met mine expectantly I pushed forward with my hips, entering deep within her in one hard thrust. She let loose a primal snarl, her animal instinct taking over too. I pushed deep inside her and then began to draw small circles around her clit. I felt her clench tightly around me as she peaked for a third and fourth time in quick succession.

I pulled out slowly and she hissed at the removal. As I rammed into her again the two of us gave ourselves completely. I held her hips and slammed against her roughly. She dug her fingers into the dirt at her sides, digging deep divots into the ground. We growled and snarled at each other, the sound igniting us and pushing us further into each other. Her legs came up to rest on my shoulders and I was able to reach further inside her than ever before. I wanted to give her everything I had – it belonged to her and her alone anyway. I leant forward over her, pushing until there was nothing more I could possibly offer.

Suddenly Bella kicked forward with her legs, almost pushing me off her but with the grip I had on her hips I pulled her with me. I don't even think she realised why she was now on top but she barely broke stride as she pushed forward and back along my hips. Her breasts were hard and tight as she arched her back and sighed.

She dropped her head forward and watched me beneath her. I couldn't think of a single sexier image than Bella on top of me, as captivated by me and I was by her. She ran her hands along my chest and each time a muscle twitched she would press her mouth to it. I ground her hips against me harder as the pressure built within. As much as I wanted to prolong this experience she was driving me crazy and I knew I would finish soon. I pulled on her harder, trying to bring her with me but fell apart, shuddering, before she arrived. I threw my head back and my chest rumbled with the force of the growl that issued with my release. The entire experience had been so much more intense than anything we'd felt while she was human. We were truly joined – my venom in her veins, her blood running through mine.

I rubbed small circles into her thighs with my thumbs. I wanted her to come for me again. I never wanted to stop seeing the look of pleasure that crossed her face. I laid my hand on my stomach and slid it forward against her, I pressed my thumb against her clit and moments later she fell apart for the fifth time.

She leaned forward and pressed her lips softly to mine. It wasn't enough for me I wanted more. I dragged my hands up the length of her back and pushed my mouth forward into hers. It was a few minutes before I realised that neither of us were breathing. I brought my hands around onto her breasts and kneaded them roughly. Bella growled at me again. The sound went straight to my groin. A few moments later and I felt ready for another round. I wrapped my arms around Bella and then flipped her over so she was underneath me again.

*****

A few hours later we walked at human pace back to the house, hand in hand and smiling contentedly. I heard Bella's thoughts and glanced at her. She was giggling as she pulled a memory to herself. I put my arm around her and supported her as her mind relived the ecstasy we had just encountered.

I moaned loudly as Bella replayed everything we had just done. Bella smiled and pulled another memory to her. Each memory made me strain for her a little more. I felt like pressing her to the ground again right now and reliving everything once more. I felt Bella's hands on my shoulders and her thoughts stopped. I looked at her, trying to figure out what she was doing. She pushed me backwards and against a tree before falling to her knees in front of me. I shivered with anticipation when I realised what she was doing. My hands found their way into her hair as she took my entire length into her mouth. I leaned back into the tree as she stroked me with her tongue.

I felt her teeth graze along my shaft and it was almost enough to make me come undone. Her tongue swirled and swished around inside her mouth and I moaned a little at the feelings she was bringing out in me. I heard her thoughts as she shifted back and pictured doing this when she was still human. The difference was astonishing – then it had been good, great even, now it was one of the single-most pleasurable experiences I'd had. Right up there with doing it to her.

In the end the thing that finished me off wasn't anything Bella did with her mouth but what she did with her mind. In the moments when she was experiencing the past, I had seen in her mind how much she liked doing this to me. That was what pushed me over the edge and into a pleasurable oblivion. I fell back against the tree, needing every ounce of support it offered because I lost all control over my body and senses. I was on a Bella-induced high and I never wanted to come back to earth. Bella wrapped herself around me and we stood leaning against the tree for half an hour or more before her hand finally wrapped around and she pulled me back to reality.

About a mile out from the house we came across some clothes that had obviously been laid out for our return. Bella's face turned down into a slight frown as she looked at them. She was clearly embarrassed and I couldn't help the laugh that escaped when I saw her expression. Then I felt guilty so I wanted to assuage her concern. "They all understand, love. It's hard to control the urges when you're new."

She looked at me indignantly before bending over to pick up her pile of clothes. "Hey – you attacked me just as much – maybe more."

"True," - I smiled - "but can you blame me." I bent down for my own clothing and as I raised my head I realised she was half dressed. She was wearing a black thong and bra set. To add to my torture a ray of sun broke through the clouds and lit her up. I had never seen anything closer to utter perfection than Bella sans clothing. I glanced from her eyes to her toes, appreciating every part of her – my breath hitching in my throat.

_Don't you _dare, _Edward_, Alice's thoughts blasted into my mind – reminding me we were closer to the house now. _We all want to spend some time with her too._

I debated not going back just yet – after all Alice would have laid out these clothes, she must have known the effect they would have on me. I stepped forward towards her and my fingers whispered along her sides. Bella closed her eyes and shivered at the touch.

_Edward Cullen,_ Alice's 'voice' was harsh now. _You drag your ass back in here this instant. _

I laughed and dropped my hands from Bella's sides. "I've been told I need to take you home. Everyone else is anxious to meet the new you."

Bella grabbed tightly onto my hand as she readied herself to meet our family for the first time as her new self. She shifted again and her thoughts flowed over me.

"_And you're worried, not because you're headed to meet a house full of vampires, but because you think those vampires won't approve of you, correct?"_

"_That's right." The human part of me answered. The vampire part of me, watching this scene from outside laughed at the memory. I followed myself outside as Edward walked me to my truck. I was lost in the rich scent that flowed from my human self. I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply of the smell. I was starting to see how Edward could appreciate the scent despite the flames. It was almost as if it reached into my mind and danced around inside. I was so lost in my analysis I didn't notice the truck roar to life and leave until after it had happened._

"How? What?" Bella squeezed out after she shifted back to present.

I replayed what had just happened again. How had that happened? I was starting to believe more than ever that her visions weren't just a memory. "You stayed behind? How?"

"Carlisle," Bella declared, her face panicked.

I nodded and pulled her through the door. Everyone was waiting. Bella's eyes quickly scanned the gathering and her lips turned down slightly. I knew who she was missing - Jacob.

"He's packing up, he is leaving soon but he won't go without saying goodbye," I whispered softly to her.

"I thought you couldn't hear me unless I was, well, you know?"

I laughed, realising it must have seemed like I'd read her mind. "I can't, but I know you. You're feelings are printed so clearly on your face." I stroked her downturned mouth.

She closed her eyes as the air between us electrified. Even here in the presence of our family I wanted to take her. I could hear in Jasper's mind that she felt exactly the same way. I laughed as it became too much for Jasper and he groaned.

"Sorry," she said to Jasper. Then she turned to the rest of my family, "Hi?"

Alice threw herself at Bella, wrapping her arms tightly around her, smiling broadly. "Look at you, dear sister!" She spun Bella around. "But I knew you'd be magnificent. I've known it for years."

Alice's eyes trained on me and she gave me the evil eye. _Look at how joyous you are! If you hadn't been so stubborn you could have had this happiness years ago. _

I couldn't argue with her – she was 100% right. All my years of denial and pain had been for naught – all it had done was prolong the agony.

As I was considering Alice's thoughts I suddenly saw Bella and I back in the forest. I shot her a sly glance and Jasper growled in protest at the influx of lust he was now suffering through.

"I'm sorry," Bella said. "It's all just so..." she trailed off – unsure of the best word. I knew exactly what she wanted to say.

"Overwhelming." I answered for her.

"I know, Bella," Jasper sighed. "I've just never met a newborn with a sex drive like yours."

I felt Bella's embarrassment through Jasper's gift. Then he released a wave of calm for her. "Sorry. I didn't mean to embarrass you," he told her. "It's just hard absorbing that much lust."

He shot Alice a quick glance. _I am _so _going to have to put that emotion to use soon or I am going to burst. _He walked over to her and sat, pulling her into his lap and wrapping his arms around her. I tuned out his thoughts after that because they became particularly graphic.

"I have to say, Bella..." Emmett said, interrupting. "You are smokin'!" He ran over quickly and scooped her up into a bear hug. Although I knew he was completely enamoured with Rosalie, I could also hear the honesty in his thoughts. I could tell that if he didn't have Rosalie there may be a fight. Once I'd heard that I gave him a short growl. Bella giggled.

Rosalie turned to Bella. I scanned her thoughts, listening for anything to indicate she would be less than civil. I was pleased to hear nothing. "You are beautiful but I can't believe this jackass hasn't shown you a mirror yet." She slapped my chest.

_I can't believe how happy the two of them look, _Esme thought to herself. _I am so glad they found each other. They complement each other so well._

Once again I felt Bella's thoughts hit me and I tuned into them.

_I was sitting next to Edward on a piano bench. I instantly recognised the rise and fall of the notes of my lullaby being released from the keys under the instruction of Edward's graceful fingers. The vampire part of me moved closer to watch as his fingers danced. I realised I was getting better at handling my human scent, it still burned my throat but I could be a little closer now without the desire to sink my teeth into my own neck. "Esme and Carlisle...?" My human self asked._

"_Are happy to see me happy. Actually, Esme wouldn't care if you had a third eye and webbed feet. All this time she's been worried about me, afraid there was something missing from my essential makeup, that I was too young when Carlisle changed me...She's ecstatic. Every time I touch you, she just about chokes with satisfaction."_

I turned to watch Bella as she came back to herself. She grinned at Esme.

_What was that, Edward? _Carlisle asked me. _Do you think she's talented?_

I gave a very small nod without moving my eyes from Bella's face.

Bella turned her attention onto Carlisle.

"Carlisle," She said. His eyes moved from me back to Bella and he smiled warmly. "Edward and I would like to talk to you."

"No," Alice demanded. "Not yet anyway. I want you to see yourself first."

Bella turned her eyes to me and I could see her silently begging me to stop Alice, but I couldn't. Even if the little pixie wasn't a force of nature when she wanted to be, I wanted to see Bella's reaction to herself.

Bella finally allowed Alice to drag her into the guest bathroom. I smiled when I thought that the last time Bella had been in here had been our wedding. It was hard to believe that was only a week ago – it felt like a lifetime, and in some ways it was... Bella's lifetime. I followed closely behind, not wanting to miss a second of the action.

As soon as Bella was in the room she froze and gazed in the mirror. She shook her head and watched as her reflection did the same. I watched as she twisted and turned and ran her hand over various features. I found the whole thing mildly erotic. As time went on Bella's mouth turned down into a little frown again. I wondered what was wrong but then I heard her thoughts and felt her shifting into a memory.

_I watched myself as I entered the room. A look of anticipation was written across my face. I circled around myself a couple of times, studying my features in greater depth. _

I couldn't hide my amusement as her thoughts disappeared again. "What was that about?"

She glanced quickly at me before turning her eyes away again.

"Bella?" I caught her eyes.

She sighed. "I wanted to see myself properly – without all the scratches and imperfections of that." She gestured towards the mirror.

I laughed loudly. It was certainly an inventive use for whatever this gift she had was. "Okay. Let's go talk to Carlisle now."

_Edward, there is so much I still want to do with Bella before you take her away..._ Alice's thoughts cut off as she saw the look on my face - and as the future disappeared. I heard Jacob draw nearer to the house.

I wrapped my hand around Bella's and we walked back into the living room, anxious to see her reaction to Jacob, and his to her. After all despite what had passed between them they were now instinctual enemies. I just hoped they could move past it – I still owed Jacob for the assistance he had given me over the past few weeks.

"Jacob," Bella said quietly.

He did a double-take when he saw her. _Holy hell, I thought she was hot before. _"Wowser, Bells!"

"Wowser is a compliment I'm assuming?" Bella clarified.

He laughed. "I guess. It's just you've changed so much considering what you looked like the last time I saw you."

I heard Bella's thoughts. She was sliding into another vision. I concentrated on her thoughts. As soon as it started, I wanted to look away - but I couldn't.

I was much too horrified by what I saw.

**A/N - Well well well.... we are getting so close to the finish line on this & I have to say not a moment too soon because the sequel will not be quietened LOL I have the next chapter almost complete so hopefully there won't be a huge delay between this & the next (unless RL decides to throw me a curveball of course).**

**I have a few contest entries hanging around, if they go anywhere & require public voting I'll be sure to let you know :) if you want to read them regardless you can find them through my profile. Both the stories have the links to find other entries - check them out too, there are some great angst pieces. **

**Never Quite Enough is my angst piece for the Black Balloon contest**

**New Mood is my sexing piece for the Public Lovin contest. **

**I have a stack of new fics that I have stumbled across lately. I highly recommend The Guardian by Champagne Anyone (I admit I'm not up to date with it quite yet but wow what a start & the imagry is just beautiful). I know that I've told you these ones before but Smoking In The Boys Room and Bedroom Confessions are definitely worth a gander too. Still trying to figure out the cryptic clue at the end of the last chapter of BC. **

**I need to spend some time with RCE (Chasing Victory) but I hope to have another chap of this one up soon too :) **

**And in case you are wondering about Carlisle - he's there, just sitting back quietly waiting his turn. I have part of a chap done but not sure how soon I will be able to post. **


	25. Amateur to Artist

**Chapter 25: Amateur to Artist**

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations. Thanks to my beta (FE71SH) for looking this over for me. Please take the time to leave some words if you really loved it or really hated it! _

*****

Bella's thought consumed me and sickened me.

_I was standing in the hallway. The smell of rich flowing human blood was making it hard to concentrate on what I was seeing. I was so close to losing control. My human self fell against Jacob. I was ashen-faced, bloodied and broken – my chest hammered as I tried to get enough air to talk. I managed to squeeze out one word, "Edward." _

My heart wretched when I realised that despite all her pain and agony - despite not even being able to breathe – her first thoughts were of me.

"_Oh, my god Bella! He shot you?" Jacob said._

The pain in Jacob's voice was evident. I was torn between feeling relief that I hadn't had to experience his pain first hand, and regret that I had not been there to hear Cain's thoughts and stop Bella from having to go through that. For all my regret though I could not deny my happiness that Bella was now like me, which made me hate myself just a little.

_I pulled back from my dual viewpoint, disconnecting the part of me that was experiencing this as a human. I was a vampire now, I didn't need to feel pain like that ever again. I watched helplessly and I saw myself fall limp in Jacob's arms. He picked me up and placed me on the couch. I heard Cain utter a low moan from the corner and my heart broke for him. But before I could concentrate on that I saw Jacob run to my phone. He dialled the number of my saviour. _

I knew what happened next but I couldn't turn away. I was aware of the panic in Jacob's thoughts as he watched Bella in the present but I couldn't care enough to try to reassure him.

I watched through Bella, hearing her concern and worry as Jacob made the call to me, and then to Carlisle. I clutched her hand in the present, knowing that it would mean little to her – she seemed largely unaware of her surroundings while she was having a vision.

_The front door flew open and Edward stormed in a look of panic on his face. He had already detected the scent of my flowing human blood. When he saw me on the couch a look of absolute loss passed across his features. If I lived a thousand years, a million, I never wanted to see such a look again. It was horrifying. I tried to soothe him but again found I was as insubstantial as a breeze. _

I squeezed Bella's hand to let her know that I knew how she felt. It meant the world to me that her thoughts turned to me, to my safety and my sanity, first and foremost.

_His eyes hardened and he threw himself onto me, biting me repeatedly. Frantically working over my body. His teeth tore at my neck, my elbows, my wrists. Each time he bit he would run his tongue over the wound, trying to force as much venom as possible into my system. His eyes were set in determination to save me but I could also tell how much he enjoyed the taste of my blood in his mouth. He licked the wound where the bullet had opened a hole in my chest, drinking in just a little blood first. I could see the battle raging. He had control over the monster within him, just, but the monster was fighting back, stronger now that it had the taste of my fresh blood to taunt Edward with. He pressed his lips to mine and begged my forgiveness. Jacob stood back, mortified by the sight in front of him but unwilling to stop it if it meant I would be saved, he knew I was dead if this didn't work. _

I was glad she wasn't repulsed by the reprehensible act I had done in drinking in her blood. I should have been able to resist it. My priority was always saving her but that fact that for just a minute, or even just a second, I had allowed the monster some control was a horrifying thought for me. I heard her heart gently thud back into a regular rhythm as I massaged it back to life.

I watched with Bella as Carlisle came and prevented me from hurting Cain further.

I watched with Bella as the ambulance came and took her away.

Bella returned to the present and less than half a second later her thoughts were cut off from me.

_What the hell was that_, my family thought in almost perfect unison – running through their heads over and over again. As I listened to their confusion I realised that Bella, and by extension me, had been out of action watching the vision for over half an hour. The visions seemed to replay in real time.

Jacob was the first to gather his thoughts enough to speak. "What was that?" he asked uncertainly.

I was about to answer for Bella when I felt her thoughts invade my senses again.

_I was looking at myself, only now there weren't two view points. I hadn't disconnected one of them, it just didn't exist. My body looked...empty. My eyes vague and unfocused and I was staring off into the distance. Like Alice when she had a vision of the future except I had never seen Alice blank out for this long._

Bella shifted back again. Then she laughed. "Is that seriously what I look like?"

I joined her laughter. "I guess so, I've never really paid much attention. I haven't wanted to miss one second of opportunity to get inside that head of yours."

"What's happening?" Jacob asked.

"I, we, think she's talented," I answered.

"Like your freaky mind-reading?"

"Actually, a bit more like Alice's visions. They're the closest I've seen to what Bella encounters, but Bella's are just so much more vivid."

"What do you mean, Edward?" Carlisle asked.

"Well, remember the flashback she had when she was human, the first time I could hear her? I told you then it was so much more real than any other person's thoughts I had ever experienced?"

Carlisle nodded. "And?"

"I can control what I see to a certain degree." Bella said, uncertainly. I could tell she was worried about her revelations so I squeezed her hand in support.

_That sounds fascinating. I wonder if she would mind experimenting with her talent a little. _"Can you explain that more?" Carlisle voice was laced with the same curiosity as his thoughts.

"When I go back into these flashbacks I can see it as I experienced it at the time. But I also see it as a witness. If I choose I can view it only as a witness, cutting off the way I saw it at the time. I can move around in the visions and in one a little earlier I...left me behind." Bella's voice trailed off a little at the end. I pressed her hands to my mouth. She should know she needn't fear my family's unconditional acceptance.

"But it's more than that. Just before when Jacob spoke about what she looked like the last time he saw her she had a vision of herself after she was shot. She could smell the blood in the air. Not the way she would have as a human, but with her vampire senses. It made her thirsty and she almost lost control." I couldn't contain my excitement and pride in her. I'd always known she was special. I hadn't realised just how much until now.

"Can you affect anything physically?" Carlisle asked.

Bella shook her head.

_I wonder.... what could it mean. But surely she can't sense everything, the human mind isn't capable of retaining that sort of information. Are you sure, Edward? She could sense everything? _

"Yes, everything. Things her mind at the time couldn't have detected."

_So you think it's almost like she exists in that time? Or steps back? _

"That's what I thought," I said.

Bella shot me a dirty look. I knew she hated being talked about. I wanted to explain to her what Carlisle and I were discussing. "Carlisle was just wondering if it was more than a simple vision. See, when Alice gets her visions she can see what's happening and hear what's said, sometimes, but never the smells and details that you see. He agrees with my guess that somehow your consciousness actually slips back in time."

"But how?" Bella asked, her voice full of curiosity and uncertainty.

"How do I read minds?" I responded and heard her thoughts.

_I immediately pulled back from the two viewpoints to watch the scene. I found it hurt my head to stay inside my human self for long now, the eyesight was too fuzzy for my liking and the scent too strong. I don't know how Edward does it. My human self and Edward were wrapped in each other's arms on my small bed in Forks. I heard myself asking him a question, "Why can you read minds - why only you? And Alice, seeing into the future...why does that happen?"_

_I saw Edward shrug. I was surprised that my eyesight was no worse here in the dark than it had been in the middle of the bright forest. "We don't really know," Edward answered. "Carlisle has a theory...he believes we all bring something of our strongest human traits with us into the next life, where they are intensified – like our minds, our senses. He thinks I must have already been very sensitive to the thoughts of those around me. And that Alice had some precognition, wherever she was." _

I laughed. "Why ask a question if you answer it yourself?"

Bella joined in on the laughter, ignoring the looks on our family's faces – they were used to my private conversations but not with Bella.

"How did she answer her own question?" Jacob asked.

"With a freaky vision," I said, winking at her.

"Can you call the memories to you? Or do they just come unbidden?" Carlisle asked.

"Both," Bella answered. "But once I feel the shift I can't stop it."

"Shift?"

"That's what it feels like. It's a kind of tug in my middle."

"So you can tell exactly when it's going to happen?" Carlisle's clinical curiosity was back.

"Yeah, both by the way I feel and by Edward's reaction. He can sense my mind about a second before I shift."

"I think the two of you should experiment with these visions a little more, like we did with Alice."

He looked over to me and I nodded my understanding. I looked at Bella and all the _other_ methods of experimentation ran through my head. She grinned back excitedly at me.

_Oh for the love of...._ Jasper's thoughts echoed in my head. He growled low and soft, before grabbing Alice's hand. He turned to Bella. "Bella, welcome to the family. Umm, Alice and I just need to check on something...upstairs."

_Thank-you, Bella,_ Alice thought. She was going to put Jasper through his paces.

Carlisle stood. "Jacob, it's probably time to take you to the airport. I hope you don't mind if Esme and I drive you down? It's not a great idea for Bella to be in public places just yet and I don't think Edward is willing to leave her side just yet."

"No probs, Doc." He walked a bit closer to Bella, eyeing her off. "You're not going to attack me if I give you a hug goodbye?"

"I won't, but I can't say what Edward will do," she teased. She knew I wouldn't attack him – not while I could read his sincere thoughts which held no interest in her. I noticed that Bella held her breath as they embraced.

"I'll really miss you, Bells," he said as he pulled away, a tear in his eye.

"Hey – this isn't goodbye," Bella said as she wiped his face softly. "We'll see each other again, you'll always be welcome in our house."

I nodded. "Definitely, maybe you can even bring Sam and Emily next time, I know Bella misses them too."

"Sure, sure," Jacob said, but he didn't sound convinced.

I gave him a quick hug goodbye before he softly kissed Bella's cheek. _She's so cold. That's going to take some getting used too... if I do ever see her again. _

He followed Carlisle and Esme outside. Bella watched as he left.

_We'll give you some privacy, _Rosalie thought – pulling a reluctant Emmett along behind her.

I sighed and grabbed Bella's hand, pulling her over to the couch. I sat on the couch and pulled her next to me before swinging her legs around so they lay over mine. I ran my hand absently up and down her thigh.

"We're going to be moving in another few weeks," I said. "We just need to wait the appropriate length of time for news of your death to circulate fully and then we'll quietly withdraw from the town because it holds too many memories of you."

"Where are we going?"

"The depends... if you can stay in control we'll head to another small town and maybe all enrol in high school, although you may have to pose as a senior with Emmett, Rose and Jazz. I don't know how well you'll pass as a junior. We'll have to trial that though, if you get too many strange looks you may need to go into college."

"And if I can't control myself?"

"Well, then everyone else will move onto another town and you and I will go into the wilderness somewhere where there is less temptation."

"And for the next two weeks I assume you'll be going to school?" Bella said, her mouth turning down into a pout that played on her mouth.

"I'm afraid so. Starting tomorrow." I couldn't imagine having to leave her in the morning.

"Well, I guess we'll have to make the most of our time together right now then won't we?" she said – and a memory washed over me. I saw us back in the forest. I hardened instantly under her legs. Bella stood and reached her hand back to me. We followed Jasper and Alice's lead, running up to our bedroom, giggling the whole way.

*****

Bella and I surfaced dressed and ready to face Monday with about five minutes to spare. We spent those five minutes in a proper farewell kiss by my car. Everyone else was waiting for us as I walked to the driver's seat and climbed in.

"Edward?" Bella called just before I shut the door.

"Yes, love?"

"Try not to look so happy. You are supposed to be grieving you know."

I wound down my window and pulled the door shut. Bella leaned in through the window to kiss me once more.

_Get a room would you. _

_You've been at it all non-stop since she awoke, give it a rest would you._

_You guys! _

I didn't even attempt to separate my sibling's thoughts in my mind just issued a low growl at them all. Each one had put me through the torture of seeing them in this same position so they would just have to deal with it.

Bella pulled back from the kiss and with a smile and a wave I drove away.

With every mile that passed beneath the tires I felt the ache of being away from Bella more acutely. It was easy to let the smile fall from my face and my expression fill with grief. There wasn't a person in the school who wasn't still in mourning over Bella and hearing their pain at her passing made my stomach twist uncomfortably again. It was easy to believe I had lost her. It was easy to believe I should be curled up into a tiny ball, unwilling to face the world. No one gave a second thought to her attacker – and for that I was grateful. It may have been too much to hear any sympathy for him or to have to think about him for a second more than I needed to.

Just as I was about to climb out of the car Alice's hand came down on my arm. She slipped a large envelope into my hand. _It's so that you'll be able to see it and remember she's at home waiting for you._

"Thank-you, Alice," I said. "Really, thank-you, for everything. You've given me so much. Maybe more than you realise."

She smiled and images of Jasper ran through her head. _"I realise. If I ever lost him..."_ she trailed off. I nodded. I knew how she felt. There was no way I would let Bella go ever again. After Alice had climbed out of the car I slid open the envelope and pulled out the contents. Inside was a photo of Bella from our wedding day. I sat for a second staring, mesmerised by her beauty. And the Bella waiting for me at home was even more ethereal. I climbed out of the car and headed into the school for what I knew was going to be a bad day.

*****

At the end of the day, I waited impatiently in the car for everyone to arrive. I recalled Ms Davis' reaction when I gave her the photo of Bella, I told her Jacob had given it to me before he'd left town. She had tears in her eyes, and grief in her thoughts, when she'd agreed to put it up in Bella's old classroom.

Alice and Jasper were the first to arrive at the car, Alice had seen what would happen if I had to hunt everyone down and Jasper had picked up on her anxiety. Rosalie and Emmett finally arrived too and I was driving before they were even sitting comfortably.

I smiled when we reached the driveway and I saw Bella down the end near the garage waiting for me. The instant the car was still I climbed out and pulled Bella into my arms. Her hands came straight into my hair I she pulled me into her lips.

"Hello," she whispered when our lips parted.

"Hi, yourself." I smiled. I reached out and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

She stayed close to me and laid her head on my chest. "I missed you today," she said.

I kissed the top of her head and inhaled the scent I had desired to smell all day. "Me too."

"How was school? Learn anything?" she joked.

I chuckled. "Not really, although the school is in shock and mourning about you – you made quite the impact in your short time there. They got a photo of you from our wedding day and it's up in your old classroom."

"And where did they get that?"

I just shrugged, I wasn't sure how Bella would feel about the exhibition and didn't want her upset with Alice if she wasn't happy. I allowed her to think it was my idea. "I didn't want to have to go a whole day without seeing your face."

_Edward, bring Bella inside_, Esme's thoughts were loud and clear. _She's got something she wants to show the family – she's been practising on the piano._ Esme deliberately concentrated on everything but Bella's piano playing. She was busy getting everyone else gathered up.

I chuckled. "Apparently you've got something you want to show me?"

She pouted. "Do I still need to show you or have you just seen?"

"I only know what you are planning, I haven't seen it," I assured her.

"Okay, let's go then." She grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the house.

I felt Bella's tension rise as she took in the site of everyone watching the bench where she would need to sit. Jasper released some calm in her direction. "That's a thank you for the inspiration last night."

Bella chuckled slightly and sat at the bench. She looked down at the keys before bringing her fingers up to rest on them. She closed her eyes, and then she played. It took me all of three notes to recognise the piece that she was playing. It was the lullaby I had composed for her. And she was playing it so well that a piano virtuoso might have been jealous. I walked behind her and put my hands on her shoulders. She jumped slightly to my touch, but only missed one note, and then picked up right where she left off with barely a pause. I knew if I could have cried, I would have tears in my eyes. The way she played it bared the very soul of the music, it had none of the flourishes that I seemed to add – and it made it all the more beautiful. More vulnerable. More like the girl who inspired the piece.

The music rose and fell around me. I barely listened to the thoughts of my family, I was so wrapped up in the music, but what I did hear was filled with awe and rapture. That Bella had gone from amateur to artist in the course of one day was astonishing. The music drew to its melancholy conclusion and I realised she was turned towards me with a look of expectation on her face. I looked at her in absolute wonderment. "You taught yourself that?" I asked.

She gave a little laugh. "Actually, you taught me."

She confused me with her answer and I felt my brow crease. "What do you mean?"

"I learnt it from you, from my memory of when you played it for me in Forks."

_We'll give you some privacy, Edward, _Carlisle thought, shepherding the family away, _but please come see me when you are free. Bella asked me about something today and I want to talk to you about it. _

I nodded slightly in acknowledgement while sitting at the piano bench to continue my conversation with Bella. "You're amazing, do you know that."

"Will you teach me some more?"

I wanted her to show me exactly how the process worked. "How? I can run you through some of my favourites if you like?"

"Just play them for me, I'll learn them the same way. That way we'll have some spare time on our hands."

I liked the idea of spare time. I winked at her. "And what, Mrs Cullen, would you like to do with that spare time?"

"I can think of a few things," she said. And she did. She shifted between memories of our day together yesterday. I couldn't help but be excited by the images she was showing me. My hand found its way to her thigh and I began to run my fingers along the smooth skin there.

_Great_, Jasper thought as he felt the influx of lust from Bella and I, _they're at it again. _

Alice's vision spun as Jasper decided he may as well put the emotions to good use. _Thank-you, Bella. _

"Alice is going to thank you for that later," I laughed. "But we have some things we need to do first."

"Like?"

"Like I think we need to go hunting again. I know Carlisle wants to speak to me about something you were discussing today and we still need to experiment a bit with your talent."

"Fine," she pouted.

I laughed again, just being with Bella was a balm after the day I'd had to suffer at school with everyone in mourning. I kissed her gently on the lips. Then I turned back towards the piano and showed her two of my other compositions. One was the story of the love I had witnessed between Carlisle and Esme, the second the life of my family and the struggles we had faced to keep out vestiges of humanity.

I played them both through and then she nodded to indicate that I'd done enough. I pulled her up of the bench, before seeking out Carlisle thinking that this ought to be interesting.

**A/N - Well I can't remember how long it's been since I posted an SL chap so I apologise it it's been a long time. Work kinda took over my life for a while. On the plus side I've written 2 3/4 this weekend so should be able to update quicker (I'll let this chap simmer for a few days before I update again though LOL - but it won't be long).**

**Hope everyone had a good & safe easter. **

**Don't forget to check out my other fics & the lovely banners for TP, SL & CV made my MyRobAddiction. The ones for NQE & NM I made myself :)**


	26. Dropping

**Chapter 26: Dropping**

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations. Thanks to my beta (FE71SH) for looking this over for me. Please take the time to leave some words if you really loved it or really hated it! _

*****

"You wanted to see me?" I asked Carlisle when we reached his study.

Carlisle nodded and then looked over at Bella.

_Bella was asking about Cain today. She's worried about him and wants to help him out._

I closed my eyes, but resisted the urge to pinch the bridge of my nose. I didn't want to show evidence of my stress to Bella. _Why?_ I wondered silently to myself – wishing the silent communication with Carlisle was two-way.

_I told her about his mental state. I must admit everyone at the hospital is worried about him. You must have heard my concern. _

I set my jaw. I had heard it, I'd just chosen to ignore it. I chose to ignore all thoughts of the person who had hurt Bella so much, repeatedly, it was the only thing that was keeping him alive.

_He's confused, he spends so much time refusing to believe that Bella is dead and by his hand. The rest is spent screaming loudly that it's his fault and trying to hurt himself. Bella wants me to let her into his room, to talk to him and help him out. I have to admit what she's proposing is an intriguing idea._

I took a deep breath. I wasn't sure how I felt about this - on one hand it was Bella's goodness that had drawn me to her - on the other, we were talking about the monster that had taken her life.

_I'll have to do a test to see how she'll cope around human blood, but based on what you've said about her visions she's already been exposed to the smell anyway so she may have better control that we anticipated or have ever seen before. If we are going to do it though we need you on board to be in the parking lot listening for any problems. I think it might help her too._

I opened my eyes and stared at Bella. How could I deny anything that would help her? But he'd hurt her so much, had taken everything from her – despite delivering me my dreams in the process.

I heard her thoughts start and prepared myself for a memory. She replayed her conversation with Carlisle. Her face was so earnest and pleading as she asked him this favour. My eyes closed again, I couldn't trust myself to look at her when I gave her my response, the pain in my eyes might have been too much for her - I didn't want to guilt her out of something she felt she needed. "Fine," I breathed. "When?"

She sighed in relief. "Soon if possible. Before we go – so we can have a fresh start."

"And you really need this?" I asked her.

"I think so."

Carlisle nodded, "I'll make the preparations for the test, well do it tomorrow night. If you pass that, Bella, then we'll arrange it."

"Thank you," Bella said, I didn't know whether she was thanking me or Carlisle but she was looking at me.

"And we'll have to check with Alice beforehand too," I said. Then, "I just hope it's the right thing,"

She traced the lines on my face with her fingers, it helped clear some of the stress I felt - I was able to concentrate on her. "Me too. But it feels right."

"Hunting now?" I asked.

_Actually, I'd rather she didn't hunt again until after the test. I want to have her as weak as possible, the temptation will be stronger then,_ Carlisle thought.

"If you think so," I said. I turned back to Bella. "Carlisle doesn't want you to hunt until after he's done the test. He wants you at your weakest, because seeing Cain will no doubt be emotional and high emotions can cause you to drain quicker."

Bella nodded and smiled. I could see a glint in her eye which told me she was contemplating some interesting ideas. She confirmed this a second later when she grabbed my hand and led me to our bedroom.

_This should be interesting,_ I thought to myself.

Less than a minute later Bella and I were sitting cross-legged on our bed, our knees touching as we watched each other.

"How did you experiment with Alice's visions?" she asked.

"Just little things, like figuring out what caused them and how to call them. She didn't have much control over them at first – possibly even less than you do. Even now she is still pulled into them like you are, but she can call them to her and revisit them as well. Eventually she learned how to interpret timing and decisions behind choices. I helped her out with that by providing another opinion and talking through things with her. Then we trialled the changes that happened with different decisions, Alice would look for my future and Carlisle would make a decision that would effect it, that sort of thing." I smiled at her. "Nothing painful."

"And what do you want to do to me then?" Bella said. I raised my eyebrow and laughed as Bella put her hand over her mouth as she realised what she'd said.

"Sorry, I mean what do you want me to do?"

"Actually, if it's alright with you, I'd like to experiment with your shield not your visions." Ever since seeing Bella's thoughts for the first time, I'd wondered about the possibility of her gaining control over the ability.

"What makes you so sure I even have a _shield_?" She spat the last word as if it were a foreign concept she wanted no part of.

"The fact that I _can_ read you mind, even if it's only when you have your visions. I don't think that would happen if it was just something different about your mind."

As if on cue her thoughts opened up to me and I felt her slide into a memory.

_We were sitting in his Volvo, the heater was running through my hair. The smell of my blood was so concentrated in here. I was almost out of my mind with thirst at the smell of it. I bit back on the venom and forced myself to concentrate on the conversation playing out before me._

"_Why do you think you can't hear me?"_

"_I don't know," he murmured. "The only guess I have is that maybe your mind doesn't work the same way as the rest of theirs do. Like your thoughts are on the AM frequency and I'm only getting FM."_

"_My mind doesn't work right? I'm a freak?" _

_I remembered exactly how I felt at the time, he'd confirmed what I'd always suspected. I didn't fit in with the rest of the world. My mind wasn't wired up right. _

_Edward laughed, "I hear voices in my mind and you're worried that _you're _the freak. Don't worry, it's just a theory..."_

I couldn't believe the thoughts I'd heard. Bella honestly thought there was something wrong with her. I saw again how much damage I had unknowingly inflicted on my angel. She had spent so much of our time together thinking she wasn't good enough for me. That she somehow didn't belong in the world. Yet during the few months we were together in Forks she had so utterly infused herself into my family that we would never have recovered if she hadn't come back into our world.

"You really felt like that? Like you didn't fit into the world?"

She shrugged. "I never got along with people my own age. Well, people in general really."

I felt another stab of guilt and horror that she'd had to endure those sorts of thoughts. I stared at her, and my heart lifted with the knowledge that those times were behind us now. It was just her and I forever. "You relate well to vampires," I teased.

She smiled back at me. "That I do." She leaned into me and kissed me gently.

"Anyway," - I pulled back reluctantly from the kiss before I could get swept away by her - "The fact that it is possible for me to hear you sometimes suggests that something is blocking me at other times. And if I'm correct, that something is a mental shield."

"Okay, if you say so. So how does it work?"

"Why are you asking me? It's your mind," I teased.

She rolled her eyes at me. "You're the one who is so sure there is something there. I don't know."

"I have an idea," I said, recalling the way Carlisle had helped me to focus on tuning into distinct voices – by turning in on itself. "This was how Carlisle helped me to focus my ability and pick out individual voices. Close your eyes."

She obeyed. We sat in silence for a minute while I allowed her to settle into her own thoughts. "Just concentrate on your own mind. Now when you are ready call a flash-back, but pay attention to your own mind to see if you can see what changes, if there is a flicker or anything."

She grabbed my hand. "Squeeze my hand as soon as you can hear me," she whispered.

I squeezed as soon as I heard her thoughts.

"_Why don't you sit with me today?" Edward asked, smiling. _

_I saw my human self sit down automatically. I settled into her mind, despite the fuzzy vision it was still a good angle to watch Edward, especially the way he turned his attention to her. We were in the cafeteria at Forks High School. This was the day he started talking to me again. I allowed the feelings of my past self to roll through me. Concentrating on just how beautiful I had thought Edward was. I was so afraid he was just a mirage. And for some reason he was talking to _me_._

"_This is different." I finally managed._

"_Well..." He paused, then the words tumbled out of him, I recognised it as the way he spoke when he was nervous. "I decided as long as I was going to hell, I might as well do it thoroughly."_

I was surprised by how well she knew me now. She picked up on things which her teenage self never would have. She knew my emotions nearly as well as I knew them myself. "You know I loved you even then." I smiled at her. "The night before that was the first night I stayed in your room. That was the night everything changed for me."

"I know. I never understood why you did, but I'll never question it again."

"Mmm, so?"

"So what?"

"Did you notice anything?"

She shook her head. "Nothing."

"That's alright. You can't expect to be perfect on your first attempt."

"Were you? And Alice?"

"Hardly," I laughed. "It took two years before I could even be around humans. And then it was about three years after that before I stopped answering people thoughts rather than their words, except my family obviously – because they already knew how big a freak I was." I winked at her. "And it took Alice a number of years to be able to interpret her visions correctly, learning which ones would come true because they were too late to stop or people's minds were too made up. You just think we're perfect because you've only seen that side of us. Carlisle could tell you some stories about ways we got ourselves into trouble with our abilities." _Like the time in Calgary when Maria came to visit, _I added silently. Alice and I had been so busy arguing about what was going to happen based on her vision Maria had slaughtered the family, and taken Jasper along for the ride.

"Or you could?"

"Maybe one day. But I'd prefer to focus on you for now."

She raised one eyebrow. "And what precisely would you like to focus on?" She flicked open the top button on her shirt.

I took a deep breath. "On your abilities – on your shield?" I couldn't help that it came out as a question.

"Are you sure?" she asked, flicking open another couple of buttons.

"I don't know, I guess I could focus on this part." I ran my fingers down the length of her sternum.

"Is that all? Just that one tiny part?" she undid the last few buttons and pulled off her shirt.

"Or I could just worship every part of you." I leaned forward and kissed her cheek. "But if you're going to distract me now, please just promise me that when you call up your visions tomorrow you will keep an eye out for anything that indicates something in your mind shifting or dropping." I kissed her other cheek. I captured her lips and pushed her onto the bed. I guessed I had about five hours to please Bella in every possible way, multiple times, I wasn't sure it would be quite enough – but I was going to give it my absolute best shot.

*****

Tuesday was as bad as Monday had been at school. I spent the hour of English staring at Bella's picture, remembering the fun we'd had all night. Now that she didn't need sleep we had more time to explore each other. And now that I couldn't hurt her, we were much more experimental. So the entire night had been filled with interesting and mind-blowing experiences.

When I arrived home from school Bella was waiting for me again. I tore from the car as quickly as I could and pulled her into my arms.

"How was your day?" she asked. "Did you learn anything?"

I was excited to see her interpretations of the songs I had shown her yesterday. Carlisle and Esme sat with me as we watched Bella play both the songs. Again she played them expertly and brought her own unique vulnerabilities to them.

_Edward, I've set up the test for Bella, _Carlisle thought as we listened to Bella's playing_. I've left some blood around the room. It will most certainly drive her to insanity, but we'll see how she acts._

After Bella had finished playing I kissed her and told her how wonderful I thought it was before I led her up to our bedroom. I allowed Bella to enter the room first, and quickly shut the door behind her. I listened for the sounds of her stress. I could hear her breathing deeply and pacing around the room. I expected to hear banging and ripping as she tore the room apart to find the source of the smell, but instead I heard the sound of the springs depressing as she sat on the bed. I opened to door slightly to look in.

"What's happening, Bella?" I asked. I wondered whether maybe she couldn't smell the blood.

"Can you smell that, Edward?"

I nodded, just being an inch into the room it felt like a match had been ignited in my throat. "Can't you?"

"Yes. It hurts my throat and I want to find where it is coming from."

"Why haven't you?" I asked, bemused by the fact that she seemed unwilling to hunt through the room for it. Every other newborn I'd encountered would have torn the room to pieces in seconds.

"Because I know what it is. And I am going to resist."

I laughed. "Carlisle. I think we have our answer to your little test."

Carlisle looked into the room and laughed as he took in the sight of Bella sitting calmly on the bed. _You're right, I would not have believed it had I not seen it myself. _

Bella looked over to me. "Can we go hunt now? Please?"

I nodded before kissing her nose and pulling her off the bed. I led her outside and as soon as we were a short distance from the house I embraced her. I wanted her to be clear on one point. "You amaze me."

"It will be harder when it's warm and pumping won't it?"

"Yes, and no," I told her. "The hardest is when it is fresh from a wound."

She nodded.

"But you did great, Bella." I smiled again. "C'mon, let's go hunt."

*****

School was officially a waste of time, of thoughts of the monotonous problems of adolescent's punctuated by the occasional thoughts of Bella. I spent the entire time concentrating on Bella who I knew was at home waiting for me, pulling the answers from the teachers as I needed. Wednesday was no different. I waited anxiously until it was time to go home again.

I spent the day going over the conversation Carlisle, Bella and I had when we'd arrived back from hunting the night before. We'd all agreed that Bella was probably as ready to be around humans as any of us had been when we'd started back at school. So when we moved it was Bella's choice to study. So now we just needed to decide where to go next and take it from there.

For the third day in a row, Bella was waiting for me in the garage when I pulled in. As with every other day I climbed from the car and embraced her as quickly as I was able. I headed back into the house with Bella trailing slightly behind me. I listened to my family begin their debate of 'where next' again.

"How was your day?" Bella asked. "Did you learn anything?"

I laughed. "Is that going to be your standard greeting now?"

"I didn't do much today just practised with my talent."

I was intrigued. "And how is that going, have you figured it out?"

Everyone else fell silent.

_Who's Edward talking to? _

_Eddie's finally lost it. _

I tilted me head to the side. How did they not know that Bella was talking, unless...

I turned around to Bella. She smiled sweetly at me. _Yes, I think I have, _she thought.

And I _heard_ her.

I froze as my brain caught up to what had just happened. Bella thought and I heard. _I heard. _And she wasn't having a flash-back or memory or whatever those were. She thought and I heard.

As soon as my body and mind caught up with each other I reached my arms to her. I kissed her fiercely. As my lips left hers I trailed kisses all over her jaw and neck. "You amaze me, Bella," I told her.

_And you dazzle me, _she thought._ I think we're even._

"I'll never get sick of that," I said. There was something so wonderful and precious about being able to hear her thoughts. The fact that she could have hidden this ability from me or never shared them made it all the more special.

Bella smiled a beautiful smile at me and I basked in the warmth of it. Then she turned towards Alice. "Alice..."

"Of course I'll help you, dear sister. Although I can already tell you the outcome." I was surprised because for the last little while Alice had been singing the entire ABBA back catalogue and now I knew why. _She wants to test her shield, Edward. See if she can shield me._

Bella sat next to Alice and the two of them wore silly grins as they began the experiment. Not long after Alice's thoughts disappeared. I smiled widely at the wondrous things my wife could do.

I felt Bella shifting the instant before she did. Both Bella's and Alice's thoughts came back to me. Alice's continued as normal but Bella slide into a vision of a place I didn't recognise.

_I was in a dark room. It was dark even to me. There wasn't any light in the room at all and the darkness was oppressive. I could only just see well enough to make out shapes. _

I listened as Bella tried to place herself, she didn't recognise it either. I wondered how that could happen. Someone was strapped to a bed and screaming a cry that I'd only ever heard three other people make. The cry as the pain of the fire of transformation ripped through the body - the cry people made during the transition from human to vampire.

A door opened and a vampire I didn't recognise entered the room. I felt Bella's fear kick in, but it wasn't for herself – it was for the person on the bed.

"_Shush, shush, dear one. It's been a day already, it won't be much longer now," he whispered softly as he walked over to the figure on the bed. He deftly undid the straps and laid himself into bed next to her, pulling her into his arms and cradling her gently, like Edward used to cradle me at night. He tenderly stroked her face and hair. His words made the smell in her blood and the screaming make sense. It was venom - this was a human girl in the process of change. _

I was surprised that Bella realised that the girl was transforming so quickly, but I was more surprised that she hadn't recognised the scent of Alice. But then she'd not spent much individual time with any of my family since her transformation.

_I felt confusion and wished I could figure out where I was. My own self wasn't even here. There was only one conclusion I could reach but it made no sense. I heard more footsteps from behind the door, faster this time. Too fast to be human. The door flew open - ripped off its hinges._

_I saw the figure behind the door and I felt myself shift back to present._

"Was that..." Bella started to ask.

Before she'd even begun the question, I growled out the name of the figure, "James." I recognised him immediately and I still hated him.

"But how? What was that? Who was the girl?"

My eyes settled on Alice briefly and knew Bella had understood. I felt Bella preparing for another slide.

_James spoke so calmly, his voice almost genteel, "I would just like to rub it in, just a little bit. The answer was there all along, and I was so afraid Edward would see that and ruin my fun. It happened once, oh, ages ago. The one and only time my prey escaped me._

"_You see, the vampire who was so stupidly fond of this little victim made the choice that your Edward was too weak to make. When the old one knew I was after his little friend, he stole her from the asylum where he worked – I _never _will understand the obsession some vampires seem to form with you humans – and as soon as he freed her he made her safe. She didn't even seem to notice the pain, poor little creature. She'd been stuck in that black hole of a cell for so long. A hundred years earlier and she would have been burned at the stake for her visions. In the nineteen-twenties it was the asylum and the shock treatments. When she opened her eyes, strong with her fresh youth, it was like she'd never seen the sun before. The old vampire made her a strong new vampire, and there was no reason for me to touch her then." He sighed. "I destroyed the old one in vengeance."_

"_Alice." I heard myself say under my breath._

"_Yes, your little friend. I _was _surprised to see her in the clearing. So I guess her coven ought to be able to derive some comfort from this experience. I get you, but they get her. The one victim who escaped me, quite an honour, actually._

_And she did smell so delicious.. I still regret that I never got to taste...She smelled even better than you do. Sorry – I don't mean to be offensive. You have a very nice smell. Floral, somehow."_

Bella shifted straight from that memory into the one of Alice. I heard Alice screaming for her sister Bella. If my heart was still beating it would have been pounding with the events that were taking place. Bella's thoughts cut off from me and she stared wildly between Alice and I for a second before darting out the back door before I had a chance to stop her.

I ran straight after her, I wanted to find out what happened. I wanted to understand why she had run. I needed to talk to her. She had to know I was behind her but she didn't stop. I wouldn't let her go again though. I would chase her to the end of the earth if I needed to.

Eventually she started to slow and as soon as she did I wrapped myself around her and she sobbed tearlessly into my chest.

I pushed her back and caught her eyes. "What was that? Why did..."

"I don't know, Edward," she snapped, looking around aimlessly. Eventually, she focused on me again and asked questions I couldn't answer. "Why, Edward? Why did I see Alice's memory?"

All I could do was pull her closer to me.

"She was under my shield," she mused finally.

"Maybe there was some link there?" I agreed. Maybe somehow Bella could access other people's memories.

Bella looked up into my eyes. Suddenly, I felt my mind become surrounded.

Then Bella shifted - taking me with her.

**A/N - Well, here's chap 26, I promised it wouldn't be long. **

**Chap 27 has just gone off to Beta's & chap 28 is 75% done so shouldn't be far off either. I am aiming to have SL completely to rest by the end of April. That way I can cram on my study for my test the beginning of May & start on Life's Lesson mid-May. **


	27. Human History

**Chapter 27: Human History**

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations. Thanks to my beta (FE71SH) for looking this over for me. Please take the time to leave some words if you really loved it or really hated it! _

*****

I recognised the place where Bella had taken us immediately and felt myself stiffen. I knew this place. It was my old house. My parent's house. My human life. My own recollection of this place was fuzzy and vague at best, but Bella was seeing it as if she'd just stepped in off the street. She was admiring the dining table which I had always just taken for granted when I was a child. It was a slab of mahogany which had housed all of my childhood meals. Happy meals with my mother and my father before...

I stopped breathing and was unable to process any information. I couldn't even concentrate on Bella's thoughts beyond the sights that she was seeing. Because she was watching my mother. Suddenly I had an aching for the woman I had lost almost 100 years ago. It was an acute pain I felt as I saw her dancing around the kitchen. Through Bella I heard footsteps. I knew who it was. I knew who was walking into the room from behind her. I knew – because it was me.

*****

_I was in my room dreaming of battles and conquests – of joining the army. I listened as my mother hummed to herself while preparing the evening meal. I listened to her, transfixed as I always was by the sound of her voice. It was amazing how much her humming or singing calmed me. When I was younger she used to hum to me a special lullaby she had composed just for me. She was the reason I had played piano since I was a young child, it was a skill I had developed a knack for._

_I was halfway down the stairs before I realised what I was doing. As I drew closer to the kitchen I felt someone else. Something else. I had long been convinced this house was haunted. I heard voices in the night which no-one else could and felt this presence. Whoever, or whatever, it was they had visited me often in the last few months. This was the first time it had been near my mother without me close-by. In general, I trusted the presence; I'd even begun to think of it as friendly and been comforted when it was close-by. That was until a week ago. That was when I had been certain that the presence had been determined to hurt me. That it had tried, and for some reason failed. The fact that it was now alone near my mother terrified me. My heart leapt into my throat as I inched closer to the place I felt it. But as soon as I came up behind mother she turned to look at me and smiled. I breathed a sigh of relief. She was unharmed._

_The presence was gone._

_I wasn't sure whether I was entirely happy about that._

*****

I felt Bella shift back. Her thoughts were just about to cut-off, but at the same time my mind existed within hers. I could see my own memories reflecting back at me. I reached out for one. I needed to know what happened. I needed to know if what I suspected was true. I felt incredibly selfish using Bella's gift this way but I needed to know. I reached out for the memory and felt Bella stiffen as we were thrown headfirst into the vision.

*****

_I was in my room when I felt it arrive in the formal living room. The presence was back. I knew there was someone, or something, there. I hit the stairs at a run. I didn't stop when I hit the bottom. I couldn't risk missing it. Over the past few months I'd grown increasingly familiar with the presence. It calmed me and excited me in ways I had never felt. I desired an increased knowledge of what, or who, it was._

_I scanned the room, trying to see any physical evidence to confirm what I felt in my mind. "I know someone's there," I called into the seemingly empty room._

_Suddenly the presence turned. I had never feared it before, not beyond a fear of the unknown. But right now, I feared for my life. The presence was right on top of me. A shiver of fear ran through me and my heart was in my throat. I envisaged red eyes and felt bloodlust. I knew in that instant what it would be like to die. I felt that fear and survived. I realised my calling. I'd been toying with the idea of joining the army, and now I knew I should - If I could be strong in the face of fear and death, they needed me._

*****

I felt Bella's desire coursing through me. My throat flamed with need for human blood. She tried to pull out of my arms but I embraced her tighter. I couldn't let her go. I understood now. It frightened the hell out of me... but I understood.

"It was you," I whispered.

"What do you mean?" she asked. Her face was drawn and pale – even for a vampire – I couldn't add my recent discovery to her worries. I needed to think, to discuss my revelation with someone outside the situation.

I tried to answer as best I could, but I couldn't lie to Bella either. "Umm, that's what it was like for me with you. You were just lucky I had been practising restraint for over 70 years when we met, even then...it was close." I shivered at the memory of how forcefully her blood had hit me that first day.

"That wasn't what you meant," she demanded.

I wanted to redirect her. "Everyone will be worried about us, the way you fled from the house. I think we should go back and let them know that we're alright."

"Will you tell me what you meant?"

"Soon. I just want to talk to Carlisle first."

"You promise you'll tell me?"

I sighed, there was no way she would drop this – and I did _want_ to tell her. I just didn't know how.

We ran back towards the house. The closer we drew the more Bella slowed. I heard Alice coming out to meet us, she had a vision we were on our way back.

_Edward, this involves me. Please – let me talk to her on my own. I'm worried I might have done something to upset her. _

I looked towards Bella. I could see how stressed she was, how much she was hurting. I didn't want to leave her – but was it for the best? If I wasn't involved could she work through her issues easier? I knew she felt embarrassed in the knowledge that I could hear her thoughts in her visions. That was what sealed my decision in the end. I could go back and talk to Carlisle and Bella and Alice could discuss what happened. Maybe then Bella could help me to understand too.

"What did you see, Bella?" I heard Alice ask as I ran. "What made you leave like that?"

I tore myself away from Bella's thoughts and voice and raced back to the house.

"Edward?" Esme called when I arrived through the door. "What's happening? Why did Bella run?"

I shoot my head. I wasn't sure what to say - or how to explain it. "Where's Carlisle?" I asked.

"He had to go back to the hospital. Something happened." Esme said.

I took a deep breath. I didn't know how to explain what happened to anyone. I leaned back against the wall and covered my face with my hands. I stood there for a few minutes, trying to gather my own thoughts. Trying to understand everything that had happened in the last few hours. Human memories that I had long forgotten – that had lain dormant just beneath my vampire knowledge – were brought to the surface and scorched into my mind. What did it mean that I'd known Bella while I was human? She hadn't introduced those memories, or manipulated them, she had been there in 1918.

_Edward!_ Alice's panicked mind interrupted my own thoughts. _Help me. It's Bella._

I darted out the back door without an explanation to the rest of my family. I could hear the concern in their minds – especially Jasper's, but I couldn't care. Something was wrong with Bella.

I ran back towards the spot I had left Bella and Alice. I met them about half-way and cursed myself for leaving as soon as I took in the sight of the two of them. Bella was bent forward and leaning her weight against Alice, who was half-dragging, half-carrying her back to the house. Bella's eyes were blank and vague, she was completely unresponsive.

"What happened?" I demanded.

"I don't know Edward," Alice said – the panic evident in her voice. "She shielded me again – to try to work out what happened. She went into her trance-like state and then when she came back she fell into me apologising. But she didn't do anything to me, Edward. I'm really worried about her."

"Bella?" I called softly. She didn't even turn her head to look at me.

"Edward – what's wrong with her?" Alice asked.

"Show me what happened," I said, hoping to glean something extra from Alice's memory.

_Bella fell into Alice. "I'm so sorry, Alice."_

_"What is it, Bella?"_

_"It's my fault."_

_"What is?" _

_Bella didn't answer._

_"Bella? What's is it?"_

_"It's all my fault."_

I gathered something had happened during Bella's vision. I needed to find out what, but my first priority was getting Bella home and safe. I picked her up and cradled her into my arms. I ran back to the house as swiftly as I could while carrying her. I ran straight into our room and placed her onto the bed.

"Bella, my love?" I called to her for the third time.

She finally opened her eyes. I was so relieved and my first thoughts were to apologise for leaving her. "I'm sorry I didn't wait with you before, Alice asked if she could speak to you alone."

She nodded, but didn't say anything.

"What happened? What's wrong?"

She gazed at me for a second and then I felt my mind surrounded once more. I heard Bella's terror at going into a memory. I wondered what had happened with Alice to make her so terrified. But then I recognised where she was and felt my own memories stirring at the sight.

*****

_I had just arrived home from a meeting with the army enrolment board. I was set to have my medical any day now and then I would be away. To see the world and fight for my country - for America. I realised straight away the presence was in my room. I raced up the stairs and pulled open the door. Again the room was empty of anyone else physically, but it was almost like I could read the mind of whoever else was here, although the notion of mind-readers was preposterous and belonged to silly folk stories, just like vampires, ghosts and werewolves._

_"I know that you are here," I called out. "I just want to know who you are."_

_I looked around the room again and sighed. I could almost hear the thoughts of whoever, whatever, was in the room but I couldn't see or feel anything to prove they were here. Maybe what mother said was true. Maybe I was suffering delusions. "Maybe they're right. Maybe I am crazy," I muttered to myself, tugging my hand through my hair._

_The thoughts, or presence, or whatever it was, grew stronger. Confusion the dominant emotion. Its confusion became mine and confirmed to me that there was something... else here._

_I raised my head, cocking it to the side – trying to listen for any physical sounds to go along with the feelings I could hear. "See - that is what I mean. You are confused." I stood and walked around the room, trying to find a spot where the presence was strongest. "There is someone here. Who are you?"_

_I finally found the sweet spot. I could swear I was just inches from the source of the thoughts I could almost hear. My eyes scanned the empty space in front of me slowly. An electric current passed through me each time my eyes crossed over one particular spot so I brought them to rest in that direction. Feelings of love, and serenity, washed through me. It was like I had found a love as unconditional as the one I felt towards mother, but a lot less pure somehow. I was shocked as feelings of lust and desire overtook me. I had never felt this way about anyone. I wanted to know more about the poor girls whose soul was lost. And I knew it was a female now – there was no doubt in my mind as I experienced the tenderness and gentleness of her thoughts. I pinched the bridge of my nose._

_As I stood in front of her, her thoughts changed from love and admiration to fear. "What are you scared of? Who are you?" I asked. "If you'll allow me to help you, we might be able to find a way for you to cross over."_

_She disappeared, but I looked forward to our next meeting. I would help her find her way to heaven. I knew that was where she belonged because, other than the one time she'd wanted to harm me, she was too good and precious and pure to belong anywhere else._

*****

I had unconsciously moved closer to Bella while I was lost in my own memory. Her face was inches from mine as I lay beside her on the bed. I smiled at her as she opened her eyes. I had been right about her even then. She was so good. So forgiving. Too good for me, but somehow I'd been blessed with her for forever anyway.

"Cross over?" she asked.

I chuckled. "I had completely forgotten about that until earlier today. Then I got a little bit freaked out when I realised what it meant. I'm sorry for not talking to you about it earlier."

"But what is it?"

"When I was human I felt a presence in the house on a few occasions. The first time I felt the presence was a few months before I... got sick. I can't explain exactly what I felt, I don't remember well enough, but somehow I just knew there was someone else in the house." I looked away and dropped my voice. "I always thought it was a ghost. Usually the presence confused me but I always felt strangely comforted too. There was only one time I was ever scared by it." I turned my eyes back towards her, I wondered whether she would understand.

"That memory today?" she asked.

I knew which one she meant immediately. I nodded. "I'm surprised you guessed so quickly."

"I'm sorry about that, about losing control around your blood."

He laughed loudly. What a ridiculous thing to say – she'd been a vampire for all of a few days and had shown incredible self-restraint and I'd lusted for her blood no differently – how could I possibly be upset with her over it.

"Stop it," she whispered. Her face lost its joy and she became drawn and ill-looking again.

I stroked her face softly. "Sorry," I said softly. I hadn't meant to make her feel bad.

"How is Alice?" she asked.

"Confused," I chuckled, trying to keep the mood as light as possible. "Actually we both are, she showed me what she saw happen but from neither of us could see anything happen that explained your reaction. What do you think you did to her?"

She closed her eyes and I felt her shield fall away. She shifted into a memory of a meadow. It wasn't our meadow though. I heard Carlisle arrive home again. I wanted to ask him what had happened, but it was more important to stay with Bella right now.

_A fire was burning and thick purple smoke churned towards the sky. James and Alice were there, James walking away in disgust Alice lying on the ground in a panic. She began to scream, "Nicholas! Don't be dead. Don't be dead. Nicholas! Bella, help him, help me."_

I saw Bella kneeling beside Alice's head. I listened to her thoughts.

_Alice was panting and clawing at everything she could grab. But the look on her face wasn't for her pain, it was for Nicholas. She had loved him, as he had her. I knew what the loss of love felt like, and Edward was never dead. I wanted to erase Alice's pain. She was my sister, I loved her. _

_Edward!_ The sound of Carlisle's thoughts pulled me from Bella's. I could still see what was going on but the stress in Carlisle's mind had me racing to him. I would explain to Bella later.

"What is it?" I asked quickly as I raced into his study.

"It's Cain," Carlisle said. _He tried to commit suicide. _Carlisle showed me the images of his time at the hospital - slit wrists, extra security, constant surveilence. I swallowed hard on the venom pooling in my mouth due to stress. _I don't know how Bella is going to take it – but I wanted to tell you first. The family seem to think something is wrong with Bella at the moment._

I nodded. How to explain to Carlisle what was stressing Bella. I listened to her thoughts as she continued to show me what happened with Alice.

_I didn't even think about what I was doing, I was acting on instinct to protect the one I loved from pain. I placed my hands on either side of her head, resting them in the air, and extended my shield out from myself and over her mind. I searched for all her memories of Nicholas. Edward would be my inspiration in this – I would make it as if Nicholas had never existed. I could see each of her memories and I pulled them into myself, drawing them in through my shield. I took her pain – the pain of the family who abandoned her because of her visions, the pain of living in the asylum, the pain of lost love, the pain of her transformation, the more memories I pulled into myself the more pain I detected. _

"Carlisle. I think Bella's talent is even stronger than we originally thought. She..." I cut off. Bella's thoughts grew increasingly concerned. She was at the point she felt she'd hurt Alice the most.

_Alice's heart rate sped, each beat running into the other until it sounded like a helicopter. She screamed again. I pulled at her memories again and again until I was exhausted. Her heart stopped beating. _

My mouth fell open. Bella had stripped Alice's memories. I couldn't believe it, but with everything else I'd seen today I knew it to be the truth.

I felt Bella's mind return to the present and the last thing I heard before her thoughts were cut off broke me. She'd noticed I was gone, and _she_ whispered an apology to me.

_The pain of his rejection ripped deep into my heart. I rolled over onto my side and curled myself up into a ball as sobs started to rip through my chest. I felt like I couldn't get enough breath, even though I didn't need oxygen._

"Bella!" I called as I raced into our room, but it was too late. She was completely unresponsive. Her eyes were squeezed tightly shut and she wasn't making a sound, or moving, or even breathing.

I stroked her cheek, trying to draw her back to me. Nothing.

I ran my fingers though her hair. Nothing.

Fear crept though me. After everything that had happened today was this too much. Had I somehow lost her for good. I had none of her thoughts to keep me company. I had nothing to indicate she was alive and well. She could have been a carved statue. A statue of the only girl I had ever loved. Or would ever love. I climbed into the bed beside her as sobs began to build in my chest. I laid my hands over her cheeks and pressed my lips to hers, trying to convey my love and need in gentle kisses it still wasn't enough. She still wouldn't come back to me. Each minute that passed with her in this state was like a razor through my heart.

"Bella. Bella, my love, please." I begged her. "Please. I need you."

She remained as still as stone, and just as cold.

Sobs wracked my chest. I didn't care who heard or what they thought. Half an hour had passed and Bella was still away. She still wouldn't return to me. To let me know that she forgave me for not being here when she needed me.

"I'm sorry, Bella," I whispered.

I tried stroking her hair again, but nothing.

I tried kissing her lips again, but nothing.

I clutched at her hips and pulled her into me, and still nothing.

I couldn't blame her. I'd let her down. She needed me, and I hadn't been there for her. I just wanted one more chance. I would never let her down again. If it was what she needed I would never leave her side again. We could disappear forever, just the two of us, if need be. If only she would come back to me. For me.

"Bella," I sobbed. "Please, Bella. I love you."

*****

Another hour had passed and I was still begging and pleading Bella to come back to me. I refused to believe she'd retreated forever, but I was desperate to hear her voice again, for her to move again. But still there was nothing.

Each minute that ticked over was dragged through my being and ripped apart my heart. I found pieces of me missing as I watched Bella's prostrate form. I clutched at her, and kissed her, and begged her. I didn't know what else to do to bring her back, but I was reluctant to leave her side for even a second just in case there was a change. Any change.

Slowly a darkness began to creep through my mind, dulling all my senses and crushing my soul. I saw a flash of green and five little words.

"_You... don't... want me?" _

"_No." _

I realised then that I was under Bella's shield. That the pain, and the accompanying numbness, was hers. I couldn't see anything that wasn't part of her dark haven. I felt her fear, and her stress, and I wanted to make her feel better. I tried to call a happy memory of us, to show her the depth of my love, but I couldn't find any in my mind.

Suddenly, Bella's entire body grew rigid and she screamed a blood-curdling cry as we fell headlong into the past together.

**A/N - I know some of you have been waiting for this chapter :) hope it didn't disappoint. The next chapter has just been sent to the beta & won't be far off either. Then there is just one more chapter & the epilogue based on current projections (E may decide there is a little more to tell but probably not). Then it will be on to the sequel which I am getting super excited about. It will be a sequel to both TP & SL simultaneously so there won't be 2 stories like there were for this. There is a reason for this but you won't find out the full details why until the prologue is posted. The EPOV prologue will be posted as a chap here & the BPOV prologue will be posted as a chap on TP but then they will both be posted as a prologue on Life's Lessons - the reason I will do this is just to let everyone who has TP or SL on alert know that it's up.**

**Also - my girl CorrinaTFF has a finalist entry in the black balloon contest - To Save A Life. Voting is now open - go check it out (the fic is in my favs & the contest link is in my fav authors). There are some other real kick-ass entries through to the finals too read, review but most importantly vote! **

**Okay, back to writing now so that I can get the rest of these chapters complete for you guys :)**


	28. Save me

**Chapter 28: Save me**

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations. Thanks to my beta (FE71SH) for looking this over for me. Please take the time to leave some words if you really loved it or really hated it! _

_She knows it but this chap is dedicated to Gabbysway2 because she wanted more human E. Here is some more human E - at his most vulnerable._

*****

I was dying.

I knew it was true and I was at peace with it.

I had seen my father pass away, he had been in pain at first too – but eventually he found peace. And when he found peace he closed his eyes and drifted away. I turned my head to the side, mother was in the cot beside me. She had worked tirelessly to save father, even as the inevitable began and she grew sick herself. Now, she spent the time in the hospital ordering the doctor's to look after me. I tried to explain to her that I was content to move on with my family. I was content with the knowledge that I had lived a good life and something more waited for me in my next life. An angel who had been visiting me for the last few months. I knew now that's who the presence was – an angel, preparing me for what was to come. To warn me that my short life was over, and to comfort me when the time came.

I felt the angel arrive, but she was sad. That wasn't right – my angel shouldn't be sad. There was nothing to fear now – we would find our way through the darkness of death. She would lead me where I needed to be, and I would take my place in heaven by her side. Because I knew my heaven was with my angel.

I wanted to plead with her not to cry. To sit and wait by my side as the illness took its course and ravaged my body. I knew I had hours left at most. My angel would wait patiently beside me.

I turned my head towards my angel. "Don't be sad," I whispered. "I'll know who you are soon enough. We'll help each other get to the other side. I'll take you to heaven myself."

Then the angel surprised me. I felt her sadness, and I felt her fear. She was afraid of my words. The angel didn't want me to join her.

I felt her panic.

And then she left.

I tried to sit up, to gain her attention again. I needed her to help me through this, to be by my side. She needed to be strong for me, because my strength was draining away by the minute. I didn't even have it in me to raise my head.

The kind, blond doctor, Dr. Cullen – Carlisle, he'd insisted I call him, but I always settled for sir – came to check on mother. I could tell he knew she was beyond all help. God had already claimed her – she was just waiting for perfect moment to join him, and my father.

He came over to me, a gentle but sad smile on his face. He gave me more pain relief, despite the fact I had told him countless times it was unnecessary, before moving on to other patients who he had a chance of saving.

I felt my angel again. She was stressed. She was afraid. She felt unloved. I wanted to tell her _I_ loved her, but I couldn't find my strength. I felt her moving around my bed, I practically felt her screaming at me – but I couldn't make out the words. Screaming in silence.

I felt her moving away again but she stopped near my mother. Suddenly I was assaulted with the most wondrous pictures. Images of a brown-haired, chocolate-eyed beauty and myself. Pledges of love, and tender kisses, and glorious smiles. I would have smiled in awe had I had the energy to move. I wanted to call my angel to my side and ask her if that beauty was her – because if it was, if she was what was waiting on the other side, I was ready to go.

I closed my eyes and replayed the sights in my mind. I heard mother's voice beside me but I couldn't listen to her words. In my mind I was drifting closer to my angel. I felt her moving closer to me. Her lips where inches from my forehead... and then she was gone. I opened my eyes as much as I was able and found I was staring into the face of the kind, blonde doctor, Dr. Cullen – Carlisle, he'd insisted I call him, but I always settled for sir.

He whispered a promise of a new life, of eternal life and companionship. And then I felt pain searing through my chest and throat – driving all the images of my angel from my mind.

Nothing existed except the pain.

*****

I watched the scene through Bella's eyes at the same time as recalling it within my own mind. Being under her shield amplified my own recollection of my human memories. I was astonished as I realised I had seen Bella long before I first met her. And even then I had loved her. We were truly destined to be together, and nothing would keep us apart. I reached over to press my lips softly to hers, and she responded. My entire being rejoiced at the tiny movement. I pushed harder against her, trying to fill my lips with my need and desire. I had desired her for over a hundred years – I knew now it was the repressed memory of her beauty that had driven me away from all other females in the intervening years.

As Bella responding, my tongue sought entrance to her mouth of its own accord. Her lips parted and I wrapped myself into her. I took every part of her that she offered, my hands ran though her silken tresses.

_I'm so sorry, Edward_, Bella's thoughts came to me_. I didn't mean it. I didn't mean any of it. _

I pulled away from the kiss. "Bella, you didn't do anything wrong. I've been so worried about you. I've been trying to get a response from you for hours."

"But you left. After I showed you what I did to Alice – you were gone. I thought you didn't love me anymore."

"Silly, Bella. How could I not love you, you are my reason for being. Now I know that more than ever. If it wasn't _for_ you I would never have met you."

"Are you angry with me?"

"Angry? For what?"

"For what I did to Alice."

"Bella, I saw _your_ memories of that event. You didn't do anything malicious, I understand why you did it and that you thought it was for the best when you did it. I left the room because Carlisle came home from the hospital worried about something. I wanted to find out more and tell you straight away because I knew you would want to know." I grabbed her hand and looked into her eyes. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when you shifted back. I didn't realise you would read the worst possible interpretation into it. And I absolutely didn't realise that it would take you away from me like it did."

"What do you mean?"

"Look and see."

I felt her shield surround my mind and I offered up the memory of the last, torturous hour of my existence.

She shifted back. "I'm sorry. I don't even know how I did that."

I kissed her hard before pulling back and staring into her eyes. "Just don't ever do it to me again," I begged. "_Please_?"

"Never!" She pulled my face towards hers again, fisting her hands into my hair and forcing herself hard against me. I curled my arms around her and twisted her on top of me, not willing to break our lip contact for any reason. Once she was sitting above me I moved my fingers into her hair, twisting the locks gently in my hands. I fisted my hands and pulled gently, crushing her even closer to me. I finally released her hair and moved one arm down along her shoulders and back before caressing her waist. I played with the end of her shirt there for a few minutes before circling my hand around to the front of her shirt. I began to undo the buttons one at a time, relishing the feel of her skin against my fingertips and reveling in the sweet perfection of her moving, interacting – reacting. After hours of stillness and unresponsiveness I needed to show her how much I loved, admired – and ultimately desired - her.

After her shirt was unbuttoned I pulled it off her arms and tossed it across the room. Then I unfastened her bra, running tight circles into the skin on her back in the process. I wanted to worship her and show her all the love I had felt – I still felt for her. I was still overwhelmed by the knowledge that she was my angel. She had rescued me as surely as Carlisle had – maybe even more so. If it hadn't been for her Carlisle may have – no... would have – moved onto the next bed. And if he hadn't saved me, if he hadn't been confident when it came time to save Esme would he have? And even if he had, if I hadn't been there to help him understand her thoughts when she was still a volatile newborn would he have lost her? If it hadn't been for his secret desire to find me a mate he may never have turned Rosalie. I stared at Bella in awe as I realised my entire family owed our existence to her – our way of life. Since leaving her in Forks, I felt her absence as a tangible presence, a constant ache in my heart, and I know all my family did too. But now I saw that she was so much more important to me, to all of us, than just another link in the chain, she was the foundry that had forged and shaped us into what we were today.

As I watched Bella, her lips turned up into a small smile and then she was tearing roughly at my clothes, and her own.

_Edward, I need you. _Bella pulled down her shield and filled my mind with her glorious thoughts. _I love you and I want you. Now. _

She knew my body well enough to know I was more than ready for her. I hissed with pleasure as I felt her shift and suddenly she was surrounding me. She lay her naked form along mine and raised her hips again. She pushed against me faster.

_Oh God, this is fantastic. _I smiled as I heard her uncensored thoughts. I lifted my hips off the bed and thrust them up towards her, timing it with her own rhythm. _Holy hell. _

She caught my eye and stared deep into my heart. I grabbed hold of her hips and shifted the angle slightly before pulling her against me again. _Good God! _

I set a new tempo with the rise and fall of my hips, and the push and twist of my arms. _Oh... my... Edward... oh.... _Bella's thoughts were beyond coherency.

Bella leaned forward in her ecstasy, putting her breast and nipple almost teasingly close to my face. I could tell how close she was to a climax just from the set of her body and the look in her eyes, but having it confirmed in her thoughts was almost too much to bear. I reached forward with my mouth, hungrily seeking the breast in front of me. As my teeth slid gently along the underside of it Bella was pushed over the edge. _I love you, Edward, so much. So, so much. _

Her body clamped down around me and I hissed again. I continued to lick and suck at her breast while she rode me through her release. I pushed harder, seeking my own and seconds later I was spilling into her. Satisfied that we'd both achieved pleasure Bella dropped her head to my chest. I put my face into her hair and inhaled. "I love you too," I whispered finally.

We sat, wrapped in each other's arms – content and at peace – for a few minutes. Bella's shield had sprung back up in the rush of the excitement so she surprised me when she spoke. "What was Carlisle worried about?"

I couldn't believe I had completely forgotten to tell her what Carlisle had wanted – what had seemed so important I had left her side for.

"I'm sorry. I had meant to tell you straight away."

"What is it Edward?"

"It's Cain – he attempted suicide today."

"What? What happened?"

"He slit his wrists. It's okay now, they got to him in time... just. They've doubled the rounds on his room but Carlisle was wondering whether maybe you were right – maybe you do need to see him, if there is any chance of helping him move forward."

"I need to talk to Alice again," Bella said, the pain in her voice evident. She was taking so much on board at the moment – I was worried any one thing would be too much and she would end up like she had been all night, and I didn't know if I would be able to cope with that again, not without knowing when – or if – it would end.

Bella and I quickly dressed and headed down to the family.

_Well here's the drama queen, _Rosalie thought. _I wonder what her explanation for yesterday is?_

_Hmm, I've gotta say – Eddie scored with that one. Bella is fi-ine. _I wasn't sure who I wanted to kill more Rosalie – or Emmett.

_Edward – I know Bella wants to talk to me, stay out of it. I think it's better if we talk alone. _

I found it easy to ignore Alice's thoughts, even as she announced to everyone else that she was staying home for the day. I was just about to open my mouth to make the same announcement when Bella's thoughts cut into my mind. _Edward, please go to school today._

I shook my head a little. Couldn't she see I couldn't leave her side again – not if it meant there was any risk of a repeat of last night.

_I need to talk to Alice about this alone. I promise it will be okay. _

"And what about your promise last night?" I asked. "Did you mean that?"

She looked at me quizzically for a second before realisation dawned in her eyes and a shiver ran down her spine. The joy I felt at her reaction to thoughts of slipping back into her dark world made laughter burst from me unannounced.

"Good." I slipped my arms around her and pulled her softly into me, kissing slowly at first but building in pressure and intensity. As I broke off the kiss, I ran my mouth along her cheek until it rested beside her ear. "I love you, Bella Cullen. You are my wife, you are my everything. Be safe."

I kissed her forehead once again and jogged after Emmett, Jasper and Rosalie. It was time to face another cookie-cutter day at school.

*****

On the drive home from school I began to hear Bella's thoughts. They were not comforting.

_I was in the small bathroom of Alice's house. Alice had grown since the last vision, she looked more like a young woman than a little girl but still couldn't have been more than fifteen. She stood facing the mirror, clutching a clump of her long black hair roughly in one hand. Her other hand held a razor blade. Her eyes were red-rimmed and puffy, she'd obviously been crying. _

I tried to tune them out as I pushed the gas, anxious to get home but it didn't work. I was assaulted by Alice's concern for Bella – she was wondering whether she should have put the decision on Bella. I vaguely wondered what decision she was referring to. Bella's thoughts called out to me again.

_Alice hacked and ripped at her hair, slicing it roughly. Soon her long hair lay around her feet, the hair remaining was cropped closely to her face, shorter than I had ever seen it. The sun came through the window and glinted off the blade. She looked at it with a strange look on her face. Time slowed down as I realised what she was going to do._

As soon as I stopped the car I pushed the door open, nearly pushing it from its hinges in my haste to get inside. I knew what she was seeing in Alice's past would hurt. And I knew there was a risk of Bella withdrawing into herself. I found her as quickly as I could and grabbed hold of her just as the vision took a dark turn.

_She twisted the blade around and raised her other arm in front of her. She pressed the tip of the blade into her skin, pushing with more pressure until droplets of blood began to bubble up around the blade. The smell was too much for me, sending me into a frenzy. Fire ripped through my throat. _

Bella's eyes slowly focused on me, surprise registering on her face.

"Was that Alice's memory?" I asked softly.

She nodded and rested her forehead on my shoulder. She took a deep breath.

"She wanted me to look through them and help her decide whether or not she wants them back."

I realised this was the decision Alice was worrying about. "Yeah, she was thinking about that when we got home. Why was she doing that?"

She began to hyperventilate. Whatever was in her mind was stressing her. I tried to pull her into me.

"Calm down, love."

"I can't Edward, it's just so horrible. There's just so much hurt."

"Nothing is going to change if you don't finish looking at these memories tonight. Why don't you try pulling up someone else's? Something happy – one of mine?" I couldn't deny that I wanted to help Bella – but I was also curious about what Bella could show me about my own memories.

"No. I can't. I think I just need to hunt." Bella said. I hadn't even thought about the desire that must have been coursing through her body from her memory of Alice's blood until her thoughts hit me again and she slid back in time – her throat burning the whole time.

_The smell was rich and succulent but it worried me because it was _everywhere_. Alice stood with no less than fifteen cuts along her arm. Once she was aware of me, she slid her tongue along her arm. _

"_I just wanted to know what it tasted like, Bella. You seemed so hungry before when you smelled it, I wanted to know why." _

_She pressed the blade into her skin again, wincing as it pierced the skin._

"_Alice, don't....please don't," I sobbed, the scent of her blood burned my throat and I sobbed with my own pain as much as for her._

_Her blood was pooling in rivers on the bathroom floor. She stood and stumbled towards the bathroom door, pushing it open while I remained rooted to the spot. "The name is Mary," she whispered as she pushed it open._

_I heard her walk down the hall laughing madly. "Momma! Look what I did." _

_Her mother's piercing shriek filled the bathroom._

Bella buried her head in my shoulder. I didn't want my family to see her like this, so broken and vulnerable, and I knew Alice would feel horrible if she did. As Bella began to sob I picked her up and carried her out the door. I heard her thoughts and felt her shift again. I ignored her thoughts as best as I was able - trying to concentrate on Bella's body to keep her with me, to keep her away from her dark fortress.

Something in Bella's vision caught my attention. "_They understand alright," Alice said. " I'm a freak."_

_I smiled at her then held my hands to her temples showing her the memory of Edward and I at the restaurant in Port Angeles, me saying that my brain didn't work right – that I was a freak._

_She laughed a hard laugh, "Well, let's be freaks together." She pushed a bottle of something to her lips and took a deep swig. As she pulled it away I could smell the alcohol, it smelled worse than normal to me, dirty or contaminated somehow._

"_Relax, Bella, it's just a little hooch," she shook the bottle. "Moonshine? It's _daddy's_." She spat the name out before taking another deep gulp. I looked at her arm and there were dozens of new razor marks along the length of it. She pulled the sleeves on her sweater down and shot me another quick glance. _

"_I wish you wouldn't hurt yourself. You're very precious to me, Alice."_

"_You know, I've told you before – my name is Mary," she glared at me balefully, then grinned "But you can call me Alice. I hate being Mary. Alice will be my new name...when I leave this stink hole." She threw the bottle across the room and it smashed into the wall. She walked over and picked up the pieces of glass, crushing them between her fingers. I could smell the fresh blood as the glass pierced her skin. _

It killed me to see Alice so broken. It pained me even more that Bella felt she had to go through Alice's memories on her own – she wanted to hide the pain away from me. I tried to comfort her as much as possible but I could tell it wasn't working. She clung tightly to my arms.

"Bella, love, you have to stop torturing yourself with this." He whispered.

"Torturing myself?" Bella sobbed. "This is nothing...nothing compared to what she went through Edward. And I can't do a damn thing to stop it from happening. There is nothing I can do to stop that beautiful, pure soul being corrupted and ripped to shreds by her own family. Her own father. How the hell am I supposed to tell Alice about any of this?"

"Then don't." I tried to reason, to make her see there were options and choices. Alice would understand if Bella said the memories were too painful.

"That's hardly fair," she snapped at me. "I can't make carte blanche decisions about her life or her memories."

I ignored her harsh tone, knowing it was just a reflection of her current stress. I hugged her tightly and stroked her hair. "She asked you to do this because she trusts you. If you tell her she's better off not knowing, she'll believe you."

Bella shrugged and disappeared a little more behind her solidifying shield. I clung to her in the hope she wouldn't leave me again when she shifted into another memory. I watched in vain, alternating between concern for Bella and concern for Alice. I would never have believed the little pixie could have suffered so dreadfully in her human life.

_As if his name had been called Alice's father came out of the house, "Mary, come inside. I wanna spend some quality time together before your Momma gets home. It feels like we're never _alone_ anymore." During the course of his speech he had walked up behind her and grabbed a handful of her hair and was sniffing it. I saw her cringe away from his touch again. I felt bad that the feisty young girl had been beaten out of her, it would have been good to see her clock him on the nose. He stroked his finger down the back of her neck and she whimpered. He put his arm around her waist and pulled her back into him and she let out a frightened whine. _

I thought again of my own pampered existence and my loving parents and comfortable surroundings and my heart wept for poor Alice. I wished there was some way of knowing what Alice's answer would be without having to explain to her the full details of the horrors she had encountered. Suddenly, watching Bella and Alice converse in the past an answer occurred to me. Bella could ask Alice. The Alice who knew what had happened and would lose those memories soon.

"Bella, love, ask Alice whether she would want to keep her memories. She will be able to answer more honestly than anyone else right now."

In her vision of the past, Bella led the conversation.

"_Alice, can I ask you a question?" _

"_Anything." _

_"If I could take away all your memories, all of this pain, but it would mean that you remembered nothing when you woke up. Would you want me to?"_

_Alice furrowed her brow a little, "I wouldn't remember anything?"_

_I shook my head, "Nothing, none of the bad, but also none of the good."_

"_So I wouldn't remember you?"_

"_Not until you met me again, for real."_

"_But I'd know you then?" She seemed to be concentrating hard on keeping up with the flow of the conversation. _

"_Yes, you will absolutely know me then because then we will be sisters."_

"_Then I'd want you to take the pain. I don't want to remember any of this. But..."_

"_But what?"_

"_Well, it's just that I'd like to remember_ _how you were there for me. You've saved me, Bella. I don't even know if you realise how much. And I know you haven't been around all the time, but knowing I could look forward to you coming back always made the hard times that little bit easier. I'd like to know that you meant that much to me at some point."_

_I smiled, "That sounds good." _

I smiled in the knowledge that Bella had able to get an answer that she sought without having to stress herself or Alice out with explanations. I found I was drawn back into Bella's visions as I realised Nicholas, the man from Bella's vision in the dark room, was the vampire who turned Alice.

_He raised her hand up to his face and pressed his teeth into her wrist. He sat there for a moment, unwilling to move, the bloodlust was too strong. He was unwilling to take any more of her inside him in case it set off the frenzy. He waited until the bloodlust subsided enough to pull away slightly and then he disappeared out the window. _

_A second passed and I could smell the venom on the wound. It would be enough to transform her, but from what I understood of the process it would be long and painful for her now as the venom would take more time to spread from such a small wound. _

_Another second passed and then the screaming started. And I worked out exactly why Alice ended up in the asylum. _

I held Bella to me as she returned to her body.

"Oh my goodness, Edward," she said, startled. "I'm so sorry. I didn't realise I had been out for so long."

The hours had slipped past almost unnoticed as I held her to me. "It wasn't that bad, love. At least I had your thoughts to keep me company. And at least you got your answer about what to tell Alice."

She looked up at me. "Did you plant that in my head?"

I chuckled. "I may have suggested you ask her but that's all. You did the rest on your own."

"How long before you have to go to school?"

"Do you see that sun?" I asked, indicating the brightly burning globe. "None of us are going to school today."

"In that case I need to see Alice." She twisted out of my grasp in one deft manoeuvre. A new sense of purpose and calm seemed to have taken her over. I followed behind quickly as she ran back towards the house. She was Bella again, my rescuer, my saviour and my love. And we would be together forever.

**A/N - I wanted to get this chapter up first because it's one of my favs so far and I know a few of your are as anxious to finish this & move onto the sequel as I am. Bella really wants to have her say again :) **

**In case you haven't read Teachers Pet, Alice ' s m e m o r i e s a r e d e t ai l e d m u c h m o r e c l e a r l y t h e r e b e c a u s e E w a s a t s c h o o l f o r a l a r g e p a r t o f t h e d a y i n v o l v i n g t h e d i s c o v e r y o f A l i c e ' s p a s t.**


	29. She's special

**Chapter 29: She's special**

_A/N: Characters (excluding original characters created for this story) are all Stephenie Meyers' creations, I'm just torturing them. I don't own them. I do however own the storyline. Thanks to my lovely beta (FE71SH) for looking this chap over for me. Please take the time to leave some words if you really loved it or really hated it!_

*****

Bella stood right in the centre of everyone's attention, confidence radiating off her. They were all gathered, discussing where to go next and wondering about Bella and I when we arrived back at the house.

Alice smiled at me, "Thank you, Bella. I can see how hard that was for you."

"Actually, Alice, it helped ease a lot of my guilt."

_Eased her guilt? What does she mean?_

"May I?" Bella held up her hands, indicating that she wanted to show Alice a memory.

Alice nodded, her face and thoughts reflecting her absolute trust in Bella's decision. Bella rested her hands in the air beside Alice's temples and called up the memory of the last conversation she'd had with Alice's past self, showing Alice the request not to know. Alice nodded. "Maybe one day I will ask you to tell me what happened – tell me though, not show me."

"Whenever you are ready. Until then I act on your authority to keep these memories hidden."

"Bella?" Emmett called out. Bella turned to look at him. "Alice told me about what you can do. About going back and looking at memories and stuff."

Bella nodded.

He smiled at me, "Bella, I want you to _do_ me." He waggled his eyebrow. Everyone around us began to laugh seeing the humour in what he was saying. I couldn't laugh – not while seeing the images in his head.

"You want me to _do _you?" Bella asked, a laugh in her voice.

Emmett nodded his head, his smile broadening.

"After all the tension, the stress, that I have been in for the last few days and you want me to do you?"

He laughed. "Hey come on – all that stress is because you were looking at the pixie's memories. A girl's life is always full of drama. My life was drama free, baby."

"Yeah, right up until you got eaten by the bear," Bella laughed. I joined in the laughter this time.

"Hey, I could've won that fight still, if Rosie hadn't interrupted."

Rosalie rolled her eyes at him.

"R-ight," Bella said, not trying to rein in her laughter.

"Come on, do me Bells, please?"

"Fine, but if I'm not going to interrupt the bear while it chews on your ass."

"That's fine – that's Rosie's job anyway."

Bella moved a little closer to Emmett before pushing her shield out to cover Emmett. "Think about a memory," she said to him.

His thoughts cut off from me for a second before Bella shifted, then both their thoughts were open to me. I would have been shocked or disgusted by the memory Emmett had decided to play for Bella – except I knew Emmett too well. I had seen these same images many times, although not in quite so much detail. Bella's visions were still so much more vivid than anyone else's. I really didn't need to see Rosalie naked form roughly riding Emmett, or watch as he ran his hands along her buttocks and his tongue along her sternum. Bella left the memory as quickly as possible.

"Emmett! That's just wrong."

He grinned like a Cheshire cat.

"What did you see?" Alice asked.

"I wanted to show our little sis a thing or two that she can try out on Edward."

Less than half a second later Bella walked up to him and placed her hands next to his head and shared some memories of her own with him. To say I was floored was an understatement. She showed him many small flashes and the feelings that accompanied them made me more than hard.

"Remember," she said. "I'm not your _little_ sister anymore. I'm older _and_ wiser."

Everyone laughed at the stunned look on Emmett's face. He sat for another few seconds with a blank look before jumping up and giving me a thump on the back. "Nice!"

Finally the Bella I knew and loved returned, embarrassment taking over her features. She sat on the couch cringing into her hands. I sat beside her and wrapped my arm around her.

"I want another turn," Emmett asked.

Bella shook my head without raising it from her hands.

"Oh, no fair, Bella," Emmett said. "Do me again, please. I've got lots to show you. I promise I'll behave."

Everyone chanted a round of "go on". I squeezed her just a little tighter.

_Did they make you do this sort of stuff too?_ Bella thought to me.

"Still do," I laughed, "and worse. I'm regularly treated to slideshows like the one you saw."

"Fine," Bella said to Emmett. "But keep it clean."

Bella shifted into another of Emmett's memories. I knew the story he was showing her well – the story of the stag he killed just before _the_ bear arrived. I felt for Bella immediately when she smelled the stag's blood. She still needed to hunt and I could feel the fire in her throat reflected in my own. Bella shifted back to present moments before the bear decided to begin the deadly wrestle with Emmett.

"Enjoy?" Emmett laughed.

"Some of us have important things to do, not waste all night watching you get mauled by a bear," Bella said in a reproaching voice.

Bella leaned back into me for a few moments, with a smile on her face. Her entire demeanour had shifted from earlier. She was my Bella again, the perfect mix of strength and weakness, determination and acceptance. She turned to Carlisle at last. "Carlisle, can I speak to you alone for a little while?" she asked. I wasn't offended by the alone part – I knew she included me automatically, we were two halves of the whole. "I just need a little while to call Jacob first."

Carlisle smiled. _That really is an amazing talent she has._ It occurred to me that he knew more, much more, than he was letting on. "Yes. I'll be waiting in my study when you're ready."

Bella nodded and Carlisle left to go wait for us. Bella pulled down her shield, opening her thoughts to me but revealing nothing just yet. "Edward, can you call Jacob for me?" _I'm not sure who at La Push knows the real story about me, and who thinks I am dead_. _I don't want to give Billy a heart attack if he doesn't know I am actually alive._

I nodded, successfully stifling my laugh that she always worries about everyone else first.

"Hello?" Jacob answered.

"Hello, Jacob. I hope you had a pleasant flight?"

"It was fine. It's nice being home."

"That's good. Bella wants to talk to you, she didn't want to ring herself just in case someone else answered," I told him.

"No problems."

I handed the phone to Bella. "Jacob, I've got a big favour to ask."

"Uh, huh, and what might that be?"

Bella continued, her thoughts still open but guarded. "I need you to sign the house over to Carlisle."

"Sure, sure. But that's not really a huge favour, I figured that was going to happen anyway."

"Yeah, but that's not all I need."

"Okay, what else do you need?"

_How can I explain to Jacob that I want him to watch out for Cain, that I want Cain to move to Forks and live in Charlie's house? I really want him to understand and at least listen to my idea._

"What?" I said, outraged. I didn't understand how she could even be considering what she was considering. Forgiving Cain was one thing – moving on was healthy for him and Bella. But to offer him _that_? "You're giving your house to the person who tried to kill you? Who would have if...if..." I stammered, I couldn't even find words to express how I felt. I heard Bella's pain and hurt at my reaction. I didn't want to hurt her – even if I couldn't understand what she was thinking. "Sorry, love, I just...don't get it."

"I can't go back to that house," she explained. "Ever again – even if we return to Forks we will be in the seclusion of your old house. I don't need the money from the sale of it. What I do need though is to know that I have helped Cain out, even just a little."

"What are you two talking about?" Jacob asked through the phone.

"I'm talking about helping Cain to move on, but I need your help to do it. I'm going to need you to use the rest of the money in my bank accounts to support him and hire him a lawyer and just generally be there for him."

"Bella," Jacob growled, "He tried to kill you! Don't you get that?"

"Of course I do, I'm not stupid. But I also know that he has issues, serious issues, some of which were made worse by me. I feel guilty that I even gave him the opportunity to think there was anything between us. I want to do this, to know that because I lived someone else will have a better life."

"So you want me to manage your money to help out the kid who killed you?" I didn't need to hear Jacob's thoughts to hear his outrage.

"Pretty much, although I'll do the managing and arrange all the details, you'll just need to sign everything because it's all in your name now."

"I don't have to be happy about it do I?" He asked grudgingly.

"No." Bella laughed; then she looked at me. "Are you okay with this?"

I sighed, I couldn't tell her how I really felt – and in truth there was a part of me screaming that her nature, her goodness, was what drew me to her. "Bella, love, how could I ever be unhappy with anything that is a result of your good nature. But how do you know he won't hurt anyone else? He is very messed up, I think he needs to spend some time in a professional institution."

"He's got a point, Bells," Jacob agreed.

"I'll make sure he does, and you'll be there to do the same, Jake. That's why I want him in Forks, so he'll be close to at least one of us. We're moving from Fairfield at the end of next week so I don't want to leave him here."

"And what about the murder charge?" I asked.

"We'll lean on the DA, between Jacob and Carlisle asking for leniency and if we promise to get him help and arrange emancipation from his father, at least. People have done much worse and gotten away with it."

"And what about his father? You going to help him too?" Jacob said with a bit of venom in his voice.

"His father can go to hell with Alice's," Bella whispered.

"Huh?" Jacob asked.

"Don't ask," I said to him. I didn't want to explain the stress and strain of the last few days.

"Fine I won't," Jacob replied. "You know Bells, one day you'll owe me for all the favours."

"You still owe me for imprinting," Bella joked, trying to lighten the mood a bit.

"Yeah," Jacob laughed. "One day that excuse will grow old."

"I know, but I'll milk it for what I can before then."

"Don't I know it," Jacob mumbled but there was still humour in his voice.

"So are the three of us on the same page?" Bella said. "I mean obviously there are still some finer details but we're all agreed."

"You promise you'll deal with it if he goes off the rails?" Jacob asked again.

"Yes."

"And you're sure about this?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"Yes."

"Just wanted to clarify out loud, love."

_Sorry,_ she thought to me. Then she spoke out loud, "Okay, well if that's settled I need to talk to Alice quickly before seeing Carlisle."

She hung up the phone from Jacob. I saw Alice's vision of Bella calling her name and knew she would be at the door instantly.

"Alice?" Bella called.

"What is it?" She asked, opening the door before Bella had even got to the L.

"What's going to happen with Cain?" Bella asked.

Alice concentrated on trying to get a vision of Cain. I saw a flash of him on a plane and then in a taxi passing the 'Welcome to Forks' sign. "He's going to move to Forks." Alice said. "But why...?"

Bella cut her off with a hug. "Thanks, Alice."

I guided Bella into the bathroom to practise her speech into the mirror. I shut the door and took a deep breath, hoping she was doing the right thing.

*****

"How can I help, Bella?" Carlisle asked, being as professional as possible under the circumstances. I could hear in his thoughts that he knew what Bella was about to ask and he could barely contain his excitement at being able to witness her talent first hand again – he'd already seen it once today. He was thrilled to see the circle complete itself.

"I want to help Cain," Bella said. "And I have an idea how I might be able to do it. I just need to borrow your memories for a while first."

_Go ahead,_ he thought and indicated with his hands that Bella should proceed. Bella sat across the desk from him and I felt his thoughts disappear an instant before the memory, and Bella's experience of it, opened up to me.

_Cain was lying on a hospital bed; monitors attached all over his body. Bandages covered his wrists and his face was still swollen from where he had impacted the wall as Jacob had thrown him across the room. There was a nurse stationed in the room watching over him. Carlisle was at the end of his bed reading the chart. I put my hands to his forehead sharing with him the memory of our conversation so he would know what was happening. He nodded imperceptibly to me, then he leaned over to the nurse and asked her to leave him in the room alone for a few minutes. She started to argue but Carlisle just said, "Five minutes, please. I'll make sure he doesn't hurt himself."_

_The nurse seemed to consider Carlisle for a minute then nodded and exited the room._

"_Bella, what do you need me to do?" Carlisle asked, low and fast so Cain wouldn't hear. I didn't answer him, I couldn't. Instead I walked over near Cain and lay my hands beside his head. I wouldn't be able to remove his memories like I could for Alice. I would need him under my shield for that. But what I could do was help him out, show him my plan._

_I concentrated hard on the memory I prepared after getting off the phone with Jacob and both Edward and Jacob reluctantly agreed to my idea. I pulled up my memory of my face in the mirror and showed him what I said._

"_Cain, I know you've had a hard life. I know your father beats your mother and you. And I know you thought I was the one who would be able to save you from all that but I'm not. In the end you are the one who needs to stand up for yourself and for your mother. You need to file a report to the police about what your father did to both of you. I can't promise it will make it all better but that is where you need to start._

"_Also, I know you blame yourself for what happened to me, but I don't. I am happy now. I am with my loved ones and am fulfilled in a way I never could have been if you hadn't done it. My only regret is that you were hurt so much in all of this, caught between myself and the person I did love. I want to make that up to you. _

"_There is a new life waiting for you in Washington if you want it. A house in Forks, a scholarship to Forks High School for you to repeat your junior year and for your senior year as well as assistance for college. I will have lawyers contact you shortly to discuss emancipation from your parents and also to help your defence for any charges brought against you in regards to me, but I will also have someone pressuring the DA to drop the charges. There are two conditions for all of this. First you need to start counselling – which will also be paid for. And the second is that you live a good life, be good to other people and break the cycle._

"_Let Carlisle, Dr Cullen, know if you want to accept this offer. He won't think you're crazy. He will know exactly what you are talking about._

"_Jacob will watch out for you and watch over you. I know this is all going to be overwhelming for you, that you won't understand, but just think of me as a guardian angel. I will be watching out for you now." There was a threatening undercurrent to my voice as I said the last sentence. I had practised the speech a few times to get that right. I wanted him to know that if he chose not to accept my offer and live his own life I would be watching, if he hurt someone else I would ensure he was stopped. That threat to Cain, the promise I made, was the only reason Edward and Jacob agreed to my plan. _

Bella shifted back not waiting for a response. She shifted straight into another memory, of the phone call to Jacob just an hour earlier. Carlisle took his cue to leave. _She's very special, Edward. _

I nodded. I knew that. Even without her talent Bella was so special.

I heard Bella shift back to the present.

"I am proud of you," I said as I wrapped my arms around me. "It's a very good thing that you're doing. Better than what I would have done to him."

"I know," Bella kissed my cheek. "You would have torn him to pieces if Carlisle hadn't been there."

I didn't even bother to try to deny it – she had seen my face in the memory of the day Cain had shot her, had it not been for Carlisle I would have killed Cain.

"So..." Bella said to me, "it's Friday now. Neither of us need to be anywhere until you are needed at school on Monday."

"That's correct," I said.

"Well, I was just thinking that's an awful lot of time to fill. However will we do it?"

"Mmmm," I hummed against her neck, "I'm sure I can think of a few ways."

She grabbed the back of my pants and pulled me into her, closing the gaps between our bodies. "Oh, I can too," she said.

I nuzzled my face into her neck, kissing along her perfect collarbone – not even a hint of her old injuries remained. She dropped her head back and allowed me better access. I felt my excitement growing. She pulled her hands off me and wrapped one around my hand, she led me through the study door and I was expecting to go to our room. She moved suddenly, running towards the back door, yelling, "Let's go hunt."

I followed, growling at her, "And you accuse me of being a tease."

"Yeah, I do," she laughed.

**A/N:- Well, that's it.... Epilogue to post next and then Student Liaison is officially done & dusted. **

**HOWEVER... as I mentioned before Life's Lesson is about to begin very very soon. In fact, I will be posting the Prologue (which is already written) shortly after I post the epilogue\s for Student Liaison. You will see why I was hesitatant to post it before Student Liaison was finished soon ;)**


	30. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations. Thanks to my beta (FE71SH) for looking this over for me. Please take the time to leave some words if you really loved it or really hated it! _

*****

"Aunt Bells!"

A ball of curls came flying around the corner after the voice and hit Bella's arms at a run.

"Susie-Q," Bella exclaimed. "It's been too long, little one."

"It's only been a year," Sue laughed.

"A year is too long without your special brand of sunshine, love," I told her, as I tousled her hair. "Where's your Daddy?" It had been too long since I'd had a good catch-up with Jacob. Bella talked to him on the phone all the time, and I heard the conversations of course, but it had been almost a year since I had actually spoken to him myself.

"He's coming. Max is slowing him up, he's being silly." Sue pulled a face.

"Grandma Esme is waiting to say hello to you too," Bella whispered conspiratorially to Sue.

I watched fondly as the little girl ran into the house to say hello to her adoptive family. Every one of us was completely enamoured with Jake and his family. It gave us all the opportunity for growth and love that we missed through our unchanging nature.

I watched as Bella greeted Harriett and young Max, smiling at the thoughts of love radiating from Bella. I thought back to the meeting Alice and Bella had shortly after Bella moved to Fairfield. I recalled how Bella had hated Harriett and Jacob then.

Max spoke, breaking my concentration. "You stink, Aunt Bewwa."

"Don't be rude, Max," gasped Harriett. But Bella just laughed, and I had to too.

"She does though," Jacob said coming around the corner last, and running straight into Bella's arms and giving her a little twirl.

"So, you got a little wolfy on your hands there?" Bella whispered to Jacob, so soft Harriett had no hope of hearing. I stifled a giggle as Jacob's guilty thoughts flooded through him – he hadn't informed Harriett that Max would definitely be a wolf. The legends were clear on the fact that those who had the gene could smell vampires at an early age – and if proximity was what caused the change Max didn't stand a chance. After all the Black's made at least a yearly visit to see us.

"Yeah, looks like," Jacob laughed back. He walked over to me and gave me a quick hug and pat. _It's been too long_, he thought, he was so comfortable with my mind reading now he often communicated to me the same way my family did – silently.

I nodded to let him know I agreed.

_We'll have to catch up soon – maybe we can go out with Jaz and Em for a tussle? _

I smiled – last year Bella had almost caught us. She hated us wrestling because of what happened with Jacob's leg the first time he and Emmett went for it. But really, he healed faster than she did. So now we snuck out secretly while the girls had 'girl-time'. Even Alice didn't know what we did – sometimes having a wolf around came in handy, it was the only time we could fool the little pixie.

"Everyone else is waiting inside for us," Edward said.

"We've just got one more surprise for you," Jacob said. _Cain's here, _he warned me. I was used to Cain and could tolerate him now, but I doubt we would have the type of friendship Jacob and he had. After all, he had fallen in love with the love of my life and then had tried to kill her.

"And what's that?" Bella asked.

Just then Cain came around the corner, holding hands with Laura – who was a near carbon copy of her mother, Angela Weber. Laura was cradling a baby in her other arm.

"Cain! Laura!" Bella called out. "And this must be little Cassidy." She gave Cain a hug. "I didn't think you were going to make it this year."

"Yeah, Laura wasn't due for another week so we weren't going to come up but seeing as Cassidy was a little impatient we thought we would come and introduce her."

I felt Bella shifting into a memory and I smiled as I tagged along for the ride. I loved our mutual visits to the past.

_I heard the car turn onto the drive and knew Jacob was coming. He wasn't bringing Harriett this time. She'd come up a few times over the years, but only when Emily and Sam could come. Last year was the first she came alone with Jacob but Emily had missed her too much so we'd agreed it would be a once every two year thing. I ran out the front to meet up with Jacob, too distracted waiting for him to notice the second set of tyres coming up the drive. I had just pulled Jacob into me when I saw the second car and who was driving. I let Jacob go and was back in the house seconds later but it was too late. I heard Cain's car skid to a stop and he was out of the door hurling expletives at Jacob the next second._

"_Bells, you'd better come out," Jacob called, "He saw you."_

_Edward was behind me, whispering low into my ear, "He definitely knows it's you, we'd better go face the music."_

_When we got back out the front I looked straight at Cain. He was pale and looked close to passing out. _

"_What the hell is going on here?" His face flicked between Jacob and I but then he saw Edward and he couldn't tear his eyes away. I had no doubt that every look, every smile that happened at school was replaying through his mind in that second._

"_So it was all fucking true?" He shouted at Edward._

"_No and yes," I replied, trying to keep calm. I heard Jasper whispering to Alice, asking if he should help the situation. Alice replied that she thought it would be for the best. I felt the calming waves start to hit, but Cain was too worked up still._

"_What the hell does that mean?" He turned back to me, and then his eyes flicked back to Jacob._

"_It means that no, at the time I was accused of having the affair there was technically nothing happening between Edward and I except friendship. But it also means yes, Edward and I were and are in love. In fact we have been in love since we first met when I was in high school almost fourteen years ago. Since I was seventeen."_

"_And how old was he?" I knew what he was thinking, Edward still looked seventeen – fourteen years ago he should have been a child._

"_Seventeen," I said matter-of-factly. "No matter how many years pass he will still be seventeen."_

_We waited for Cain to talk again. He opened his mouth a few times but closed it again. After a few minutes he seemed to accept this, I guess knowing your best friend is a werewolf makes it easier to accept this type of information. _

"_So are you a werewolf too?" He asked Edward. _

_Edward smiled, one of his broad, slightly scary, smiles where you could see each of his teeth glinting. Cain shivered slightly. _

"_Nah, he wishes he were that cool," Jacob laughed, trying to ease the tension, "He's a..."_

"_Jake!" I said. We'd agreed not to use the term 'vampire', we didn't want to scare Harriett when she came down, especially now she was almost eleven and very sharp. She knew what Jacob was and what he did, we didn't want her to think of us a scary monsters when she spent time with us. _

"_Actually, Bella, I think we need to tell him everything," Edward said low and fast, "He'll be able to handle it."_

"_I think we need to consult with the family first," I hissed back, "telling him will affect everyone."_

"_Everyone knows and almost all of them agree he should be told." I guessed Rosalie was the almost. _

_Cain was looking between us, his head flicking so fast it was almost like he was watching a tennis match. He obviously realised our low hisses were a form of communication. _

"_Cain, rather than Jacob telling you about us... can I show you?"_

_Cain flinched back, "What do you mean show me?" _

"_I am able to show you my memories, my past, it might make it easier to understand."_

"_She won't hurt you, Cain." Jacob said – the last few years he'd come down he'd made me replay all of my memories of us at various stages of our relationship, "In fact it's kinda cool."_

_I raised my hands and took a tentative step towards him. He didn't move again so I took another step, constructing the images in my head as we went. I lined them up but condensed them together – the first day I met Edward, the look on his face in the biology room, him saving me from the van, walking on the beach with Jacob talking about wolves and vampires, Edward saving me in Port Angeles, our day in the meadow, my eighteenth birthday party, Edward leaving, seeing Edward again in Fairfield, seeing Edward biting me after I was shot and finally hunting with Edward. After I'd closed the distance I pushed these memories out towards him, sharing them with him. I saw him flinch after the first one and once I was finished I backed straight back into Edward's arms. _

_Cain passed into an even whiter shade. "V...vampires?"_

_I nodded._

"_But isn't..." he turned to Jacob, "don't you hunt vampires – isn't that what you told me you existed for."_

_Jacob and I caught each other's eyes and we both chuckled slightly._

"_Yeah," Jacob said, "But the Cullen's are...different. They don't hunt humans, they exist solely on animal blood. Isn't that right, Bells?" He raised his eyebrow._

"_Yes, and we are well aware the entire pack will be on us if that changes."_

"_So the day... that I shot you..."_

"_Was the day I had my wish fulfilled and became like Edward so I could be part of his life forever." _

_That was when Cain had passed out. _

"_Marshmallow!" Jacob scoffed as he picked him up and carried him into the house._

I chuckled to myself at the memory – how well I remembered that day, but it was nothing to do with Cain. Seeing our past condensed into short memory the way Bella had made it was breathtaking and so emotional – like watching a slideshow of memories at a funeral, except our love would never die.

"How's things going in Forks?" Bella asked Cain.

"I've just been promoted at work."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, I'm chief of police now."

"That's terrific Cain. You follow in some very great footsteps." Bella said. Her thoughts turned a little sad as she thought of her father.

"Yeah, people still talk about Chief Swan very favourably. Of course, the ones that talk to me about him are the ones who don't know I shot and killed his daughter."

"Well, it's a good thing I don't hold grudges for things like that or you may never have made it onto the police force at all," Bella laughed. She remembered how we had managed to get him out of any jail time providing his continued counselling. Between the expensive lawyers we hired and Carlisle leaning on the DA he didn't even have a conviction recorded.

"Come on, let's get inside before that baby of yours catches cold," Bella said fondly.

I followed behind her, my hand on her waist the whole time. She surveyed the scene in front of her. Rosalie was on the floor colouring in with Susie, and Max and Emmett were play fighting and pretending to wrestle, Esme watched on with a look of contentment on her face. I felt Bella's regret at not being able to have kids, to raise a family of her own. Not for the first time I cursed what I was – we were deliriously happy, but I wished I could give her this one thing.

"I'm sorry I took all that from you, love," I whispered in her ear.

She turned around in my arms and looked into my eyes. _Don't worry about it, I knew what I was giving up. And in the end there wasn't really a choice anyway._

I pictured her pale face and the blood that surrounded her when she was shot and knew she was right. There really wasn't a choice – I had to turn her or lose her. I watched her face closely for any hint of deception but couldn't see any, nor was there any in her thoughts.

_We've got our niece and nephew and hopefully we'll have their kids, and their kid's kids._ Bella's thought again turned nostalgic, thinking about her fateful decision to teach at Fairfield. If she hadn't – we may never have found each other again. I may have lived out my existence thinking she was happy with Jacob, and she may have ended up heartbroken and alone. She shuddered as her thoughts echoed mine. _I may not have the life I thought I would have by the time I was forty-five but it was pretty perfect anyway. And how many forty-five year old day-care teachers look like they're in their very early twenties and get to have regular mind-blowing sex with a seventeen year old._

"Mind-blowing?" I chuckled in her ear.

"You know it is," she teased.

I watched with a smile on my face as my family interacted. They all looked forward to this month every year as much as Bella and I did. It didn't matter how many years passed they never grew sick of having Jacob and his cubs visit. I heard a secret in the minds of Harriett and Jacob which I couldn't wait to tell Bella. But I knew I would have to be patient for a little while longer.

Esme began to plate up the food she had been preparing. It always amazed me how she liked everyone to believe it was effortless and something she just threw together. I knew the truth. She'd been planning the entire menu for this visit pretty much since they left last year. It was the only time she could indulge in her passion for providing for others, nurturing the maternal instinct she never lost.

Harriett asked Esme if she could get something else from the kitchen and I saw comprehension dawn on Bella's face. Nothing slipped past her. She looked over to me.

_Is she..._

I nodded once before she could finish the question.

_Are they planning on telling us?_

I couldn't nod or shake my head. Jacob wanted to tell us all right now. Harriett wanted to wait until the end of the holiday. Like a smart man, Jacob was going along with his hormonal wife.

_So one is and one isn't._

I nodded.

_Should I confront them?_

I shrugged slightly. I couldn't see the harm in it. Especially considering Alice had just had a vision of Harriett throwing up later.

"So Jake..." Bella started, "You know you can't keep secrets in this family?"

Jacob blushed a deep crimson. _You all know anyway don't you?_

I nodded.

He rolled his eyes. "Fine. We were going to keep it a surprised and tell you at the end of our holiday..." everyone's eyes were on him and Harriett came back out from the kitchen. "Harri and I are expecting again. Twins."

Everyone rushed forward in congratulations.

After lunch all our guests headed upstairs to the guest quarters to shower and have naps, it had been a long drive to get here. We were in Benson, Maine at the moment so it took them just over four days with stops to get here. The house cleared out pretty quickly after that, most of my siblings going to hunt which was something we would do slightly more regularly during the month we had guests. The hunger was easier to beat back when they were loved ones but that didn't mean that we had perfect control.

Once we were alone I wrapped my arms around Bella, tucking my fingers into the belt hooks on the front of her jeans. I pulled her backwards against me, pressing my erection into her behind. I breathed onto her neck. "So you were saying something about mind-blowing?"

She laughed. "Actually you were eaves-dropping and heard that."

"It's not eavesdropping when your shield is down, then you are just welcoming me in," I stated matter-of-factly.

"I'll have to raise it more often then."

I growled playfully into her hair. "Don't even think about it."

"What will you do if I do?" Bella's thoughts cut off.

"It's not what I will do, it's what I _won't_ do." I released Bella and took a small step back.

She wheeled around to me. "Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, are you threatening to withhold sex if I don't share my mind with you?" I could tell she was trying to fight a smile. It played gently on the very edge of her succulent mouth, and amusement danced in her eyes.

"Precisely," I whispered before running to our bedroom. I heard Bella behind me on the stairs. I ran straight for the bed, lying down on my back watching the door for her entrance. I had to stop myself from leaping off the bed at her when she arrived. She'd undone all but two of her buttons, her pink bra and perfect white breast on display. She'd kicked off her jeans at some stage and her matching pink panties danced in and out of view as she walked.

She walked straight past me and bent over to get a something from the bookcase. I watched her smooth legs as she bent over, venom pooling in my mouth. I wondered how long I could play this little game for if she tempted me so much without even touching me.

She lay on her stomach next to me on the bed, her shoulders were raised, giving me an up close and personal look at her cleavage. Then she surprised me by opening a book and beginning to read.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

She flicked her eyes over to me. "Well, I've just been told there is no other entertainment I'm going to be getting this afternoon, so I thought I'd better entertain myself with a book for the next few hours while our guests get settled in." She began to read her book again, but kept casting surreptitious glances at me.

I rubbed my hand along the edge of her panty-line, at the top of her thighs as I studied her face, watching for telltale signs she was about to cave. Her eyes flittered to me for a sixteenth of a second and then fluttered shut before opening again. I knew the game was on. My fingers moved across to the other leg, leisurely stroking back and forth. I twisted so that the front of my body was pressed against the side of hers. My mouth rested against her neck. I blew gently, washing her with my scent. I saw her stomach lift off the bed minutely as the muscles clenched with excitement.

"I'm not lowering my shield again," Bella said.

"I'm sure I can make you," I threatened, growling seductively into her hair. I saw a ripple run down the muscles of her spine, beneath the loose material of her shirt.

I moved my hand around a little, so that it ran up and down her inner thigh and brushed occasionally against her sex. I used my other hand to brush her hair to one side, granting me access to the soft and supple skin of her neck. I kissed it softly before swirling my tongue around, trying to coax silent words and thoughts from her.

I moved the hand that was on her legs up along her back, pushing her shirt higher and higher. She refused to lift herself off the bed to remove it completely so I used my finger to rip apart the material.

"No fair, I was going to stay in this today," she complained.

"Shhh," I whispered. "Don't want to keep our guests awake."

I climbed onto her back and unclasped her bra, pushing it to either side. I began to massage her muscles, resting my weight on her hips and pressing my erection firmly into her backside. I ran my hands up and down her back and into her hair. I leaned forward and kissed the smooth skin. Bella moaned in pleasure.

"Shhh," I whispered again. "If you make a sound, I'll stop."

"You're..." Bella started.

I pressed my fingers to her mouth. "I told you, if you make a sound I'll stop."

"How..."

I smiled I knew what she was going to ask. How was she supposed to tell me how it felt. "You know how."

I continued to massage Bella's back for a little while longer before turning her over. Her eyes were closed. I gently removed the remnants of her shirt and slid her bra straps off her arms. Then I sat back on my haunches and just watched her. My breathing was little more than ragged pants. I saw the corner of her mouth twitching up, threatening a smile but still her thoughts were blocked off. I darted forward and captured her breast in my mouth, running my tongue around the nipple before sliding my teeth along the bottom.

Bella's eyes opened and met mine and she let loose a groan that I was sure was designed to unhinge me.

"Good, I was starting to think you were asleep," I joked against her skin. I looked up at her and saw the swelling of love. I had her – she was moments away from dropping her shield. Just when I thought she was going to a new determination crossed her features and she remained silent. Truthfully I didn't need to hear her thoughts to know how she felt, what she liked or what she wanted me to do next – but they added to the fun.

I dropped my body so that it was flush against hers and dragged myself down so that my head rested against her stomach. I ran my tongue along the top of her panties, her breath caught.

"Don't you want to tell me how good that is?" I teased.

She nodded.

"Well, go ahead," I said.

She ran her fingers through my hair. "Oh, god, Edward..."

I stopped what I was doing and quickly climbed back up her body, pressing my fingers against her mouth. "No sounds, remember."

I rested my body between her legs, but held myself inches above her. I waited for her to tell me what she wanted. I _knew_ what she wanted, but the game was to make her tell me.

"Oh, I guess you don't want anything after all," I teased, pulling away despite all my own urges to push forward and into her.

_Fine! You win, that feels... _Bella's mind filled with wordless feelings and emotions which would have been enough to make me instantly hard, if I wasn't already.

"I love that, it's better than words," I whispered before crashing my lips into hers and pressing my body into her. I explored her mouth with my tongue, mounting a mission to claim it all for myself. She ran her fingers up the back of my shirt. _I don't understood how every time I end up almost naked and he is almost fully dressed._

"That's because you practically undressed yourself on the way into the room," I laughed.

Her thoughts and feelings cut off again as she giggled at me.

"Oh, I see you need a little more persuasion?" I pulled my shirt off over my head in one movement. I pressed my body into her, licking her delicious skin. I tasted her collarbone, neck and jaw. I grabbed her hips and flipped her around so that she rested on top of me. She pulled herself up into a sitting position before fisting her hands in my hair and guiding me against her chest so that I was free to nip, and lick, and suck at her tender breasts.

I groaned against her and gripped her hips, pulling gently at her panties. She slid her hips down my body and onto my erection and my grip tightened. The material gave way and suddenly she was completely bare on top of me. I gave her an apologetic smile – despite not being sorry.

"That's..." she began to say. I pressed my finger to her lips again.

I cocked on eyebrow. "What part of no sounds don't you understand."

She growled against my finger before suddenly capturing two of my fingers in her mouth. She sucked gently on them, reminiscent of how she sucked on other parts of my anatomy. Parts which were now standing to even greater attention. I closed my eyes and groaned as the muscles in my groin tensed.

_I thought you said no sound? _Bella teased with her thoughts.

"That rule only applies to you." I chuckled. "I have no alternative means of communicating how fucking amazing that feels." I knew how much Bella was turned on by my swearing in the bedroom. I had found out that titbit by accident one day but always used it to my advantage. Of course I would never use such foul language normally – but if it pleased Bella, who was I to argue.

She trailed kisses across my face and down my neck. I shifted my head a little as she nuzzled into my throat and ran her teeth along my earlobe. I couldn't help moaning at the feelings she was giving me.

She lifted herself off me slightly and pulled down my jeans and underwear. I listened to her thoughts for a brief minute – lost in the overwhealming swelling of emotion.

_It never ceases to amaze me how perfect he is, but also how perfectly we were made for one another. Everything just fit together with the two of us. We'd been together as vampires for a little over twenty years and it never grew old. There was never a time that we didn't want each other. That we didn't yearn to be in each other's arms. I honestly love him with all of my heart and soul._

"I love you too," I whispered to her. I opened my arms in invitation and she leaned forward into them. I rolled us both over, ready to spend hours in my favourite place in the whole world – in bed with Bella.

With just the two of us it was real, it was right and it was forever.


	31. Life's Lesson EPOV Prologue

**Prologue:**

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations, I'm just torturing them. Thanks to my lovely beta (FE71SH) for looking this chap over for me. Please take the time to leave some words if you really loved it or really hated it!_

**- EPOV -**

Something was missing from my life.

Something intangible – a vague notion of lost love. I had never experienced love, never found anyone who had turned my eye that way, but somehow I still missed it. I longed for it with every fibre of my being. I desired a love which was beautiful and transcendent. A love which would last the ages and never be broken.

The absence was most prevalent in the still of the night, when the darkness was full. When the night sky was black and the moon refused to shine. Because that was when I saw her – my light. It was as though a bright star had streaked across the night sky and now I was left with the void. The blackness. And how I craved the light. My heart longed for something I had never had and therefore shouldn't miss.

During those times I would find myself staring at the ceiling and dreaming of chocolate eyes. Of course I wasn't really dreaming, I couldn't sleep, so I didn't dream.

I often thought that maybe, just maybe, if I could dream I would see more of the one I had never met but would die for. It was maddening and heartbreaking to lie dreaming of love I had never experienced, while my family pursued their own nocturnal activities. I was always left feeling more alone that I ever had before. It was as though part of me had been torn away, like my heart resided with another. I could pinpoint the moment in my life these feelings began. For ninety years I wandered with my family, content within myself and then suddenly I changed. For no reason I could find I suddenly felt like part of me had been torn away. I had talked to Carlisle about it but he had no explanation. Change was rare for us. Rare but permanent. I would live forever dreaming of those chocolate pools of knowledge. I spent the time sifting through my darkened memories, trying to find some hint, some glimpse of the girl, anything that would help me figure out the mystery. Anything to prove she was something more than a figment of my imagination. But I always came up blank. There was nothing.

She was the love of my life and I didn't even know if she was real.

**A/N:- *Ducks out of the way of the flying debris* So, that's the EPOV part of the Life Lesson's prologue & why I wanted to post the happy ending SL first. Both EPOV & BPOV are going to be posted very soon as the first chapter in Life Lesson's. To be honest I don't know how quickly I will be able to update just now - I have a very important exam on 5th May so it might not be until after then - but I also get ansy if I don't write so it might be before then. Either way, get your alerts on for Life's Lessons now if you want to know what happened to leave E in his current state & what happens after this :) **


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